by Brook Wilder
“He’s a good man,” I answered, swallowing past the emotion. “He’s always been there when I needed him.”
She turned to look at me.
“I saw… I mean, I accidently saw the pictures in your drawer. I’m sorry, Derrek.”
I’d figured she had.
“My ma died long time ago. My da… He was a good man.”
Alice stepped forward, and before I knew what she was doing, she had wrapped her arms around my waist, pressing her body against mine. Even after everything I had said to her, everything I had done, she was trying to comfort me.
Me, an Irish bastard that no one cared about.
Me, who was scared about losing this woman who had snatched my heart from me when I wasn’t looking and given me something to live for.
I wrapped my arms around her and held her close, pressing my face into her hair, which smelled like my shampoo.
“He died of cancer a few years ago. I don’t have anyone else outside of the club.”
It was probably the most honest confession I had made to her.
Alice looked up, her eyes shining with emotion.
“You have me.”
I didn’t know what to say. For a man who had tried to push her away only hours earlier, I knew I was sending her mixed signals with my own confusion.
I was confused as hell. One part of me knew I didn’t deserve her, that Jack was never gonna let her be with a bastard like me. Once this shit with the Cazadores was over, I imagined he would be all up in Alice’s life, and I wasn’t gonna be.
But the other half of me wanted to hold onto her for as long as I could, even if that would be the rest of my life. I loved her, quirks and all.
So, I decided to pull back from her touch. I would have to speak to Jack, to explain to him that I could care for Alice the way she should be cared for, before making any declarations. It was the right thing to do, especially since he had sent me to her in the first place.
Confusion crossed her face, but she rapidly blinked it away, and I ran a hand through my hair.
“Well this room is taken care of apparently,” I said, looking around. “Where to next?”
“The kitchen, I guess,” Alice said quietly, before turning and walking away from me.
I watched her go, not letting her get too far ahead before I followed her. If I didn’t discuss this with Jack soon, Alice was going to dump me herself.
Jack deserved to know what was going on between me and Alice, and more importantly, I respected the man too much to hide this from him any longer. I needed his support to keep this going with Alice, not to mention his blessing that I was good enough for his daughter. I wasn’t, in my own personal opinion. But every time I tried to push her away, the feelings only grew stronger, and I found myself right back where I wanted to be.
With her.
And that was going to be the last time I pushed her way. Once I figured out what Jack thought about this, I was going to hold onto her forever. I was willing to take that next step, to give her a diamond and my last name to make it official.
I just had to let her know.
Chapter Twenty
Alice
I was so confused.
The sun was peeking through the blinds, dawning on another day of my screwed-up life, and I didn’t know if it was going to be any easier than the last.
Sighing, I rolled over onto my back, looking up at Derrek’s ceiling.
I had gone to bed alone last night, not even bothering to argue with Derrek when he offered up his bed to me. A part of me had wanted him to carry me to the bed, to wrap us in that cocoon of warmth and love, like we had when we were having sex just, so we could forget for a while.
But he hadn’t, choosing the couch instead, and I had walked back here by myself, feeling vaguely alone.
Not even Chester had joined me. He was no doubt curled up with Derrek on the couch. How he had made friends with my cat, I didn’t know, but I was like chopped liver around him now.
Well, I was the same around Derrek, though I didn’t know why he was choosing to keep me at arm’s length now. I thought… Well, I had hoped that him sharing his parents’ deaths with me had closed the chasm between us again, moving us back to where we really both belonged, with each other.
But when he had chosen to pull away and not touch me the rest of the day, I had been disappointed.
Not just disappointed, more like confused and worried that he was drawing an invisible line between us. I wanted him to know that he wasn’t alone in this world, that I was willing to be there for him, but it had only pushed him away.
“Great,” I whispered, pushing aside the covers.
Something had to give between us.
After getting dressed for the day, I walked out into the living room, to find Derrek on the couch, Chester in his lap. He apparently had snuck into the bedroom while I had slept, because his clothes were new, his hair wet.
The dark stubble on his unshaven jaw made my heart go pitter-patter in my chest.
I loved an unshaven jaw.
“Good morning.”
“Good morning,” he replied, no expression on his face. “Put your shoes on. We are going out.”
“What’s wrong?” I asked instantly, my hand going to my throat.
He dumped Chester on the floor and stood.
“Nothing, everything’s good. I’m taking you somewhere this morning, and I want to get a head start.”
“Oh,” I replied, blowing out a breath. “Um, okay.”
He picked up a duffel bag, slinging it over his shoulder.
“Then we will go see your mom.”
That was what I was looking forward to today. Hurriedly, I went back to the bedroom and finished grabbing my things, wondering where we were going. I hoped it wasn’t somewhere he was going to dump me off to. I was starting to get comfortable at his place, enjoying the feel of having him nearby, even if he wasn’t touching me. His apartment was comfortable, his bed even better, and I didn’t feel the rush of anxiety I normally felt whenever I wasn’t either at my place or my mom’s.
Yet another reason to work on this relationship with him: around Derrek, I was comfortable, and that couldn’t be said about many people.
Taking one last look in the mirror, I grabbed my crossbody and walked back into the living room, finding Derrek waiting at the door.
He opened it as soon as he saw me.
“This must be really important,” I joked lightly.
“It is,” he bit out as he passed me a travel mug. “Coffee, to get you going.”
I accepted it, not liking the way he was acting this morning. He was gruff, not the joking man I was normally used to dealing with.
Well, I wasn’t going to let it get to me. I was going to wear him down.
“Thanks,” I said, taking the mug and stepping outside.
The weather was warm for the early morning hours. The sun was already breaking through the light fog and burning it off. I walked down to the first level, surprised to see Derrek’s motorcycle where Fox’s truck had been yesterday.
“You can put the mug in the saddlebag,” Derrek murmured near my ear, sending shivers down my spine.
He had snuck up on me without me hearing him. His spicy cologne washed over me like a warm blanket, and I wanted nothing more than to snuggle against him.
But I doubted he would want to do the same, given his frosty behavior. So, I handed him the mug and swung my leg over the bike, feeling a bit of anxiety start to creep up as I did so. I still was getting used to the bike, especially since this was only my second ride and hadn’t weighed in on whether I actually liked it or not.
“Put this on,” Derrek said, handing me a helmet.
I did as he asked, his eyes watching my every movement until he was satisfied that I had done it right.
This was going to be a great day.
Derrek swung his leg over and seated himself in front of me, gunning the engine. I hesitated to wrap my arms around his waist,
even though I desperately wanted to, until he cleared his throat.
“Hold on, Alice.”
Well, then. I did as he asked, feeling his sharp intake of breath as I leaned against his warm back.
So, I wasn’t the only one suffering this morning.
The bike shot out of the parking lot a minute later, the wind whizzing by my helmet as he maneuvered us onto the highway.
It was amazing to feel his back muscles shift under my touch, the way my hands hung loosely right above his belt buckle and oh-so close to the one thing that belonged to Derrek that I knew wasn’t fighting its emotions.
Or at least, I hoped not. I hoped that Derrek hadn’t had a change of heart overnight, deciding to keep distancing himself from me until we couldn’t take it anymore and walked away from each other. I had decided myself that I was willing to fight for him. I was outmatched by him and his lifestyle, but I was willing to put myself out there.
I was willing to open myself up to love.
It wasn’t long before Derrek was pulling off the highway. The bike came to a complete stop before I allowed myself to lift my head and look around.
It was a shooting range.
I let go of Derrek as he maneuvered the bike into a parking spot and shut off the engine. Maybe he wanted some practice or a chance to blow off some steam. I didn’t mind tagging along to watch.
If he wasn’t going to let me touch him, then I could at least drool over him being all macho.
I swung my leg over the bike and, pulling off the helmet, set it on the back. Derrek climbed off and reached for the duffel bag he had stuffed into the large saddlebag before we left.
“Here’s your coffee,” he replied, handing me the warm mug.
I took it, holding it close to my body.
“Why are we here?”
Derrek snapped the bags closed, his dark sunglasses hiding his beautiful eyes as he looked up at me.
“You’re going to learn how to shoot.”
I immediately started shaking my head. I didn’t like guns, nor did I ever want to learn to shoot one.
“I’m good, thanks.”
He let out a rusty chuckle as he started to walk toward the small building.
“You don’t have a choice in this, Alice. You will learn how to shoot.”
I fell in step behind him, tamping down the spurt of anxiety that tried to flare up.
“I really don’t want to do this, Derrek.”
“Too bad,” he countered as we walked inside.
I watched helplessly as he paid for the lane, grabbing up the paper targets with his free hand and handing me a pair of earmuffs in return. I took them halfheartedly and followed him toward the back of the building where lanes had been set up. Fortunately, we were the only ones there, which meant I would not be accidently shooting anyone else today.
Derrek set the duffel bag on the ledge and clipped one of the targets to the line, before sending it a few hundred yards away.
“Now, have you ever shot a gun before?”
I shook my head.
“No, and I really don’t want to.”
He slid his sunglasses into his hair, reaching into the bag and removing a small revolver that looked ridiculous in his hand.
“You need to know how to protect yourself.”
“Isn’t that your job?” I shot back, nerves running rampant through my veins.
I couldn’t shoot that gun or any gun.
He arched a brow, his eyes showing surprise.
“What if I’m not around?”
So, was that what was bothering him? That something might happen, and he wouldn’t be there to protect me? I was scared to death that might happen, but not because something bad had happened.
No, more like he didn’t want to be around anymore.
“Can’t you just show me how to throw a punch or something?”
He checked the revolver.
“A punch isn’t going to stop someone for long, but a bullet can. If we are talking about your life over theirs, I want you to shoot first and freak out later.”
I eyed the gun.
“I can’t do this.”
Derrek looked up, his gaze narrowing.
“You can, and you will, Alice. I’m doing this to save your life.”
I eyed him.
“You can’t make me.”
Before I knew it, he was backing me up against one of the walls of the lane, pressing his free hand above my head. My breathing became shallow as he leaned down, until our faces were level with each other.
“Yes, I can make you do this. Listen, give me a break, will you? I’m tired, and I don’t have time for your bullshit today.”
I was taken aback by his gruffness, though I could see the lines of exhaustion on his face.
What had he done last night? Had he tossed and turned like I had, knowing that he was so close, yet so far away? Had his dreams been full of what might have been between us if we didn’t have this whole thing hanging over our heads?
Because that was what I had suffered the previous night, his scent all around me, mocking me.
Finally, I had fallen into a fitful sleep, but my dreams hadn’t been clear of Derrek. Instead, they had been full of him and his touch.
Swallowing hard, I looked at his beautiful, tortuous eyes.
“I’m sorry.”
His expression softened, and for a brief moment I thought I saw regret and anguish in his eyes.
But it was gone in an instant as he pushed away from me.
“Good,” he said, holding out the gun. “Take this carefully. It’s loaded, and I would like to keep all my body parts today.”
I took the gun, feeling the weight of it in my hand. It wasn’t so bad.
“Now what?”
He took my free hand, pulled me to the ledge, then stepped back.
“Aim it at the target.”
I squinted as I raised my arm, only to hear Derrek chuckle behind me.
“You aren’t some gang-banger,” he said, coming up behind me.
I drew in a shaky breath as he brought up my other hand to cup the bottom of the gun, his steady grip showing me how to hold it.
“You have to hold it firmly with both hands,” Derrek said, guiding me. “The last thing you want is have the gun come back to hit you in the face.”
“I really don’t know about this,” I said softly as his hand cupped mine.
“You’ll be fine,” he answered, his body mere inches from mine. “You’re the strongest person I know.”
His words tore through my heart, but I knew he was wrong on that account. He was way stronger.
“Now, place your finger against the trigger,” he said softly. “You want to apply pressure to it, almost like a squeeze. The damn thing is going to kick when you fire, but whatever you do, don’t lose your grip on the gun.”
Sweat broke out along my spine as I caressed the trigger, scared half to death about firing it. I didn’t know what was going to happen.
“You can do this, Alice,” Derrek said softly, his breath near my ear. “I’ve got you.”
Carefully, I pulled the trigger, the resounding recoil shook my arms. The smell of gunfire filled the air, and I nearly dropped the gun, glad that Derrek’s hands were still wrapped around mine.
“See?” he said with a chuckle. “That wasn’t so bad.”
I looked down the lane, attempting to search for the hole in the target.
There wasn’t one.
“I missed.”
“Relax,” he said, his hands sliding down my arms. “We have all morning to make that happen.”
I smiled, unable to help it. I had just fired my first gun.
Maybe this wasn’t half as bad as I thought.
Chapter Twenty-One
Derrek
I followed Alice as we walked down the hall together, attempting not to show the fact that I fucking hated being here. After the morning in the gun range, I was feeling moderately better about her safety.
At least she hadn’t dropped the damn thing.
Actually, she had managed to come close to hitting her target a few times, peppering the outer fringes of her body-outline with bullet holes. I was fairly certain that if it came down to it, she would be able to hit the person harming her at least once, which was one more than she could have done before.