"No!" she screamed when I tried to touch her. "You need to hear this." She took my hand, pulled me down beside her and continued.
"I was always a very quiet child. I never associated much with other children. I never learned how to have friends. I was in and out of hospitals from age five to age eleven. The doctors didn't know what was wrong with me. They finally decided that it was a nervous condition and that the stress of school and public places was just too much for me to handle physically. So, my parents took me out of school for good and educated me at home. Soon, though, they realized that they didn't have time to take care of all my needs. They were California socialites and spent most of their time going to parties and social events. So, they hired tutors and nannies to take care of me. I actually got a very good education. I excelled in math and science. I was especially interested in brain chemistry," she continued. "I wanted to find out what made me different from other people. What in my brain caused me to get physically sick at the thought of public affairs and new people? I found that I had a severe case of agoraphobia.
"When I was twelve, my parents hired Mabel Walker. She was a twenty-five-year-old struggling actress. It was very difficult for her to find roles for a Negro woman, so she had to find another way to support herself. She would still go out and audition for plays and musicals in her spare time, though. I would even help her rehearse her lines for different parts. We became very close. She was the only friend I had and she stayed with me throughout my teenage years.
"When I was eighteen, my brother died of a drug overdose while at a party in Los Angeles. My parents didn't handle his death very well and decided that they wanted a completely different lifestyle. They needed to get away from the city. I couldn't imagine my life without Mabel so I begged her to come along. She didn't want to leave her dreams of becoming a star, but she saw how much I needed her, so she agreed to come with me for a little while.
"So, we moved here. My mother met Theodore's mother at a party and right away they began talking about their single, eligible children. Before I knew what was happening, I was obliged to go on a date with Theodore. I was so terrified. I hadn't met a new person in seven years and he was so much older than I was. I begged Mabel to come with me and she did.
"I think Theodore was very disappointed with me. He took us to this ridiculous play that I didn't understand. The more he tried to ask me questions and draw me out, the more I retreated into my shell. I didn't like him at all. He was too grand and boisterous and he treated me like I was a stupid little child. Thankfully, Mabel was there to divert his attention away from me. She was more on his level. They were both in their thirties and had similar interests. They spent the entire evening talking about art, music, and theater -- things I only knew about through Mabel.
"I was utterly shocked when he asked me out again. I didn't know what he was thinking. Once again, Mabel came along. After that, it was a regular event for the three of us to go out on the weekend. Most people thought that Mabel was the chaperone. I was so naive I couldn't even see that she was much more than that. I couldn't see that Theodore was in love with her. All I knew was that I didn’t like him and I didn't want to keep seeing him, much less become his wife. I tried to tell my parents this, but they didn't care. They were just so excited that someone had shown an interest in me. And when he proposed, they were downright ecstatic. They had feared I would never land a husband.
"Before I knew it we were married. Mabel and I moved into the Phillips' mansion. He continued to treat me like a child. I finally started to notice how he was around Mabel. He followed her around like an obsessed, lovesick puppy.
"What made it worse was that my parents had moved back to California. Now that I was married and out of their house, it was like a load had been lifted off their shoulders. I was completely alone. I was contemplating suicide when Matthew moved in. He was fifteen and the son of Theodore's college roommate, Titus Clare. Matthew's parents and his little brother, Stephen, had died in a house fire. Theodore was in the will as the guardian.
"Matthew was everything Theodore wasn't. He was kind, loving, thoughtful, and he treated me like a person. He would hear me crying at night and come hold me. We opened up to each other. I told him why I was unhappy and he revealed to me more about his family.
"Before long, Matthew and I fell in love and had an affair. Theodore didn't even notice. He was completely wrapped up in Mabel.
"When I found out I was pregnant, I knew it was Matthew's. I panicked and threw myself at Theodore so he would think the baby was his when it was born."
I heard everything she was saying, but it still hadn't sunk in. I wasn't even considering the identity of this baby. It was enough of a shock to learn that Matthew wasn't my brother and I couldn't even fathom the idea that he had slept with my mother.
"A couple of months later," she continued, "Mabel confided in me. She told me that she had never wanted a relationship with Theodore. She said she enjoyed working on music with him, but wanted nothing else. Theodore, however, wouldn't take 'no' for an answer and had forced himself on her and she was pregnant.
"I felt so guilty. I felt like I had put her in this position. She could still be in California, launching a successful movie career, if I hadn’t convinced her to move with me. I hated Theodore even more. I wanted him out of our lives.
"When I gave birth, he didn't even come to the hospital to see me. Matthew was by my side the entire time. We named you after Matthew's little brother. When I got home, I decided that I'd had enough. I wanted him dead. I drew upon my knowledge of science and the brain to create a concoction that would give him an intracerebral aneurysm. The next morning, when I made him breakfast, I put it in his coffee. I couldn't watch him drink it so I went to my room, ashamed of what I had done. But I had to do it.
"When I came out, I saw that Theodore hadn't drunk the coffee, Mabel had. When she passed out due to the pressure on her brain, he took her to the hospital and she slipped into a coma. She hung on to life for three days, but when the aneurysm burst they knew she wouldn't make it, so they took the baby out and let Mabel die.
"I had killed my own best friend. I was so distraught that I told Matthew what I did. I had to get it off my chest. Theodore overheard and attacked me. He would have killed me if Matthew wasn't there. Theodore never forgave me for Mabel's death, and he has made me pay for it every day for eighteen years."
It was all coming together now. "Wait, Mother, are you saying that Matthew is my father?"
She kept going without answering my question directly. "The night Matthew…left, Theodore had come home unexpectedly and caught us in bed together. He shot Matthew in the shoulder and threatened to kill me if Matthew didn't leave forever. That’s why Matthew left. When Theodore learned I was pregnant again, he knew it was Matthew's and he beat me until I lost the baby."
"Matthew never knew about you. Neither did Theodore. He never knew you were Matthew's child. I was just trying to protect you. I don't know what he would have done if he found out. He already hated you enough because you were my child."
"Matthew is my father." I kept repeating the phrase over and over.
"Yes," my mother answered, thinking it was a question. Really, I was just trying to convince myself.
"That means me and Ruthie aren’t related!"
"You don't share a drop of blood."
I was so happy I felt like I could fly. I jumped up to run out to my truck, but then I remembered that I hadn't found out what happened here.
"Mother, where is Fath...where is he?"
"He's dead."
"What happened to him?" Just then I saw Matthew come in the back door with a shovel.
"Don't tell him anything. The less he knows, the safer he is." Matthew, my father, approached me and touched my face. "I'm so sorry, Stephen. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. I didn't know." He grabbed me and hugged me tight, like a father should. "I always wanted you to be mine."
I cried like I had never cried before. I wasn
't crying out of despair and grief, the only kind of emotions I had known recently. I cried tears of joy and relief. I cried for a life of pain that was now in the past. I would never have to know that kind of pain again.
Chapter 28
"Oh, my God," Lieutenant Drake said. "So all this time you and Ruthie weren't related at all?"
I shook my head.
“Matthew is your father?”
I nodded.
“It makes sense now. What you said earlier about there being no childhood pictures of Matthew. Why would there be? He wasn’t there as a child.” He leaned back in the chair and scratched his head. "Weren't you mad at your mother? You wasted two years of your life because you believed a lie."
I shrugged. "My mother has her own set of issues to deal with. I could never be angry with her."
Lieutenant Drake put his elbows on the table and massaged his temples with his fingers. "So where is she now? Where is your mother?" he asked.
"I don't know. After we cleaned up as best we could and explained everything to Ruthie, Matthew and my mother drove away in one direction, Ruthie and I in the other. I have no idea where they went or which one of them actually killed my father. It could have been both. I still wish it was me though. I wish I'd had the satisfaction of killing him."
Lt. Drake leaned back in his seat again and studied me. After a few moments he leaned forward again and said, "So let's say I believe you. Let's say you give me some leads on where I can find your...parents and I let you go. What do you plan on doing?"
I stared at him in disbelief. Was it possible he would just let Ruthie and me go? We wouldn't be tried as accomplices or anything? "I, um, well." I tried to hold back my excitement over the possibility. Ruthie and I made sure to not get too hopeful about our future. We had eluded the police for four, well, five days, but during that time we had feared the worst. Even though we hoped we could be together and overcome the trauma of our teenage years, we also knew we faced the possibility of jail time. We had just been involved in a murder.
"Well, um, the first chance I get I guess I'll marry Ruthie. After that...I don't know. I guess we'll just try to be happy. That's not an emotion we're used to."
I stared out the window so my face wouldn't betray my emotions. I didn't want him to see how desperate I was.
The sun was rising and the city was just waking up. I wondered if Ruthie was waking up, as well.
Lt. Drake sighed. "You hang tight. I'll be right back."
A few minutes later I heard the door of the interrogation room creak open. I kept looking out the window. I knew I would be able to tell with one look whether the lieutenant was going to let me go or not. I didn't want to turn around yet and face possible disappointment. But it wasn't Lieutenant Drake who had entered the room.
"Stephen?"
The sound of Ruthie's voice made my skin tingle. I leapt from the chair and folded her into my arms.
"Are you okay, Stephen?"
I nodded. Now that she was in my arms, I was more than okay.
"They're letting us go," she whispered in my ear.
I pulled away from our embrace and stared at her. "Are you serious?" I asked, wiping a tear from her eyes.
She nodded. "What did you tell them?"
I hugged her tightly again. "Shh," I whispered into her hair. "Don't say anything. The walls have ears."
Just then, the door swung open. Lieutenant Drake and the fat, smelly officer that had begun the interview nine hours ago entered. My arm tightened around Ruthie's waist as I remembered how he called her a nigger.
"You two are free to go," Lieutenant Drake said. The other officer let out a sigh and rolled his eyes. "Tom, we already discussed this. It's my call."
"And it's the wrong call," Tom said. "I don't buy it. I just don't buy it. They know more." He stared at us as if he could see through us and into our souls. I wanted to get out of that room as soon as possible, but for some reason I felt frozen in place. I couldn't move. I continued my staring match with the officer named Tom until Ruthie nudged me in the back. Finally, I put one foot in front of the other and with Ruthie's hand in mine, I walked toward the door.
Tom didn't move as we approached him. He kept staring at us as Ruthie squeezed past his big belly. When we were finally past him and in the hallway, Lieutenant Drake called my name.
"You kids take care," he said handing me a business card. "If there's anything I can do for you, let me know."
I slid the card in my back pocket. I probably should have said thank you or something, but it slipped my mind. All I could think about was getting out of that police station and starting my new life with Ruthie. I led her to the parking lot where we found my pickup truck. I opened her door for her, then ran around to the other side.
After I slid into the driver's seat we both sat in stunned silence for a moment.
Finally, I started the car and pulled out of the parking space.
"I can't believe they're letting us go," Ruthie said a few minutes later as we pulled onto the interstate. "I can't believe they bought that story."
"Every word." I leaned over and kissed her.
"So, we're off the hook? They're gonna leave us alone for good?"
I grabbed her hand and squeezed.
"What do you say we go get married or something?"
Ruthie smiled broadly. "Let's do it."
"We have to hurry up and get out of town first. It's only going to take a couple of hours before they realize Matthew never existed."
Epilogue
What Really Happened
A lot of what I told Lieutenant Drake was true. My father was abusive, my mother was a basket case, and I've been in love with Ruthie for as long as I can remember. But that's about it. I never had a dog; I'm allergic. I slipped up and told Lieutenant Drake that I was allergic to pets, but thankfully, he didn’t catch it. More importantly, though, I never had a brother. What I do have is a sister, Ruthie.
People like Matthew just don’t exist. Someone that inherently good? That kind of sunshine couldn’t possibly be real. I was surprised I could even dream him up in my mind. Thankfully, I had Ruthie and her imagination to help me.
Julius was real. He was my only friend besides Ruthie and he was there when I needed him. He’s also the person who planted the seed of an idea that I should just run away with Ruthie. It took two years for that seed to take root in my mind, but after it did, there was nothing that would stop me from making it happen. Especially not my father.
I honestly have no idea about my mother's past. I guess what I said about her life is possible, but I really have no idea. She would never share something like that with me. My mother has never spoken more than ten words at a time to me in her entire life. Ruthie and I argued for hours about my mother’s part of the story. I thought it sounded ridiculous that neither of us would notice she was the same age as Matthew. But in the end she convinced me that adults underestimate children all the time. She was right. Lieutenant Drake never even questioned that part of the story.
For two years I blamed myself and lived in shame for the inappropriate feelings I had for my half sister. But when she came back for Adelaide's wedding, all that shame vanished. I didn't care anymore. I had to have her. It wasn't fair that we could never be happy just because of circumstances that occurred before we were even born.
At the wedding reception Julius once again told me I should just run away with Ruthie. “Don’t think about the half that’s related,” he said. “Concentrate on the half that ain’t.” His advice stuck. I whispered his words to Ruthie as we held each other on that dance floor. That’s when we decided we had to be together no matter what.
I only intended to go home for a second. I thought maybe I could convince my mother to come with us. I didn't want to leave her alone with him. But if she refused, I wasn't going to let that stop me. I would say goodbye to my mother and move on with my life.
Five minutes would have made all the difference. Ruthie and I would have been gone be
fore my father arrived and we would never be seen again. But as it happened, just when we stepped off the front porch to head to my truck, my father’s white Cadillac pulled up.
He blocked my truck with his car and hopped out. "Where do you think you're going with my daughter?" he said, approaching me. Ruthie clutched my shirt and hid behind me.
"Get in the truck, Ruthie," I said, gently pushing her. Slowly she inched away.
I wasn't afraid or angry. Amazingly, I was completely calm. Like his behavior had no effect on me. I was determined to be with Ruthie.
"You can't do this," he said. "This is disgusting. It's an abomination."
"You're the abomination," I said.
He had raised his hand to strike me when I heard a sudden “thunk.” He froze. His eyes went blank and he collapsed to the ground.
I looked up and saw Ruthie standing over my father, our father, with a shovel.
My mother, who was standing behind me on the porch, started screaming wildly.
"Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God." Ruthie dropped the shovel and covered her mouth.
I stepped over my father's body and gathered her in my arms. "Shh. It's okay. Shh."
"I'm so sorry. I just couldn't stand to see him hurt you again. What have I done? I didn't mean to kill him," she said, burying her face into my chest.
He wasn't dead. I saw his eyes blink as blood started to drip from his lips.
"Go inside. Take my mother inside the house," I told Ruthie.
"Oh my God, Stephen. What did I do?"
"Shh. Just go inside. I'll take care of this."
Ruthie obeyed and tried to guide my now-hysterical mother inside the house.
I stayed outside and stared at my father's bloodied face. His life was slowly drifting out of him. I picked up the shovel and finished what Ruthie had started.
My mother never did calm down. She would never be the same. We loaded her in the car and drove her to a mental institution in West Virginia. Then Ruthie and I kept driving. On the way, we concocted the story about Matthew just in case we were caught. A simple busted tail light is what landed us in that police station in Chicago. And once they found out who I was, I was arrested and the interrogation began.
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