by L. A. Casey
“It’s goin’ to be bad, Bran. You know that, right?”
I nodded again even though Bronagh still couldn’t see me.
“I know, Bee, but it’s somethin’ I have to do.”
“I understand.”
“Is Damien still at your house?” I asked.
It was after seven in the evening and was pitch black outside.
“He and Dominic left the house about twenty minutes ago,” my sister said. “Kane rang them and told them that he and Alec had spoken to you so they went out to help find Ryder.”
For some reason, I was worried about him when I should have remained angry with him for storming out on such an important conversation.
I swallowed. “I hope he is okay.”
“He’ll be fine,” Bronagh assured me. “Oh, Dominic told me he agrees with me idea of all of us sittin’ down and gettin’ this shit out into the open.”
“He did?” I asked, surprised.
“Yeah, he said all of the brothers would force Ryder to tell you what he does every night and why he has changed so much over the last sixteen months if he refuses.”
That caused me to furrow my brows.
“They know what he does every night and why he has changed?”
Bronagh said, “Yeah.”
“And they never told me?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper.
“Trust me, I can’t believe it either. Dominic never let on to me that he knew what Ryder’s problem was and why he was being so weird. I couldn’t even look at ‘im when he told me.”
“I can’t believe it,” I said, my voice tight.
I felt betrayed by a group of men who I considered my brothers.
“Me either, I’m surprised at Aideen though.”
My heart stopped. “What do you mean?”
“Dominic said that she knew Kane would be gone off with Ryder and called ‘im out on it at the end of her pregnancy. He didn’t go into detail, but that’s the gist of what he said.”
“Are you sure?” I asked, as a feeling of shock, dread and anger swirled in my stomach.
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
A different form of betrayal shot through me like a bolt of lightening.
“I’ll call you back,” I rasped then without waiting for a reply, I hung up on my sister, and instantly dialled Aideen’s number into my phone. She answered after the fifth ring.
“Hey, Bran.”
“You knew Kane was goin’ somewhere with Ryder behind me back when you were pregnant and you never fuckin’ told me?” I snapped.
Aideen was silent for a moment then she said, “I’m sorry.”
I wanted to scream.
“Sorry?” I hissed. “You’re sorry? You knew he was goin’ somewhere with Ry and you never talked to me about it! Kane knows where he goes, Dominic and Alec know, too, and none of them talked to me about it!”
“I don’t know though,” Aideen stressed. “I only knew Kane was off with ‘im, but I never actually knew what they were doin’, and I didn’t even cop it until the end of me pregnancy. I was so caught up with fear after the attack and I didn’t even think to talk to you about it. I’m so sorry.”
I swallowed down bile and my sudden rage when I heard the truth in my friend’s words. I remained quiet for a few moments then closed my eyes and said, “I broke up with Ryder.”
There were several beats of silence.
“What?” Aideen almost shouted when she found her voice. “Are you shittin’ me?”
“No,” I replied and reopened my eyes. “I broke up with ‘im, but he refused to accept it, and surprise fuckin’ surprise, he stormed out of the house and I don’t know where he has gone off to. The lads are out lookin’ for ‘im because he won’t answer any of our calls.”
“I can’t believe this.”
I heard the shock in her tone.
I humourlessly laughed. “Welcome to the club.”
“But why?” Aideen asked after a pregnant pause. “Why did you break up with ‘im?”
Wasn’t that the question of the day? I wondered. Why? Why? Why?
“Because I can’t deal with how me life is with ‘im now. I’m on the verge of a break down. I’m so unhappy.”
“Branna,” Aideen breathed. “I had no idea things were this bad. I knew you were havin’ some problems, but I never imagined it was to this extent.”
“Bronagh and Damien said the same thing,” I mumbled.
“Why haven’t you talked to me?” she asked, her tone changing to one of annoyance. “Why the fuck have you been dealin’ with this by yourself? This isn’t healthy!”
“When things started going really bad, you were dealin’ with your surprise pregnancy and Kane, then with Big Phil attackin’ you and your stint in the hospital to recover from that. I wasn’t goin’ to pester you with me problems, and especially not when you birthed that beautiful baby boy of yours.”
“I could fuckin’ smack you!” Aideen shouted. “You’re me best friend which means you’re a fuckin’ priority to me! You bloody well know that, Branna!”
My shoulders sagged.
“I just didn’t want to bother anyone with it,” I said, my voice tight with emotion. “I guess I felt like if I didn’t talk about it, it wasn’t real, you know? I mean, it’s Ryder, and I don’t want to leave ‘im if I can help it. I love ‘im, but I can’t live the way I have been. It’s killin’ me, Ado.”
“Honey,” she breathed. “I’m so sorry. Look, give me half an hour. I’m gettin’ Kane home then I’m comin’ over.”
I wiped away the stray tears that fell from my eyes.
“Don’t you dare, I’m fine.” I lied and rubbed my nose with the back of my hand. “I just had a stressful day at work. We had a code red on the ward and Dominic gave Ash a hard time when he picked me up, then my break up talk with Ryder went completely wrong. I just want to go to bed and deal with all of this tomorrow.”
“I’m comin’ over even if it’s just to sleep with you. I’m not leavin’ you alone when you’re goin’ through this, not a bleedin’ chance!”
I decided not to object because she was right—I needed her. Being on my own wasn’t something that was going to help me, having someone I loved just being there for me would.
“Okay,” I said, holding back more tears that wanted to break free. “You have your key so just come up to Dominic’s old room when you get here. I’ve been sleepin’ in there the last few months.”
Aideen cursed under her breath.
“Okay, as soon as Kane gets here, I’m comin’ over. He’ll probably pack up stuff for Jax and come with me; he won’t let me be alone after everythin’ that’s happened. Dante is in the sittin’ room right now on babysittin’ duty until Kane comes home.”
Aideen and Jax were Kane’s life; of course he was going to make sure they were protected after a twisted human being tried to take them away from him. And there was no one better to watch over them than one of her brothers’ when he couldn’t do it himself.
“I don’t blame ‘im,” I said with a firm nod. “There’s more than enough room here, his room is still his room. We haven’t changed it.”
“Good. Go and get to bed, I’ll be there before you know it. I love you.”
“I love you too, and I’m sorry for shoutin’ at you, I’m just out of sorts right now.”
“You have every reason to be pissed, I flaked and that’s not cool. Don’t think about it until we can talk, okay?”
“I’ll try not to, see you soon.”
“See you, hon.”
I leaned back against the chair I was sitting on, tilted my head back and stared up at the ceiling of my kitchen. The silence in my house was deafening, but my thoughts seemed to be on full blast because I couldn’t escape from them.
I jumped when I heard the noise of car doors closing and without hesitation; I jumped to me feet, zoomed out of the kitchen, down the hallway and straight to the front door. My heart slammed against my chest as I looked through the peephol
e. I hoped it was Ryder with his brothers. I could try breaking up with him again and with them here they could help me get it into his head that he didn’t have a say in my decision.
It wasn’t Ryder though... it was his twin brothers.
I quickly locked the door from the inside and put the latch on, too. When one of the twins tried his key in the door and found it wouldn’t open so they both rapped their fists against the door.
“Go away!”
“Branna?” Damien called out. “What are you doing? Let us in.”
“I’ll let you in, but not him!”
Another round of knocking.
“We have to talk, Branna.” Dominic stated.
“Stay away from me!”
I heard him sigh. “Branna, please—”
“No!” I snapped. “I’m not listenin’ to anythin’ you have to say. You’re a manipulative little pox and I never want to be in your presence again. You’re dead to me.”
Through the door I heard his sharp intake of breath.
“Take that back, Branna.”
My heart hurt because even when I was furious with the little prick, I still loved him to death, just like I would a brother. I didn’t mean what I said, but I was too angry to acknowledge that.
“No.” I said firmly. “I won’t.”
“You don’t mean it so take it back. Now.”
I slapped my palm against the door, ignoring the sting.
“Don’t tell me what to do when you’ve instilled a lie in Ryder’s head. He thinks I’m cheatin’ on ‘im because of you!”
“I fucked up, okay?” he said. “I wanted him to go and beat on Ash to ensure he stays away from you, I thought if he thought another man was stepping up to you, he’d snap out of his bullshit and react like any of us would, but he didn’t, and I’m so sorry.”
I was furious with him, but a part of me also understood him. Dominic’s logic was different to mine. He and his brothers’ were raised differently in a diverse environment and things that seemed crazy to me were normal for them. I knew in Dominic’s head that what he did was the only way he knew of to gauge a reaction from Ryder.
He thought he was helping.
On a sigh, I unlocked the door, opened it wide, and stepped to the side so the twins could enter the house. Damien kissed my cheek as he passed me by and Dominic stood in front of me.
“I’m so sorry,” he repeated, his eyes trained on mine. “It was dumb of me to bait Ryder when I know how much stress he is under.”
I saw the truth in his grey orbs, and I had to fight with myself not to hug him because I didn’t want to break down and cry. I had done enough of that.
Instead, I gave him an affectionate smile and said, “I know, kid.”
He stared down at me, unmoving and unblinking.
“What?” I quizzed.
Dominic nervously shifted from foot to foot, and after exhaling a shaky breath he said, “Take back what you said… please.”
I hated that I said what I did because I saw fear in him. He believed I truly meant the vile words I spewed and unless I said otherwise, he would continue to think that way.
A lump formed in my throat as I said, “I take it back. I didn’t mean a word of it, I swear. I’m sorry, sweetheart. You’re me brother, and I love you dearly, just like I do Bronagh. Nothin’ will ever change that, okay?”
He exhaled a relieved breath. “Thank you.”
As he spoke, he hugged me tightly and kissed the crown of my head.
“It’s going to be okay,” he murmured. “We’ll fix everything.”
You can’t fix what’s already been smashed to pieces.
I hugged him back then closed the front door of the house when we separated. I watched as Dominic dropped his car keys on the table in the hall, then I followed both of the lads down to the kitchen and automatically filled the kettle with water and popped it on to make tea.
Tea was necessary.
“I know this is a stupid question,” Damien began, “but are you okay?”
“No,” I replied while I took out cups from the cupboard. “I’m not okay. I’m tired and I just want to go to bed and deal with all of this tomorrow.”
“That’s a good idea,” Dominic said rapidly. “Why don’t you go on up to bed and we can have tea later?”
I hesitated. “Bronagh told me you went to help Kane and Alec find Ryder. Why are you here and not out with them?”
“They know where he is,” Damien said. “They just have to wait for him to be done with something.”
I stared at Damien when he finished speaking. “You’re being vague, really? A few hours ago you were in me shoes, you didn’t know a fuckin’ thing, but now you do and you aren’t tellin’ me?”
He swallowed. “This is something that has to come from Ryder, Bran.”
I couldn’t look at him.
“You’re all keepin’ things from me, and it’s hurtin’ me so much.” I turned away as I spoke. “I’m goin’ to bed, Aideen will be here soon with Jax and Kane.”
“Branna—”
“Good night,” I cut Damien off and walked out of the kitchen, closing the door behind me.
I walked down the hallway, and just as I was about to turn for the stairs, I heard a jiggle of keys in the lock of the hall door. For some unknown reason, I ran through the open door and into the gym room where I hovered next to the doorway.
I knew it was Ryder, I could sense him, but he confirmed it when he spoke in hushed whispers.
“No, I can’t… because I just got fucking home and need to fix shit with my girl, you know that… for fuck’s sake, why? I’m done with this bullshit after tonight. Damn it, fine. I’ll be right fucking there.”
I heard a bit of movement then a soft click. I peeked out of the gym room and found the hallway empty and the front door shut. I heard the ignition of a car starting up a few moments later and my heart jumped to my throat.
Ryder was leaving again, and in a split second I made a decision with that knowledge.
He asked me to trust him, to give him forty-eight hours before he could tell me everything that he was hiding from me, but I couldn’t. In that moment, I simply couldn’t. I waited over a year to find out what he was up to, and I couldn’t wait another minute longer. Before I realised what I was doing, I grabbed Dominic’s car keys from the table in the hall, quietly exited my house, jumped in his car, and began to follow Ryder at a safe distance. I was doing what I should have done a long time ago, I was going to find out for myself what he was up to, and I only prayed it wasn’t as bad as what I imagined it to be.
Please, God, I silently begged. Don’t let this break me.
Three years ago…
“I’m going to grow old with you.”
My lips twitched, but I kept my eyes shut.
“You do realise it’s incredibly weird when you stare at me while I’m sleepin’, and say things like that to me unconscious form, right?”
I felt the heat of Ryder’s palm press against my bare stomach as he moved closer to me.
“You say weird,” he murmured, and I could hear the smile in his tone, “others would say romantic.”
I giggled. “Sorry, it was weirdly romantic. How’s that?”
“It’s an improvement.”
I blinked my eyes open, squinting until they adjusted to the light of our bedroom. I lifted my arms above my head and stretched. When I made sounds that resembled a baby dinosaur, Ryder laughed and poked at my sides causing me to squirm.
“You always sound like you really enjoy your morning stretch.”
“I do,” I nodded. “It wakes me up and feels good.”
I looked at Ryder when he turned on his side and leaned his head down to mine, brushing his lips against my cheek. He parted his lips and gently flicked his tongue over my skin, causing goosebumps to break out over my flesh.
“Do you know what else feels good in the morning?” he murmured, trailing gentle kisses down my neck then to my sweet spot below my
earlobe.
I licked my lips. “A foot massage?”
“How about a clit massage?” Ryder asked, his hot breath fanning my face before he brought his talented lips back to mine.
I burst into a fit of giggles when he pulled his mouth away and rubbed his nose against mine.
“We can’t,” I stressed, trying to sound firm. “I heard you shuttin’ me alarm off. I have to get showered and dressed for work.”
“I’ll get you to work on time,” he said softly. “I promise.”
Well, maybe, if we were quick and—no! Don’t be weak, Branna. You can’t be late for work.
I groaned. “Don’t make this harder than it needs to be. You rocked me world twice yesterday, can you not wait until I’m home lat—”
“No,” Ryder cut me off. “I need to be inside of you. Now.”
I knew talking to him was going to get me nowhere, so I needed to physically move away from him. I pushed the bed sheets from my body and shivered when a cool draft spread out over my naked body. I made an attempt to sit up, but as soon as my body was exposed, Ryder pounced on me like a teenager with a raging hard on; only he was a grown man with a raging hard on.
“You can’t say no and then expose this masterpiece to me. No. Not fair. You aren’t allowed to do that.”
I laughed as he wrapped his arms around my body, rolled over, and pulled me on top of him. I adjusted myself until I was straddling his stomach. I looked down at him and shook my head when I found his eyes were locked on my breasts.
“You’re such a man.”
Ryder didn’t bat an eyelid. “Thank you.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m goin’ to be late for work.”
“You won’t,” my sex crazed fiancé assured me. “Your alarm doesn’t go off for another hour and a half, the alarm you heard me shut off was mine. I’m going for a run with Dominic in twenty-five minutes.”
I let what Ryder said sink in for a few moments, and then I flat out glared down at him.
“It’s half five in the mornin’?”
Ryder nodded, still not looking away from my breasts. I glanced away from him, and looked over at the window where sunshine streamed in through the opened curtains. Summer time in Ireland meant sunlight was shining bright at unholy hours of the night. I considered five a.m. night-time. I gritted my teeth and looked back down at Ryder, annoyed at finding him licking his lips as his eyes feasted on me.