We lay still for several minutes, saying nothing. It was dark in my room, and only the faint light from the streetlamp drifted through. I listen to the sound of her breathing, noting how irregular it was. Something was on her mind but I wasn’t sure what it was. Everything seemed fine a few minutes ago.
She sat up, letting her hair fall over one shoulder.
I stared at her, waiting for her to speak.
She looked at me, but her face was hard to see in the darkness. I could see the natural light from her eyes. They were artic blue. She moved over me then pressed her lips to my chest, right on the skin over my heart.
I felt like someone electrocuted me. My spine shivered at her voluntary touch. The chemistry from the brief contact made me take a deep breath. I never expected her to do that, to give me such a loving embrace.
When she pulled away, she stared into my eyes, her lips still slightly parted.
It took all my strength not to lean in and kiss her.
But she made the move instead. She leaned over me, her chest pressed to mine, and gave me a gentle kiss. Every time we touched I thought my heart would stop beating. It worked in overdrive, absorbing the adrenaline and desire.
Her lips moved against mine slowly, taking her time. My mouth reciprocated immediately, my hands moving across her back. She never made a move toward me. I always had to initiate everything, and on broken eggshells. The fact she did told me how much she trusted me. How much she cared about me.
And how much she loved me.
She created the most amazing painting just for me, capturing the day I fell for her even more. She caught every emotion, every feeling. Every time I stared at that painting, I was transferred back to that day. It was the first day I kissed her. The first morning she woke up next to me. The first day she really opened herself up to me. It was the firsts of many.
My heart had never pumped so hard for anyone else. Never had I seen a more beautiful woman. Never had I been such a gentleman. She changed my life, completely destroyed the former one, and she made me into someone I was proud of. With her, I was gentle. With her, I was kind. And with her, I was really a man. No girl had ever commanded my respect like she did. No one had ever stolen my heart—ever.
I slowly rolled her to her back until her head was on the pillow. Our kiss was broken and she looked up at me, her lips slightly parted. I moved my lower body to the side, not separating her legs, and continued to kiss her. My hands stayed in respectable areas, like her legs and her stomach. I never went too far south or too far north. Just kissing was fine. I didn’t want anything more or anything less.
She ran one hand through my hair, and the other down my back. Her nails slightly pressed into my skin, putting just the right amount of pressure to make me feel alive. My mouth made love to hers, treasuring every touch of her soft lips. I could do this all night. I hadn’t made out with a girl like this since I was a virgin. After I had the good stuff, I never went back to the amateur stuff. But with her, I loved it.
She breathed harder into my mouth, making my cock spring to life. There was nothing I could do about that. In most cases, it had a mind of its own. I kept my hips tilted at just the right angle to hide it from her. The last thing I wanted her to think was that I wanted something more and I wasn’t satisfied with what we had now.
Because that wasn’t the case.
I gripped her hip through her shirt and sucked her bottom lip. She was the best kisser I ever experienced. Or maybe it was just because I was so headstrong for her. Quiet sighs escaped her lips, making me hotter for her. I loved pleasing her with my mouth. Sometimes I thought about pleasing her in other ways but I closed off those thoughts before they got out of control. She didn’t want to be thought of in that way so I would try not to.
But I was only human.
I really wanted to kiss her legs. It’s something I wanted to do for a while. I think she would let me.
I broke our kiss then moved my body down, finding her knee. I gave her gentle kisses everywhere, moving to her thigh. I never went past the end of her shirt and I stayed in her safety zone. Judging the quiet moans she made, she liked it. I moved up again then yanked down the side of her shirt, exposing her shoulder and neck. Scooping one arm under her back and around her neck, I exposed the skin and kissed her the way I fantasized about.
She loved this even more.
Her moans became louder while I ran my tongue across the skin. I trailed kisses to her shoulder, feeling how small she was. My lips moved back up as I kissed the line of her jaw. Then I found her lips again, seizing them with everything I had.
Both of her hands moved through my hair, spinning strands in her forefingers. Every touch she made was gentle and precise. Despite her fear of intimacy, and rightfully so, I could tell she wanted me in the way I wanted her. Not tonight, but someday. And that made me realize how much progress she made. She really trusted me.
I broke our kiss then pressed my head to hers. I was out of breath but not because I was tired. My heart was about to explode from the love I had for her. Being with her made me realize just how dark and depressing my life used to be. All the sex I had was satisfying temporarily, but in the end, it was painful. I was being used as much as I was using. No woman really cared about me. No one loved me. They just liked me for my looks. None of them understood me.
Not like Livia.
“I love you.”
A small reaction took place in her eyes. In the limited light, I could see her eyes dilate. The artic blue darkened to gray for just a moment before it returned to its former color. Her eyes softened, squinting slightly. But she held her gaze to mine, not looking away.
Her hand was still tangled in my hair, and her other hand clenched my biceps. She was rigid and tense, caught off guard by my declaration of love. I wasn’t thinking when I said it, just feeling. But what could be a better time to say it? I said it in the moment when I felt it. Actually, I’ve felt it for a long time. My feelings for her existed long before our trip to the zoo. I couldn’t pinpoint when it happened, but it did.
I was in love with her.
And I knew she felt the same way.
She breathed hard, still looking at me.
I waited for her to say it back, to tell me what I already knew.
As the seconds trailed by, I knew the words I wanted to hear would never come. But that didn’t mean she didn’t feel that way. She was just scared. After the trauma she experienced, she probably assumed she would never feel this way for anyone—ever. “You don’t need to say it back. Because I already know you do.” My lips moved back to hers.
Her lips didn’t respond, being lifeless. But after a moment of feeling my warm mouth, she reciprocated. Her fingers dug into my hair again, fisting it. My hand tightened on her flat stomach, wanting to pull her into my chest. My lips were burning, scorched by her loving touch. She left me winded but grounded at the same time.
After hours of kissing, I finally pulled away and ended it. I had a massive hard-on the entire time and it was starting to hurt. Plus, I feared I would get carried away. I like taking it slow with Livia. We loved each other, but that didn’t mean we needed to rush into anything.
I was happy with the way things were.
The next morning, I had breakfast ready when she woke up.
Still wearing my long t-shirt, she came to the table, her hair pulled over one shoulder. “Smells good.”
I kissed her cheek. “I added a special ingredient.”
“What is it?” She sat down and placed her napkin over her lap.
“It wouldn’t be a secret if I told you.” I sat across from her then took a bite of the hash browns.
She dug into her food, eating the pancakes first. She lathered them in syrup, making it run into her bacon and eggs.
“You like syrup?” I teased.
“It’s my favorite part of the meal.”
When we were finished, I tossed the plates in the sink. “What did you want to do today?”
&nb
sp; She averted her gaze and played with her hair. “Actually, I have homework to do… I should get going.”
What? Then why did you pack a duffel bag full of clothes? “Okay.”
She walked back into the bedroom to change.
What the hell was that? What did I do?
Oh shit. I guess saying those three little words was a mistake.
I waited until she came back out again, her bag over her shoulder. She headed to the door without looking at me.
“Livia.”
She stopped then turned to me.
“Forget what I said. There’s no pressure here. Just because I said that doesn’t mean our relationship has to change. Okay? Please don’t run from me.”
“It’s not that…” She squirmed under my stare.
“Then what?”
“I just have homework to do.”
I started to get angry. “I’ve been the perfect boyfriend to you from day one. I don’t lie to you, I don’t mislead you, and I respect you. Now respect me by not feeding me lies. If you have something to say, say it to my face. Don’t cower and hide in your house.” I was never this stern with her. Because of what happened to her, I was constantly sensitive to the point where I was babying her. But there were things I refused to put up with. Lying was one of them.
She straightened then took a deep breath. “I just need space…”
“Why? I said nothing has to change. If it bothers you that much, then just forget I said it. I would take it back but I can’t.”
She blinked a few times, hiding the emotion in her eyes. “I told you from the beginning I would try. I didn’t make any promises to you. And this is…too much.”
“Too much?” Was she joking? “All I said was how I feel. You really didn’t notice? You really think I would be this patient and understanding to just any girl? No. I’ve pretty much been in love with you this entire time. If you really paid attention, you would have noticed. And call me cocky, but you feel the exact same way. I can feel it when you kiss me. I see it when you look at me. And that fucking painting hanging on my wall has it written all over it.”
She flinched when I cursed. I limited the profanity around her because I treated her like a lady. But when I was upset, it came out.
“Tell me otherwise, Livia. Tell me you don’t love me.”
“Just…stop.”
“Stop what?”
“Just stop.”
I shut my mouth, realizing I pushed her too far.
“I told you I couldn’t be in a relationship and—”
“You are in one. And you’re happy. Saying I love you doesn’t change what we have. It was going good, it was going great. Don’t let this psych you out. Nothing has to change. I don’t expect anything physical. I want everything to stay the same. So, just stay calm.”
“This has gone on long enough…I shouldn’t have let it get this bad.”
“What are you talking about?” My heart was spilling, losing all its substance. She was tearing me apart, hitting me right where it hurts.
“I just can’t do this anymore.” She tried to hold back her tears but they spilled over. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you…”
“You didn’t mean to hurt me?” The pain was in my voice. “You make me fall in love with you, and once I finally admit it because I know you feel the same way, you just leave me?”
She couldn’t look at me, tears falling down her face. I’ve never seen her cry before, and even though I was angry, it broke my heart to see her in pain.
“You pinned me as a playboy and a cheater. And you were right on the money. I never lied about what I was to you. I admitted my mistakes like a moral person, and like a man, I promised it would be different with you. But you misled me. You said you would try. But you never said you would fall in love with me then ignore those feelings. You never said you would play me. You were scared of me but I should have been scared of you.”
She wiped her tears away and sniffed.
The sight numbed my anger slightly. “Why are you doing this, Livia? You love me and I love you. So what? What’s the big deal?”
“I…don’t love you.”
My heart ripped in half. I swore I heard the break in my ears. “Bullshit.”
“I don’t.” She tightened her purse on her shoulder.
“Then why are you crying?”
“Because I don’t enjoy hurting you…I’m not a sadist.”
I stared at her, feeling my heart sink into my stomach. I went to bed last night thinking that everything was okay. I woke up to a beautiful woman in my arms, a girl I’d waited my whole life for. Now she was taking everything away—including herself.
“I should go…”
I didn’t stop her. I was too numb, too shattered. I couldn’t believe this was happening. All I did was tell her what she already knew. She could lie to my face all she wanted, but I knew she loved me too.
She stepped out quietly then shut the door behind her, leaving me trapped in a house with her ghost. After staring at the door for several minutes, still processing the worst heartbreak of my life, I wandered into the living room and sat down. The painting was on the wall, displaying the essence on that magical day. Now it was just a memory.
A girl had never hurt me before. I always did all the dumping, the severance package. I never let anyone in because I was so scared to lose someone. My parents were the greatest people I’d ever known. I didn’t even get to tell them I loved them once more before they burned to death. They just disappeared. They were gone. There were no remains to be buried. Just like that, I lost them.
And now I lost her.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Livia
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
God, I hate myself.
I couldn’t believe what I just did. I lost the only man who I ever loved. The only one who really loved me. He took better care of me than my own father. He was my best friend, a person I shared secrets with. He brought me back to life, made me feel safe.
And then I ripped his heart out.
But I couldn’t let it go on. When he told me he loved me, I felt joy. I’d fallen so madly in love with him that I couldn’t understand it. It defied logic and reason. All I knew was what my heart told me; and it wanted him.
But I also felt sadness. Scotty didn’t know what happened to me. If he did, he wouldn’t want me. He would invest all this time in me just to be disgusted. He would never look at me the same. He would never want to make love to me. He wouldn’t even want to kiss me. I may be hurting him now, but at least I wasn’t going to make him feel like an ass. Even though he would dump me, knowing him, he would feel shitty. I didn’t want that.
This was the only way it would work. But I shouldn’t have gotten sucked in too deep. And more importantly, I shouldn’t have let him get this burned. I didn’t know he loved me. I knew he was fond of me and cared about me, but I never expected that. I was such an unlovable person. I could never do anything right. My mother was right.
My life was just a series of bad decisions.
When I got home, I lay in bed and cried to myself. I tried to stifle the tears and stay quiet but I couldn’t. And there was no point. I was all alone anyway. I wailed, pulling my knees to my chest. I hurt Scotty, but I was in far more pain than he was.
I hated myself.
When I went to school on Monday, I dreaded my psychology class. Scotty would be there, and he would try to win me back. He would tell me we could work on it, that he would do anything to keep me. And I would have to refuse him.
And act like I didn’t love him.
I sat in my usual seat and waited for him to enter the classroom. My ears were pounding and my chest was about to cave in.
Scotty walked inside, and without looking at me, sat in a completely different row. He didn’t even glance at me. His eyes were glued to his notebook, like he was going over the notes from the last class meeting.
That hurt.
The class dragged on for an hour before it finally ended. I looked over at him, wondering if he would talk to me.
He grabbed his backpack then walked out, not turning to look at me once.
I hated myself.
But he hated me too.
The Next Installment of the Forehead Kisses Series
UNFORGETTABLE
Scotty and Livia continue
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Unstoppable (Forehead Kisses #4) Page 17