“She needs you. Cayson, she lost Camille, she lost me. She needs you, I know you’re scared but please don’t push Azalea out and make her feel unloved.” She can’t stand it. They sit and talk for a while, lost in their conversation, and Aileen realises quickly that there’s no way back. There is no way Cayson will ever accept he loves her, not while she’s a- well whatever this is. The problem is, she has no idea how to stop it or change herself back.
“Aileen, you need to leave.” Cayson says finally. The golden glow has been replaced by early-morning freshness, the sun higher above the trees. She needs to get inside.
Aileen smiles at him. “I don’t want a life where I never feel the sun on my face, Cayson, where I never walk outside in the daylight. I don’t want a life that I can only live in darkness. Maybe this is the end?” She glances to the sun. Monventla can’t be outside in the sunlight; she’ll die soon. It will save everyone.
The werewolves won’t fight with Cayson anymore. The witches won’t hate Cayson for killing her. Azalea can live with Cayson and be happy and loved.
“Aileen, please.” Cayson looks at her; he can still hear the tiny fluttering heartbeat of their baby. His head falls forward. “I don’t want to love you, Aileen, and I don’t want to admit that I want that baby. Please, just give me time and I’ll be better. I can love you again, just let me try.”
Aileen shakes her head. “There’s a reason Monventla die in sunlight. They are not meant to be alive, they are not meant to be part of humanity. Go home, Cayson, this is my ending. We tried, we tried so hard to do what Serliciaus intended and we failed. There is no need for anyone else to die.” She lies back and smiles, eyes closed, feeling quite peaceful now that she’s accepted her fate.
“Aileen,” Cayson tries, but her hand goes up and stops his words.
“No. You won’t kill me, and you won’t let others kill me, either. So I’ll take the burden. Forget everything, Cayson, forget me, forget the baby. Move on and find a nice wolf to love.” Aileen feels a tear fall from her eye at the thought. The silence lasts a lifetime when she realises he has left, her eyes staying closed as she slowly feels the warmth of the sun stroking her face.
The warmth grows as her eyes stay closed, waiting for the pain. The thought is silent in her mind as she considers how she will die. She knows sunlight kills Monventla but she doesn’t really know the specifics, and she didn’t think to ask.
“How is that possible?” Aileen opens an eye to see Gwenael standing above her and Cayson sitting next to her, both of them staring at her shocked. “She should be dead; the sun is the only thing that protects us from Monventla.” He looks at Cayson, everyone quiet.
“I am not Monventla, neither am I Ceprimora or Morgelantous. I feel like I’m all three. I feel like I have the power and strength of Monventla.” Aileen shakes her head, trying to work out how to say it. “I feel like I’m a Morgelantous because I don’t need blood, like I’m human, and I’m able to be out in the sun, immune to it. I feel like I’m Ceprimora, because my emotions are still there. I can still feel. I don’t know what I am.”
“It’s not possible.” Gwenael looks at her.
“I can tell you this, I love my baby. I can feel it, it’s different; me changing made him change. It’s weird, I can feel him.” Cayson looks at her, shocked by her words. “Don’t, Cayson, don’t look at me like this baby is the devil, and when it’s born it is going to be a vampire. It isn’t, okay? It’s like me, but there’s more there.” She wishes she knew but she doesn’t, and she can’t see how to find her way forward anymore.
“The other packs have said it is up to me,” says Gwenael to Cayson, ignoring Aileen. “I’m here and can see what she’s like. I will agree, she looks like Monventla, but there’s so much there that makes her not. For now we wait, we’ll see how things change and keep her hidden, not even the witches can know she is here at the moment. All they will know for now is that she’s still there, she’s still alive, but nothing else until we can work out the way forward.”
“I can’t-” Cayson starts, and stops again, looking at Gwenael. He can’t stay with her.
“Cayson, look. Either you stay with her and make sure no one finds her while I figure this out, or there is a war coming. Give me some time, go back to yours and make sure no one finds out.” Turning he walks away, Aileen avoiding Cayson’s stare.
“I will stay away, don’t worry. We may be in the same house, Cayson, but I’ll keep my distance from you, you won’t even see me.” She stands and begins walking to the house, Cayson following behind her in silence. When they enter they stand awkwardly in the hallway, unsure of what to do or say now.
“I’m hungry.” Aileen looks at him; she may as well cook, but his eyes glance up at her shocked. “For food, Cayson! I’m cooking, do you want me to cook for you as well or will you be afraid I am poisoning it?” Walking into the kitchen she opens the fridge, Cayson looking at her from the doorway.
“Sorry, Aileen, but look around you! You left yourself and you came back like- like that, of course I’m on edge. This could all be a game and a trick for all I know; you could be faking your so-called feelings to destroy us all.” He can’t just trust her like that, not when she looks so much like Yasmine had when he’d had to kill her. Aileen simply nods and continues to cook. They sit and eat in silence, not even the noise of the TV to permeate the room as it remains resolutely off. Hours pass by like that, the sound of their breathing the only soundtrack to their quiet movements. Aileen finds herself falling asleep on the sofa, Cayson looking at her shocked.
He walks over to look more closely at her. Monventla don’t sleep. He shakes his head as he tries to work everything out. Watching as she sleeps, his eyes glance to her stomach. The heartbeat seems… different, somehow. His brow furrows as he sits back, drifting to sleep next to Aileen. There’s at least a metre of empty space between them but there’s something unconsciously comforting about sleeping next to each other again, despite Cayson’s worries. When he eventually wakes up Aileen is sat eating, and she nods at the stove where a half-full saucepan sits waiting for him. He nods back to her, hours passing by once again as they don’t talk.
7 MAKING HIM SEE
Aileen looks at Cayson.
“Talking to me won’t kill you, Cayson, look.” Aileen holds out her hand, Cayson eying her warily. “See for yourself. Gwenael trusted me, Cayson, you might as well.” Nodding he sits next to her, his hand taking hers lightly as he finds his mind swarming with memories. He can feel a smile growing as he sees himself and Aileen, before all this, when she was normal. Her eyes were big, and so beautiful. He watches them on their wedding day, sees everything going black, the feeling of sheer panic sinking into him as he hears himself talking to Aileen. The blindness is hers but in this moment it feels like his; he stays still watching everything, his heart breaking seeing Dan using her and making her see him how he used to be.
He watches everything. Aileen and her panic as she runs from the vampires; the love she felt when she saw Cayson again. His eyes stay closed as the memories are played. Shock and pain radiate within him as he witnesses Aileen seeing Gwenael laid on the floor, injured. Cayson opens his eyes, looking at her: she shouldn’t have been able to feel that; she shouldn’t have cared that Gwenael got hurt, and yet she did.
“Please, Cayson, hate me, don’t love me, whatever. Just don’t decide our baby is evil, please.” She looks at him crying, his head shaking.
“Aileen, I don’t know anything anymore. This isn’t possible! You can’t be all three types of vampire; you can’t be a Monventla but not crave blood. Everything is a mess, the baby’s heartbeat has changed, it’s no longer what it was. Before this it was half of me and half of you – witch you, obviously – but now? Whatever changed in you seems to have changed in our baby, too, and I don’t know how to deal with that.” He presses a hand to his temple, sighing. “Would you really have killed yourself to save me?”
Aileen nods her head. “Yes, because I still
love you, Cayson, and somehow everything that has changed in me has made everything I feel more intense. Seeing you deciding to end your own life just so you didn’t have to end mine… that wasn’t right. If I had to die right now to save you, I would.” He doesn’t answer, just sits quietly with his own thoughts. “I can show you something else, if you want?” She cut the stream of memories off, before the werewolves tried attacking them. He nods to her and she holds his hand.
Slowly the memories flood his mind, his heart breaking upon watching and feeling everything. The love and the terror she’d felt when Cayson stepped in front of her and stood against the wolves, it’s overwhelming. Cayson feels tears escaping from his eyes, feeling everything in those final moments where she had given in, and lain under the sun waiting to die.
His eyes open as he looks at Aileen, moving he kisses her, pulling her closer to him. Aileen stays still, shocked until their bodies touch, and she wraps her arms around his neck, moans escape her mouth. The kiss becomes forceful and passionate as Aileen’s hands move, pulling his top off, his body pushing hers back as he rips her shirt open with one hand. He pulls her closer as they continue to kiss, his hands slowly but deftly removing her clothes, his mouth kissing along her neck as she pulls him closer.
Aileen moans, her hips pushing up as Cayson’s hands grasp them tightly, his mouth teasing her breasts as he holds her in place. His mouth continues to tease her, and then Aileen moves, pushing him over, her body straddling him. Her lips press against his as she lowers her hips slowly, controlled, a long moan escaping against his lips as she feels his cock sliding into her sex. Leaning over him, she starts to move her hips purposefully, his hands grasping her hips as he flips her, so he’s above her. His hips thrust faster as her hands grasp into his hair.
A low growl rumbles through Cayson as he feels himself slipping free, Aileen’s moans getting louder as his hips continue moving, pushing her closer to her limit. His hands grasp her tighter, his body shaking as he tries holding back, Aileen’s hands grasping him tighter as she orgasms. Cayson groans as he releases, his hands holding her tightly against him. He lies beside her, his head shaking slightly.
He shouldn’t be doing this, he shouldn’t be anywhere near her in this way. He stays quiet, Aileen looking at him, she knows it was a mistake, she can tell from his face.
“I need to go see Gwenael, I’ll be back soon.” Cayson getting dressed hurriedly and leaves, Aileen waiting a while before she gets herself dressed. When she’s done she sits back down, glancing around the house. Where does she belong now? She stays still, just sitting with her thoughts and worries. If saving everyone means hiding then she’ll do it, she doesn’t care. She stands slowly, rummaging through the cupboards in search of something to eat, pausing for a moment and looking around the kitchen. Her plan is failing. She was meant to live here with Cayson and their child, and be happy, but as the days pass that feels more and more like an unattainable dream.
“Aileen?”
She turns when she hears Azalea’s voice, the young girl’s eyes widening as she backs away. Aileen moves quickly, shutting the door and locking it, keeping Azalea inside. “Please don’t kill me; I won’t say you’re here, please,” she begs, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Azalea, I won’t hurt you. I’m still me; I know it’s hard to believe but I am still me. Please don’t tell anyone, no-one can know yet.” She looks at her waiting for a response. When Azalea nods Aileen does too, walking to the door and unlocking it. “Go, okay? I won’t lock you up, Azalea.” Aileen moves further into the room and away from Azalea seeing the fear in her eyes. Honestly, it’s breaking her heart, but she knows any effort to make Azalea stay would be futile. Azalea moves towards the door as it opens, Cayson walking in and shutting it, blinking wide when he sees her.
“Azalea, what are you doing? You’re not meant to be here.” He looks at her, then to Aileen.
“I didn’t hurt her! What else will it take for me to convince you I won’t hurt people?! You just slept with me, Cayson, and yet somewhere in your mind I’m evil and going to hurt people? That’s messed up!” Aileen sits down. “You should know Cayson, you’ve just seen everything. I would never hurt Azalea, ever. I get it though; I’m a monster to everyone, right?” She keeps her head down, Azalea looking at Cayson shocked.
“She isn’t a Monventla,” explains Cayson. “She has some traits, yes, but she isn’t. She didn’t feed to turn, she doesn’t need blood, she still has all her human emotions and everything. Look, Azalea, no-one can know about it yet. Not until Gwenael finds out what is going on.”
Azalea nods. “Are you really Aileen? You’re still you?” She looks towards Aileen waiting.
“I feel like me. I can feel my magic and everything. There is more there but nothing evil, just more power. I am me, Azalea, just, well, I don’t even know.” Aileen watches as she runs over and hugs her, Aileen’s arms wrapping around her as she cries. Her eyes glance up to Cayson seeing him on edge and shaking her head, a silent promise that she won’t hurt Azalea. She never would have, anyway.
“Can I please stay here? The witches are a mess, they found Camille’s body and they’re at war with what to do with her.” She looks between Aileen and Cayson.
“That’s up to Cayson. I shouldn’t even be here, Azalea, he already has the job of ensuring I stay hidden.” Azalea nods, looking at Cayson waiting.
“Okay, fine. But for tonight, that is it. We’ll speak later. No one can know, Azalea, for all everyone else knows Aileen is still with the vampires, there has been no word back to say otherwise.” Azalea nods to Cayson as she cuddles into Aileen, who picks her up and walks over to the sofa where she sits, drawing her feet up and tucking a blanket around herself and Azalea. A few hours pass by as Azalea falls asleep against her.
“I called Zander to let him know she’s spending the night. He said he’ll give her the space she needs, so there’s no risk that anyone will find out you’re here.” He looks to Azalea. “I guess she can sleep in the bedroom that was meant to be hers. I will carry her up.” Aileen nods, not arguing with him. She could easily do it herself but that might cause him to look at her like she’s about to have her for a meal again, and she’s tired of arguing with him. She watches as he carries Azalea off, grabbing a drink and sitting back down before Cayson walks down the stairs.
“You honestly thought I would hurt her?” She looks at Cayson, waiting.
“I don’t know anymore, Aileen. How many times do I have to say that? This could be a plan, like Yasmine all over again only you’re smart as hell and hiding it well.” Cayson shakes his head. “I’m sorry. Even I know that deep down you aren’t like the others. Accepting it and trusting you though, it’s different. There is no one else in this world like you Aileen, and I have never heard of anyone like you.”
Aileen nods. She wants to say it is part of the plan, but that would be foolish when she has no proof. “It is fine, I get it; I’m a bigger monster than all the others put together.”
“Aileen, I still want you but that would be wrong. You say the baby is good and you can feel it, and I’ll believe that, but until we know for sure we’re all obviously on edge. I don’t mean to treat you like a monster, Aileen, I just never expected you to be you!” His head shakes, he’s too tired for this after today.
“Go to bed Cayson, hell, sleep on the floor in Azalea’s room if it makes you feel better. I know part of you will be worried that I’ll do something while you’re asleep, even though I won’t.” She looks at him waiting, seeing he isn’t moving her head shakes. “You can’t stay awake the whole time ‘just in case’. If you really see me as that much of a threat, get Gwenael or someone to come and watch her while you sleep.” She sits back, she can’t blame him. She watches as he nods and takes out his phone, rolling her eyes. She can’t blame him for not trusting her but if she’s honest, she didn’t expect him to actually do it. They sit together quietly until a knock at the door interrupts them around an hour later. Cayson looks ou
t of the window before going to unlock the door, letting Gwenael in.
“Go get some sleep,” Gwenael says, and takes a seat in the large armchair next to the TV. He props his feet up on the coffee table, sitting back with his hands behind his head, clearly making himself at home. Cayson walks out leaving the two of them alone, the room once again bathed in silence. It’s not long before Aileen finds herself growing tired.
“So… am I allowed to go and sleep upstairs in a bed or shall I camp here?” She asks, a slight sarcastic tone to her voice.
Laughing, Gwenael shakes his head. “I have no issue with you, Aileen. I saw enough to see that you are not like the others. For Cayson, though, stay down here. Give him time, Aileen, the last time this shit happened his partner came back as one of them and tried killing everyone.”
“So you can see I’m different, but Cayson can’t? How does that make any sense?” She shakes her head, lying back on the small couch.
“Aileen, open your pretty little eyes and look around you! He is refusing to for a reason. We tell the witches and werewolves and there’s a damn good chance you’ll have a hunt on your back! And then what? He gave himself hope just to watch others kill you?” Gwenael shakes his head. “If he accepts that you’re you and you’re safe, then what? He has the fear of what if constantly. Don’t push him Aileen, let me figure out a plan, a way to make the witches and werewolves see you’re safe to be around.” Aileen nods but doesn’t reply, closing her eyes and finding herself drifting asleep.
Cayson wakes up and walks down, his eyes on Gwenael as he sleeps, moving his foot kicks him. “What the hell? You were meant to be watching her, not taking a catnap!” Gwenael laughs slightly, sitting up.
“Dognap, more like. I was watching her, you can shield yourself away from her all you want, but even I know she isn’t here to hurt us. She’s just as lost and confused as us, if not more. I need a drink.” Moving he walks towards the kitchen, Aileen waking up at the sound of his boots clumping across the floor.
Night Shadows Page 23