by Chase Connor
“Squee.” I nodded. “I like it. You’re absolutely a ‘Loganberry,’ broseph.”
“What does Old Man Weissman call you, Coop?” A.J. asked.
“My fucking name,” I replied. “Cooper. Or ‘son’ sometimes, I guess. What do your parents call you? Anthony or James? Or Anthony James?”
Logan sputtered with laughter as I turned to find A.J. glowering at me. Alex laughed nervously, obviously wondering if I was taking mine and A.J.’s antagonistic game a little too far.
“You’re a dick, Coop.”
“Oh, calm down.” I turned to smile at him. “I think you look like an A.J. anyway, so it’s all good.”
A.J. smiled back, obviously not offended by my teasing. The four of us settled into a comfortable silence as I reached over to grab Alex’s hand since he was only steering with one. Actually, I had seen his hand laid on the console between us for several miles, and I knew he had wanted me to hold it. At first, I had ignored it, hoping he would do the safe thing and put both hands on the wheel. However, it was clear that he wasn’t going to be happy until I laced my fingers through his, so I did just that. Alex’s smile was wide and immediate, and he pulled my hand up to his mouth to kiss as he stared out at the road.
“But, like,” Logan chirped from the backseat, “where are we on the whole lunch thing?”
An hour later, we had found an acceptable café where Logan could get a burger and fries since small-town New Hampshire isn’t known for its selection of fast food joints with drive-thru windows. While Alex and I took the time to stretch our legs and walk a little bit, Logan and A.J. went into the café and ordered enough burgers and fries to feed an army. Which was a pretty good analogy for the two of them. When we climbed back into the car, Logan and A.J. began scarfing down their food in the backseat. In the front seat, I alternated between taking bites of my fries and burger and holding food up to Alex’s mouth for him to get a bite to eat. I had suggested to Alex that we could take turns driving, but he was reticent to let anyone drive his new SUV. Even me. The car had been a graduation present from his parents, so he was being extra careful with it.
Every few minutes Alex, would take the opportunity to remind the idiots in the back seat to not get ketchup everywhere. He was responded to with a series of grunts, smacks, and loud chewing noises followed by laughter. After lunch on the run, Alex took his turn with the Bluetooth and began playing Hug of Thunder by Broken Social Scene. It didn’t make A.J. entirely happy, but he deemed it better music than what I had been playing. Rolling my eyes was the only response he got out of me since I was too full and lethargic to put any energy into playing our little game once more.
Then we were driving through White Mountain National Forest, and we settled into a comfortable silence once more. All of us were more concerned with watching the scenery than we were with antagonizing each other or holding conversations about trivial things. I had always felt that living in Vermont was such a boring existence, far removed from so many things going on in the world. Removed from a lot of culture and experiences that people in bigger cities had ready access to all day long. Driving through White Mountain National Forest reminded me that being a short drive from the wonders of nature was a culture in and of itself. Being silent with your three best friends as you take in the beauty that Earth provided had no equal.
As we exited the forest, Logan made a suggestion that we take a slight detour so that we could see Lake Winnipesaukee. The rest of us agree wholeheartedly, so Alex rerouted the GPS, and we were off on another adventure. It was still early in the day, not quite noon, and we had less than two hours left to drive to the beach house, so a side trip was not out of the question. As Alex turned off of Highway 93 onto Highway 3, detouring us to the lake, Logan chirped from the back:
“I’m going to Kennebunkport, and I’m taking Alex.”
The rest of us laughed.
“No one wants to play that game, dude.” Alex shook his head.
“I’m going to Kennebunkport, and I’m taking bags and Alex,” I answered, just to be contrary to Alex.
He looked over at me with a grin.
“That’s not the ‘b’ word I would have used,” A.J. mumbled from the back.
Once again, we were all laughing uproariously.
Lake Winnipesaukee, as seen from a moving vehicle driving along highways 3, 118, and 11 is not too bad to look at, really. The four of us rolled down our windows and let the cool breeze ruffle our hair and air out the burger smell from the car as we rode along, staring out at the water, trees, and small lake towns we passed. Something about driving along the shore of the lake, taking in the views, seeing the resort towns just coming alive for the summer, and enjoying the breeze made our summer road trip even more authentic. There’s something about wearing sunglasses and the summer breeze in your hair that heralds the arrival of the season like nothing else. And when you can share it with your best friends, it’s a little slice of Heaven.
Driving by the lake added over an hour to our travel time, but for once, no one in the car complained. We had to drive all of the way down to Rochester to the 202 connection back to Highway 99, but it had been worth it. Between stopping for breakfast at the drive-thru at McDonald’s, stopping for an early lunch so Logan’s blood sugar didn’t plummet, and driving by the lake, our three-and-a-half-hour-long trip turned into six hours. None of us were complaining when we pulled up into the driveway outside of the beach house, though. We were all invigorated, excited, and electrified by the sight of the ocean just beyond the road in front of the house.
“All right, guys.” Logan was bouncing on the balls of his feet as he slid out of the back of the SUV. “I’m going to run up to get the keys to the house. Anyone want to come with?”
“I’ll come with you, sexy.” A.J. volunteered.
Alex grabbed my hand and pulled me closer.
“We’ll wait here for you guys.” He announced as I wrapped my arms around his middle and held him firmly to me. “Maybe we’ll smooch a bit or something.”
“Or something?” I questioned.
“You never know what could happen, babe.” He retorted, wiggling his eyebrows at me.
“That’s gross as shit,” A.J. stated blandly. “All right. We’ll be back in a minute then.”
Logan and A.J. both made “whoop” noises and took off dashing in the direction of what I suspected was the rental property management office. I left one of my arms around Alex as I reached into my pocket to pull my cell phone out. I began tapping out a text to my dad with my thumb as Alex held me to him and stared out at the ocean and breathed deeply.
“Checking in with daddy?” Alex teased.
“You called me daddy last night.” I quipped. “People in glass houses, babe.”
Alex sputtered with laughter as I stuffed my phone back into my pocket. Dad hadn’t explicitly told me that I had to check in immediately upon arriving at the beach house, but he had gently suggested it. I was no fool. That meant that he fully expected me to check in once we got there and once a day after that until I was home. If he had his way, I would be calling him when I woke up each morning and before I went to bed each night. He was used to seeing me first and last thing each day, so my trip was a strange event for both of us. We’d never really been separated from each other, except when I had spent weekends at Alex’s house.
“Don’t say that in front of A.J., please,” Alex grumbled, though there was humor in it. “I’ll never hear the end of it.”
“I would never dream of telling him your deep dark secret, my love.” I cooed.
Alex pinched my side with a laugh, and I snuggled into his side once again as we stared out at the ocean as the early afternoon sun beamed down on us. Standing there in front of the beach house, looking out at the waves and the sun sparkling on their crests, the sound of seagulls and tasting the salt in the air, I felt peace. Somewhere, deep down, I wished that Dad was present to share the moment with, but I knew that I had to stop letting my life revolve arou
nd my relationship with my father. In a few short months, the two of us would be separated for several months on end for four years. At the very least. Who knew if I’d end up trying to get a graduate or doctorate? I had to start, at that moment, to see myself as autonomous from him.
“Do you think it’ll be like this in California?” Alex asked? “On the weekends we’ll drive out to the beach and hold each other and feel the breeze, taste the salty air, and just be happy?”
“We’ll have plenty of that, I’m sure.”
“Don’t sound too happy about it, babe.” Alex was only partially kidding.
Chuckling, I just hugged him more tightly to me as I stared out at the ocean. Knowing that I was going to spend two weeks in a house where I could walk across a street and be right on the beach made me grin from ear to ear. I had never been far from a beach at home since Lake Champlain was so close, but having the ocean right outside your door sure makes a guy feel fancy. I found myself wishing again that my dad could be with me. Of course, that made me feel less fancy and more pathetic since any teenage guy should feel privileged to spend two weeks alone with his boyfriend in a rented beach house.
Of course, that only made me think about whether or not my brain was trying to tell me something about my heart. Why would I be wishing that I could be spending the two weeks with my dad when I was with Alex? I loved Alex. We had a beach house for two weeks. Things were perfect. Right? I felt a stone in my gut and something in my heart as I considered these thoughts. In a few months, the two of us would be heading to California to attend the same college. We’d even requested and been approved as dormmates. Was everything we were planning just one big mistake? Had we acted impulsively as young, inexperienced high school students blinded by the idea of love and sex?
Alex gave me a squeeze.
“Whatcha thinkin’ about, sexy?”
I’ve never been one to mince words.
“Do you think we’ll be together forever?” I asked gently.
“I hope so.” He replied automatically.
“Wow.” I teased. “Love your confidence.”
“Cooper,” Alex chuckled as he kissed the top of my head, “you’re too fucking smart for me to say things about ‘destiny’ or ‘fate’ or how we’re ‘meant to be.’ Your brain lives in the real world—and you know how it works.”
“Meaning?”
“I’m going to do everything I can to make you love me forever.” He explained. “And I know you’ll do the same. But I am not going to lie to you and tell you that love will always be easy.”
His hold on me weakened.
“I mean,” He was squeezing me again, ‘love is easy. Relationships are hard work. I promise to put in the work.”
I looked up at my boyfriend.
“I’ll work hard, too.”
He just smiled at me.
“You’ll have to work harder.” He said. “I mean, I’m a lot to have to deal with. And your old man haaaaaaaates me.”
I laughed as I pulled away. “He doesn’t hate you.”
Alex reached out to grab my hand as we stood facing each other.
“He hates me, babe.” He nodded. “Like, down to my fucking bones.”
“Okay.” I shrugged. “He hates you. But only because he thinks you don’t understand how different you and I are—that you don’t appreciate it.”
Alex frowned. “Is this because we’re not the same shade?”
“That is one way to put it.” I wasn’t unamused.
I mean,” He started to shrug, realized how dismissive the movement would be, and stopped himself, “no. I don’t fully understand what it means to be black, babe. But it doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t be allowed to try and become more woke.”
“More woke?” I cocked my head to the side. “Woker? Which is correct? Slang terms never follow traditional rules of grammar.”
“Let’s go with ‘woker,’ babe. It’s more fun to say.”
I squeezed his hand with a smile.
“Are you trying to tell me that you’ll eventually decide to dump my dumbass,” He asked, “or are you going to let me keep trying every day to be the man you want to be with forever?”
“I just want to know that you want the same things as me,” I said. “And that you’ll get woker, of course. Because I don’t plan to keep my mouth shut for fear that your dad will get pissed off at me.”
Alex dropped my hand and rolled his eyes.
“Not this shit again.” He grumbled. “I don’t want to talk about my dad or Dextrus, okay?”
“How woke of you.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Cooper, why are you raggin’ on my dad?” Alex sighed. “He didn’t do anything wrong by you.”
I just stared at Alex. My first instinct was to tear into him about the fact that while his father hadn’t done anything to me, he sure wasn’t do anything right. He wasn’t fighting against the board when it came to trying to make Dextrus more diverse. His father wasn’t standing up for me when it came to my speech at commencement. He also failed to mention that when I gave my speech, I hadn’t thrown his father under the bus by mentioning that I had a connection to him through his son. I had done the right thing but hadn’t tried to take anyone down with me. My heart just wasn’t in it. It was too early in the summer, and I was too tired from four years at Dextrus Academy, blending in as best I could, to have a real fight with Alex.
“Look,” I held my hands out, “I don’t want to fight, Alex. I just want to get our stuff in the house, smooch a bit, dry hump, go surfing with Logan, eat seafood, and then have sex like rabbits before bed. I don’t want to talk about your dad, either.”
“Fine,” Alex stated sharply, then his expression softened. “Okay. I’m sorry. I want those things, too.”
“Good.” I did my best to smile.
Then we both turned back to look at the ocean while we waited on Logan and A.J. to return. But our hands didn’t seek each other out.
Chapter 4
Logan
Cooper and Alex went to their bedroom immediately once we got into the beach house. A.J. and I had to wait around the rental property manager’s office for quite a while due to the fact that my father had to be called. Because A.J. and I looked so young—because we are—they called my dad to inform him that if we destroyed things, he would be liable. From what I could tell, my dad had agreed, but also let the manager know that his son was no hoodlum or asshole. The manager kept glancing at me while listening to the phone and saying things like “no sir” and “of course” and “I didn’t mean to imply.” It was kind of funny but also annoying. I mean, I understand that when someone sees a group of four teenage guys, they assume the worst. Especially when they all look like privileged asshole frat boys. But that just wasn’t us. I tried to show empathy, though. The manager had properties to be protective of, and he also had to take a lecture from my dad, so I kind of felt bad for him. My dad is a pretty easy going, easy to love guy, but he can also tear someone a new asshole if the need arises. Regardless, we got the keys and ran back to the beach house, and Alex and Cooper went straight to their room.
A.J. grinned lasciviously at me when the two of them walked hurriedly down the hallway to their room, but they didn’t close the door. They simply started unpacking. That made A.J. turn to me with a shrug and push me towards our bedroom at the other end of the hall. Unlike Alex and Cooper, he shut and locked our door behind us. Because, in his words, he wanted to show me his appreciation for the free beach house. I can’t say that I minded the way he let me lay back while he showed me his “appreciation,” either. When he was done and crawling up my body to kiss me, I was almost too relaxed to unpack and beg everyone to hit the beach with me.
Fortunately, A.J. and me taking time to “appreciate” each other gave Cooper and Logan enough time to unpack their bags. By the time we left our room, and I announced we had to hit the beach, Cooper responded with excitement. It took less time for Cooper to get into his wetsuit, simply because he
had already unpacked and his suit was available. It took me a little bit longer to find mine and shimmy into it. A.J. zipped me up while explaining that he was going to sit on the beach and watch Cooper and me surf. When we met the guys in the living room, it was apparent that Alex had the same plan as A.J. in mind. However, we still untied all four surfboards off of the top of Alex’s SUV before we headed to the beach. Two went into the beach house, Cooper and I both clasped one under each of our arms.
The four of us made our way down to the beach at what seemed a march, Cooper and I in the lead, laughing and joking, excited to see if we could get any waves. Our boyfriends trailed behind, walking side by side, laughing and joking, and for a few moments, I felt like we were still walking the halls of Dextrus. A.J. and Alex were best friends, and Cooper and I were best friends. When it came to love—and the physical things that went with that—we had to pair up differently. When it came to friendship, we drifted in different directions. It was kind of nice being there in Maine and feeling like nothing had changed. Things being the same made it almost possible to forget that in a few months, things would be very different.
Just thinking about summer ending made my stomach feel like a bottomless pit with a pebble free-falling into it.
Alex and A.J. plopped down in the sand on the beach, sitting in the lotus position to talk and crack jokes while Cooper and I dashed out into the water with our boards under our arms. Somehow, Cooper beat me to the water and had laid his board out, before jumping on top. He laid down and started paddling out towards the horizon as I laughed and hustled to catch up with him. My scrawny friend took to everything he tried in a near-supernatural way, never failing to amaze me at how he just understood things after very little instruction. Paddling as fast as I could, I finally caught up and overtook Cooper, making him laugh and try even harder to paddle away from shore. Finally, we both got far enough out into the relatively calm water and slowly turned back towards shore.
Once the two of us were parallel to each other, we sat up on our boards, straddling them like horses, breathing heavy and laughing as we looked over at each other. Cooper smiled widely as I held a hand out towards him in a fist, which he bumped with his own. The two of us settled down and caught our breath, both of us turning to look up at our boyfriends half a football field’s length away from us. Two arms rose from the beach, waving wildly out at us. Cooper and I waved back before settling into sitting on our boards, waiting on a decent wave to ride back toward shore. Just so we could do it all over again.