by Shay Cabe
Although I’ve already decided to play it my way.
When I jumped in the water the other day, for a while we floated around dunking each other and generally having a good time, until I saw the smile fall off Hez’s face. That was the end of fun time. Other than Phoenix they all responded in a similar way, and I was frozen out once again.
I simply climbed up the cliff and left. Oz isn’t the only one with claws. Phoenix tried to follow me but Hez said something sarcastic and the two of them started arguing. I left before I saw what came of it.
I rest my forehead on the smooth tile of the shower and let the hot water run down my back. I do get why Hez is upset, why they all were but they’re holding me accountable for a decision that I didn’t know I was making. I had no idea at that age we were bound. No one told me anything. Obviously, they knew. All I knew was that my mother was murdered, I was in agony and dad told me the council couldn’t find out I was bitten.
We moved around every few months.
It is my fault I didn’t write or call, it’s not like calling is a physically hard thing to do but I was afraid. Maybe I was afraid of dealing with everything that happened before or maybe I was ashamed of failing to protect my mom? I don’t know there could be a million different reasons I told myself—once I was old enough to give it any real thought—to keep from contacting them.
To hold that against me when I was ignorant of the bond… feels wrong. Maybe that’s why any sympathy I had in the beginning is mostly drained. Maybe the manipulative way they were that first day killed it, I don’t know. All I do know is continuing to try to mess with my head isn’t right.
I don’t care whether they feel justified or not.
I lift my head and finish rinsing off.
Anger swirls around in my stomach like a pissed off butterfly. How dare they think to punish me when I’ve been punished enough.
When Phoenix knocks on the bedroom door to tell me dinner is ready, I ignore him. I’m hungry and it’s probably childish to not go eat but I don’t want to deal with them right now. I want to sit here and read my book and not give a crap about the outside world for a few hours.
When my stomach growls, I turn my back to the door and Phoenix’s persistent knocking and try to get into the book again. The words make absolutely no sense and I put the book down in frustration. Cookie raises her head and looks at me as if to say, ‘You’re only punishing yourself’ and then lays back down with a snort.
I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling. I can smell the food and it makes my mouth water. Roast with thick gravy, potatoes I know will be cooked perfectly, baby carrots that will practically melt in your mouth. Homemade yeast rolls that are my all-time favorite and I’m pretty sure I smell that apple pie that she was making earlier.
“I get it, ya know,” he mumbles, his voice close to the door. My imagination paints him leaning his forehead against the door wearing a look of frustration. I say nothing, I’m not sure what to say. His sigh is closely followed by, “We thought you knew about the bond and we didn’t know about everything… else. I tried telling him you didn't know, but he’s stubborn and doesn’t want to admit that maybe his plan is dumb.”
This draws words out of my mouth. “I was eleven years old, Phoenix. My mother was murdered, I almost died… isn’t it safe to assume that I’ve already been ‘paid back’ enough?” The words are spoken softly but I know he hears me.
“For me it was a trust thing and I think that's probably what it is with the others too. Now that you’re back I can see I was wrong to think what I did, it’ll take them a little longer.”
I scoff, “Trust? Are you serious?” I climb off the bed and pull the door open. “I get that you were all in pain, I do, and I’m totally sorry for it. But this game won’t play out like Hez hopes. If there’s any desire for reconciliation then he needs to get his head out of his ass or this bond will suck a lot more than it already has. I have bigger things to worry about than ego trips and I won’t be pushed down by a meaningless vendetta for circumstances were out of my control! If it’ll make you all happy I’ll find a way to break the bond and free you from the misery of being connected to me!”
“No! Don’t break the bond!” Barrett practically yells, stepping around the corner of the hallway into sight. Oz is right beside him and I can see Hez lurking farther back.
“Then suck it up!” I yell, slamming the door in Phoenix’s face. As I lean against the door, I check my eyes to make sure I wasn’t undignified enough to cry in front of them, again. They’re dry but my cheeks are hot and I know my eyes are glowing with magic. I check my fingertips to make sure the claws didn’t poke out, it took me a few years to get upset in any way without them making themselves known. I couldn’t risk the wrong person seeing them.
I slide down to the floor and rest my arms on my bent knees.
“Nora, it’s only—” Hez starts to say and is interrupted by Oz who whispers for him to shut the eff up. I wonder if they realize I can hear them whispering?
“She’s right, dickhead,” Phoenix whispers.
“How do you figure?” Hez demands.
“Do you have any idea what she’s gone through?” Phoenix whispers more fiercely now, I can hear the anger in his voice.
“Not a lot, no—but it doesn’t matter. I’m right to think—“
“You’re not right to think anything!” Oz breaks into the conversation. “Did you not pay attention when Phoenix told us she’s bitten? Did you not see the changes, smell them? Where is your fucking brain, bro?”
“What?” Hez sounds so surprised I have to cover my mouth to keep from laughing.
“You had your headphones on when you stomped off like a toddler, didn’t you?” Phoenix demands.
“She’s bitten?” Hez continues on like Phoenix hadn’t spoken.
“Yes, but she hasn’t changed yet.” Oz answers for him.
“You really heard none of that shit, bro? Phoenix broke the entire story down for us and explained everything. It’s why I said eff this shit and wanted to call it quits.” Barrett says breaking his silence.
“No, I didn’t hear any of it. Tell me again.” If it weren’t about my childhood tragedies, this entire situation would be laughable. I know they’re all sitting on the floor outside of my door, probably leaning towards each other like they did when we were kids. I bet Hez has a frown on his face and Phoenix is looking at him like he wants to kick his ass. Oz is probably rolling his eyes and Barrett has his arms crossed and is stoic.
I could be wrong too, but I doubt it. Some things don’t change no matter how old you get.
I sit there listening to Phoenix patiently explain—with more compassion than I expected, why I left. Silence fills the void left behind after his words. A silence that’s so loud it makes my head hurt. The question I’m expecting comes next.
“Does anyone else know?” Hez asks.
“Her dad, mom and us. And it needs to stay that way.” Phoenix says then continues with, “A witch who survives being bitten is always dangerous. Right now we have no idea what she is, I keep hoping it’s a honey badger—god knows she’s as mean as one.” This makes me smile. I have no idea what’s inside of me waiting for its big moment to come out but I’m pretty sure it's not a honey badger.
“Na, she’s too mean even for that. It’s probably a skunk so she can pee all over the place when people piss her off,” Oz teases. I facepalm.
“Peeing on people is not my jam, Oz. Ew,” I can’t help but say.
“Uh, you heard all that?” Hez asks, brave of him too.
“Honey badger don’t give a shit,” I say. The silence creeps back and then there’s a snicker, followed by another until all four of them are full on laughing.
“Hezekiah Hazard! You get your ass down here and get her a plate of food!” Ms. Hazard yells from downstairs. The laughter cuts off instantly.
“Do you think mom heard?” he asks his brothers.
“Probably, she has the ears of a freak
ing bat,” Phoenix whispers back.
“Be right back,” Hez says and I hear the soft scuff of his feet on the carpet as he heads downstairs.
“Nora,” Oz calls softly.
“What?”
“I’m sorry,” I already apologized so I won’t do it again, but I accept his because he means it.
“It’s cool.”
“Me too, Nora. We’re done with this dumb shit now, okay?” Barrett says it like he’s talking to a little kid, all hesitant and slow. Tells me he doesn’t apologize for much of anything ever.
Some things really never change.
And then there was one. The most stubborn of the four of them. He’s the quickest to anger and the eldest; self-proclaimed leader of his brothers. Hezekiah Jacob Hazard. As kids he was always the last one to admit anything, he would hang onto his grudges the longest and if he felt it necessary, would always find a way to pay that person back.
I’m not sure how he is now but so far he’s proven to be similar. It was his idea to do the payback Nora gag. A failure no matter how it's looked at. I’m not willing to play by his rules. If he thinks that, he can just keep on being mad. Eventually he’ll get over it. That might be when we go to college but it's a chance I’m willing to take.
I realize what that last thought contains. We.
The light knock on the door brings me out of the seriousness of that and I stand and open it to find Hez standing there, looking more contrite than I expected him to, holding a large plate full of steaming roast. I take it, thank him and shut the door in his face.
“Nora,” he says a few minutes later.
With my mouth full I say, “What? I said, `Thank you.’”
“Are you going to open the door and talk?”
“We were doing fine through the door.” I swallow my food and say, “I’m not playing into whatever scheme you have, Hez.”
“No scheme, I—we—want to talk.” He sounds genuine and I contemplate the intelligence of opening the door while I clean my plate. When I’m finished, I set it aside and watch the door. I know they’re out there, I can hear them whispering back and forth. But because I’m on the bed instead of right next to the door, I can’t hear everything as clearly. They’re making an effort to be quiet this time. What I can make out is easy enough to piece together.
Hez is arguing his point, the other three are vehemently arguing against him. This is all a surprise to me, I expected things to drag on until I got sick of them and stopped trying. For three of them to concede this fast means that they weren’t super committed. Now it's time to see how committed Hez is.
Bracing myself I cross to the door and put my hand on the knob. I pull it open and four faces full of surprise look up at me from the floor.
“Come in,” I say and walk back to the bed, leaving the door open for them. I climb to the head of the bed with my back to the wall and let Cookie put her head on my lap. “Well?” I prompt.
All at the same time, they get on their feet and try to fit through the door at once, even Hez. I chew the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing as they shoulder bump each other, curse and push to try to be the first one in. At one point Hez and Phoenix are stuck together neither one giving an inch. Both wearing looks of determination and staring at each other like two toddlers fighting over the same toy.
This does make me laugh.
“Oh my god guys, just get in the freaking door already,” I say with laughter in my voice. They stop jostling each other and Phoenix smiles as Hez blushes a little and clears his throat. Phoenix steps back and waves Hez forward.
This is something about them that hasn’t changed.
Phoenix is the second oldest and him and Hez were always super competitive. Looking back on it I think there’s a chance that Phoenix does it just to piss Hez off. Which was never hard, Hez has a hairtrigger temper.
“Have you changed?” Hez asks as he comes to stand at the end of the bed. Phoenix bypasses him and crawls onto the bed to come and sit beside me. I give him a look but don’t ask him to move. He, at least, has moved on from their revenge game and even though I won’t admit it to any of them, I like being close to them.
“No, not yet. Just my fingertips and eyes,” I say holding a hand up to demonstrate. His eyes widen and he takes a step forward to grab my hand. I see it coming and I allow it. With a shaking hand he lightly touches the tip of the claw on my thumb.
There’s a look of fascination on his face as he traces another claw. “Do you know what this means?” he asks. I do but I shrug in response. “You can be pack.” I shrug again. He looks at each of his brothers. “Why didn’t you make sure my dumb ass was paying attention?”
All three of them shrug at the same time. He releases my hand and steps back. I tuck my hand back onto my lap and pet Cookie as he paces back and forth. Oz crawls onto the bed and then Barrett comes onto the other side. I wonder if Hez realizes they left him room at the bottom to join us.
Being like this—all together—is part of the nicer memories I have. The kind I used to fuel myself through everything. Phoenix moves closer to me, close enough it seals his arm and hip against mine.
He leans towards me and says, “Game over.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry, Nora. I… I…” as he sputters, he waves his hands around, “I had no idea that this had happened,” Hez finally apologizes and I’m caught completely off guard. This is something I didn’t expect, especially not so soon. My eyes narrow in suspicion.
Is this another game?
“Really, I’m sorry,” he puts his knee on the edge of the bed and then another. “I thought you knew about everything, the bond, the pain, all of it. While apparently, you knew none of it.”
I tense up because I’m not sure how genuine this is.
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
“I didn’t try to contact you either, there were a few times mom told us where you were but I was determined to wait for you to contact us,” he continues to explain.
“There’s no way this is that easy,” I mutter.
“I was wrong to want payback, I’ve learned to admit when I’m wrong, Nora. It just takes me awhile.” He smiles a little showing the small dimple in his cheek. Eyes that are the color of sunsets light up with something soft and sweet and my heart aches a little. If he’s playing me again I swear to god, I’ll cut his dick off.
“He was in therapy for his anger, they taught him how not to be an asshole all the time,” Phoenix adds and when I expect Hez to turn his attention to his brother and say something sarcastic, I’m disappointed. His attention stays on me.
“No shame in my game, bro,” he says towards his brother and then kneels at my bent knees. “Don’t break the bond, Nora… please.”
“I have no idea what to say right now,” I say, forcing myself to relax. I don’t feel like he’s a threat to me, at least right now. None of them feel that way. Plus, the anger that swirled in his eyes before, even when he first saw me—isn’t there anymore.
Part of me sighs in relief, the part that thought I was going to have to play this long drawn out game and beat their asses one way or another. While another part of me is on full alert, suspicious and looking for any indication of bullshit.
“Truce?” he asks, his hands up in supplication his eyes soft and full of apology.
“I fell for that once, Hez. I’m not sure if I can trust it.”
“I totes get that, Nora. Just let me prove it?”
“Fyi bro, she doesn’t hit like a girl,” Oz pipes up for the first time. Hez looks away from me with an eyebrow raised. “She throat punched me,” he says it with a smile.
“Are you serious?” Barrett asks, laughing at his brother.
“Yeah, knocked me on my ass.”
“What did you do to her?” Phoenix asks his green eyes alight with a bit of menace.
“I tried to punch her in the back of the head,” Oz says proudly. Cookie and I move to the floor right as the other three brothers launch the
mselves at him. Growls and laughter fill the room as they roll around on my bed that gives way and hits the floor with a loud bang. They all laugh at once.
I don’t understand guys at all.
Chapter Eleven
I kicked the guys out after they fixed my bed. Ms. Hazard wasn’t happy they destroyed my bed and had a lot of questions as to how it happened. I have an uncomfortable feeling she was suspicious of other things at first. I told her exactly what happened, reassuring her multiple times they were only wrestling. She hugged me and said she was so glad that we made up.
On that I’m not so sure. I’m still leery.
Sleeping came much later than I liked, eventually I broke down and spelled myself into a light sleep. When my alarm went off I didn’t want to get out of bed and almost didn’t. One missed day wouldn’t make a difference, right? I ended up getting up when a super cheery Ms. Hazard dragged the blanket off me.
Now I’m sitting at the breakfast table poking a spoon into my mostly cold oatmeal, giving side eyes to the guys as they laugh and eat their food. How any of them are so perky this morning is beyond me, I heard several of them prowling around the house last night up until I went to sleep myself.
My eyes feel like sawdust is in them and I have a slight headache. My mood isn’t nearly on the same level as everyone else’s in the room. Phoenix has picked up on it, he keeps looking at me and stealing bites of my oatmeal. Hez even has the happy disease, and I don’t get it at all.
It’s seven-thirty a.m. Who can possibly be happy this early in the morning?
“Aw, put a smile on that face, Nora. I’ll send your favorite lunch with you today,” Ms. Hazard says, snagging my bowl and spoon before I can protest, not that I will. She sits a bright purple, zipper lunch bag down in its place and I don’t miss my name written in foam cut outs that resemble witchy stuff. The letter A in Nora is a pointy hat.