“Permanently?” Both eyebrows shot upwards as he twisted his upper body, facing her fully. “And what does his mama say about that?”
“Shannon is the one who suggested it, actually.”
“I’m so confused right now. Why the hell would any mother want to send her child two states away, to live with his father, permanently?”
“It’s not like that, Jeb,” she insisted, meeting his gaze. “I know you probably think it sounds like abandonment or something, but it’s not. She needs our help. I’m pretty sure that’s why she reached out to Callum in the first place.” There was sadness in her eyes as she frowned. “She’s sick.”
“Like, sick-sick?”
“Yes, sick-sick. They gave her less than a year to live. Her and Callum have been discussing it for a little while now, and she really wants Byron to come live with us. She doesn’t want him around when things get...bad.”
“I can see her point, but has anybody taken how Byron feels about it, into consideration?”
“Jeb, he’s four.”
“But that’s his mom. I’d be pissed if someone took me away from my mother just because they thought I couldn’t handle seeing her in bad shape.”
“It’s not just ‘bad shape’, Jeb. She’s dying. She doesn’t want him to see that. She...”—she huffed in frustration and pinched at the bridge of her nose—“I know it doesn’t make sense to you, but this really is for the best. She all but begged us to take him.”
“I get it, or at least I’m trying to. It’s just hard to wrap my head around, I guess.” He would have been devastated had someone tried to rip him away from his mom like that, but maybe being with Callum and Lydia was the best thing for the kid. Who was he to judge that? “He’s going to need a lot of extra attention, though, isn’t he?”
“I know that.”
He’d yet to have the opportunity to meet Byron, but Callum had told him the boy was deaf. It didn’t make a difference, either way—he just worried about what challenges they would face as a family once he got there. What if it was too much for Lydia? Being a first-time mom, especially to a step-child—of sorts—would take a lot of adjusting. But adding on the fact he was a deaf child...what if she couldn’t handle it?
“We can do this,” Lydia said after a few moments of silence. “I can do this. I want him here, Jeb. I want to take care of him. As horrible as it sounds, I’m glad he’s coming to live with us because he’s the only biological child Callum will ever have.”
She swallowed hard and dropped her head, and he knew she was getting emotional. Hell, it made him emotional, too. He knew how badly she wanted to be able to give her husband a baby. But, as the world often did, she’d been robbed of that chance when she was born in the wrong body.
It made him feel really bad.
“Lyds,” he said softly, reaching out to rest his hand atop hers. “You’re going to be an awesome step-mom. You know that, right?”
“I do,” she replied tearfully. “I do know that, I just...I feel so horrible sometimes, Jeb. I feel so guilty and defective. If only I could give him a baby. A baby of our own.”
“Hey now, please don’t do that.” He pushed his chair closer to hers, wincing from a small pain shooting through his foot. Choosing to ignore it, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her close. “Don’t cry, Lydia. He understands. He knew all of that before he married you. Please don’t cry.”
“I don’t mean to. I just...I get so frustrated sometimes. It isn’t fair that I can’t give that to him. It’s not fair that I had to fight so hard just to get to where I am.” She jerked back suddenly, her eyes wide and full of tears. “Don’t get me wrong, Jeb. Please. I am grateful that I’m able to look like this, to be this happy. I love Callum more than anything in the world.”
“I know that.”
“I just...ugh!” Her hair fell from its clasp as she shook her head, and he pushed it away from her face as she sniffled. “This is the closest I’ll ever get to being a mommy and I’m so terrified I’ll screw it up.”
“You won’t screw it up,” he insisted, letting his hands move to her shoulders. “You’re a McIntosh and when we do things, we do it with everything we’ve got. When that kid gets here, he’s going to be so freaking thrilled. And do you know why?”
“Why?”
“Because every morning he’ll wake up and you’ll be one of the first faces he sees. You’ll cook him breakfast and you’ll teach him how to make pancakes. He’ll have you wrapped around his little finger and you’ll both be having such a good time, you won’t even have a spare second to think about screwing up.”
“You’re too kind, Jeb...”
“Kind or not, I’m telling the truth. You’re going to be a great step-mom, Lydia. That kid is damn lucky.”
“Oh, stop,” she said, giggling and crying at the same time. “You’re causing me to ruin my makeup.”
“Me? You’re the one who brought all this up. Don’t go blaming me for it, Sis.”
“No, no. You’re right.” Wiping at her eyes, she sucked in a deep, calming breath. “I’m so far off topic now. I originally wanted to talk to you about what’s going to happen next week.”
“And what’s that?”
“Callum and I will be traveling to Kentucky and we won’t be coming back for a week or so. We want to ease Byron into this, you know?”
He nodded.
“So, that means you and Ags will be here.”
“Uh huh.”
“Alone.”
“I gathered that.”
“For a week.”
He’d be lying if he said it didn’t make him feel nervous as hell. Being along with Ags for that long wouldn’t equal anything good.
Well, maybe it would be good. It depended on how much she hated him, he supposed.
“All right.” Nodding, he straightened up in his seat and rested a hand against his knee. “So, are you asking me to behave?”
“Quite possibly. I’m not sure. It depends on if you plan to tell me what happened between the two of you.” She pointed a finger at him. “And don’t you tell me nothing happened, because I know it’s a lie.”
“Hey now, I ain’t going to—”
“Look who I finally convinced to come outside!” Laney’s cheerful voice interrupted.
He looked up to see her, and Ags, standing in the doorway. The latter didn’t seem too thrilled with being outside.
Or maybe it’s just me.
It stabbed him on a deep level to know he was the reason Ags had been holed up inside all day. Had it really been so bad? Did she/he really despise him that much because of it?
Their gazes connected briefly and when he smiled, Ags quickly looked away.
It felt like someone punched him in the gut.
“I’m going to go put some ice on my toe,” he mumbled, standing as quickly as possible. “I’ll talk to you later, Lyds.”
“But I just got out here. Jeb!” Laney stomped her foot against the deck like a five-year-old.
He ignored her and walked by, feeling heat crawl up the back of his neck as the scent of Ags’ cologne attacked his nostrils.
“What’s the matter with him?” He heard Laney ask.
“I-it’s nothing,” Lydia replied hurriedly. “Come and sit down. I need to talk to you two anyway.”
The more distance he put between himself and them, the better. He couldn’t handle that kind of rejection with witnesses around. How could something so small and fragile wound him like that?
How had he allowed it to happen in the first place?
Forget it, he thought angrily, hobbling up the stairs. Forget her...him...whatever. It was a mistake.
It was the last thought he had before he disappeared into his bedroom.
Chapter 7
Ags
She couldn’t possibly make him understand why she did the things she did. She also had no reason to try and make him understand because they had been raised in two very different worlds.
J
eb had undoubtedly grown up with a lot of love from his family—and a lot of support.
Support meant everything to a kid, especially when the world only got a little more twisted with each passing day.
But she had not had such support. Her mother was always busy trying to snag a boyfriend; her father lived on the other side of the world and she’d never even met the guy. Her uncle, the best human being ever, did his best to play both parts, but it was just too much in the end.
Uncle Ryan had been shoved out of her life because she was simply...too much.
And maybe that’s why she’d grown so close to Lydia’s Grandmother. Gran Montgomery was the closest thing to a mother figure she’d ever truly known, and though their friendship had been brief in comparison to the time she’d had with Lydia, they still cared about each other as if they’d known one another for years.
The day that woman died, she’d lost a huge chunk of her heart, and it still hurt.
Gazing at the headstone and reading the words engraved upon it, she stifled a whimper and swallowed her heartache back into place.
“Hi, Gran,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”
Truth be told, she hadn’t really visited the cemetery since moving to Prairie Town. She’d been so busy trying to settle into a new life, and pining for a man she couldn’t have...time had passed her by.
It made her feel so damn guilty, too. Not visiting Gran’s grave was inexcusable.
She owed so much to the woman.
How on earth had she survived on the streets for almost two months?
It wasn’t easy, that much was certain. The things she’d done just to be able to eat...
Shaking the thought from her mind, she tightened the cheap coat around her body and hurried down the sidewalk, keeping her eyes on the pavement.
Don’t look at me, she pleaded as people passed by. I’ve done shameful things.
Shameful was definitely an understatement; the stuff she’d done for the smallest remnants of comfort caused her skin to crawl—it made her want to throw up.
Just keep walking. Don’t look anyone in the eye. They’ll think they can have you.
She didn’t want anyone to have her.
Not ever again.
The sensation of those rough hands on her body was still fresh on the flesh of her hips. He’d gripped her so hard, like she was a piece of steel.
I am not steel, she thought, tears pricking at her eyes. I am not as strong as steel either.
The sun was going down. She needed to find a place to sleep soon. Though the temptation of tucking her tail and running home often became too much to bear, she’d tough it out.
She had no other choice.
“Excuse me, young lady!”
Having not paid attention, she didn’t see the woman walking directly towards her. Stunned from their small collision, she took a few steps back and began apologizing profusely.
“I...I...I’m so sorry, ma’am,” she stammered. “I should have been paying attention. I’m very sorry for running into you like that.”
Despite how fast her heart was racing, she felt calm as soon as she saw the kindness in the lady’s eyes.
It was so rare to see such a kindness.
“Politeness,” the woman remarked, looking her up and down. “Now that’s not something you see every day around here. What’s your name?”
“M-my name?”
“That’s what I asked for, wasn’t it?” Pushing her glasses up on her nose, the woman stared at her with a small frown on her lips. “What is your name, young lady?”
“Ag...gatha?”
“Ag-GUH-tha? Is that what you said? I couldn’t quite understand you over the sound of your uncertainty.” Stepping closer, she tapped a gloved finger against her chin and released a long ‘hmm’. “Where do you live?”
Lie! Her brain screamed. She’ll call the cops and send you back home.
Panic seized her lungs as she took another step back, eyes darting back and forth, desperately seeking an escape route.
The street was pretty crowded, even for it to be such a cold day.
“I’m sorry, ma’am. I have to go.”
Turning quickly, she tripped over her own feet and landed hard against the pavement. As per usual, no one so much as batted an eyelash in her direction; they just kept walking.
Ow.
She wasn’t sure what was worse: the pain in her knees, or the humiliation she felt for being so stupidly clumsy. How was she going to escape now?
“That looked like it hurt.” Two surprisingly strong hands gripped her just beneath her arms and lifted her to her feet. “Did it hurt?”
With her head hanging in shame, she turned back towards the woman and nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Well, I didn’t feel anything.”
Her eyes snapped to the old woman’s and it was her turn to frown.
Was she making fun of her?
“It was a joke,” the woman added quickly. She cracked a small smile and her eyes began twinkling. “Lord Almighty, child, haven’t you ever heard a joke before?”
Timidly and completely unsure, she smiled back.
“Now then, that’s better. You’ve got a very pretty smile, Ag-GUH-tha. Are you hungry?”
Their first encounter was one she’d never forget—sort of like how Mrs. Montgomery was the type of person one could never forget. She’d changed her life that evening, even if she never knew it.
Or maybe she did. Maybe she’d done it because she knew there was still a light in her. It was dim, sure, but it was still there. Even if she didn’t see it herself, those sparkling blue eyes could.
It made her want to cry.
“I miss you, you know,” she confessed, wiping at her eyes. “And I know I’ve never technically been one of your grandkids, but you’re the only grandma I ever had. I wish...you were still here, Gran. You’d know what to do about all of this.”
And by ‘all of this’, she naturally meant the train wreck known as her relationship with Jeb. She had no idea what to do about it. He had no idea what he was doing to her on the inside.
He made her happy, yes, but he also made her conflicted about many, many things.
Like allowing Ags to take the reigns from time to time.
Rubbing the back of her neck anxiously, she took a few steps away from Gran’s grave and heaved a heavy sigh. Tilting her head back, she gazed at the lovely morning sky and tried to clear her mind.
It wasn’t an easy task.
There was so much going on in her head, and it had been that way since that night. Being with Jeb in such a way...it had been the best thing to ever happen to her—aside from the first kiss they ever shared. She couldn’t stop thinking about it.
She couldn’t stop thinking about him.
But it was terrifying, too. Opening herself up to the possibility of love was absolutely frightening for her. She didn’t do such things, ever. No matter how much she wanted it or how many times she’d dreamed of it, it scared her to think about diving in and then having it end in disappointment.
Jeb isn’t equipped to deal with someone like me.
Lifting her right hand to grip at her upper left arm, she nibbled on her lip and dropped her gaze to Gran’s headstone again. As her vision blurred with fresh tears, she couldn’t help but wish for the old woman to somehow materialize before her, to whisper a few words of comfort.
She needed to hear her voice one last time.
“What would you do, Gran?” She asked, as if she’d actually receive a response. “What am I going to do?”
The sound of a door shutting caught her attention then, and her head snapped in the direction of the gravel road. Equal amounts of horror and delight overcame her when she saw Jeb’s truck parked behind her car, and his tall, solid-as-a-rock body was headed her way.
“Oh, gods,” she said beneath her breath. “Is this your doing, Gran?”
“Hey, Aggie.” His thick southe
rn drawl caused goose bumps to erupt all over her body. There was no blaming the weather—it was the middle of July for goodness sake. He gave her a smile and nodded in her direction, and that didn’t help the fact her knees were already turning into jelly.
“H-hi.” Her face was burning hotter than hell. “What are you doing here?”
“I could ask the same thing.” Stopping a few feet away from her, his eyes wandered to his grandmother’s grave and his smile dwindled a little, but as soon as he met her gaze again, it returned full force. “I missed the anniversary, so I wanted to come pay my respects.”
“Oh...Oh, of course.” Tearing her gaze from his, she focused on the bouquet of lilies he gripped in his left hand. It was the sweetest thing she’d ever seen.
There shouldn’t have been anything sexy about a man visiting his grandmother’s grave, yet she found the idea of it to be incredibly appealing. And as stupid as it was, she couldn’t calm her racing heart.
“So.” He was suddenly right beside her. So close, in fact, that she could smell his cologne. It smelled so good, so inviting. Her mouth went dry and she swallowed hard again, willing her body to behave. “Did Lydia tell you about the trip she and Callum’s taking?”
“Uh huh.”
“Good.”
‘Uh huh’? What kind of response is that?
She wanted to kick herself in the ass for being incapable of speaking a full sentence. But he made it so hard for her—so, so hard.
As he moved forward to place the lilies on Gran’s grave, she decided it was only appropriate to give him some alone time with her, so she took a quick step back and did an about face...only to nearly land on her face when she tripped over her own damn feet.
“Oh!” She cried out. With her arms flailing helplessly in the air, she stumbled forward and braced herself for impact—until two strong arms wrapped around her from behind. Her back collided with his chest and she froze, still as stone, as the scruff on his jaw tickled the side of her neck.
“Dang, Aggie. Are you okay?”
Gods, just take me now. She thought, her chest rising and falling with quick breaths.
His arms were locked around her torso, his forearms resting just beneath her heaving breasts. Tingles raced through her and heat pooled in her stomach as he relaxed his grip, but didn’t let go.
One of These Days (Prairie Town Book 4) Page 8