by Rita Hestand
"It is natural. We love each other."
"Yes," she closed her eyes with a smile. "We do. Oh, so very much."
Slowly he entered her, moving through her warm wetness. He began a rhythm and she moved to greet him, working her muscles to hold him deep inside her now. She didn't want him to ever leave. He was home, inside her, where he belonged.
"I never thought desire could be such a strong emotion. But the way you pleasure me, I cannot help but want you when I look at your strong body. I feel so safe in your arms."
He smiled and kissed her lips now, caressing her there. "I will always protect you… and love you!"
They enjoyed being in each other's arms, and when an orgasm hit them both at the same time, they strained to be ever closer. "You fill me… " she said it like a prayer.
"And you fit me, like no other woman on earth." He told her. "It is as though you were made for me alone."
They felt the orgasm like a beautiful piece of music, making them float through the air, the joy and love filling them with contentment and finally he cradled her in his arms protectively.
She cuddled into the circle of his arms. "As long as you are with me, I am not afraid of anything."
He looked at her, with a pleased smile, "We must go to the sweat lodge."
"Sweat lodge?" she asked.
"Yes, it will take all impurities out of us and give us renewed strength. I will pray for our son, and for your safety while I am away."
"Is there a reason why I would not be safe?" she asked. "Nothing has ever harmed me here."
"I do not know. But I want you there with me, I think it is important. I want to speak to you of staying safe at all times."
"I don't understand, what do you fear?"
"Nothing," he saw her puzzled face and he smiled. His hands came up to suddenly cup her cheeks, his thumbs massaging her there. She loved that feeling he gave her now, as though he adored her. "Now that we are one, we must stay that way always. This war is not predictable, and things happen. I want to teach you things that will keep you safe, you are part of me now. Where I go, you go, and the same with you, where you go, I go."
"It is you in danger, not me." She told him.
"Perhaps, but I will not be content until we go together. You see my love; your white skin puts you in danger here. If anyone saw you, they would try to take you away. I must always keep you safe, so I will teach you how to take care of yourself."
"Then I will learn. You are my husband and what you want is what I want now." She smiled, her hand to touch his cheek now. "I have never loved before you, but I do love you, with all my heart. I have felt it growing since the first day. I denied my feelings as I still felt married to John, but you were pure temptation with your quick smile and sexy legs."
"My legs," he grinned.
She sighed and blushed profusely. She sat up and ran her hands up his thigh. "Oh, how they tempted me. They have such strength, such power, and so manly beautiful. White men wear pants, like you do to the fort, you can see nothing, but my love, when you sit here in our lodge you stretch out and believe me, I looked. I saw a little and I wanted to see more. Am I wicked? I was curious."
"No, I'd say that is normal. For when you sit down in that dress, your legs show a lot and I look too, and want more."
"You do?"
"Of course, it is natural. I think part of our problems came from John. He taught you everything was a sin. That is not true. It is only sin if you think it. God gives us love and love is never sinful. Sex, just relations, is sinful, but not making love. We are married, and it was a holy marriage. That is not sin." He smiled and kissed her once more. "You are the most precious thing I have. The day we married, I wanted you so badly, but I also sought more from you. I wanted you willingly, not forced to endure. I loved you then, but even more now. Now we are as God intended, married, in love, happy with joy."
She smiled, staring into his smiling eyes. "You are right about what John taught me. It took some time to sort it out, to understand how wrong he was. I never really loved John and when I realized that, I also realized that what he said was not the gospel. He made me pause in everything I was thinking about you."
"Yes, his religion is strange."
"Yes, I am glad I am not with him any longer."
"I am glad too. I suppose being with him for those years made you question your true feelings about everything."
"Yes, it did. I didn't just fall in love with your body, though. I fell in love with your sense of humor, which was sorely lacking in my life. The gift of laughter is a joyous thing. I never knew a man that smiled as much as you. I never knew a man so sure of himself and what he believed. You made me question everything John had said to me."
"I'm sorry, that must have confused you a lot."
"Yes, but you made me think for myself and I am so glad. You showed me a world that I'd never seen. And strangely, even with our differences, I realized that you and I believed much the same. You made me realize that the differences in people isn't measured by skin color or race, but by what is in the heart. I fell in love with that. I fell in love with you."
He kissed her softly, "And I have learned much from you too."
"Like what? What could I have taught you?"
"Patience, loyalty, kindness, warmth, and what true love is. For I have never had true love either, my sweet."
She cuddled him to her. "I love you Red Elk, with all my heart and soul. But do you have to run the guns? I fear for you and I could not bear losing you. My biggest fear is losing you."
"For a while, yes… But Dear One you must know that you have my heart now and we cannot be separated we are one. In God's eyes. That means we both carry each other where ever we go. So, do not be afraid for me. Our God will watch over me, just as he will you."
"I know this too, but when I think of you risking so much to run those guns, and the thought of you never coming home to me, scares me so badly… Now that I have found you, I realize what it could mean to lose you too."
"I will always come home to you, always. God will see us through. Keep your own faith, Naomi, not Johns. His questions everything. God is a loving God."
"When you told me you were Christian, oh, you don't know how I wanted to kiss you then. The urge was so strong, I almost did. I could not believe an Indian Christian. But I looked at you, and I listened to you and I cherished what I felt growing between us."
"You flatter me with your confessions."
"When you came after me in the desert that night, I wanted you then too."
"Oh, Sweet One, why did you not just say it? I was so afraid I would lose you that night. I heard your prayers. Never be jealous of Painted Dove again."
"Because that night you were angry with me."
"No, I was angry that you thought I cared for Painted Dove."
"When I realized I had feelings for you, I was more jealous than ever." She admitted. "I felt she had a power over you because you had been with her so long."
"You were with John just as long, and yet we came together. I knew you compared everything I did with this man John and it made me jealous too."
"There was nothing to be jealous of. John and I did not consummate."
"I realized that, but I wasn't sure you had at the time."
"I was very ignorant."
"I'm glad."
She laughed.
He chuckled. "It is good we admit things like this to each other. We can understand better this way."
"It's almost scary how much I care for you… I will always be honest with you and tell you what I think."
He kissed her lips and smiled. "There is no bad to our love, sweet one. It is pure as the driven snow."
"Are you sure it's not sinful to love this much?" she asked him, waiting for his reply. "With our bodies?"
He cuddled her close and held her in his strong arms, "We are married, and God blesses our marriage with love, nothing can be better than that. Loving is not sinful, only lust is sinful. Thoug
h we might lust for each other with our bodies, it is love that brings us together and marriage that binds us."
"Was it lust when I wanted to look at you?" she asked breathlessly as he dipped his head to kiss her breast once more.
"Dear One," he looked up at her. "God knows we were falling in love. One must fall in love before marriage, so I do not think it sinful. Now if you wanted to look at all the warriors that way, it would be. But if you have feelings for someone, no, it is not sin. God gave the heart to love one another."
She sat up now, taking a deep breath and smiling, unashamed that she was naked and so was he. "I want to have your children, to fill our home with them and laughter. You know…. that it was your sense of humor that really won my love. I'd never met any man who could make me laugh, make me smile so quickly, as you. There was so little laughter in John's house."
"I'm glad you call it his house, and not yours."
"I do not want to lay blame, but John made me feel like everything was wrong. I used to know better. But he surrounded me with this thing about sin until I felt breathing was a sin."
"Do you have any feelings for the man now?"
"John?"
"Yes."
"No," she looked at him, and held his face in her hands. "I lost my feelings for John a long time before I came here." She stroked his cheek and stared into his somber eyes. "None, those feelings began to fade when he brought the two women home. After that I knew I was married to the wrong man. I know when you marry it is sacred, but our marriage was surrounded in lies and I did not feel honor bound to love him, especially when he wanted to share himself. When he lied to me, I knew it was wrong. In fact, this almost shames me to admit, but when the Comanche took me, I was glad. At least at first."
He stared at her for a long moment, the love in his eyes making her blush. "I can understand that."
"I thought that was sinful. Still do, some but it's the truth."
"It was a bad marriage my love, but maybe someday we can see if he is still alive. Since he has other wives it would make little difference to him. But I don't want you to feel as though you have two husbands."
She turned his face to look into his eyes once more, "I only have one husband, and his name is Red Elk. And I am so in love with him… "
He smiled, "Do you want to know my white name?"
"You have a white name?" she gasped with pleasure. "Of course, I want to know it."
"Yes, my mother gave it to me. It is Luke, from the bible."
"Luke, it fits you. I will remember it. Which do you want me to call you?"
"Whichever, I will answer you."
She smiled.
"You must remember it." He said in a soft voice.
"I will, but why?"
"Because that is the name, I use at Camp Tucson, and if I should not come back someday, you would ask for me as Luke." He told her.
Her expression changed to one of concern. "You're afraid something will happen, aren't you?"
"Just remember it for me… " He kissed her lips. "God willing, I will always come back to you."
She nodded silently, but her heart was filled with worry now. She would not share that with him, but she wanted to go to the sweat lodge now. She wanted to pray for him.
Chapter Nineteen
Later when they went to the sweat lodge, Red Elk took tobacco and contacted the Shaman to give him gifts for their purification. The Shaman nodded and brought what was needed to take care of them. Since Naomi had never met the Shaman Red Elk introduced them. Naomi was impressed with his manners.
"We will ask for purification and prayers." Red Elk told him.
The Shaman nodded. "It is good that you come."
Naomi saw a circle of rocks and a place where a fire was built, then a pathway lined with rocks going to the sweat lodge. The lodge was big enough for ten or twelve people and dried corn, sage, and sweet grass was hung. In the center of the lodge was another fireplace.
They went inside and sat down in the sweat lodge. The covers had not been placed yet, so they could see out and others passed them by and smiled.
The Shaman was busy building the fire that would heat the wickiup as he prepared the ceremony. It took time to do this and Naomi tried to relax. As long as Red Elk was by her side, she was not upset.
It was the first time she'd been in the sweat lodge and everything was new to her. She knew this was a sacred place for the Apache and she humbled herself for the ceremony to come.
She looked about. It was not decorated and contained nothing but the things for the ceremony. She didn't know what to do, but Red Elk assured her he would tell her what was to come in the ceremony.
A drum began beating from somewhere in the distance. A dancer came to welcome the spirits outside the lodge.
"The Shaman brings what we call grandfather rocks to make the fire," Red Elk told her. "He prepares them now."
"Are they different than other rocks?" Naomie asked watching the Shaman work. He was meticulous in his duty to the lodge and he chanted as he began. His expression was serious.
"Yes, they are lava stones from the ancient volcano that once was here. They are passed down through the years and used strictly for our ceremonies."
"Why are they so different?"
"River stone would explode in the fire."
"Oh." Naomi smiled. "I see. So, the grandfather stones are much safer."
"Yes. You see he brings them when they turn white."
She nodded and watched as the Shaman prepared them in a fire outside. Several elder maidens came and chanted. They sat around the place where the stones would be placed.
When the Shaman came inside, he began placing the rocks in a certain fashion. Naomie watched with interest. He used two sticks to pick the white rocks up and place them.
"He places the stones to the north, south, east and west. Now he will add sage, and sweet grass, sometimes other herbs too, and tobacco. He will pray in each direction to honor our ancestors. We must each say our prayers now." He told her.
She closed her eyes and nodded, folding her hands for prayer. She asked that God keep Red Elk safe, and that she might have a boy child for him.
When Red Elk finished his prayers, he told her that the wickiup was like the womb, where one is reborn, and that the water hitting the stones created steam to purify them. "Now we say a prayer aloud each of us and the Shaman will say one that unifies us."
Naomi said a prayer aloud, "I pray our tribesmen will be well, and happy and no one gets hurt. And that my husband will be safe in his journey to help others. And that I may have a boy child."
Red Elk smiled, as his hand held hers, "And I pray that my wife conceives a child for us, my tribe is well and fit, and my journey is safe. But most of all, I pray my wife is safe at all times from harm, especially when I am not here to protect her. May my spirit be upon her, so I can keep her safe."
The Shaman heard their prayers and added his. He spoke in the Apache language, so Naomi did not know what his prayers said, but she would ask Red Elk when they went home.
"Next comes the Wopela."
"What is that?" she whispered.
"It is like your thanksgiving, we eat much food, and give thanks to the Creator. And we must give the Shaman gifts for sending all of this to the Creator and the ancient ones. The Shaman will unite us with the spirits and if there is something to tell, they will tell it."
"What gifts will we give him?" she whispered, with a smile.
"I have brought our blue blankets so that he may see and pray for our marriage."
"That's good." She smiled. "I like that."
He squeezed her hand. "Now after we eat, the wickiup is covered as candles are lit and the Shaman will cover himself with a blanket and connect himself with the spirits so that our prayers are heard. When the Shaman is through, he will blow out the candles and it will be dark in here and the spirits will come. It may be dark some time so don't get scared. I am with you. If a spirit comes to you, do not be afraid they
will not hurt you although you might hear sounds and feel things, they will not hurt you in any way."
"Spirits."
"He connects us to the spirit world, we can ask prayers, of all kinds. For healing, for children, for safety."
"I want all those things for us." She told him.
He smiled. "So, do I, Sweet One. Sometimes the spirits speak to us, in different ways than with the tongue, they might make noises, they might speak in another tongue. But they will always guide us right."
For two hours it was quiet, and Naomi held Red Elk's hand through it all, as something was foretold to him by the spirits. She felt him shake and grunt and wondered what manner of spirits visited him. It made Red Elk restless, but in the end, he settled down and nodded. "It is good now."
But because of what Red Elk saw, they stayed there two days praying and Naomi realized what an experience it was. When they came out Red Elk seemed upset.
"What is wrong?" she asked him later as she prepared them a meal.
"There will be some difficulties to overcome. I have seen some of it, and I must prepare you in every way for it."
She looked alarmed, "Difficulties? For me?"
"Yes, someone will betray you and cause problems for us. I must instruct you how to take care of yourself and manage when I am away. The spirits have shown me."
"You are scaring me, what will happen do you know?"
"Not exactly, but you must be protected at all times. I will take you into the desert and teach you things, so you can survive, and all will be well."
She nodded, seeing the distress on his face. This was very serious, she could tell, and she wished he would tell her what he saw. But he told her he could not convey the vision. He could only prepare her for what was to come.
"Do you know who betrays me?"
"I can guess, but I cannot say yet. We will survive it, my love, that much I can tell you."