“Coop, I know who you are. I don’t need explanations—”
“No,” he cuts me off. “You need to hear this. I owe it to you, before we go any further.”
“Okay.” I’m uneasy again, not sure I can take any more indecision. “What is it?”
“You need to know the truth about Laura.” He turns to face me. “You need to know why I killed her.”
Forty-Six
Madison
The room is spinning. My heart is racing, but my body is frozen in place. Did I mishear him? Is this his idea of a joke? No one would joke about something so sinister. Especially Coop. Especially after I’ve left town to think things over. He’s serious, his face red and his chin trembling.
“You did what?”
“I killed Laura.”
I expect Coop to run at me. Instead, he slowly walks toward me, puts his hand on my shoulder. This man I love, who does so much for others—even now he’s trying to calm me—just admitted to killing someone. I wriggle away from his touch, attempting to dart for the door. His grip on my arm isn’t aggressive. It’s gentle, but I see the desperation on his face.
“Madison, listen. Everything you said was right. You deserve to know what happened. I’ll make sense of this. I promise.”
I don’t understand. Coop is admitting to killing a woman I didn’t even know existed until two days ago. I can’t make sense of what he’s saying, and yet he looks like the man I love. I start hyperventilating. Coop dashes to the kitchen and comes back with a glass of water and a washrag. I take the water but dodge his attempts to place the towel on my forehead.
“Did you murder Celia, too?”
“No.” He throws the towel onto the floor. “I told you that.”
“Yesterday, you said you didn’t know what happened to Laura Price. You whined about the unfairness of being accused of two crimes. Everything you told me was a lie.”
“Not everything. When you mentioned Laura, I didn’t know how to react.” He stands and walks back to the fire. “Everything I told you before yesterday is true. I did not kill Celia. I left her at the lake, and to this day I don’t know how she died. Losing Celia that way, so suddenly… it changed me. The way I was treated in the wake of her death made it worse. People turned on me. Spread rumors and filled my head with lies. That first year of college was a blur. I hardly have any memories, but I’ll never forget how I felt. It was all anger and paranoia and outrage. After a while, I started to believe those horrible things people said about me. I felt like a monster, not because of what I’d done, but because of how they made me feel.”
The light I’m accustomed to seeing in his eyes is gone. His pupils are black, his mind back to that dark part of his past, when he was first labeled a murderer, and there was nothing he could do to prove his innocence.
“Then I met Laura,” he continues. “She was innocent and fun. So very beautiful. She had this glow about her that pulled me out of the dark place I was in following Celia’s death. With her, I thought I might have a shot at happiness. A normal life.”
“What happened?” I ask, my throat dry, despite the gulps of water I chug.
“She found an article online about Celia’s death. One of those snarky ones suggesting I’d killed her. I’d never told her anything about Celia, so she didn’t know how to react. I’d fooled myself into thinking I could be with Laura and all the bad stuff from the past wouldn’t be able to hurt us.
“She couldn’t understand why I hadn’t mentioned Celia before. The night she confronted me, she hammered me with questions. Some shitty rumors were more believable to her than the time she’d shared with me. I was so angry she wouldn’t listen. I no longer felt like the boy she fell in love with. I was back to being that monster all those people made me out to be. We fought, and she tried to leave her apartment. When I tried to pull her back, she clipped her head against a nightstand.” He pauses, struggling, all these years later, to say the words. “She died. Bled out right in front of me.”
As I listen, I picture everything he tells me. Coop’s desperation and Laura’s fear. How quickly their argument had turned fatal. “You’re saying what happened to Laura was an accident?”
“An accident I caused. Yes.”
“Why didn’t you call the police?”
“You have to understand. Back in Whisper, I was still considered a suspect in Celia’s death. All those people already thought I’d killed one girl; I couldn’t very well have a second girl turn up dead on my watch.”
“So, what happened?” I want him to quit talking almost as much as I want answers, but the latter prevails. I try to stabilize my breathing, counteract the nausea rising. “What did you do with her?”
He hesitates. “I drove home and left her in Whisper Lake.”
“Her body has been in the lake all this time? The same place Celia was found.” It’s all too coincidental. All too connected. New patterns are arising, dizzying my thoughts. “Wouldn’t she have turned up by now?”
“This has nothing to do with Celia! She drowned and it was an accident, and if people had believed that, none of this would have ever happened! I know this lake like the back of my hand. I made sure Laura wouldn’t be found.” He exhales shakily and looks away in shame. It’s difficult for him to say these words. I wonder if he’s ever said them aloud before. “I cleaned Laura’s apartment and tossed her personal items. I used her credit card to buy a ticket to that music festival she’d been wanting to attend. I thought that might help establish an alibi.”
“Do your siblings know about this? Your mother?”
“No. Regina was still in high school. And Mom… Mom would never look at me the same if she knew what I did, especially after she defended me when it came to Celia. I’ve carried this secret a long time.”
“What about your dad?”
“He never knew what happened either. No one in the family knew anything until Laura was reported missing. That’s why my parents hired their own private investigator to re-examine Celia’s case. They realized that any time something bad happened in my life, Celia’s death would be there coloring the way people viewed me.”
“Why are you telling me this?” I ask, placing my empty water glass on the table.
“I figured I’d rather tell you this one horrible truth than carry on a lifetime of lying.”
“You’ve been lying to me our entire relationship!” I scream. I stand but feel too weak to take a step. From the time I first met Coop, he’s been a murderer, and I never knew.
“When we met, I’d been hiding the truth about Laura for years. I forced myself not to think about her. To pretend she never existed. That’s the only way I was able to move on.”
“Move on from murdering someone?”
He takes a step closer. “I’m ashamed of what I’ve done, but I can’t undo it! If I hadn’t been so tortured with all those lies about Celia, I wouldn’t have lashed out the way I did. She would have never been angry with me.”
“You have dozens of pictures of her hidden away.”
He looks down. “Sometimes it’s nice to remember the good times. I pay respects, in my own way.”
“And you think telling me will clear your conscience?”
“I’ll never atone for what I did to Laura, but I try. I’ve been nothing but an upstanding individual. I help with charities and the community. I’m good to you.”
I shake my head and laugh. Our whole relationship has been a pit stop on some apology tour. “None of that changes the fact you killed a woman.”
“I know it doesn’t, but I’m more than the worst mistake I made. You know me better than anyone. Would you continue this conversation if you didn’t think I was a good person?”
“You’re one of the most wonderful people I’ve ever met.” I begin crying. “But you did a horrible, horrible thing. Poor Helena still doesn’t know what happened to her daughter!”
“Will telling her the truth ease her pain? Knowing what happened won’t bring her daughter back.�
�� He touches my arm. “I’m asking you to forgive me.”
“I… I don’t know what to do.” I walk to the front door. My head feels like it’s about to burst, and a wave of dizziness makes me stop.
“Maybe you should sit.”
I shrug him off. I try to sit on the sofa, but stumble and nearly miss. “Did you put something in my drink?”
“It’s just something to help you sleep. I didn’t want to worry about you running off again while you’re this emotional.”
“Oh my gosh, Coop. What are you doing?”
He lifts my legs and puts them on the couch. He takes the washrag and folds it over my forehead. I’m too weak to push it away. “You just need rest. I promise, you’ll feel better about things in the morning.” Coop sits in the armchair across from me, the shadows from the fire dancing across his face.
Forty-Seven
June 16, 2006
Cooper squeezed his truck in between two poorly parked cars. Music and laughter echoed in the distance. He left the gravel lot and marched down the steep hill leading to the south bank, brambles and twigs slicing at his shins. Partying was the last thing on his mind. He wished he’d had the opportunity to finish his conversation with Celia, perhaps arrive at the truth.
He was sick of her and the cruel impact she left on those around her. Watching her toy with Regina was the last straw. His sister already had it rough; although it was only her second year in high school, she hadn’t risen to the levels of popularity he or Roman had. Being a Douglas wasn’t enough for her. Maybe it’s because she was a girl. Having only lived in the small radius of Whisper Falls, Cooper didn’t understand a lot about social dynamics. This much he knew: guys stuck together, while girls tore each other apart.
He reached flat ground and immediately inhaled a big whiff of campfire. It made his eyes and throat dry, but he enjoyed that in a nostalgic way. Two girls skipped by him, waving as they passed. He was used to receiving attention from girls, but that changed when he started dating Celia. Girls still flirted if she wasn’t around, but they were also cautious. The only thing that could ruin the thrill of a hookup with Cooper Douglas was having to deal with the wrath of Celia Gray the next day. Cooper would never cheat anyway. That wasn’t him. He was loyal.
That was why he was so bothered with the idea Celia would betray him for the likes of Steven Burns. Part of him still didn’t think it was possible; Cooper had his own sense of invincibility, too. His parents sponsored most sporting events, making sure poor kids, like Steven, would have uniforms and anything else they needed to play. It would be a slap in the face for any of his friends to betray him for a girl, even if that girl was Celia. She wasn’t wrong about her special effect on the town. Like her or not, no one could deny it.
“Coop Dog! You made it.” Jim stumbled in Cooper’s direction. He looked red and slimy from hours of drinking in the summer heat. “Bring any booze?”
“No, I couldn’t get a hold of Roman,” he said, although he hadn’t even tried. Roman was in for the summer, but he never hung around with Cooper and his friends. That was beneath him now that he was in college.
“Aw, poo,” he whined, leaning against Cooper’s shoulder. “Where’s your lady? Ce-li-a.”
“Couldn’t make it.”
“Did you talk to her about Steven?” For a brief moment, Jim sobered up. He was interested in how Cooper would reply.
“Didn’t really get much out of her,” Cooper said, kicking the dirt. He was embarrassed Celia had such a hold over him, making him look weak in front of his friends.
“She’s probably stunned you called her out. You deserve better, my man,” Jim said, his words beginning to slur again. “If she were my girlfriend—”
“I got it, okay?” Cooper didn’t care to hear how Jim might act in his situation. Jim couldn’t get with a girl like Celia if he tried. It was easy for him to boast about what he’d do, what treatment he wouldn’t tolerate. “I’ll get to the bottom of it.”
“I’ve got your back. Whatever you need.” Jim slapped Cooper’s shoulder, a lazy smile across his face. “Come grab a beer.”
Jim swaggered away, wrapping his arm around the hips of a bikini-clad girl nearby. Cooper still didn’t know why he’d come. Perhaps it was better than being alone. Usually, he only attended parties at Celia’s request. She loved the atmosphere, walking around like they were king and queen of Whisper Falls.
With Cooper leaving for college soon, all that would change. Maybe that’s why Celia had grown distant, kept doing things to rile him up. She wanted to remind him who he’d be leaving behind, take back the control she felt she was losing. Cooper didn’t want to get married as quickly as Celia did, but he was willing to stay with her. Do long distance, if they must. He saw potential in Celia, something she always pretended to have, but deep down never believed about herself.
As night fell, the flames from the bonfire blazed larger and the chatter from the crowd increased. It was the first time Cooper realized how out of place he felt in the midst of this small-town revelry. For most of his peers, this would be the highlight of their lives, sad as it was. Cooper always knew he’d achieve better and was willing to take Celia with him on that journey. Would she really leave him for the likes of this?
By the lake, he saw Steven Burns. He was sitting on the ground, his trunks wet and dirty, with a girl on either side of him. For a second, his eyes met Cooper’s, and he winked. A jolt of electricity went off inside Cooper. He couldn’t take it anymore, the uncertainty of whether these rowdy rednecks were getting the best of him. It made him clench his fists and grit his teeth. He had to get to the bottom of things. He had to know who was on his side, and who wasn’t. He had to talk to Celia.
He marched away from the noise and left.
Forty-Eight
Madison
Sunlight beams through the window, waking me. I’m in our bedroom, still wearing my clothes from last night. Coop sits across from me. When I see him, it takes a few seconds to remember all the awful things he told me. About Laura. Inside, I feel disgusted. Deceived. And yet, he still looks like the man I love.
“How are you feeling?” he asks, uncrossing his arms.
“You drugged me.” I sit up in the bed, resting my head against the headboard. There’s no way I can make it out of this room without an altercation with Coop, and I’m still too weak to try. “How do you think I feel?”
“I’m sorry about that.” He crosses his legs, cupping his knee with his hands. “I didn’t want you to leave without having the chance to talk.”
“What else is there to say?” He’s already told me the worst of it.
“I want to talk properly. Now that you’re calm.”
I look away. How I wish I hadn’t gone digging into the past. Then I wouldn’t know any of the horrible truths he told me. Of course, then I’d be marrying him in the dark, but that seems like a worthwhile alternative right now. I do feel calm though. Perhaps it’s the aftermath of whatever drug he gave me, but my mind is clear.
“I’m not going to hurt you, Madison, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
I notice my overnight bag sitting by the door. The knife should still be inside. I’d put it there when I first got the nerve to confront Coop about Laura. Before I knew he’d killed her. Could I really use it on him? Would he provoke me to do so?
“Where do we go from here?” I ask.
“I’m going to go on living like normal. I’m happy with our life, Madison. I’m happy with you.”
“What you told me about Laura… what you did…” I struggle to find the right words. I’m appalled by what he’s done, but he’s still the man I love. Since the first day I met him, he’s been a murderer. Yet all I saw was his kindness and maturity and dependability. I’m conflicted. “I’m not sure I know you anymore.”
“You do, Madison.” He kneels in front of the bed, resting his hands on my legs. “You know me better than anyone ever has. That’s why I told you. I trust you to accept what I’
ve done and love me regardless.”
“I can’t accept what you’ve done, Coop.”
“You have to understand the person I was back then was different from the person I am today. I was jaded because of Celia, and I was too young to properly process it all,” he continues. “I’ve never been a violent person. What happened with Laura was a huge mistake. I live with the pain of what I’ve done every day. You don’t know how many times I’ve thought about turning myself in.”
“Then why haven’t you?”
“A confession will only hurt the people I love.” He looks away and clenches his jaw. “Besides, it won’t change anything. My confession won’t bring Laura back.”
“Why tell me any of this?” I ask. “There must be some part of you that wants to admit the truth.”
“I’ve carried these secrets long enough. It wouldn’t be fair to marry you without giving you the chance to walk away.”
“Is that what this is?” I ask, sitting up straighter. “My chance to leave you?”
“If that’s what you want. Turn me into the police. We’ll call off the wedding and you can move back to Atlanta.” He pulls my hand and holds it against his chest. “Or you can forgive me. You can accept that I did a horrific thing over a decade ago. A horrific thing that, in some ways, made me a better person. And we can move forward.”
“Move forward.” I laugh over the pure lunacy of the suggestion. The idea we can keep living our lives like nothing happened. In the back of my mind, there’s a tingle of fear. That this whole conversation is a trick, and if I give the wrong answer, I’ll be punished.
“You don’t have to decide right now.” Coop stands and returns to his chair. “And you don’t have to be afraid of me, Madison. I’ll accept your decision, whatever it is.”
I don’t know what to say to him. I’m afraid to leave the bed. “Does your family know about Helena?”
The One Before: A totally gripping suspense thriller with a shocking twist Page 19