But she really did want to say them.
‘Just say it!’
“Shut up!”
“W-what?”
Her eyes snapped to Jeb’s again and it felt like someone had punched her in the gut. Wave after wave of humiliation washed over her and her face began to burn as she pulled back.
Oh, shit. She’d said that out loud, hadn’t she?
“I...I...need to...go,” she stammered, quickly slipping beneath his arm and darting towards the road.
Where did she plan to go, exactly? Was she going to walk back to town?
If I have to.
Tears began to stream down her cheeks as she picked up her pace, not daring to look back.
How could she? He’d want to know why she’d said that, and she couldn’t very well tell him she was arguing with a voice in her head.
As far as her friends knew, she was gender-neutral and Agnes was part of her personality. If they found out he was an actual voice who sometimes took over...
They can’t find out. He can’t find out. I’ll be labeled a loony and tossed into a unit somewhere.
‘They already know about me anyway,’ Agnes whispered. ‘And you heard what he said. He accepts me, too. This is a done deal, Agatha.’
But it wasn’t. She knew that was a lie. If Jeb really knew what went on in her head, he’d tuck tail and run.
“Aggie, wait!” He called after her, and she could hear his boots hitting against the gravel as he followed her. It caused her to break out into a run. “Aggie!”
Oh, damn. Despite the workouts she did with Lydia, Laney, and Tula on occasion, running was not her friend. Her legs screamed in protest as she tried to put as much distance between them as possible.
Just let me go, please. I’m no good for you.
Yet Gran’s voice boomed in her head, telling her otherwise.
“Aggie, please! Stop and talk to me!”
He sounded so desperate, and she could hear the agony in his voice. She was really hurting him—and herself.
Gasping and panting for air, she rounded the first curve and whimpered inwardly when she saw just how far the road went. There was no way in hell she’d make it into town like this.
She just couldn’t keep running.
And like some cruel sign from fate, she tripped over her own feet and her knees slammed into the gravel. Pain shot through her legs and she cried out, smacking her thigh in frustration.
Shit, that hurt!
Suddenly thrust back to childhood, she released a loud sob and covered her face with her hands, allowing all the heartache, fear, rejection, and pain she’d endured her entire life to break free.
It was time to stop running; she didn’t have it in her to keep doing this.
Two strong arms wrapped around her and pulled her up from the gravel. Jeb cradled her against his chest and carried her back to his house.
He was so sweet and kind as he tended to her knees, glancing up at her occasionally with those beautiful eyes of his and asking if she was okay.
She really didn’t deserve him.
All she could keep saying was she didn’t want to talk about it, but that’s what had gotten her into this mess in the first place. It was time to talk about it; it was time to tell him everything.
‘Yeah, you’ve said that before.’ Agnes scoffed. ‘You’re like a broken record, Agatha. He’s going to grow impatient eventually.’
Leave me alone.
She willed him out of her mind when Jeb returned from the kitchen with a glass of water. Sitting down beside her on the couch, he offered it to her.
“I poured this straight out of one of the bottles in the cooler. I hope that’s okay.”
“It’s definitely okay,” she replied, her voice hoarse from the breakdown she’d had earlier. “Thank you.”
“No thanks needed.” Resting his elbows against his knees, he clasped his hands together and peered at her, obvious concern etched upon his handsome features. “So...want to tell me what happened?”
“It’s so dumb.”
“Can’t be so dumb if it made you want to run away. I don’t think I could have caught you if you hadn’t fallen.” His gaze dropped to the dark blue band-aides adorning her knees and he sighed. “That was a nasty spill, for sure.”
“It wasn’t a picnic.” Rolling her eyes, which burned like hell from all the crying she’d done, she lifted the glass to her lips for a hearty gulp.
“Why don’t you trust me enough to tell me, Aggie?”
She damn near almost choked on the water when he asked that, and it caught her by surprise.
It also made her feel incredibly guilty.
“Jeb, I do trust you. I trust you with my life.”
“Then trust me with this, whatever it is.” His gaze softened as he reached out to place a hand on hers. The fear in his eyes was so evident then—was he afraid for her? “Talk to me, baby. Tell me what’s going on. You don’t have to go through anything alone, ever again.”
Gods, she wasn’t going to cry again, was she?
Yes, she was.
Sniffling and wiping at the tears as they began to fall, she huddled against the couch and shook her head slowly. “There are just things about me I don’t think you can accept, Jeb. You might hate me if you learn of them.”
“Never.”
“But you don’t know what they are. What if you look at me differently afterwards?”
“Not possible.”
“Totally possible.” Nibbling at her lower lip, she studied him and wondered if it were truly possible for him to overlook every single mistake she’d made. Could he really, truly accept her, completely?
There’s only one way to find out.
Telling him the truth about what she’d been doing before she met Gran was hard, but the more she told him, the lighter the weight on her shoulders became. He was silent the entire time, nodding occasionally, or frowning when she said something particularly sad—like how one of the first men she’d ever slept with for money told her she’d never be good at anything else.
“I honestly believed him,” she said, her eyes finding the carpet. “I really thought that’s all I’d ever have going for me...until I met your grandma.”
“Anybody could have told you that was bullshit. You’ve got so much more to offer, Aggie. That guy was a dumbass.”
“So was I.”
“Why? Because you did what you felt you had to do? That doesn’t make you a dumbass; that makes you human. We all do what we think is best, and considering you were all alone out on those streets, and you were so young,”—he sighed and bowed his head—“I wish I could have met you back then. I could have helped...”
“How? You think your parents would have let you move me in, or something? That’s not how it works, Jeb. Your grandma was a trusting and generous woman, but even she had her moments of doubt about me. I know she did.”
“I doubt that. Gran wasn’t like that. She always went with her first impression of people, and if she took you home after having just met you, well, it means she had faith in you.”
“She had faith in me, even when I didn’t have faith in myself.”
“She did that for everybody.” He smiled sadly and lifted a hand to touch her cheek. “Thank you for telling me this. I know it couldn’t have been easy.”
“Definitely not.”
“And...I’d like to hear more, but not until you’re ready.”
There really wasn’t much else to tell. Well, there was one thing...
‘Don’t think about it!’ Agnes barked angrily. ‘Goddamn it, Agatha.’
She physically winced and Jeb frowned.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Shaking her head quickly, she tried to play it off. There was no need to alert him of the possible mental breakdown she was having. This was nice progress and she hated to ruin it by revealing just how crazy she was. “I’m just tired, I think.”
“Me, too. What do you say we head back to Ly
dia’s?”
“That’s a good idea. I could really go for a shower.”
“Me, too.” A mischievous grin slid across his lips as he stood and offered his hand to her. “Maybe we can save on water and shower together?”
Her heart fluttered as she took his hand and stood, smiling in spite of everything that had happened on the road.
“Maybe.”
—————
Jeb
She was a puzzle he was constantly trying to figure out. Though the day had taken a bizarre turn that resulted in two injured knees and a whole new truth being exposed, he was pretty sure he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
Finally, after waiting for what seemed like forever, she’d let him in. Not completely, but a little, and that was a victory in his book.
Gazing at her naked back, watching as water spilled over her perfect skin, he tried to imagine what life had been like for her before his grandma unofficially adopted her.
It was a nightmare.
Without going into graphic detail, she’d told him about living on the streets and doing things she didn’t want to, all for the sake of getting her next meal or a warm place to sleep for the night.
Most men would be appalled to learn such a thing from their potential girlfriend, but he felt quite the opposite.
If anything, it made her more beautiful in his eyes.
There was something about the Chinese culture that he’d read when he was a teenager. The Chinese believed broken things were beautiful, and to show their worth, they’d fill in the tiny cracks with gold.
Aggie had cracks in her soul, and he wanted to be the gold that filled them.
So as she stood beneath the showerhead with hot water cleaning away the dirt and grime of the day, he imagined each kiss they shared as another bit of gold, and each crack becoming smaller than before.
Grabbing for the bottle of body wash on the plastic shelf nearby, he popped it open and poured a generous amount on the hot pink loofa—definitely something Lydia had purchased—and began to lather it until soapy suds, which smelled really good, appeared.
“May I?” He asked, his voice low and husky.
Turning her head to peer at the loofa, she smiled and nodded. “Please do.”
He took his time. Showering had never been particularly sexy until now, and he wanted to savor each and every single second as the loofa glided across the silky flesh of her back, a trail of soap in its wake. She hummed in delight and leaned forward, resting her body against the tiles, arms folded and chin perched contently upon her arms.
“That feels so nice,” she murmured, closing her eyes.
He smiled, but said nothing as he continued his meticulous journey down her back, allowing the sudsy poofy ball to graze the swell of her perfect round ass.
His eyes were glued to her as the suds leaked down her curves, disappearing into places he wanted to be.
“Turn around, beautiful.”
She did as he asked and it didn’t take long for him to catch those beautiful lips with his own in a searing kiss.
Her mouth trembled against his, and he wondered why. Was she still afraid of him, somehow? Afraid he’d turn her away, maybe?
He didn’t want her to have that fear. In fact, all he wanted her to feel around him was happiness; he’d do whatever it took to ensure that.
“Aggie, look at me,” he whispered, cupping her face between his wet hands.
Her eyes fluttered open and as their gazes locked, warmth crawled through his chest and pooled in his stomach.
This. Woman.
“Whatever you’re thinking right now,”—his forehead lightly touched hers—“Stop it, okay? Whatever it is, I don’t want you to think about it anymore.”
“But it’s hard,” she replied, her voice barely audible over the sound of rushing water. “Jeb, it’s so hard. The things I’ve done...the person I was—”
“Isn’t you anymore, Aggie. You have to realize that. Don’t you?” His fingers sank into her drenched tresses and he pulled her mouth to his again, kissing her as deeply as possible.
He was pretty sure he’d never kissed another woman like that before.
She released a soft gasp and he drank it in, cradling the back of her head as he stepped closer. Their bodies touched and it was like he’d been hit with a taser—he knew what that felt like, actually—and he instantly hardened as her tiny nipples brushed across his skin.
“I’m...trying...”
“Try harder, beautiful. For me?”
It was probably a lot to ask for, and at any other time he would have been a little more understanding and patient, but the fact remained that she’d been stuck in the past for far too long. Everybody deserved a second chance, and everyone had a purpose—his grandma had taught him that.
“I don’t give a damn about what happened back then, Aggie. You have to believe me. We all love you—especially me. God, I love you. None of that matters to me, okay? What you did, or who you did, for that matter, is irrelevant and has been for a lot longer than you realize.” He bent his knees slightly, sinking down until he was at eye-level with her. “You are all that matters to all of us; let that be enough.”
It took a second for him to realize the water on her cheeks wasn’t from the shower, and it gutted him. He hated to see a woman cry, but especially her. Every time she cried, it was like a knife slicing right down the middle of his heart. Without hesitance, he collected her in his arms and held her close, getting pelted by the shower at the same time.
“You are so amazing,” he whispered, kissing her wet hair. “You’re beautiful, wonderful, and the best thing to ever happen to me. Let go of the past, baby. Let go of everything that hurts. It’s time to heal.”
“I want to heal, Jeb.” She pulled back again and smiled weakly. “There’s so much I want, you just don’t even understand. I just don’t know how to get it.”
“I’ll help you get it.” He was fairly sure he’d do anything for her anyway—even if it meant submitting to Agnes in the future. Loving her meant loving every aspect of the person she was, and her male counterpart played a huge role in her life.
He’d already accepted that some time ago.
“You’re too good to me, Jebson; I don’t deserve you.”
“You deserve way more than you allow yourself to have, beautiful. Stop punishing yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong to begin with.” He shivered as her fingertips lightly touched his side and it caused his arousal to return, tenfold.
It was hard to keep his most basic human instincts at bay when she did stuff like that. A part of him wanted to go full-blown caveman and carry her to his room to have his way with her. But that wasn’t him. That would never be him.
His father had always taught him to respect women and to put them before himself—even if it meant blue balls for the rest of his life.
So, he would continue being patient. He would wait until she was ready to take the next step in their relationship, if such a step even existed for them. When she was ready to have sex, he’d be ready, too. Even if it—
His train of thought derailed in a fiery explosion as fireworks exploded in his mind’s eye. Those silky, sweet lips were against his again, those small hands were in his hair, and God Almighty, she’d climbed him like a damn tree and locked her legs around his waist.
It took a few seconds for him to realize what was happening, and when he did, he cupped her ass and held her against himself as the hottest battle of tongues began.
He wasn’t sure what had gotten into her so suddenly, but he wasn’t complaining.
Returning every hungry, passionate kiss she gave him, he somehow managed to turn off the water without killing either of them and then carefully stepped out of the walk-in shower. Not once did their lips part as he blindly reached for a towel.
Clean it up later, you idiot.
Who had time to deal with water puddles when a gorgeous creature was grinding up against them with such need?
> Definitely later.
By some miracle, he succeeded in exiting the bathroom and made his way down the hallway, all the while kissing, caressing, and delighting in the soft sounds she made.
Almost there.
Groaning from the small nip to his bottom lip, he broke their kiss long enough to push open the bedroom door, and then he carried her inside.
“I want you, Jeb,” she panted against his jaw. “I want you so fucking bad.”
“You have me, Aggie.” Didn’t she know that? Mind, body, and soul—she had him.
“No, no. Jeb,”—she squirmed in his arms and lifted her head to gaze at him, her eyes rounded and sparkling—“I want you. Inside me. Now.”
They were both lucky they’d made it to the bed by the time she said that, or else he would have dropped her on the floor and their night would have ended right then and there. But, oh so thankfully, she fell on the mattress when his arms gave out on him.
And it wasn’t because he was weak or couldn’t handle her weight—hell no. She was lighter than a feather to him and he hadn’t skipped out on the gym since he started that endeavor with Callum forever ago, but it was just hearing those words. Knowing she was ready to be with him, the way she said it...it caused him to feel weak. It was inexplicable.
As she lay there, naked and kissed with tiny droplets of water, all he could do was drink in the sight of her, burning her image into his mind.
This was the woman he wanted to marry and live happily ever after with. She had become his reason for waking up every morning, and the last person on his mind when he fell asleep. The epitome of ‘dreams do come true’ was staring right back at him with big beautiful blue eyes.
Blue suddenly became his favorite color.
It took all of two seconds for him to join her, and their lips were reunited in a tender kiss as she tangled her legs around his waist. Keeping most of his weight off her, he pressed his knees into the mattress and lined himself up with her entrance.
He was almost home.
“Are you sure you’re ready for this, Aggie?” He asked, pulling back to gaze at her. “This isn’t something we have to do tonight or tomorrow. We can wait as long as you want. When you’re ready, I’ll be ready. Just...don’t feel like you have to do this because of what I’ve said. I’ll love you and support you anyway.”
One of These Days (Prairie Town Book 4) Page 18