by Nika Rhone
You can tell me.
The only people outside the family who knew were Thea and Des. They were two of her closest friends, and it had still been almost impossible to tell them. But she’d been in desperate need of someone to talk her down from the ledge of hysteria she’d climbed up on right after The Incident. Then she had packed it all away in the back of her mind and never, ever talked to anyone about it, ever again. And now Rafe wanted her to break open that seal and tell him?
Setting herself on fire would be more enjoyable.
When Rafe pulled her into his lap and cradled her close, she made no protest. The heat from his body slowly seeped through the iciness encasing her. It eased her tight muscles inch by inch, and she realized she’d been on the verge of another of those damn panic attacks. God, she was such a sorry wimp.
As he held her, he whispered to her in Spanish. She didn’t understand what he was saying, but the lyrical way the words reverberated in her ear in his deep, sexy voice were as good as a Xanax. It soothed her jagged nerves and calmed her frantic thoughts, until she let out a contented sigh and snuggled in closer against him.
“You don’t have to tell me,” he murmured, stroking her back in a slow, gentle rhythm.
She sighed. “Yes, I do. It’s just…God, this is humiliating.” She fought the roiling in her stomach. “How much did Pete tell you?”
“Only that he worked as security for your family and that he was fired. And that he might blame you for that happening.”
Lillian was almost disappointed that her ratfink brother hadn’t spilled more of the beans. Then there would have been less of the whole sordid mess for her to have to tell.
Fickle much, Lil?
“He only worked here for about five or six months.” Just long enough to throw her entire concept of privacy into chaos. “He was nice enough. Quiet. We didn’t interact all that much, but he was always very polite when we did. Then one night when I was supposed to be staying over at Thea’s for a girls’ night, I wasn’t feeling good so I decided to come home instead. It was late, like maybe a little after midnight, and I really felt like crap. All I wanted was to crawl under the covers and go to sleep. I didn’t realize there was anyone in the room until I turned on the light. And there he was, standing next to my bed, stroking his…himself with a pair of my panties.” An image that was forever burned into her brain, no matter how hard she tried to scrub it out.
Rafe snarled something under his breath, which for some reason made her smile.
“Yeah, my feelings exactly.”
“Then what happened?” It sounded like he was working very hard to stay calm.
“He tried to apologize, but really, what could he say? Sorry you caught me waxing my junk in your bedroom?”
“I’m surprised your father didn’t end him.”
He almost had. It had taken two of their security people to hold her father back once he realized what had been going on. He might be in his fifties and spend his days behind a desk, but Rupert Beaumont still had the bulldog physique he’d acquired working Louisiana shrimping boats as a teen. If he’d gotten his hands on Sean, he probably would have broken his neck.
“It wasn’t a killing offense. Now if he’d used one of my La Perla panties, that would have been worth a little bloodshed.” Although she’d ended up getting rid of every piece of underwear she owned after that, including the La Perla, because she couldn’t stand putting it on and wondering if he’d touched it or not.
“You do that a lot, don’t you?”
“Do what?”
“Try to downplay things by making a joke.”
She shrugged, a little unnerved by how easily he’d seen through her bravado. “It beats bursting into tears every time I think about it.” Or admitting how violated she felt.
“So, what happened after that? I don’t remember hearing about him being arrested.”
“Which was why he wasn’t. There’s no way the story of The Midnight Panty Wanker wouldn’t have made the rounds down at the police station in like ten minutes flat after he was booked. Everyone would have known. It would have been humiliating. Not just for me, but for my whole family. Especially my brother.” She gave him a look when he made a sound of protest. “Be honest. All of you would have ridden Peter for months over something like that, wouldn’t you?”
He didn’t look happy about it, but Rafe said, “Yeah, probably. We all give each other sh—crap over stuff. It doesn’t mean anything, though. It’s just guys having a little fun.”
It would have meant a whole lot more to her brother, done in good fun or not. He was still fighting the bias of his family’s financial status with some of his fellow officers. Having women’s panties stuck in his locker or the glove box of his patrol car for weeks on end wouldn’t have been a joke to him. And as much of a pain as her little brother sometimes was, she couldn’t sabotage his career like that.
Besides, making his life miserable was her job.
“According to the lawyers, there wasn’t a whole lot he could have been charged with, anyway,” Lillian said. “A few misdemeanors at best. He claimed it was the first time he’d done it, that he’d just broken up with someone and been depressed and given in to a stupid urge in the middle of the night while he was on his rounds and thinking about her.”
“And you believed that?”
“God, I wanted to, but…no. I’m pretty sure I was missing a few other pieces of underwear, but since I couldn’t swear to it…” She shrugged, trying not to think too hard about where those missing panties might have ended up. “He swore he’d only gone into my room because I wasn’t supposed to be home that night. That he’d never meant for me to see him, well, like that.” Going to town at her bedside, eyes closed with a rapturous expression like he was fantasizing she was there with him. The thought still made her skin crawl.
“At the time, it seemed easier and a whole lot less trouble to fire him and have Hans put the fear of God into him to never showed his face in Boulder again. I’ll be kicking myself if it turns out he actually has something to do with trashing my car.”
“Don’t beat yourself up over choices you made. It doesn’t change anything. It’ll just make you crazy.”
She studied his face, which had gone unreadable. “Well, that sounded a little like personal experience talking.” When he didn’t say anything, she made an exasperated sound. “Really? I tell you all of this embarrassing stuff, and you’re going to hold back on me?”
Looking uncomfortable, Rafe said, “I’m not…look, it’s not something I want to talk about right now.” Or ever, judging by his tight-lipped expression. “Right now, we’re trying to figure out whether or not this Sean character is the one who’s been vandalizing your car.”
“Fine. But don’t for a second think we’re not going to circle back around to this discussion later on, buster.” She gave him the stink-eye to make sure he knew she meant it. What she knew about Rafael Delgado could fit inside a thimble. No way was she letting a golden opportunity to peel back one of those mysterious layers go to waste. “And no, I honestly don’t think he’s the one who slashed my tires.”
“Why not? You’re the one who came home and caught him with his hand down his pants. To his mind, you’re the reason he lost his job.”
“I’m also the reason he didn’t get arrested. Plus, it’s been like a year and a half. Why would he suddenly do something now?”
“I don’t know. That’s why we need to find him and ask him.”
“Find him?” The skin on the back of Lillian’s neck prickled. “Does that mean you don’t know where he is?”
“The police are still tracking down his last known location.”
Lillian didn’t miss the slight hesitation that came before his answer. “Don’t go all Five-Oh on me, Officer Delgado. I think I deserve to know the truth, not the party line.”
“You don’t have to worry about him, querida. Nobody’s going to let him get anywhere near you.”
“Who’s wor
ried? I may be embarrassed, but I’m not worried. I stopped letting what he did affect my life a long time ago. It’s in the past.”
“Is it?”
“Yes.” Mostly.
Rafe leaned closer. “Then why can’t you even say his name?”
Her mouth opened, but no words came out. She shut it.
“Why did you move out of your house?”
Because she hadn’t been able to sleep in her own room anymore. Not without waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, heart racing like she’d just run a marathon. Even changing to a different bedroom hadn’t helped.
“Why did you refuse to let your father assign a security detail to watch over you when you moved out?”
“Because I didn’t need a security detail to watch over me.” Lillian tried to get up from his lap, but the arms around her held her firmly in place. She slumped back with a huff. “It doesn’t mean anything.”
“And now? Knowing that someone might be targeting you?”
“Okay, okay, I get it. What happened with Sean”—she curled her lip at the nasty taste his name left in her mouth—“made me uncomfortable with having people around me, watching me, being in my space all the time, having access to my private things. I just… I couldn’t handle it. So yes, I moved out of my parents’ house because of him. Yes, I refused to let my father stick a security detail in the apartment across the hall. Yes, I wouldn’t let a bodyguard move in with me while this whole stupid thing gets sorted out, or move back here for the duration. I’m not an idiot. I know it would have been the smart thing to do. I just can’t.”
She hated how pitiful she sounded, but it was the truth. She couldn’t stand to have someone—anyone—watching her, invading her space. Logic said what happened with Sean would never happen again. But logic held no sway over her panic attacks. Those operated on pure subconscious angst.
Rafe gave a small groan as he pulled her even tighter to his body. “Ah, mi pequeña duendecilla, don’t cry.”
“I’m not.” Oh God, she was. Sniffling, she wiped at the wetness that had somehow appeared on her cheeks, wondering if the night could hold any more humiliations for her. There was the sound of ice cubes hitting the floor, and then Rafe was pushing the cold towel into her hand. As she dabbed at the tears, she decided a little distraction was in order. “What does that mean? I know pequeña is little, but what’s the other word?”
“There’s no exact translation in English, but that’s what mi abuela used to call the garden spirits back in Cuba. You’d probably call them pixies.”
He’d called her a little pixie? No, his little pixie. Maybe she should have taken offense with the double diminutive, considering how sensitive she was to comments about her lack of height. But the sexy, possessive way he said it took the sting out. In fact, it kind of made her a little tingly in all the right places.
Unfortunately, it was the wrong time to be having tingles, since they still needed to go inside and face her family over cake and presents.
As if her thoughts had conjured him, there was a sharp rap at the pool house door a whole two seconds before Richard shoved it open. She felt Rafe tense, but realized it was more the unexpected entrance than the person making it that had startled him when he relaxed at seeing her brother. She especially liked that he didn’t try to get her off his lap despite the look of death he was getting. If anything, his grip on her tightened. Like he wasn’t giving her up without a fight.
“Mom sent me to get you.”
Lillian snorted. “Yeah, I doubt that.” More like Richard and Theo decided to pick up being her keepers where Peter left off when their mother dragged him away to be yelled at. She was surprised it took him this long to find her.
Richard didn’t bother denying her call of bullshit. “They’re getting ready to light the candles.”
“Fine,” she sighed. “We’ll be right in.”
Rather than take the hint, Richard crossed his arms, his back a rigid line as he made it clear he wasn’t going anywhere. The part of her that had always rebelled against her brothers’ form of silent bullying wanted to sit there and see how long it would take him to break. The part of her she was beginning to recognize as her more mature self decided it wasn’t worth the trouble her little bit of spite would bring. Especially not with the way Richard was glaring at Rafe like he wanted to rip his spleen out through his nose.
With a roll of her eyes, she got to her feet, using Rafe’s offered hands to steady herself. “Like I said. Brothers are a pain.”
Rafe put his arm around her shoulders. When they got to where Richard stood, she stopped and gave him The Look. The one she’d been using on all of them since she was six years old and was told she couldn’t go bike riding with them because she was just a little girl and couldn’t keep up.
She told him exactly what she told them then. “Just because you’re bigger doesn’t make you the boss of me. Try it again and you won’t like what happens.”
“What are you going to do, runt, punch my kneecaps?” Richard scoffed.
Lillian didn’t bother to reply. She just smiled, and watched Richard’s cocksure expression dissolve into one of distinct wariness. Satisfied he’d been reminded of the many, many ways she could make his life miserable as only a sister could, she gave a short nod and snuggled in against Rafe on their walk back toward the main house.
“You know,” Rafe said as they climbed the steps to the terrace, “you may look all sweet and harmless, but you’re actually kind of terrifying.”
Lillian grinned. “And don’t you forget it.”
Chapter Eleven
Staring at the sleeping pixie sprawled on her stomach in the big bed next to him, listening to her dainty snores, Rafe wondered what the hell he’d gotten himself into here. And how he’d gotten in so damn deep, so damn fast. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Feelings weren’t supposed to be a part of things between them. It was lust and attraction, period. Neither of them was looking for anything more, no matter the lies they perpetuated for the sake of Lillian’s family.
And yet…
Somehow, somewhere between that first, fiery kiss this afternoon and the molten sex after they’d gotten back from the party, the lines had blurred. Things weren’t anywhere near as clear-cut as they’d started out being. For him, anyway. He had no freaking idea what was going through her nimble little mind.
Which was why this sudden shift had him wide-awake and thinking way too hard when he should have been enjoying the sleep of the well and truly sated. Had things changed for her too? Did he want them to change? And if they did, what did he honestly think would ever come of it between them? Love? Marriage?
Fuck me sideways.
Feelings were a fucking pain in the ass. No wonder he’d avoided them like the plague.
With a sigh, he adjusted the pillow under his head and forced his thoughts onto something more constructive but no less frustrating. Sean McManus. The man was a creep and a pervert, but as much as he wanted to pin the vandalism on his sorry ass, Rafe had a hard time making it fit. Not with the year and change that had passed.
A year, Rafe was only now understanding, that had been a lot harder on Lillian than anyone, even her dumbass brother, realized.
When Peter talked about Lillian’s sudden decision to move into her own place, he made her sound like she was a spoiled rich-bitch having a hissy fit and wanting things her own way. But refusing to take the condo with the concierge and housekeeping service hadn’t been about rebelling. It had been about her not being comfortable having someone watch her comings and goings. Or having anyone in her apartment, touching her things when she wasn’t there, even if it was just to clean. The kind of violation she must have felt from McManus’s breach of trust would be tough to get past.
Which was probably why her mother had been so skeptical of their story. Unlike her son, Patricia Beaumont would have understood the exact reasons Lillian all but ran away from home. It was also why she’d seemed so pleased when they convi
nced her their sham relationship was real. She would have taken it as a sign her daughter was healing from the trauma that huge betrayal had caused.
Rafe sighed. If only he’d had all of the facts from the beginning, he would have handled everything different. Better. He sure as hell wouldn’t have burst in and announced he was staying with her for the duration. Knowing what he did now, he was surprised she hadn’t called the cops to come arrest his ass.
Of course, they’d kind of gotten distracted, what with all the hot sex and stuff, so she probably hadn’t thought of it. Yet. Maybe if he kept her in bed for the next few days, she wouldn’t have time to think of it at all.
The idea made his dick twitch with interest. He bit back a groan. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t wake Lillian just for the pleasure of having her again. She’d already grumped at him once about having to work in the morning and needing her sleep. Of course, that had been followed by her licking her way down his chest, and driving him wild enough that he’d almost broken his own rule and slid into her bare—so sleep was probably negotiable.
Giving in to temptation, he ran his fingers in a light caress down her side, over the curve of her hip, and around her delicious little ass. He loved touching her. She’d been his secret torment for so long, being in her bed still didn’t seem real. He wanted to take advantage of every single second he was there.
With a small moan, her eyes fluttered open. The deep, rich brown of hot chocolate—the really good kind spiced with a bite of jalapeño—they were a little unfocused as she blinked at him. For a split-second he worried that waking up to someone in her bed might freak her out, given what she kept referring to as The Incident. But the haziness dissipated and was replaced by a flirty half-smile.
“If you’re waking me up for another round, forget it,” she said even as she snuggled closer. “I think you may have sprained my vagina with that last move.”
Rafe didn’t know whether to laugh or groan, so he did both. “God. I never know what’s going to come out of your mouth.”