“Are you moving in with your parents?”
He shook his head. “I spoke to them about it, but there isn’t room. They’ve already got Joe, Sal and the kids with them while they wait to move into their new place. No.” He looked down at the carpet. “I’m going back to Sheffield, Bobbie.”
“What?” I exploded. “But… you can’t! No, Ross!”
“Not forever, just until me and Claire get shut of the flat. I’m going to live in it while we wait for our buyer to get out of their chain. It’s the only way.”
“But what about the lighthouse?” I felt a tear escape and trickle down one cheek. “What about us?”
“I’ll come back at weekends. Lots of people do long-distance. And it’s not so very far away, really.”
“But…” I tried to fight down a wave of nausea. “…but she’ll be there!”
Ross frowned. “Who will?”
“Don’t give me who. Claire! She’ll be right there, round the corner, while I’m nearly two hours’ drive away. How’s that supposed to make me feel?”
“You trust me, don’t you?”
“I trust you not to cheat on me. I don’t trust you not to fall for the gorgeous not-quite-ex-wife who’s still in love with you when I’m out of sight and she’s on the doorstep.” I could hear my voice getting shrill. I knew I sounded unreasonable but I didn’t care.
“That wouldn’t happen, Bobbie. I love you.”
“Oh really? Have you filed that divorce petition yet then? You’re over the required separation period now.”
He flushed. “I’ve been busy, that’s all. It’s on my to-do list.”
I gave a grim laugh. “I see. You love me enough to leave me, to let me sort the lighthouse out while you’re living it up in the big city with the missus. Why don’t you tell the truth, Ross? You’re running away, aren’t you?”
“What? No! That’s not it at all. Come on, Bobbie, you’re being daft.” He reached for me again but I jerked away, sobbing uncontrollably now.
“Right. I’m just a daft little girl who should count herself lucky her boyfriend wants to move miles away while she fixes up the lighthouse he talked her into buying in the first place.” That wasn’t true and I knew it, but all I could feel were sharp, sickening pangs of resentment and hurt. He wanted to run away, to leave me – me and the lighthouse. “I knew this would happen. I’ve always known,” I sobbed, batting away the hand that had reached for mine. I jumped to my feet. “Well, if you don’t want to be with me any more then let me make it easy for you. Goodbye, Ross. Enjoy your new life.”
“Bobbie, wait!” he called after me. I ignored him and marched out of the flat, slamming the door behind me.
***
Back at the cottage, I slumped on the sofa and cuddled Monty to me, the only comforter within reach. Jess was at work and I knew Mum would be running the youth club for at least the next few hours.
So that was it. He was leaving me. Leaving me to go back to Claire in Sheffield, Claire who’d told me she still loved him. How long before the old feelings rekindled for him too?
And the lighthouse. Our lighthouse. I’d told Jess once that the lighthouse went with me and him. That bond severed, I could understand exactly how Charlie Mason must’ve felt about the place. Without Ross, I didn’t know if I could even bear to look at it.
Jesus, and the 20 grand. All our investment, gone in the snap of his fingers – without so much as asking me!
But as I sat twisting Monty’s white curls around my fingers, letting his little warm body across my legs relax and comfort me, I started to feel calmer. The sobs subsided and I tried to think more clearly.
Had I been too hard on Ross? Yes, the balconies had been a big, expensive error of judgement, but he had genuinely been trying to help. And his situation, the money worries and long hours: that wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t force the flat to sell any faster than it was doing. I pictured his handsome face and crinkling eyes, recalling all the sweet things he’d ever done for me: how he’d remembered my birthday after ten years, the toy boat he’d given me, the song he’d written for me. How he’d told me he loved me in that ridiculous Elvis costume. Our first kiss, back when we were kids. I couldn’t help smiling as the memories washed over me.
Monty gave my hand an encouraging lick.
“Oh right, so you’re on his side now, are you?” I muttered. The little dog just blinked at me.
Ross. My Ross. God, I loved him. I couldn’t lose him, not over this. I yanked out my phone and stared at it for a second, wondering whether to ring him.
Still. Leaving me, going back to Sheffield while I sorted out the lighthouse problems his negligence had caused. Spending the emergency fund without consulting me! If he wanted to talk I’d talk, but I wasn’t going to be the first to apologise: no way. I set my phone on the arm of the sofa and glared at it resentfully.
I must’ve wallowed until well into the evening, Monty now fast asleep in my lap, and I was sitting in near-darkness when the phone finally buzzed with an incoming call.
Ross. So he was ready to talk things through. Thank God.
But I frowned when I looked at the screen. It wasn’t Ross, it was Jess.
“Jessie? I thought you were working.”
“I’m on my break.” She sounded hushed, worried. “Look, you have to get to the hospital, right away. It’s Ross.”
Chapter 33
I sagged back in shock. “Shit, Jess, what’s happened? Is he there?”
“Yes. They brought him in a few hours ago, I just found out.”
“Tell me quick, please! Is he ok?”
“I can’t tell you anything over the phone. I shouldn’t really be ringing at all. Just get here, can you?”
“But is he ok? Please, you have to tell me.”
“He’s… stable. That’s all I can say. Please, Bobs, hurry up.”
“God, yes… I’m on my way. Tell him I’m on my way.”
I don’t know what thoughts went through my head as I drove like a demon to the infirmary. I don’t even remember the drive, or arriving: I think I must’ve gone into autopilot. The next thing I knew, I was hurtling along a sterile white corridor to Ross’s ward.
When I’d been shown into the waiting room by one of the polite, starched nurses, I discovered Ross’s parents Keith and Molly already there, along with both his brothers and… someone else.
“Claire?”
She looked pale and worried, but she managed a smile for me. “Hi, Bobbie. Don’t worry, he’s going to be ok. They said he should be able to see us in about half an hour. He’s conscious now, he just needs rest.”
“Thank God. Oh, thank God.” I sagged against the wall. “What the hell happened?”
“He was attacked, up at the lighthouse,” Molly said.
“He’s got some head trauma and a broken rib,” Ross’s brother Will told me. “Nothing care and rest shouldn’t fix, the doctor told us.”
“Hang on…” I looked around at Ross’s family. “How long have you lot been here?”
“We came straight away,” Molly said. “I think it was three hours ago the hospital called. Where’ve you been?”
“Well, at home, since none of you bothered to ring me!” I exploded. “For God’s sake, Molly!”
She frowned. “Didn’t the hospital call you?”
“No, why would they? I’m not next of kin. Our Jess did.” I turned to Claire. “Who called you?”
She blushed. “Molly. Sorry, Bobbie. I didn’t know you hadn’t been told.”
I spun to face Molly. “You called her and not me?”
She looked guilty. “I thought he’d want to see her.”
“And it didn’t occur to you he might want to see me?” I almost yelled, my voice strangled with rage.
“All right, calm down. Try to remember this is a hospital,” Will said, coming over to lay a restraining hand on my shoulder. “We’re sorry, Bobbie, ok? It’s a stressful time, I don’t think any of us were thinking too cle
arly. No one’s questioning your right to be here, if that’s what you think.”
I glared at him. “And you’re no better, Will Mason. All my life you’ve known me, we were in nursery school together. You couldn’t tap out a quick text to let me know your brother was in hospital?”
“I should have. I said sorry. We were just worried about him: that was all we could focus on.”
“Well so am I worried about him. And I’m sick of being treated like an afterthought by the lot of you. I’m his partner, not Claire. He loves me.” Suddenly, I burst into tears. “He loves me,” I whispered.
Ross’s family were staring at me in surprise. No one seemed to know quite what to say. With an impatient gesture, I turned and stumbled out of the room.
The hospital was a labyrinth of identical corridors and wards, and it didn’t help that I was half blind with tears. By the time I finally made it to an exit, I must’ve passed the same sign for Acute Admissions three times.
Outside I managed to locate a sad-looking smokers’ shrubbery, overrun with brambles and the flowerbeds full of dog-ends. There was an old bench and I sank onto it, giving in to sobs.
I had to see Ross, had to make sure he was ok – we were ok. The fact we’d had a blazing row right before he’d been hurt was tearing me up.
I felt sick wondering if he was really going to be all right. The others said he would, but head trauma – that was serious, wasn’t it?
“Oh God, please just let him be ok,” I muttered to no one in particular. “I don’t care if he moves to Sheffield or London or Timbuctoo, if he’ll just be ok.”
I looked up as someone sank onto the bench next to me and a comforting arm wrapped around my shoulders.
“Took me a while to find you,” Claire said.
“Not surprised. This place is a maze.” I ran the back of my sleeve over my eyes. “Can I see him yet?”
“Not yet. Another 15 minutes or so, they said.” She sighed. “I’m so sorry, Bobbie. I had no idea Molly called me and not you. I didn’t even think… I was just so worried about him. Jumped straight in the car and drove over, never even stopped to consider the family politics.”
“No, I’m sorry. I overreacted.” I paused. “Actually, no I didn’t. But I don’t blame you.” I burst into a fresh round of tears and turned to bury my face in her shoulder. “Oh God, Claire, what if he isn’t ok? What if it’s worse than they think?”
She shushed me softly. “Don’t worry yourself. This is a hospital, they deal with cases like this every day. They’d know if there was serious damage.”
But the tears wouldn’t stop. They just kept coming and coming, until I felt like I was on the verge of hysterics.
“Hey. Calm down,” Claire said gently. “He’ll be fine, I promise.”
“It’s… not just that,” I gasped. “He’s going… away. We had a big row this afternoon, and I said… I said…”
“What did you say?”
“I said if he wanted to go I’d make it easy for him and stormed out. It’s… my fault. I bet if I hadn’t upset him this wouldn’t have happened.”
“Come on, you know that’s not true.” She frowned. “Wait, did you say he was going away?”
“Yes. Didn’t he tell you? He’s going to live in your old flat. Work’ll dry up at the club when all the tourists go home in a few weeks and he won’t have enough money coming in for the two places.”
“But what about the lighthouse?”
I gave a wet laugh. “That’s what I said.”
She was silent for a minute, and I tried to fight back my tears. I didn’t want to have swollen eyes when they let me go in to Ross.
“I might be able to help,” she said at last.
I sniffed. “You?”
“If he’s really struggling that much for design work. I’ve got plenty on at the moment, more than I can handle. I got offered a big job last week doing page layouts for a women’s magazine. I was about to turn it down, but… well, I could hire Ross to do it as a subcontractor. And anything else I get in too, if he’s got the time.”
“You’d really do that?”
“Of course. He’s done it enough times for me when I’ve been short.”
“But he could go back to Sheffield. You could –”
I broke off. She could win him back, were the words I’d choked over.
“…you could see more of him,” I finished lamely. “I thought you’d like that.”
“Not as much as I’d like seeing him happy,” she said quietly. “He loves you, Bobbie. There’s no point kidding myself about it. No matter where he is, he loves you.”
“He told you that?”
“He didn’t need to. I knew it that first day I came to your house… the way he looked at you.” She sighed. “He never looked at me like that.”
“Course he did,” I said with feeling. “You were his wife. And I know he loved you, he told me.”
“Yes, he loved me. Very much, once. But he never looked at me the way I’ve seen him look at you.”
“How does he look at me?”
Claire smiled, a little sadly. “Like there’s no one else there.” She let go of my shoulders and stood up. “Come on. I think he can probably see us now.”
***
It was Will who spotted us first when we’d snuck back into the waiting room. I saw him lean over to his mum and whisper something. Molly looked up and smiled warmly at Claire.
No. Not at Claire. At me. To my surprise, she got out of her seat and came over to give me a hug.
“Bobbie, our Will thinks I owe you an apology and I quite agree with him,” she said. “I’ve been a selfish old thing, haven’t I? Of course I should’ve called you first.”
I blinked as I gave her back a vague pat.
“I should’ve made more of an effort generally,” she went on. “We all should. I never wanted you to feel we preferred Claire to you, I just never thought. After all the years I’ve known your family… look, can we start again? How about when Ross is better you both come over for dinner?”
I glanced at Keith, who was having a muttered conversation with his oldest son Joe – something about all his taxes going to the NHS and it still not managing to provide a decent cup of tea. An entire dinner date in his company didn’t exactly sound like a laugh a minute, but I appreciated the invitation all the same.
“Thanks, Molly,” I said, giving her a squeeze. “I’d like that.”
She smiled at me. “Friends again?”
“Friends again. And I’m sorry too. I should’ve talked to you instead of bottling it up. A hospital’s no place for a family bust-up, is it?”
“Oh, don’t apologise. We’re all on edge tonight.”
The crisp ward nurse poked her head around the door. “Mason party?”
“Yes, that’s us,” Will said.
“He’s ready for you now. Who’d like to go in first?”
Molly stepped back and nodded at me. “Go on.”
“I can take two of you,” the nurse said, glancing around the others. Joe made a move to stand up, but Molly shook her head at him.
“Let Bobbie go on her own. We’ll get our turn.”
I smiled gratefully. “Thank you.”
“Well. One of the family now, aren’t you, dear?”
I followed the nurse out of the waiting room and past the rows of ugly metal beds. Finally we reached one with the curtains drawn all the way round. The nurse nodded to it.
“Here’s your friend. Try not to tire him out too much, won’t you? He’s still a bit woozy.”
When I’d fought my way through the curtains, I found Ross sitting up, looking pale and drawn. There was a bandage round his head, and the shape of the hospital gown he was wearing told me there must be another where the poor broken rib was.
He smiled weakly when he saw me. “What, no grapes?”
“You daft sod.” I threw myself at him for a hug, bursting into tears. “Don’t you ever, ever do something like that to me again.”
“Mind the rib, eh?” he said as he embraced me. “Don’t cry, love. I’m ok.”
“Who did this to you?”
I felt him shaking and looked up into his face, concerned it was some side effect of his concussion. I needn’t have worried. He was laughing.
“What’s funny?”
He shook his head. “Just my wounded pride. Also I think they gave me morphine. Tell you what, it’s good shit.”
“Who did this, Ross? Tell me.”
“I don’t know if I can without losing all my macho points forever.” He sighed. “It was the bloody graffiti kids. I mean, they were literally kids: the oldest looked about 14. I’m telling you, if the head injury doesn’t kill me I might just die of shame.”
I shuddered. “Don’t joke about that.”
“Sorry,” he said gently. “I really am ok, promise. It’s like a bad headache, that’s all.”
“How many kids?”
“Six or seven. I felt really bad about the balconies after you walked out so I thought I’d go check on the work.”
“I knew it! Oh God, I knew it was my fault. I’m so sorry, Ross, I never should’ve –”
“No, I deserved it.” He winced slightly, and shuffled a bit to get comfortable. “Anyway, I caught them in the act. They’d obviously tried Zaheer’s door with no luck and decided they’d go to town on the outside instead.” He rubbed at his head. “Little buggers just set on me. One of them had a bloody cricket bat.”
“Jesus Christ!”
“The police said I’m lucky it wasn’t a lot worse. Apparently someone scared them off and called me an ambulance. I don’t remember, I was unconscious by then.”
I held him tight, as tightly as I could without hurting him. “I’m so glad you’re safe. Don’t ever scare me like that again.”
“Hey. Look at me.”
I lifted my head from his chest to gaze into his face. His pupils were dilated with the morphine, but I could still see that keen expression in his eyes, the one that seemed to go with me and the lighthouse.
“Bobbie, this afternoon…”
“Oh God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it, about making it easy for you. I just didn’t want you to go.”
Meet Me at the Lighthouse Page 25