Okay, get it together.
She transferred her gaze to the woman, whose friendly smile widened. She came forward, and the hand she held was as slender and fine as a bird’s wing.
“So nice to meet you, Claire.”
Her name had come out sounding like Clai-air. So Southern it made her crave pralines and cream, even though she’d never had them before.
“Nice to meet you.”
The hand that shook her own slipped from her gasp. She saw the woman’s smile falter a bit, saw something else, too, something both familiar and heartbreaking.
Sadness.
It clung to the woman like an old dress.
It hit her then who she was. Trevor’s widow. Janus’s old handler. No wonder...
“Mrs.—” Goodness. She’d completely forgotten his best friend’s last name. “Ma’am,” she quickly amended. “I’m so sorry about your loss.”
The woman’s eyes sparked in a way that silently tried to reassure her. “Thank you.”
“You were married to Trevor?”
They both turned to Adam, who still stood near the door, watching the scene with curiosity in his eyes.
“I was.” Naomi smiled at her son. “And you must be Adam.”
Her son nodded. “Dr. Ethan told me you have kids.”
“I do.” She glanced back at Claire. “They’re with their grandparents this weekend. I was hoping I can keep what we’re doing here a secret. I don’t want them disappointed if it doesn’t work out.”
So she wasn’t expecting to just take the dog. The words had the ability to drain the tension from Claire’s shoulders. “You want to go see him?”
The woman took a deep breath and Claire realized how hard this would be for her. She’d never had a handler’s widow show up for a dog. It was a first for her and something she knew wouldn’t be easy.
Adam had lurched forward. He opened the door. Claire watched as Ethan went to Naomi and lightly touched her arm, the silent gesture of support making her look away for a moment. Did he have a thing for his best friend’s widow? But the moment she thought it she dismissed it. Ethan wasn’t the type to do something like that. He had clearly loved his friend, and that love extended to his friend’s widow, nothing more.
It was chilly outside for a midsummer day. The fog had reached its silky fingers inland, hovering over the hills all day and hanging high overhead. A sheen of moisture clung to the roses along the front of her house even though it was late afternoon, the smell of dank earth and wet leaves filling the air. It was a comforting smell. The smell of her childhood back before her mother had died and everything had gone to hell.
“Nice place,” Naomi said.
No. Not really. Some of her sister-in-law’s clients had nice homes. Big homes. Her home was small and out in the middle of nowhere but it was all her own. She didn’t have a mortgage and she didn’t have to worry about neighbors complaining about her dogs, and in the years since she’d taken it over she had made it her own. She’d been the one to plant the roses. Had laid down a cobblestone pathway to the door. She’d even added a sprinkler system that watered twin patches of grass on either side of the stones. Between a widow’s pension and her work as a freelance graphic artist, it all came together. The dogs, CPR, that was all a labor of love. A time-consuming labor, but as she watched Trevor’s widow walk toward Janus, it reminded her that it was all worth it. She knew immediately which dog had been her husband’s because her eyes had settled upon Janus sitting in the middle of his dog run, ears pricked forward. The other dogs paced. Some barked. A few peeked out from their kennels. Well, all but Thor. Janus simply sat there and stared, and Claire knew that Naomi had met the dog many times before.
“Did you want me to bring him out?” she asked.
“Sure.”
They all stopped near the corner of the dog runs. Claire headed for the tool shed to grab a leash.
“I’ll help,” Adam said. Her son ran ahead to open the chain-link door.
“Adam, no—”
Janus didn’t hesitate. He burst past her son so fast he nearly knocked him down. He nearly knocked Claire off her feet, too.
“Janus, hier,” Claire called.
But the dog was on a mission. Claire watched as he made a beeline for Naomi, rearing back when he was a couple feet away, Claire crying out, “No,” right as Janus thrust two big paws through the air.
Naomi didn’t miss a beat. She opened her arms, welcoming the dog paws on her pretty pink shirt, sinking to the ground at the same time she buried her head in the dog’s black fur.
“Janus,” she heard Naomi say, but in a voice thick with tears. The dog wiggled free, licking tears off Naomi’s face, his tail wagging so hard, it rocked his whole back end and Claire started to smile. Naomi scrubbed her fingers through the dog’s fur and Claire realized she still wore her wedding ring, the sight making her throat tighten. Janus had become so excited he made little yelping noises.
“Wow,” Adam said.
Claire wiped tears from her face. Yeah, wow. No question that the dog recognized the woman, and that she held a special place in the canine’s heart. The mate of his former master, and he loved her the way his master had no doubt loved her.
“I guess Janus has a new home.”
“No,” Adam said. “Janus is going home.”
Chapter Twelve
A match made in heaven, Ethan thought, watching as Naomi signed her name with a flourish.
“And that’s all there is to it,” Claire said with a huge smile, one that made it seem she might be on the edge of tears.
“Congratulations,” Ethan offered with a grin of his own.
It was a smile Naomi returned, the first smile he’d seen on her face since he’d returned to the States. “The kids are going to be so excited.”
“I’m sure they are,” Claire agreed. “You can bring them out here when you pick up Janus.”
“Are you kidding? I’m going to surprise them.”
She probably didn’t mean to, but Claire finally glanced in his direction, her smile slipping a notch, and Ethan wondered if he’d pushed her too far the other day. He should have never gotten on her case about her son. He didn’t regret kissing her, though. That had been the highlight of his week.
“Did you want to stay for dinner?” Claire asked with what Ethan knew was a polite smile.
“No, no.” Naomi shook her head so that her red hair fell behind her shoulders. “I’ll be back tomorrow with a proper kennel for Janus.” Her eyes slid away from Claire and settled on him. “Walk me out?”
“Sure.” He smiled at Claire, observing the way she couldn’t quite look him in the eyes. “I’ll be right back.”
“Wait. Is she leaving?” Adam came rushing out of the family room, where he’d been playing a video game. He didn’t have his ball cap on and Ethan noticed his hair had really started to come back in. He looked like a regular kid.
“I am,” Naomi answered.
The little boy didn’t wait for permission before racing up to his new friend and giving her a hug. Naomi looked up at them awkwardly before patting the boy on his head.
“Thank you for taking Janus,” Adam mumbled into her shirt. “He’s going to be so much happier back with his family.”
Naomi looked close to tears all of a sudden. She leaned down and hugged Adam back. “I think he will be, too.”
When she straightened he could tell she was touched by Adam’s words. Her smile was warm when she glanced in Claire’s direction. “Thanks for taking such great care of my husband’s dog.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I’ll be back tomorrow.”
Ethan held the door as Naomi slipped past. They both stepped out into the dank, evening air. It seemed like hours since they’d gone out to
the kennel to see Janus, but it’d been less than two. The sun had begun to sink behind the mountains, and because it was overcast, it was darker than he expected. Clouds still hung overhead, but it wasn’t so dark that he couldn’t see his friend’s face.
“I’ll arrange for someone to check his wounds for you.”
“That would be great.”
“Although he’s healing nicely.”
She nodded. “He’s had excellent care.”
“Yes, he has.”
Naomi peeked up at him. “She’s a nice lady.”
Ethan nodded. “Yes, she is.”
“With a lot on her plate.”
“Yup. Just like someone else I know.”
She paused near the edge of the yard, if one wanted to call the tiny patch outside Claire’s house a yard. There were no boundaries, just a patch of grass that faded into burned pasture.
“She’s strong,” Naomi said. “Stronger than me.”
“I think you’re both pretty remarkable.”
“Nah. At least my two kids are healthy.”
His smile fell. “Yeah. She’s been through a lot.”
Naomi glanced back at the house, sadness in her eyes. “I look at her, and what she’s been through, and I think, stop feeling sorry for yourself.”
“She makes me feel the same way.”
“She brings it all into perspective. I miss Trevor so much, but I didn’t go through the horrors of watching my kid suffer through chemo and radiation and God knows what else all the while trying to hold my life together. And before that, what she went through with her husband. Claire Reynolds deserves a medal.”
She was right, and it made him think that maybe that was why his anxiety had improved even if the bad dreams hadn’t. What did he have to be afraid of compared to what she’d been through? That day when she’d climbed aboard the horse despite the bad memories they evoked. Selfless. That’s what it’d been. She lived each day for her son, and for the dogs she rescued, and in honor of the man she’d been married to. He wouldn’t be much of a man if he couldn’t do the same.
“I don’t know that she thinks of herself as heroic,” Ethan said. “I think she’s just taking it day by day.”
“Aren’t we all?”
He looked into Naomi’s blue eyes, searching her face, for what he didn’t know. Approval, maybe.
Approval for what? he wondered.
That he’d done okay. That he hadn’t let Trevor down. That she wasn’t angry with him or disappointed or that she didn’t blame him in some way for her husband’s death.
“Ethan?”
He hadn’t even realized he stared at the ground or that he’d stuffed his hands in his pockets. His hands had started to shake again, but for a different reason this time. He felt the guilt so much more acutely now that he stood in front of her. When she’d gotten out of the car earlier and he’d seen her for the first time since...
“You okay?”
He sucked in a deep breath of air, forced himself to stand tall and proud as he asked, “Do you blame me?” He pulled his hands from his pocket, though his fingers flexed over and over again into a fist. “For what happened to Trevor?”
Her whole face registered surprise, from the parting of her lips to the widening of her blue eyes. She reached out and grabbed his forearm. “Oh, my Lord, Ethan, no.” She gave his arm a squeeze. “You had no control over that.”
He knew that. Deep down inside. He just couldn’t seem to stop himself from thinking that way. At night his mind went over it again and again. What if he hadn’t delayed those few minutes to check on his canine patients? What if he’d insisted Trevor wait for him? What if he’d been the first one to leave?
“You haven’t been blaming yourself, have you?” she asked, her hand tightening even more.
He shrugged. Her hand fell away, but he didn’t escape her gaze. “No.” Yes. Deep down inside he supposed he did. “Maybe.”
She drew up straight. “Would it surprise you to learn that I do, too?”
He saw how seriously she meant the words by the way her gaze held his own. She even nodded before glancing down at the ground.
“Every night as I lie in bed trying to sleep I wonder if he’d still be alive if I hadn’t pressured him to get out.” A strand of her hair had fallen next to her cheek. He watched as she tucked it back behind her ear. “Did he tell you about our big fight?”
He shook his head. All he’d ever heard from Trevor was what a saint his wife was. How much she meant to him. How much he loved her.
“We got in a big argument the last time he deployed. I said some things. He said some things. We got over it, of course. I made peace with his decision. Told myself that whatever he decided to do when this last tour was up, I’d be okay with it. And then he called me and told me he was coming home and I realized he did remember our argument and I was so excited—”
She shook her head and closed her eyes, and Ethan knew she was on the verge of tears. He moved toward her, pulling her into his arms. “Shh. It’s okay.”
She wiggled out of his grasp. “No. It’s not okay. It’s taken me the past few weeks to admit that it wasn’t my fault at all. It was the rotten bastards that attacked your base. But the fact is he had a dangerous job, and I knew that, I should never have added to his stress...”
“No.”
“Then you need to stop feeling guilty, too. I know I have.” She wiped at her eyes with the heel of her hand. “You still have the dreams?”
He’d told her about them at Trevor’s funeral. “A little.” She tipped her head sideways. “Okay, a lot.”
She wiped at her other eye. “What a pair we are.” She turned and stared at Janus. The dog peered over at them, unblinkingly, watching her. It was uncanny. He hadn’t seen Trevor’s wife in months and yet he remembered.
“And that woman in there would be good for you.” She pointed to the house. “I can tell.”
He didn’t comment. What was the point? She’d clearly read his feelings for Claire on his face.
“You’re going to need to push her, though.”
“You think?”
“She’s going to be a tough nut to crack.”
That was an understatement.
“Sick kid. Dead husband. Sucky past. It’s a wonder she hasn’t sworn off the human race entirely.”
“I’ve been thinking lately maybe I should just give her some space. Get my own head screwed on straight before I ask her out on a date or something. Hell. I’m not exactly ready for a relationship, either.”
“Yes, you are.” She glanced at the house again, smiled. “Trevor and I used to talk about it all the time. I wanted to introduce you to some of my friends. He told me no. He said you wouldn’t be ready to settle down until you left the Army.”
“Settle down?” Whoa, whoa, whoa. “I like her, but I wouldn’t go that far.”
“Keep telling yourself that, solider.”
He drew back. No. She had it all wrong. He understood Claire. Hell, he didn’t deny he was attracted to her. He definitely wanted to date her. When he was ready. When they were both ready.
“Naomi, I don’t even know which way is up right now. The last thing I need is a woman in my life.”
“Trevor would tell you not to let a little thing like that stop you.”
Trevor would have loved Claire.
“You’re ex-Army. A combat veteran. If you want her, go after her. That’s what Trevor would tell you.”
“Hoo rah,” he muttered under his breath, thinking about the woman inside the house and what she might mean to him.
“Hoo rah,” she echoed with a small smile. “So go get her, soldier.”
* * *
THEY WERE OUT there a long time.
Claire resisted the
urge to go to the window and look outside. Whatever they were talking about, it must have been serious, because when Ethan finally came back in, he seemed distracted.
“I’m headed back to my place.” He smiled, but it was a weak one.
She used her front door to hold him at bay, the taillights of his friend’s car fading down the road.
“You going to walk in the dark?”
“It’s not all the way dark yet,” he said, his gaze moving past her as if searching for Adam. “Besides, I could really use fresh air right now.”
She nodded, suddenly as awkward as a duck in a swimming pool. “Then I guess I’ll see you later.”
“Tomorrow,” he quickly amended, half turning and watching Naomi disappear down the road, too.
“Tomorrow?” she echoed stupidly.
He turned back to face her. “When Naomi picks up Janus and then later, at the rodeo.”
The rodeo. Heavens to Betsy, she’d completely forgotten about that. Tomorrow night the annual Via Del Caballo Rodeo started. It was Think Pink night, too. Adam would be doing his own version of a rodeo act—riding her sister-in-law’s horse without a bridle in front of the audience—while being honored as a cancer survivor even though she’d argued with Colt that he wasn’t officially in remission yet.
Don’t think like that, she told herself. Ethan was right. She’d turned into a negative Nellie and she needed to stop.
“Are you going to the rodeo tomorrow, then?”
He nodded. “It’ll be the first time I’ve seen your brother perform in front of an audience and I’m looking forward to it.”
“You’re in for a treat.”
“I’ve watched him practice, and if it’s anything like that, it’ll be spectacular. A bunch of Natalie’s clients from the barn are going, too. They tell me I have to dress up in pink. Don’t know that I have the clothes to do that.”
“All you’ll need is a shirt. No pink jeans.”
He smiled. She froze again. Goodness, what was with her?
If she felt this awkward now, what would it be like tomorrow morning, or worse, tomorrow night when she’d be forced to socialize with him? She clutched the handle of her front door. Just the thought of sitting next to him made her whole insides twist like a rope.
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