Jamie was going to win.
Jamie was going to be the one to represent our school at the Junior Science Fair in the Glasgow Science Centre in May.
It was so unfair I wanted to scream.
Instead I forced myself to smile and said, “I’m just finished setting up now. I’m going out to the playground.”
“You’ve put a lot of work into that.” Mr Robertson nodded at my butterfly display. “It’s lovely.”
“It’s more of an art display than a science project though, Elin,” Miss Morrison added. “Don’t be too disappointed if the judges don’t pick it as the winner. They’re going to be looking for the best experiment, not the prettiest pictures.”
The teachers nodded their agreement and carried on discussing Jamie’s display in hushed voices. I went back to class to get my jacket, but instead of heading out to the playground, I went to the girls’ toilets instead. I felt so sick with anger and jealousy I wanted to throw up, but that wasn’t why I was hiding there.
I knew what I had to do.
I clutched the edge of the sink and stared at my pale face in the mirror. There were dark shadows under my eyes and my lips were cracked from all the nervous chewing. I was so stressed about being caught messing with Jamie’s medication that I hadn’t slept properly in weeks, and the guilt pains were so bad my stomach was in knots every morning.
So far it had all been worth it. Jamie was the Monster again, and Mum and Paul were arguing so much about his behaviour they were on the verge of splitting up. One more major blow-up and it would all be over. I’d get my real family back, and we’d live happily ever after.
But only if Jamie didn’t represent our school at the science fair.
If he proved he could be top of the school at something despite his behaviour, then I’d never get rid of him.
My fairy-tale ending was slipping out of my grasp, and there was only one way I could get it back.
“You can do it,” I whispered to my reflection. “You have to!”
I waited till I was sure the teachers would all be in the staffroom, then I slipped out and headed back to the assembly hall.
Jamie was never going to forgive me for what I was about to do.
But was I ever going to be able to forgive myself?
32
Jamie
“But I need to peeeeee!” I insist, dancing on the spot and trying to show the playground supervisor how urgent my case is.
“You were supposed to go before you came out! There’s only another ten minutes of break left, can’t you wait?”
Miss Finlay doesn’t like us going in and out at break time and ‘getting up to mischief’, as she calls it, but one look at my pained face is enough to confirm I’ll cause way more trouble if she doesn’t let me back in.
“Fine, come straight back out though, do you hear me, Jamie? No detours or mucking about at the water fountain.”
She swipes her keycard to open the security lock, and I run back in to go to the loo before my bladder explodes. I don’t know why I’m so desperate to pee – I was so busy setting up my science display this morning I didn’t even remember to fill up my water bottle.
It’s still sitting on my desk.
My classroom’s not that far from the boys’ toilet and the water fountain. Maybe I should just fill it while I’m here…
I run back to class and fetch it, nearly knocking the janitor down in the corridor and spilling water on the floor when I hold my water bottle the wrong way up.
“Jamie, shouldn’t you be outside?” The head teacher frowns at me as he walks past. He’s taking three people to the staff room. They look important. They must be the science fair judges.
For one mad second I think about bowing to them like they’re royalty, and then I have to clamp my hand over my mouth to stop myself laughing out loud at how funny that would look.
“I’m just going to the toilet,” I mumble through a mouthful of fingers, and then I run off before I can get into trouble for turning the corridor into the River Clyde.
We’re doing a project about Scottish rivers in class just now. It’s not as much fun as the Vikings, but that’s only because Miss Morrison didn’t listen to my suggestion about making a model Viking boat to go sailing on the Clyde. She said we’d already made a boat, and I said the cardboard boat stuck on the wall was a bit rubbish, and she said I was cheeky and I’d get extra homework if I wasn’t careful.
Why isn’t it cheeky when Miss Morrison tells me my handwriting’s rubbish then?
Maybe I should give her homework when she makes me rewrite my science reports.
She’s in a good mood with me for once as she thinks my science fair entry is brilliant, even though the writing on my cards is all over the place. I’m so nervous and excited and worried all at the same time at the thought of winning that my stomach feels like I’ve swallowed Elin’s whole butterfly display in one gulp. The judges will probably pick her entry, even though it’s not a proper science project, just a lot of pretty pictures. Everything about Elin is pretty, from her neat handwriting and super-clean clothes to her stupid painted pottery collection. Teachers love her. They think she’s perfect.
They don’t know she tells lies and says hurtful things when they’re not listening.
She’s not so perfect on the inside.
Not like Paige.
I’m playing with the taps and feeling bad that Paige is avoiding me after all the times I lost my temper and yelled at her, when Steven puts his head round the door.
“Didn’t you hear the bell, Jamie? Break time’s over. Miss Morrison’s looking for you. She says you have to come right now!”
He looks excited, like he knows something he’s not telling me.
I wonder if it’s something bad, and the sick feeling in my stomach gets worse when he leads me down the corridor to the assembly hall instead of back to class.
“Is the judging finished already?” I ask. “That was quick!”
Steven shoots me a look that’s half nervous and half sympathetic. It’s the kind of look you give someone when their pet dog’s been run over and you don’t want to be the one to tell them. But I don’t have a pet dog, so I don’t know why I’m getting the look.
“The head teacher wants all of us who entered the science fair competition to come to the assembly hall,” he says, without really answering my question.
Steven’s got a pet dog. Maybe it’s his dog that’s been run over.
There’s lots of teachers and a bunch of classroom assistants in the hall. They should all be in class now that break time’s over, and Mr Conway the head teacher should be in his office eating Hobnobs with his super-important guests. He’s not though. He’s standing there with his hands on his hips staring at me like I’m the driver who’s just run over Steven’s dog.
“Jamie, why would you do this?” he asks. “What were you thinking?”
“Do what?” I blink. “I haven’t done—” And then I see what they’re all looking at.
My display’s been completely smashed.
The table’s lying on its side and the crystals have been trampled so hard into the floor all that’s left of them is piles of coloured powder. My rock candy tree’s been pulled apart and the boiled sugar lollipops are strewn around in bits. The display cards I spent so long writing have been ripped to pieces and the photographs are all torn.
There’s nothing left of my entry.
I’m not going to win a place at the science fair now.
For a long moment I can’t speak. All the air’s been sucked out of my lungs. I stare back at Mr Conway with my mouth open, waiting for him to tell me it’s all just a big joke.
He doesn’t. He just asks again, “Why did you do it, Jamie?”
“I didn’t!” My voice doesn’t come out above a whisper. “It wasn’t me.”
“Don’t lie, Jamie, not about this.” Miss Morrison’s towering over me with her badger hair and coffee breath, and I’m so full of rage I can barely kee
p the peanut butter toast I had for breakfast down. “Miss Finlay let you back in at break, and the janitor saw you in the corridor just outside.”
“I saw you myself,” Mr Conway says. “We’ve asked all the other boys and girls and you were the only one in here at break. Why would you destroy your own experiments, Jamie? It’s completely senseless.”
I look round the hall like I’m searching for someone to rescue me, but no one offers to help. Paige isn’t here. She isn’t entering the science fair. Her mum can’t afford to buy any craft stuff. She can’t save me from the ten-ton bomb of rage that’s ticking down to zero in my head. Everyone’s staring right at me, waiting for me to explode.
Everyone except Elin.
Her eyes are on the floor, and she’s clenching her hands so tight her knuckles are white. Today she isn’t hard to read. The guilt’s written all over her face.
Her betrayal hits me so hard I nearly fall over.
“It was Elin!” I gasp. “She did it!”
Elin’s head snaps up, her cheeks flaming red. “Of course I didn’t!” she says, too quick and too loud. “I’d never do anything like that.”
“She’s lying!” I yell. “She’s the one who ruined everything!”
“Elin doesn’t lie,” Miss Morrison frowns. “I’m afraid you’re the one with the history of that, Jamie.”
There’s no way for me to win. Elin has them all wrapped so tightly round her little finger she could pull my experiment to pieces right in front of them and they’d still think it was me. I can’t believe they’re so blind. I can’t believe I’ve been so blind.
I thought if I was nice to her for long enough she’d stop hating me and we could be a real family. I spent weeks working on my science project so I’d have a chance of winning enough money to buy her riding lessons and make her dreams come true. I forgave her even though she lied to Miss Morrison and Dad and Liz about me time and time again.
I even trusted her with my medication every morning.
Wait.
My medication…
I’ve been feeling all wrong for weeks.
Ever since Elin started giving me my medication instead of Liz.
The time bomb of anger goes off, and all of a sudden I’m screaming and crying and lashing out at the classroom assistants who try to stop me reaching Elin’s butterfly display.
I don’t want their sympathy or their soothing words.
I want revenge.
33
Elin
If Miss Finlay hadn’t got between Jamie and my butterfly display then it would’ve been torn to pieces.
It didn’t matter in the end. I didn’t win a place at the science fair.
The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach had been getting worse all day, and now it was mixed with a heavy sense of dread as I dragged my feet all the way home. I didn’t want to face Jamie and his accusing eyes. I didn’t want to lie to Mum and Paul about what happened, but what choice did I have?
My fairy tale had gone badly wrong and now I was the Monster who didn’t deserve a happy ending. If Dad ever found out what I’d done he’d be so disappointed he wouldn’t want to see me again. I had to keep lying, no matter how much it hurt.
I crossed the street to our house just in time to see Mum’s car heading away on the main road. I slowed down even more when I saw that Paul’s car wasn’t sitting in our drive. He wasn’t home from work yet, and Mum had to go back to the office for a meeting. That meant Jamie was in the house all by himself. The teachers had tried to calm him down, but when that didn’t work they called Mum to come and pick him up and take him home. I was in class pretending to type up a book report when she came, but I could see her in the corridor talking in a hushed voice to Miss Morrison. Mum looked so stressed and upset I wanted to cry.
I knew it was the last straw for her, and I’d won the final battle. I’d proved that Jamie didn’t belong with us. But now it felt like a hollow victory. It felt like I’d turned myself inside out and all the nastiness and jealousy that had been eating me up ever since Dad left was oozing out for everyone to see.
I didn’t deserve to get my family back now.
There were funny banging noises coming from somewhere inside the house as I walked up the drive. It sounded like Jamie was taking his anger out on the punch bag Paul had given him for Christmas. Now wasn’t a good time to disturb him. I didn’t want him getting me and the punch bag mixed up. Paul would be home any minute. Maybe I should just sit on the doorstep and wait for him.
I put my schoolbag down and leaned against the front door, trying to ignore the banging, and listening instead to the sounds of the cars passing on the road and the birds singing in the trees. It was almost the Easter holidays. Soon I’d be off school and wouldn’t have to hang my head in shame every time Miss Morrison looked at me. I could hardly believe I’d just stood there and let her blame Jamie for what I did. I could hardly believe how awful I’d become.
The banging stopped suddenly, and for a long moment there was only silence.
Then another sound came from inside the house, a soft snuffling that got louder when I pressed my ear against the door and listened. Jamie was still crying after what I’d done to him this morning. The image of his shocked face when he realised I was the one who destroyed all his hard work was burned into my brain.
He’d believed all my lies. He’d trusted me to give him his medication. He’d never given up trying to make friends with me. And that made me feel even worse.
Maybe it wasn’t too late. Maybe I could still fix this. Maybe I could tell him it wasn’t me, that it was Darren, or Steven, or Rachel, or any of the other kids in our class who’d entered the science fair. Maybe I could get him to swallow one more lie the way he swallowed my spoonfuls of medicine-free peanut butter.
I stuck my key in the lock and opened the front door, nearly tripping over something sprawled on the doormat. It was Jamie, sitting in the hallway with his back against the wall and his face red with tears.
I hesitated for a long moment, wondering whether it would be safer just to run. Jamie looked up at me, and I tensed, waiting for the angry words. They didn’t come. All that came out of Jamie’s mouth was a whisper I didn’t catch until he repeated it.
“I’m sorry,” he whimpered. “I didn’t mean it. I was so angry.”
Jamie was apologising to me? It was so weird that for a long moment I didn’t know what to say. Then the sick feeling in my stomach tightened into a knot of fear. Something was horribly wrong, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to find out what it was.
“Jamie, what have you done?”
Jamie drew his knees up to his chest and hid his face. I’d destroyed his science fair entry and spoiled his chances of representing our school, but that wasn’t why he was crying. They weren’t angry tears, they were guilty ones. He’d done something so awful he was too upset to look at me.
“Jamie Lee, tell me what’s going on or I swear I’ll—”
I stopped and looked down the hallway. Something bad had happened. Something that made Jamie so ashamed he couldn’t look me in the eye.
That was when I noticed my bedroom door was open.
Jamie had been in my room.
34
Jamie
“Don’t go in there!” I beg, trying to catch Elin’s leg as she hurries past. “Wait till Dad comes home! Please!”
Elin isn’t listening. She’s running down the hallway now, straight into the eye of the storm. The worst of my fury might’ve passed, but there’s no escaping the devastation left in its wake.
Elin stops in the doorway, clamping a hand over her mouth when she sees the destruction. I pick myself up and shuffle closer, half afraid she’s going to whirl round and punch me right in the head.
She’s too shocked to move though. She’s too stunned to even cry. She looks exactly the same way I did when I saw what she’d done to my science display. I wanted to hurt her for what she did. I wanted her to feel just as bad as I did.
; Now all I want is to turn the clock back.
“How could you do this?” Elin’s voice comes out in a sob, and she stares round her room with eyes so wide they look like they’ll come popping out of her head any second. She can’t believe what she’s seeing. All of her carefully painted knights and castles are smashed to pieces. Every single piece of pottery and ceramic I could get my hands on has been thrown against the wall and stomped into the carpet. I’ve broken her paint boxes and snapped her brushes, and there’s a big crack down her wardrobe mirror where I flung her computer.
She can replace the mirror and the computer, but she can’t replace the ornaments she’s spent years collecting and hours and hours painting. Every single thing in her room is smashed beyond repair, just like my science experiment. It seemed fair when I was destroying it all. It seemed like justice.
Now it just seems cruel, and I’m sick with regret.
“NO! Not Athena!” Elin screeches at the top of her voice and runs to gather up the pieces of the little white horse I’ve shattered into so many bits you can’t even tell what it used to be. She sits there on the carpet, gasping for breath so hard I think she’s going to faint.
I hide my head in my hands and count to one hundred, and by the time I move them again and take a peek, Elin’s stopped gasping and is staring at me with so much hatred in her robot laser eyes I can feel my brain starting to fry.
“That’s it! I can’t take this any more!”
Elin slams her bedroom door in my face, wedging something up against it so I can’t open it again. I can hear her banging and crashing about, opening and closing drawers and pulling things out of her wardrobe. At first I think she’s cleaning up the mess, but every time she crosses the carpet there’s a soft crunching sound as more and more pieces of china and pottery are crushed beneath her shoes.
“Elin?” I whimper, knocking on her door and trying to push against the heavy thing that’s wedged on the other side. “Elin, I’m sorry, but you wrecked my science experiment too! You know how hard I worked on that. Dad’ll be back soon, can you open the door and let me in?”
The Boy with the Butterfly Mind Page 13