Secret Remorse

by T N Lowe

  “Ya lyublyu tebya,” I tell Maks.

  Maks pulls back to look at me, “You learned Russian for me?” He asks kissing me with more passion than before.

  Breaking apart to catch our breath, I nod, “I wanted to understand everyone and be able to offer you my honest opinion.”

  “Thank you,” Maks whispers kissing me one more time before setting me on my feet and walking us to baggage claim.

  After collecting his baggage, Maks helps me into the back of a waiting town car while he and the driver talk in hushed tones. Sliding in next to me, I ask, “What was that about?”

  “You will see,” he replies with a sly smile.

  “This is how we’re playing?”

  “Yep, now tell me again why you learned Russian.”

  “If I’m going to the wife of the next Pakhan I need to act the part. After I got home from Philadelphia, I ordered Rosetta Stone to learn Russian. I’ve also been researching Russian customs. Like I said I want to be an asset to you, not a liability.”

  Maks looks at me with awe then kisses me with more love and affection than he has ever shown me. “Thank you. I appreciate you taking your time to learn Russian.”

  “I love you,” I say as a way of explanation.

  “I love you too,” Maks says wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me into his side.

  The town car stops and before I can ask where we are Maks opens the door then helps me from the back seat of the vehicle. Maks leads me out of the cold winter weather and into the heated building of the United States Botanic Garden. “What are we doing here?” I ask as Maks takes my coat and hands it to the women at the information desk.

  “We are having dinner.”

  “Maks, this is the botanic garden they don’t allow food in here.”

  “They do allow food for special events.”

  “Are we attending a special event?”

  “Of sorts,” Maks replies coyly taking my hand escorting me further into the conservatory. Next, to the water feature, there is a small table set with a candlelight dinner for two.

  “What is this?” I ask as Maks helps me into my chair.

  Taking the seat across from me Maks smiles at me and says, “I missed you while I was in Russia and wanted to do something nice for you.”

  “Okay,” I say not entirely convened by his explanation. “Tell me about your trip.”

  “It was boring family business.”

  “What kind of family business?”

  “I was speaking to the elders regarding taking over as Pakhan.”

  “Is your father stepping down soon?”

  “Soon,” Maks says but something in his tone makes me feel like he is not telling me something.

  After dinner Maks rounds the table and offers me his hand, “Take a walk with me?”

  Maks navigates us through the conservatory admiring the beautiful flowers in bloom. Entering the orchids exhibit Maks leads me into the middle of the room and drops to one Knee.

  Pulling a black velvet box from his suit jacket, “Shauna Daly, I love you more than I thought I could ever love anyone. Our time apart has made me realize I do not want to spend another minute of my life without you. Please do me the honor of being my wife.”

  Tears well in my eyes, I stand there admiring the man I have grown to love and nod. “Yes Maks, I’ll marry you.”

  Maks slides a pink diamond surrounded by white diamonds with a rose gold band onto my finger. Springs to his feet spins me around and crushes his lips to mine.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Come on sleepy head, it’s time to get up,” Maks says tossing the blankets off me.

  “No,” I moan reaching for the blanket and pulling it back up my body.

  “Nope,” Maks says throwing the blankets off again and picking me off the bed.

  “Maks it’s cold,” I squeal curling into his chest.

  “It will warm up soon,” Maks replies padding into the master bath where the shower is waiting for us. Stepping into the shower stall, he sets me on my feet under the warm spray of the water. Shamelessly we let our hands roam the others bodies as we wash each other. Once we’re both clean and more than a little teased Maks turns off the water.

  “Maks,” I hiss.

  “We can’t be late.”

  “We can be a little late.”

  “Not today,” Maks says swatting me on the butt as I leave the shower pouting.

  ***

  “Let me see the ring,” Mom asks literally skipping into the entryway as I close the door. I hold my left hand up for Mom to examine the ring. “It’s gorgeous. Maks you did a great job.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Daly.”

  “Maks please call me Riana.”

  “I hear congratulations are in order,” Dad’s booming voice fills the entryway. I walk into his open arms, and he engulfs me a big bear hug. Releasing me, Dad turns to Maks, “Are your parents on their way?”

  “Yes, they landed twenty minutes ago and should be here within the hour,” Maks replies.

  “Good, the rest are here in the living room,” Dad says.

  “The rest?” I ask. “I thought it was only family?”

  “We have agreements to finalize baby girl,” Dad says.

  I roll my eyes and shake my head, this is such bullshit. “We are in love; why the hell do we have to sign agreements like we’re in the dark ages?”

  Maks comes to my side kisses my cheek, “Zhizn moya, this is to protect both of us and our families.”

  “Fine,” I huff.

  Mom and Dad lead us into the living room where Patrick and Lena sit holding baby Andrew. Kegan and Regan are sitting on the opposite couch. Regan sees me, she jumps off the couch and runs towards me, “Let me see the ring.” I hold up my hand like I did for Mom. “Oh my god, good job Maks.”

  Regan releases my hand, and I sit next to Lena and take Andrew from her holding him tight and raining kisses on his chubby little cheeks making him smile. “Come on don’t do that, you’ll make him all girly,” Patrick says teasing.

  I stick my tongue out at Patrick, “As his honorary aunt I’ll do what I want, cousin.”

  “How would you feel about the title godmother instead?” Lena asks.

  My eyes go wide, “Are you kidding?”

  “No,” Patrick growls.

  “Shush,” Lena says lightly hitting him on the thigh. “No, we would be honored if you would be Andrew’s Godmother; right Patrick?"

  “I know I tease you, but you are a loyal, kind-hearted, and loving person,” Patrick tells me, but his cold stare is trained on Maks. Turning back to me Patrick adds, “We want Andrew to be surrounded by people who love him, and we know you are one of those people,” Patrick tells me.

  “I would be honored to be his Godmother. Thank you,” I say moving Andrew to my other arm to hug Lena. “Wow, a fiancé, god baby, and compliments from my cousin can this week get any better?”

  The doorbell rings, giving Andrew a loud, sloppy kiss I hand him back to Lena. Standing I smooth my dress then take Maks hand to greet his parents. “Take a deep breath pchelka. It will be okay,” Maks whispers.

  I take a deep breath and nod as we join my parents in the entryway. Mom opens the door inviting Gennadi and Alla inside. Maks introduces his parents to mine before we join everyone in the living room. In the living room, Maks finishes the introductions and Mom offers everyone drinks.

  Gennadi and Alla take their seats and we talk about the up and down weather and Thanksgiving dinner. As the chatter dies down Dad draws the room to attention, “Gentlemen if we can excuse ourselves to my office we can complete our business then we can enjoy the celebration.”

  Maks cups my cheek, “I love you.”

  “Love you too,” I whisper as he follows the other men into my father’s office. Hearing the click of the door I blow my fuse, “This is bullshit. This is my life I should be in there with them.”

  Mom, Regan, Lena, and Alla laugh. “What is so funny?” I ask getting more
pissed.

  “Honey, they are not making life-changing decisions in there. They are drinking your father’s good whiskey and outlining what is expected of them as part of our Family. Patrick and Kagen are explaining how important your position is and how you are expected to continue working from Philadelphia.”

  “Oh, then why did everyone make it sound like it was life changing?”

  “Because they’re men,” Alla speaks up. “They like to think everything they do is life-changing, especially powerful men.”

  “Oh,” I say.

  “Don’t worry,” Alla says “Should we plan your engagement party? I’m not sure how it is in your culture, but it is our tradition to hold a dinner party to announce an engagement and welcome you to the family.”

  “We host a large party and invite all the high-ranking members of The Family to attend. Can we have one huge party?” Mom asks

  “That would be nice, but where would we host it?”

  Andrew starts to fuss and Lena stands walking around the room bouncing him in her arms, “We own a large hotel in Wilmington, Delaware. It’s not exactly in between here and there, but I think it will work.”

  Mom and Alla both nod at Lena’s answer. “Now, what day would we like?” Mom asks

  “The hotel is scheduled to be closed for renovations starting the fifteenth of December. If we can set a date today I will request the staff stay on,” Lena speaks above Andrew’s whales.

  Everyone scrolls through their cell calendars, “The fifteenth or sixteenth?” I ask.

  Everyone nods their approval, “Let’s wait for the men to come back to confirm there are no conflicts,” Regan joins the conversation.

  Andrews cries grow louder, Lena apologizes and asks Mom if she can heat a bottle. Mom takes the bottle from Lena moving to the kitchen to heat it up. Lena is still trying to calm Andrew as the men leave the study rejoining us in the living.

  Patrick rushes to Lena’s side. “What’s wrong little man? Patrick asks taking Andrew from Lena.

  “He’s hungry. Aunt Riana went to heat a bottle,” Lena explains.

  Maks comes to my side kissing the top of my head, “Did you get everything taken care of?”

  “We did. What did you ladies talk about?” Maks asks.

  “Our engagement party; do you have anything planned for the fifteenth?” I ask.

  Dad and Maks look at their calendars. “I’m free,” Maks answers

  “Me too,” Dad replies.

  “It looks like the fifteenth and sixteenth will be perfect,” I tell Lena.

  “Great, I’ll call the manager tomorrow and ask her to schedule staff for those days.” Patrick gives her a questioning look as he takes the bottle from Mom. “They wanted to hold the party somewhere between here and Philadelphia, I volunteered the Wilmington Inn.”

  “Good idea,” Patrick praises her. “It has four hundred rooms and three large ballrooms. Maks you’ll appreciate this, it was built in nineteen-thirteen.”

  “The perfect combination of the past and the present,” Maks remarks pulling me into his side and smiling down at me.

  “Excuse me Mr. Daly,” Martha the house manager says. “Dinner is ready, sir.”

  “Thank you, Martha. Let’s move into the dining room.” Dad says then he turns to Patrick who is holding a sleeping Andrew. “If you would like you can lay Andrew down in the nursery at the end of the hall.”

  “Why do you still have a nursery in your house?” Kegan asks.

  “We set it up after CJ and Caitlann had children.”

  “We did the same thing when our oldest daughter had her baby,” Gennadi says.

  Dad nods, “With six kids it’s a matter of time before this house is full of grandchildren.”

  “Isn’t it the best? You get to spoil them then send them home to their parents,” Alla says with a laugh. Mom and Dad join in.

  “Okay none of you are watching our children,” I state which makes them laugh harder.

  ***

  “Dinner went better than I expected,” I tell Maks crawling into bed next to him.

  Wrapping his arms around my waist pulling me to him, “I told you there was nothing to worry about.”

  “What did your parents say when you told them you were staying here?”

  “My mother wasn’t happy, but now she knows we’re getting married she will tolerate it.”

  “Does this mean I’m not moving to Philly until after the wedding?”

  “Umm, no,” Maks deadpans. “I was planning for after Christmas. My family will have to tolerate it for a little longer.”

  “Don’t you want to celebrate Christmas with your family?”

  Maks kisses my shoulder, “We celebrate Christmas on the seventh of January.”

  “Okay,” I say through a yawn.

  “Sleep pchelka.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  The next few days, Maks plays tour guide to his parents and siblings while I’m at work. We spend our evenings with Maks family, but we spend our nights alone tangled around each other.

  “What is the dress for tomorrow?” Alla asks.

  “Causal, it’s a simple family dinner,” I tell her.

  “Is there anything we can bring?” Rozalina asks.

  “Your appetite, Mom cooks enough for an army.”

  Nika giggles, “won’t be a problem with these four they eat like horses,” pointing to her husband, father, brother, and brother-in-law.

  I join in, “I get it. I have four brothers. I will never understand how my parents didn’t go broke feeding them.”

  “What time should we be there?” Alla asks.

  “Mom said we are eating at six so any time before then.”

  “Thank you, Shauna. We’ll see you tomorrow,” Gennadi says as they leave my townhouse.

  Thursday morning Maks and I curl up on the couch watching the Macy’s Day Thanksgiving parade in our PJs. Well, I watched the parade he works on his laptop researching an artifact a private collctor would like to donate to the museum. “Maks,” I pout. “It’s a holiday, no working today.”

  He looks up from his laptop, “Are you feeling neglected pchelka?” Maks asks with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

  I nod, and Maks sets his computer on the coffee table and stands. Taking my hands, Maks pulls me off the couch and over his shoulder in one swift movement. I squeak in surprise and beat my fists against his back. Maks slaps my ass hard and carries me upstairs to our bedroom.

  ***

  “What are you wearing?” Maks asks.

  I look down at my skinny jeans and a sweatshirt There’s no place like 127.0.0.1, scrolled across the chest. “What Kegan gave me this last year for Christmas.”

  Maks shakes his head, “What does 127.0.01 mean?”

  I giggle, “It’s geek speak for home.”

  Maks shakes his head at me again, “Come on my little geek. Your mother is waiting for us.”

  With everyone living close to home my parent’s house is full of kids and grandkids. Maks doesn’t get the door closed before little munchkins are attacking me.

  “Aunty, can you play tea party with us?” My youngest niece asks wrapping her little arms around my leg.

  “Aunty, is this the man you are marrying? Mom said he was a hunk,” The older of the two girls asks hugging me while looking up at Maks.

  “Okay, girls go play with your brother and cousins,” Caitlann says. “Maks, the guys are watching football in the living room.”

  Maks kisses Caitlann on the cheek in greeting then kisses me before leaving us in the entryway to talk. “Are you feeling okay? You look like shit,” I tell Caitlann studying her.

  “I’m a little under the weather. One of the kids must have brought something home from school.”

  I study her face, seeing the tick of her lip telling me she lying. “You’re pregnant,” I shout.

  “Shut up,” Caitlann whisper hisses. “We haven’t told Mom and Dad yet.”

  I laugh, “If I can see it, they c
an too.”

  “What? How?”

  “Caitlann, this is your fourth pregnancy, we all know the signs by now. But you look way worse this time; my guess is you’re having twins.”

  After stopping in the living room to say hi to my Dad and brothers, I follow Caitlann into the kitchen to see if Mom needs any help with dinner. “Hi Mom,” I say pulling a stack of crackers from the cupboard and throwing them to Caitlann.

  “Hi Shauna,” Mom replies stirring something on the stovetop. Looking up she gasps, “What the hell are you wearing?”

  “What, it’s comfortable.”

  “Shauna, your in-laws are coming tonight, you need to dress better. After you help your sister make the biscuits, you can wear something from my closet.”

  I roll my eyes in response, “They should know what they’re getting now before it’s too late.”

  “Shauna,” Mom admonishes me.

  “Fine, I’ll change.”

  “Are you okay?” Gwen, my sister-in-law, asks looking at Caitlann eating crackers.

  “Don’t mind her, she’s pregnant,” Mom answers.

  “Mom,” Caitlann yells.

  “You girls seem to have forgotten I’ve had six children, I can see pregnancy symptoms from a mile away,” Mom says eyeing Caitlann and Gwen.

  “I’m not...”, Gwen tries to protest.

  “Don’t lie, while Caitlann looks like she’s been hit by a car, you are practically glowing.”

  “Thanks, Mom,” Caitlann grumbles, while I laugh.

  “Don’t laugh too hard young lady. Your time is coming,” Mom warns.

  “Whatever,” I mumble pulling the ingredients for biscuits and setting them on the table next to Caitlann.

  Mom dismisses me when the biscits are put in the oven, I run upstairs to her room to raid her closet for something more appropriate to wear. Flipping through her shirts, I find a cream color long sleeve silk blouse. Pulling my sweater off and tossing it on the bed I pull the blouse on then move to Mom’s jewelry box. Finding a strand of pearls I clasp them around my neck and look for the matching earrings. Looking down at my Converse I toe them off and pull on a pair of knee-high black boots with a small heal.