"Afraid so."
"Well, don’t wait too long. I won’t wait forever."
"I haven’t asked you to." She met his gaze finally, no expression showed in her green eyes. He felt another stab of pain in his chest.
After one nod in acknowledgment, he walked away. Could he actually die of a broken heart? Right now it felt like it. As he sat in the Jeep, he looked at her. She still stood by the car; she waited for him to leave.
Nikki stayed where she was until Jarrod drove away before she moved. She brushed an unsteady hand over her face.
"Are you okay?" Saul’s voice from behind her made her start. She turned to face him, tears welled up in her eyes.
"No, I guess you’re not." Saul put an arm around her shoulders and led her into the back, hit the button to close the automatic garage doors on the way past. They wound up in his office, side by side on his couch.
"I’ve got a nice shoulder if you need to cry on one." At his words the tears overflowed. He held her while she cried out her heartache.
He handed her a wad of tissues when she’d finished. The gesture reminded her of Jarrod and she bit back a fresh flood of tears. Softly but firmly Saul said, "Now, why don’t you tell me what happened."
Haltingly, she told him the whole story. He listened silently until she’d finished.
"Okay. Now I want you to tell me why you’re upset."
Nikki looked up at him, outrage written all over her face. "I just told you!"
"You told me what happened. Now I want you to analyze this and tell me what exactly upset you. What hurts the most?"
Her lips trembled. "Why couldn’t he have been more romantic about it? Why did he have to make it sound like a business proposition. All he talked about was what he wanted, what I could do for him. What if he just wants me for what I can give him? What about me and what I want?" She ignored the facts that she was afraid and the first reason Jarrod had cited had been that they loved each other.
Saul said slowly, "Sometimes things don’t come across like we intend them to. The man I saw in here looked as if someone had ripped his heart out and stomped on it."
Nikki looked up at him through her tears. "Do you really think so?" The thought shouldn’t have cheered her up, but it did. Immeasurably.
"I’d bet money on it." He smiled reassuringly. "You should have seen Dani’s face when I proposed to her the first time. You’d have thought I asked her to go barefoot through a cow pasture. I finally got it right and the rest is history."
He gave her shoulders a quick squeeze. "Think about it some more and give it a little time before you do anything rash or come to any major decisions. Okay?" She nodded.
"Are you going to be okay? Do you want to come home with me? Dani and the kids would love to see you. It’s been weeks since you came over."
"I’ll be okay." She gave a shaky smile. "Thanks for the shoulder . . . and the invitation, but I think I’ll take a rain check. Tell Dani I said hi and I’ll stop by and see her soon."
They stood up and walked to her car. "How’s this pregnancy going? The last one was a little hard on her. She has two more months, right?"
Saul smiled fondly at the mention of his wife and yet to be born third child. "Yeah, two more months. She’s gotten pretty uncomfortable, but we’ve got a lady who comes in twice a week to clean, so it makes it much easier on her. And me.
"I think this will be the last one though. I can hardly stand to see her in so much pain." He shuddered at the thought of childbirth. "She says that once you hold the baby in your arms it makes it all worthwhile. I love my children dearly, but I’ve thought seriously about a vasectomy after this one."
He cleared his throat and looked at her. "Listen, you take care of yourself and if there’s anything Dani or I can do, let us know, okay?" She nodded again.
Saul hugged her one last time and opened the garage door. She saw him in the rearview mirror, he stared after her as she drove her car out of the garage.
* * * * *
After driving around aimlessly for hours, Nikki went home to a dark, empty house. She smiled grimly. It matched her mood and her heart.
Bunc met her at the door, meowed plaintively, and tried to climb her leg. She scooped him up and snuggled him to her neck. He started to purr loudly and kneaded her shoulder.
She held him steady with one hand as she went to the closet and dragged out a suitcase. After she tossed it on the bed and opened it, she methodically started to pack. Jeans, shorts, T-shirts, tank tops, sandals, socks, underclothes.
In the bathroom she started a pile on the counter. Brush, toothpaste, toothbrush, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, vitamins, birth control pills.
"What are you doing?" Lainey’s voice from the hallway made her jump.
"I didn’t hear you come in."
"Obviously. Where are you going?"
"I’m going to leave town for a few days. Can you take care of Bunc?"
"Sure, I’ll take care of Bunc." She took him from Nikki’s shoulder. He snuggled up to Lainey’s neck and continued to purr. Nikki shook her head in disgust - typical fickle male. Was Jarrod already snuggled up to another woman?
"Where are you going?"
"Away." She gathered up her toiletries and went around Lainey into the bedroom. She tossed the articles on top of the clothes and shut the lid of the suitcase.
"Honey, everyone’s called to check up on you." Lainey’s soft voice came from just inside the bedroom.
She paused and rested a hand on the suitcase. "Everyone?"
"Jarrod. Erika. Saul. They’re all worried about you."
"I’m a big girl now. I can take care of myself." She laughed harshly. "I’ve been through worse, this will be a cakewalk."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No thanks. I’m all talked out." Her voice was harsh and flat. "I need to be alone. To be away from Davies and Chloe and everyone else who expects more than I can give."
"You mean Jarrod."
She refused to reply, picked up the heavy suitcase, and almost dropped it on her foot. Funny, she didn’t remember packing a ton of bricks.
"You might need this." Lainey held out the cellular phone. "I was trying to paint a picture of the tree in the back yard and it rang constantly. I finally went out to the truck, got it, and turned it off."
Nikki took the phone and tossed it onto the top of the dresser. "That is one thing I really don’t need."
"Would you please take it with you? Leave it turned off if you need to, but at least you’d have it in an emergency. In case your car breaks down or something. Please?"
Nikki looked into Lainey’s worried eyes and sighed. "All right. I’ll take it with me. But don’t try to call me. I won’t turn it on unless I have to make a call."
"Thank you, dear. Do you know where you’ll go or when you’ll be back?"
"I’m just going to get in the car and drive. I’ll be back by Monday morning at the latest. Try not to worry. I’ve done this before and I was always just fine." She smiled at Lainey and stroked Bunc’s soft fur. "Take good care of him. And yourself." She wrapped her arms around her aunt, careful not to squash the small kitten.
Lainey put her free arm around Nikki’s waist. "We’ll both be fine. Take care and call if you need anything."
"All right." She smiled a smile that wobbled. "I just need to be alone. To be able to think things through."
Lainey nodded and stepped back. Nikki picked up the suitcase and Lainey picked up the phone. She set the kitten down on the couch as they walked out the front door.
They stopped beside the car and Nikki wedged the suitcase in the small trunk. Lainey handed her the phone. She took it, grinned wryly, and tossed it on top of her purse on the passenger seat.
Lainey reached out for another hug. Nikki’s breath caught in her throat as she hugged her aunt tightly. "It hurts so bad, Laine. It never hurt this bad before." Her voice broke.
"I know, sweetie, I know." She stroked Nikki’s back. "I wish I could
help but I can’t. After you’ve thought this through, try and talk to Jarrod. It couldn’t make things worse and it might help."
Nikki’s sigh shuddered through her entire body before she pulled away. "I’ll think about your advice. Along with everything else."
She got into her car and started the motor. "You’ll lock up and take care of Bunc?"
"Of course I will. Drive safely."
Nikki drove away. She knew that Lainey would stand in the driveway until the taillights disappeared around the corner. That was Lainey.
Chapter 22
Nikki parked in front of Jarrod’s house late Sunday afternoon. She’d just gotten back into town from her weekend trip. It hadn’t been restful or peaceful, but she had spent a lot of time in deep thought.
In the end she had decided that she was ready to sit down and talk to Jarrod. The click of the hot metal of the motor as it cooled was the only sound in the quiet neighborhood. She sat in the car as she tried to get enough courage to go up to the door. If only she could make her hands stop shaking first.
The front door opened suddenly and she jumped. Steve and Briana came out first, followed by Jarrod.
With unsteady hands, she straightened her new sunglasses and opened the door. She stood by the passenger side of the car and waited for the McKays to reach her.
"Hey, it looks great!" Steve admired the car. "You can’t tell it was ever in a wreck."
"Wow, it looks better than I ‘member." Briana looked at the car with wide eyes.
"So, do I get to go for a ride or what?" Steve asked hopefully.
"Sure." Nikki smiled tightly, she hoped he didn’t mean now.
"Me too, me too!" Briana jumped up and down excitedly.
"You already had a ride, squirt, it’s my turn." Steve ruffled his niece’s hair as he smiled.
Nikki hesitated as she tried to decide what to do. She had promised Steve a ride, but now wasn’t the best time. She hadn’t counted on dealing with anyone besides Jarrod and his daughter. Maybe she could give Steve a ride, then he’d go home.
Nikki looked up at Jarrod and her smile disappeared. If looks could kill, everyone within a two-mile radius would be dead!
His face looked gaunt and his eyes had deep shadows under them as if he hadn’t slept since their fight. His fists were clenched and his jaw worked furiously. His warm brown eyes were cold, hard, and almost black.
Jarrod looked Nikki over. She knew she didn’t look good. Her skin was paler than normal, her lips were pinched and her eyes were covered by larger, darker sunglasses than she normally wore. Her arms were folded defensively across her chest. Her jeans were no longer snug; she’d lost a few pounds since Friday night. All in all, she knew she looked like she hadn’t slept or eaten since he’d seen her last.
As Nikki watched him, his face grew tighter, and he got angrier. There would be no use to try and talk to him today. She turned to Steve and said, "Well, let’s go."
"All right!" Steve stepped up to the passenger door, Nikki unlocked the door for him before she stepped aside. He got in and shut the door, a broad smile on his face.
She turned around to walk behind the car and almost ran into Jarrod. She came to an abrupt halt and took several steps back. "We need to talk," he growled.
"No. Not when you’re already in this bad of a mood. It wouldn’t get us anywhere."
Jarrod stepped forward angrily and grabbed her arm. "When? After you finish with Saul and my brother? When you run out of other men to play with?"
Nikki felt the blood drain from her face, jerked her arm out of his grip, and ran around the front of the car. She jumped into the driver’s seat and cranked the engine over. She fastened her seat belt and locked her door. With a flat look at Steve, she said crisply, "Fasten your belt. You’ll need it."
Startled and horrified at the exchange between her and his brother, he complied wordlessly. She noticed Jarrod had stalked around the front of the car and was headed toward her door. Briana was safe on the lawn, so Nikki shifted into first, let out the clutch, and stomped on the gas.
The sound of squealing tires drowned out Jarrod’s angry words. The back end of the car broke loose and started to fishtail, smoke from the tires clouded the air. Nikki shifted into second and she increased their speed. She glanced in the rearview mirror once and saw Jarrod in the middle of the road. He looked furious.
"I, uh, gather that I didn’t pick the best time to ask for a ride. I’m sorry. I knew something was wrong with Jarrod, but he wouldn’t say what it was." Steve rubbed his hands along the front of his jeans as if to dry them. "Is there anything I can do to fix things?"
Nikki made a sharp right turn with no decrease in speed, which made the tires squeal loudly. "You didn’t break it so you can’t fix it."
Steve inhaled deeply as she took another corner too fast. "I didn’t know I would get a sample of your stunt driving."
"Be careful what you ask for."
Steve clamped his mouth shut, grabbed onto the center console with one hand and the arm rest with the other. Nikki noticed and responded with a grim smile. "Must be a McKay thing."
"What?"
"A good hold when I drive." She took the turn onto an old windy two-lane highway, and only slowed down because there was traffic ahead. As soon as there was an open spot in the oncoming traffic, she pulled out into the other lane of traffic, and floored the accelerator.
The car leapt forward as if the power was unlimited. Steve closed his eyes as the car hurtled past the other cars as if they were parked. He felt the car move back into their lane, sighed with relief, and opened his eyes.
"I’m a very good driver. The only time I’ve been hurt is when Richie screwed up on purpose."
"Yeah, but this isn’t a movie set. The other drivers don’t know what you’re doing and they’re not experienced at this."
Nikki slowed down slightly and Steve sighed. "Thank you. I’d like to live long enough to grow old with someone. And I have to meet her first."
He paused for a moment and watched the scenery whiz by. "Why don’t you take the next left. There’s a great spot up there to sit and think. I go there when I need time to cool off."
"Is that a hint?" Nikki raised an eyebrow and glanced at him.
"Yes. A strong one. You’re a good driver and you’re perfectly in control. I wouldn’t be half as nervous if this was a movie set where everyone’s moves are planned out, not just yours."
"All right. Sorry." She downshifted and started to slow the car as she saw the turn Steve wanted her to take.
"I understand being this upset. I really do." He patted the hand she had clenched around the shift knob.
Nikki slowed even more and turned left. They wound up the bumpy dirt road for several miles before Steve pointed out a place for her to park.
She parked the car and turned off the motor. Steve heaved a sigh of relief. "As soon as I can stand up I’ll show you this rock I like to sit on. I call it my thinking rock."
He opened the door, stepped out, and stretched. "Would you be offended if I kissed the ground? I thought we weren’t going to make it there for a while."
At the look she shot him he apologized. "Sorry. It was supposed to be a joke. You know, make you smile or even laugh."
"I don’t feel much like a laugh or a smile right now." She got out of the car, grabbed her purse, and locked the car. "Show me that spot."
They walked for almost a mile before they came to the edge of a bluff. A huge boulder with a flat top sat right on the edge. Steve climbed up and held a hand down for Nikki. She took his hand and climbed up beside him.
"Wow." She turned around slowly. "What a view."
"Yeah." Steve sat down cross-legged. "Kind of brings things back into focus for me. I mean, I’m just a small part of all of this." He gestured at the view. "Have a seat. Relax."
With a sigh, she sat down, and put her arms around her legs. She rested her forehead on her knees and sighed again. "Why does life have to be so blasted complicated
."
"I don’t know. Unfortunately, that’s the way it usually works." He paused. "So, do you want to talk about it or should I just shut up?"
"Well, Jarrod proposed Friday." Steve inhaled sharply. "In the most unromantic, horrible way you could imagine. He made it sound like a business merger. I told him no. We argued and I left. I don’t know why I expected something romantic from him. He’s never done anything romantic yet. No flowers, cards, candy. Nothing.
"He tried to confront me at Saul’s that night and I told him to leave or it would be the last conversation we had. I went out of town over the weekend to think about our relationship. I’d just gotten back and gone to talk to him when all hell broke loose."
She rubbed her shaky hands over her face. "Now he thinks I sleep with Saul and with you. He’s so angry, he wouldn’t listen if I tried to talk to him."
Steve laced his hands together and thought for a moment. "For starters, Jarrod has had a lot more experience at business mergers than marriage proposals. Has he told you about Briana’s mother?" Nikki nodded. "Did he tell you that he never slept with Chloe after they got married? He said he’d rather sleep with a snake. Frankly, I would have done the same." He smiled.
"He also swore he’d never get married again. He never brought anybody home to meet us after she left. I don’t think he even bothered to date much. When we would ask him about it, he said he could do for himself what any woman could do for him. It wasn’t worth the effort to be with a woman. He shocked us all when he brought you home to meet us. It was his idea, you know, for you to come meet his family."
"But, he told me that his family wanted to meet me." Nikki looked at Steve in confusion.
"Well, we did. We wanted to thank you for saving Bri. But it was his idea to invite you over. He loves you, Nik. I can see it in his eyes, in the way he touches you. I think his heart trusts you, but his mind compares you to Chloe. He can’t help it."
He paused before he continued, "I mean, you won’t marry him, so he automatically thinks it’s because there’s another man. That you don’t really love him. That maybe you’re just like Chloe. She slept with any man she could drag into bed, even when she was married and pregnant with Briana. It made him crazy."
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