“I should have known better,” she muttered angrily. Shoving clothes into her duffle bag, she sniffled loudly and released a bitter laugh. “I’m such a damned idiot. Gods, I’m stupid!”
“You are a good girl, Agatha. You may not think you are right now, and perhaps your past tells you otherwise, but you must believe me. Everyone has a purpose on this earth.”
And just like that, Gran’s words sounded loud and clear in her mind.
It was almost as if the old woman was right there in the room with her.
Tingles of warmth raced up her spine and goose bumps erupted on her arms. She stopped packing, her hand buried in the bag. Clutching a shirt between her trembling fingers, she slowly turned her head to see—to make sure no one else was there.
“I don’t deserve anything, Gran,” she’d said. “You don’t know the things I’ve done...such terrible, horrible things.”
“And as true as that may be, our good Lord still forgave the men hanging on either side of him, and invited them to join him in Heaven.”
“Heaven? I don’ even know if such a place exists...”
“Maybe it doesn’t. That’s something you have to figure out for yourself, honey. But I do want you to know you’re worth so much more than you think you are. Nobody gets placed on this earth without good reason, and everybody deserves happiness.”
As the memory faded away, she crumpled to the floor and hugged her knees to her chest. The tears, much like a waterfall after a good, hard rain, fell without mercy. The agony she felt on the inside fueled those tears, and Jeb’s face came to mind.
“I want him,” she confessed. “All I want is him. I’m so sorry I messed up. Gods, please, don’t’ take this away from me.”
But what could she do to make it better? How could she fix it if he wouldn’t even talk to her?
I have to tell him the truth about Noah.
...Maybe she needed to tell him the truth about everything.
Chapter 9
Jeb
“Thanks for meeting up with me on such short notice, man. I really appreciate it.”
“It’s no problem. I’m glad I could help, Devin.”
Shutting the engine off and getting out of his truck, he made his way towards the front door with Devin Rose right behind him.
Never in a million years would he have ever thought they’d share a conversation over a couple of cold beers, talking about random things and laughing, but low and behold, it had happened.
Since Ags had fallen asleep on the sofa and he didn’t want to disturb her, and since he needed to clear his head anyway, he was all too grateful when his cellphone rang and it was Devin on the other end.
He left a note for her on the kitchen counter and then went to meet up with his nemesis-turned-somewhat-of-a-friend at the local bar. Devin just needed to get some stuff off his chest, and who better to listen than the dude who also had a lot of stuff on his chest?
It was so weird hanging out with him as if he wasn’t the same guy who had tortured Lydia throughout her entire childhood; the same man who had made his life hell and had the cops trying to arrest him every time he turned around; the very same maniac who had kidnapped Laney and Benji in an attempt to collect a ransom from his secret-millionaire best friend.
If anything, it was complicated.
Very, very ridiculously complicated.
Yet here they were.
“Are you sure Lydia and Callum will be all right with me being here?” Devin asked, following him into the living room. “Christ Almighty, this place is amazing.”
“They don’t mind,” he replied, flipping on the lights. His eyes immediately landed on the couch, and it would have been a lie if he said he wasn’t a little disappointed. “Lydia keeps meaning to invite y’all over for dinner sometime, but she’s been distracted with other stuff lately.”
“That’s okay. I understand,” Devin murmured. He hesitantly stepped further into the room, his eyes wandering over everything. The look of fascination on his face said it all—Jeb was pretty sure he’d had the same look on his face the first time he’d seen it, too. “Callum had this built for her?”
“Yep. Apparently he was fine and dandy with giving her a more modest place until, well, you know...” He cleared his throat and tried to think of something else to say. The last thing he wanted to do was make it awkward for the poor guy.
It was true Devin had done a lot of terrible, unimaginable things in his lifetime, but that was also a life he no longer led. Since the night of the accident and losing his memories, he was a brand new person—a person everyone was trying to accept.
Jeb was trying to accept him, too.
“Yeah.” Devin nodded in understanding and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Well, maybe when things slow down a little, we can take her up on that offer. We’ve been staying really busy with helping rebuild the town and such, especially getting the school ready for classes to start up in a few weeks. Honestly, today’s the first chance I’ve had to slow down and take a breather since...”
“I understand,” he cut him off, knowing that it was probably still too painful to talk about anyway. Losing one’s father couldn’t possibly be easy. Even if Mr. Rose had been one of the dirtiest, rottenest, wickedest creatures to ever exist, he was still somebody’s dad.
His eyes wandered back to the sofa again and he wondered where Aggie was. They still needed to talk about what had happened at the cemetery, and he needed to apologize for being a complete asshole.
“Do you mind if I use your restroom?”
“Sure, man. You can have your pick,” he half-joked. “There’s one down that way,”—he pointed past the staircase. “Just go straight and it’s the fourth door down.”
“Hopefully I don’t get lost.” Devin laughed. “I’ll be back in a few then.”
“I’ll be here.”
But that was kind of a lie. As soon as Devin disappeared from sight, he was already on his way up the stairs and heading straight for Aggie’s door.
“Ags?” He knocked twice and then leaned in, listening intently. “Hey, it’s me. Are you awake in there?”
His heart only seemed to beat faster as he waited for her to answer. There was a part of him that wanted to barge right in and confess what an idiot he’d been, but he had to wait for her signal. After the way he’d acted yesterday, he didn’t deserve to be so bold—even if he really, really wanted to.
“Aggie, can you please open up? I’m...I’m really sorry about what happened. Can we talk about it?”
He waited nearly a full minute for her door to open, and when it didn’t, he knew he had to get back downstairs to Devin. While they were all making an effort to let him into their lives, letting him roam Callum’s house without supervision was not the wisest idea.
Don’t be like that towards him. He’s changed, he reminded himself. He’s a good guy now.
And while that much was true, he still didn’t want Devin to be by himself. He’d just lost his father—he didn’t need to be alone anyway.
But neither did Aggie.
It was a battle of wills in his mind as his gaze wandered to her door again and an invisible force squeezed his heart.
If only he had the power to turn back time, to go back to that moment yesterday.
He could still remember the look in her eyes, the pain behind those beautiful hues of hers, as he became cold and distant. It wasn’t her fault he was a jealous creature.
I’m a jackass.
Allowing his shoulders to slump in defeat, he headed back downstairs just in time to hear an awful commotion.
“It’s me! It’s me!” Devin squalled, sounding very much like a terrified cat. “Christ Almighty, stop hitting me!”
“What the...?”
He jogged straight to the source of chaos—the kitchen—and turned on the lights. Devin was huddled in the corner with his arms covering his head, much like they had done as kids during tornado drills.
A very wild-looking Aggie stood
over him, clutching a roll of paper towels. She wasn’t wearing anything but a t-shirt and some bright pink underwear, and he couldn’t decide whether to laugh at her, scold her, or carry her to his room.
A few short weeks ago, he would have given her his blessing to beat the shit out of Devin Rose—even with a roll of paper towels.
“Aggie, what the hell are you doing?”
Her head whipped in his direction, eyes wide and glossy, and she frowned. “He was...I thought...stranger danger.”
“Stranger danger—have you been drinking?”
“Maybe a little bit,” she replied, shrugging. “Just a small drink here or there. Some smoke, too. I was eating my ice cream and he just waltzed in like he owned the place.” Staring back at Devin, she pointed the paper towel roll at him. “You shouldn’t sneak around in the dark, you know. That’s not okay.”
“I wasn’t sneaking around in the dark!” He replied, exasperated. Standing to his full height, which was still quite a bit taller than her, he rolled his eyes. “I got thirsty. I was trying to get a glass of water.”
“You lie.” She was definitely drunk.
So very drunk.
“I think I should help you to your room, Ags,” Jeb offered, taking a step closer to her. “You need to lie down.”
“I do not. I’m fine,” she mumbled, cuddling the roll of paper towels to her chest. “I think I want some water, too. And my ice cream.”
“Okay. I’ll get you some water, but you need to sit down first. All right? Can you do that for me?”
“Probably.” Peering at Devin, she frowned. “I didn’t know it was you. I thought I was still alone.”
Aw, shit.
Now he felt guilty. Had leaving her home to rest been a mistake? Should he have stayed?
At least I know she wasn’t ignoring me now.
He gently gripped her elbow and guided her to the dining room table. Pulling a chair out, he helped her sit down and then glanced up at Devin.
“Sorry about this, man. I didn’t know she was planning a party without me.” He tried to laugh it off, but he knew it was more serious than that.
In all the time he’d known Aggie, she wasn’t the type of person to drink by herself.
“I thought I was still alone.”
There was something so sad about the way she’d said that.
Had he made her sad?
“It’s quite all right. She didn’t bring blood,” Devin said, chuckling softly. “I’m sorry if I frightened you, Aggie. I didn’t mean to.”
“That’s okay.” Waving a hand in the air, she leaned back in her seat, which caused her shirt to rise and those pink undies came into view again. It was very hard not to stare. “I probably shouldn’t have attacked you with...paper towels? Is that what I had?”
“At least it wasn’t a knife.” Devin eased down in the seat across from her and glanced at Jeb. His expression was one of uncertainty, which was understandable. Their evening of ‘guy stuff’ was probably over.
And he would have chosen Aggie over him anyway.
“I’ll grab you two a glass of water.” He turned to head back into the kitchen when soft, warm fingers gently grabbed his wrist.
“Bring my ice cream, too?” She asked, tilting her head back to peer up at him.
“I’ll bring your ice cream, too,” he promised, letting his fingers grasp hers briefly. “Just sit tight and don’t hit him anymore, huh?”
“Promise.”
Reluctantly, oh so reluctantly, he released her hand and made his way back into the kitchen. It only took a minute or so to fill two glasses with ice-cold water from the built-in dispenser in the fridge, and then he turned around, spotting the open container of ice cream on the counter.
Again, the guilt ate at him. Growing up with Laney had taught him many things. One of those things involved ice cream and emotions. Any time she was having boy trouble, she turned to a trusty gallon of ice cream to ease whatever pain she was feeling.
Was Aggie in pain, because of him?
Maybe she’s sad about the breakup.
Of course, it was narcissistic of him to think her sadness was because of him. How selfish could he get?
She just needs a friend right now. I shouldn’t make this about me.
But it was about him, in so many ways. What if she didn’t break up with Noah? What if it was the other way around? Had Noah dumped her because of him? Had he caused their breakup?
He was too busy thinking about it, and trying to figure out how to juggle two glasses of water plus her ice cream, to hear her when she entered the kitchen. But he was definitely aware of her presence when her arms wrapped around his torso from behind.
Sucking in a soft breath, he placed the glasses on the counter and turned to peer at her over his shoulder. “Everything okay?”
“Mhm.” She squeezed him.
“Are you okay?”
“Mhm.”
Maybe he was overthinking it, but her reply wasn’t very convincing at all. The way she was holding him made him feel like she needed more than just ice cream or a glass of water at the moment, so he did what felt right; he did what came naturally.
Turning in her arms, he slid his own around her slender frame and pulled her closer. Their gazes met and he gave her a smile.
She smiled back in spite of the tears shimmering in her eyes.
“Please don’t cry,” he whispered, stroking the curve of her spine with his fingertips. “Why are you crying, Aggie?”
“It’s so dumb,” she replied. “It’s all so dumb, Jeb, and I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” He didn’t understand. What on earth did she have to be sorry for?
“I lied to you. I lied to everyone.”
“About...?”
“Noah.”
“What do you mean?” God, she wasn’t lying about the breakup, was she? It felt like a rain cloud had moved overhead, and lightning was about to strike him at any moment.
“It was...never real.” She bowed her head. “We weren’t really together.”
“You weren’t?” It should have been the happiest moment of his life, knowing her relationship with Noah was totally false, but it was hard to be anything other than sympathetic as a tear fell from her eyes and splashed against his arm.
He stared at that little speck of salty water for several long seconds and tried to find the words to say.
But what words would be the right words?
“I’m so sorry, Jeb. I...I deceived you. I probably made you feel so awful for what was happening between you and me, but the truth is...”—she sucked in a shaky breath and lifted her gaze to meet his—“being with you, having a taste of what we could have together...it was the happiest I’ve felt in a very long time. And I was so wrong to pretend Noah and I had something going on between us. I was his beard. I was just trying to help him out and then...and...”
“Hey, it’s okay,” he said softly, cupping her cheek. His thumb slid beneath her eye, capturing another tear before it could fall. Even though he was a little upset with the fact she’d pretended to date someone else and had practically put his heart through torture, he wasn’t angry with her. “It’s all right, Aggie. You don’t need to explain yourself to me.”
“But I do. What I did was wrong. I thought I was helping Noah by pretending to be his girlfriend, but really, I was going against everything I’ve ever believed in.”
“And what is it, exactly, that you believe in?”
“Being true to yourself. To always be who you are and unafraid to show the world.” She swallowed hard and sniffled. “I’ve always told Lydia and Benji to be proud of who they are, not to hide it. And then I do this. I’m a fake.”
“Hey, now. You are not a fake. You were just trying to do something to help somebody—that doesn’t make you fake, Aggie. I hardly believe you could be such a thing.” He held her chin gently between his forefinger and thumb, ensuring her eyes stayed on his as he spoke. He needed the words to register in her mind. “If a
nything, it only adds to how wonderful you are. Noah should be grateful you were willing to step up and be his girlfriend, pretend or not. He...he would have been lucky to have you, either way.”
Her eyes darted back and forth between his. It was like she was trying to decide whether he was only trying to make her feel better, or if he was speaking the truth.
“He would have been?” The question left her lips almost inaudibly.
“Are you kidding me?” A sigh escaped him as he leaned down to kiss her forehead, allowing his lips to linger there for a moment. He breathed in the scent of her shampoo, which smelled amazing. It was a mixture of fruity scents and he liked it a lot—he liked so many things about her. “Any man would be lucky to have you. I...”—he closed his eyes and smiled against her skin—“...would be the luckiest man on earth.”
Her tiny gasp didn’t fall upon deaf ears. He heard it loud and clear as her fingertips tightened around the fabric of his shirt. It caused his heart to pound and he felt his knees weaken.
He’d just given her the ability to shoot him down.
“I know that my timing is horrible and I probably could have said something about this a long time ago, but I really want us to—”
Sugar-sweet lips found his and he was immediately silenced. It didn’t matter that he was about to make a fool of himself; it only mattered that she was kissing him, and kissing him meant she still felt as strongly about the topic as he did.
The storm cloud that had loomed overhead suddenly dispersed and he was left with nothing more than tingly sparks of heat radiating throughout his entire body. He kissed her back, enthusiastically and on cloud freaking nine.
“I want it, too,” she said, breathing heavily as their kiss ended. “All of it, Jeb. I want it with you.”
He was smiling like a damn idiot as he ran his fingers through her short hair. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t quite recall anything having made him so happy before. This was it. This was his chance at something real and amazing. She wanted to be his as much as he wanted to be hers in spite of everything they’d been through.
One of These Days (Prairie Town Book 4) Page 11