“Morning, Kenny.”
“Morning, Dad. Morning, Mr. Robert. Morning, By.”
Byron just grunted, then said, “Man, you gotta quit drinking so much water, you sweated up the whole bed last night, I ain’t sharing the bed with your leaky little bu—”—he looked at Dad—“with your leaky little self again.”
Mr. Robert said, “You boys’ll get used to the heat.”
Dad petted the dog and said, “He’s too old to hunt?”
“Oh yeah, that dog won’t hunt no more. He’s just like me, lost the desire. Both of us got to the point where we just couldn’t pull the trigger. Both of us got to be just like Joe Louis toward the end. Remember his last fights, Daniel? Remember how Joe’d just walk around the ring waving that left fist like a threat, he just couldn’t throw it, he just couldn’t pull the trigger no more, his mind told him to do it but his body wouldn’t cooperate. That’s me and Toddy. There’s times at night I hear him howl and I know he’s dreaming about being back in the woods, but both of us know that’s gone.”
Mr. Robert bent down and rubbed the dog’s head. “Yeah, son, in his day this was the best coon dog in all Alabama. Used to get a hundred bucks just to stud him.”
Byron rubbed the old, gray, nasty-looking dog’s head too. “A hundred bucks? Man!”
“Yeah, me and Toddy saved each other’s lives, hate seeing him get so old.” Judging by the way Mr. Robert looked I bet the dog was saying the same thing about him.
“How’d you save his life?”
“You ever been coon hunting?”
“No, sir.”
“Well, there ain’t too many animals wilier or tougher than a old coon. Most people think you just chase ’em up a tree and pop ’em, but that ain’t half the story.
“Toddy’d trailed this coon all the way out to this lake, and the coon went in the water. Now most of the time a dog’ll stop right at the water, they know better than to go in, but Toddy must’ve just dove right in after that coon. He musta been a half mile ahead of me when I heard him holler and then get real quiet.”
“What happened?”
“The coon got him in the water and held his head under till he drowneded him.”
I stopped believing this junk right there. A raccoon drowning a dog? I looked at By and Dad but they both were believing what Mr. Robert was saying.
Dad said, “I’ve heard about raccoons doing that.”
“Oh yeah, Toddy here’s living proof.”
Byron said, “If he drowned how come he ain’t dead?”
“Well, when I finally got to that lake I seen the coon going out one way and Toddy nowhere in sight, and I knew what happened. I dove right in that water and started looking for him. Took me only a minute. I dragged him back to shore, turnt him upside down to let the water run outta him, held his mouth shut and breathed right in his nose. He kicked a couple of times, then came to.”
Byron said, “Man! That’s too much! That’s cool!”
All I could think of was that Mr. Robert was probably the only human being who’d ever put his mouth on a dog’s nose. That was pretty cool!
I asked Dad, “When do we eat?”
“Kenny, you’re the only one who hasn’t eaten already. Your mother and grandmother are in the kitchen, go on in.”
I went back inside.
Even before I got in I could hear Momma saying that Birmingham wasn’t anything like what she remembered. Her favorite sayings got to be “What’s this?” and “How long’s this been like that?” and “When did that happen?” and “Why do you do this like that?” and, most of all, “Awww, Momma …”
Grandma Sands thought Momma was hilarious and cracked up every time Momma got upset or worried about something that she didn’t remember or didn’t like. Grandma Sands must have seen The Wizard of Oz a million times because every time she laughed it sounded just like that Wicked Witch of the West. At first her laugh was so scary that whenever me and Joey heard it we wanted to go get behind something or someone. But after a while we got used to it.
It took us even longer to get used to the Southern style of talking. Man! Grandma Sands and Momma would get yakking to each other and we could only understand half of the things that they said.
The smell of bacon dragged me right into the kitchen. Momma, Joey and Grandma Sands were sitting at the little, skinny kitchen table yakking.
“Morning, Kenneth.”
“Morning, Momma. Morning, Joey. Morning, Grandma Sands.”
“You sleep O.K.?”
“It was real hot.”
Joey was sitting in Momma’s lap looking all drowsy. She said, “I know, I was sweating all night.”
The bacon was sitting on a plate on a piece of paper towel. Momma had another piece of paper towel in her hands because all the things that Grandma Sands was telling her were making her hands get all sweaty and disgusting. I got some cereal and bread and bacon and sat at the skinny table with them.
I must have interrupted something real important because as soon as I sat down Momma acted like I’d disappeared and started asking Grandma Sands more questions. “Well, what about Calla Lily Lincoln? I always wondered what she’s doing.…”
“ ’Lona, didn’t I write to you about that? Uh, uh, uh …”
They kept on talking and kept on ooohing and aahing and Grandma Sands kept on interrupting breakfast by scaring me and Joey with that laugh and Momma kept on saying “Awww, Momma …” and she kept on having to get up and get more paper towels to wipe her hands and most of all she kept on talking more and more Southern-style.
They talked about how much trouble people were having with some white people down here, who got married to who, how many kids this one had, how many times that one was in jail, a bunch of boring junk like that. It didn’t get interesting until I noticed that Momma got real, real nervous right before she said, “And what about you, Momma? Mr. Robert seems like a nice man and all, but …”
Grandma gave that laugh and my spoon flew out of my hand and spilled corn flakes on the table. Momma acted like she didn’t even notice, but without even looking at me she handed me one of the nasty, soaking-wet pieces of paper towel and kept looking at Grandma Sands.
“I was wondering when we’d get to that.” Grandma Sands smiled. “We been good friends since right after you-all left for Flint—”
Momma was being kind of rude, she interrupted and said, “Awww, Momma, good friends? What does that mean?”
“Wilona Sands, what is it that’s bothering you? Why don’t you just say what’s on your mind?”
Momma started wringing the neck of another piece of paper towel. “I just don’t understand what’s going on here. How come I never knew him? Did Daddy know him?” Momma said that last part like she was dropping a bomb on Grandma Sands.
Grandma Sands looked at her for a minute. “ ’Lona, things are different from what they were when you left. Nearly everything changes. Your daddy’s been gone for almost twenty years.” Grandma Sands had stopped smiling. “Now Mr. Robert is my dearest friend.”
Wow! I could see where Byron learned how to say a couple of words and have people think he’d said a whole bunch more! Grandma Sands didn’t yell or scream or anything, but the way she said those couple of things made everybody who heard it shut their mouths and listen real hard. Even though she only told Momma that Mr. Robert was her friend it seemed like I heard her also give my mother a real good scolding. Momma pouted and kissed the top of Joey’s head.
I picked up my spoon and kept eating. This was great! I’d never seen Momma act like a little kid who just got yelled at but there she was, picking at a piece of paper towel and looking kind of embarrassed. Dad and Byron came in with Mr. Robert.
“Mr. Robert’s going to walk us over to the lake, show us the best fishing spots for later. Joey, Kenny, you coming? Give these two some time alone to talk.”
Momma pushed Joey off her lap and we followed the little parade outside.
The heat made me and Joey feel li
ke we couldn’t wake up. I didn’t want to do any walking but the dirty dogs made me go anyway. The only kid that acted like he was having any fun was Byron. He walked the whole way with Mr. Robert and Dad and laughed and joked with them about every stupid story they told.
When we finally got back I went to sleep under a fan. They were going to force me to go fishing with Byron and Joey the next day and I knew I needed a ton of rest. I started to think that making Byron spend all of his summer in this heat was more punishment than even a juvenile delinquent like him deserved. But he seemed like he was having a great time.
13. I Meet Winnie’s Evil Twin Brother, the Wool Pooh
“If y’all are going to the water you stay away from Collier’s Landing. A couple of years ago Miss Thomas’s little boy Jimmy got caught up in some kinda whirlpool there and they didn’t find the poor soul’s body for three days.”
I’d only halfway listened to what Grandma Sands had said, and now me and Joey and Byron were standing at a sign with arrows that pointed in two directions. The one pointing to the left said “Public Swimming” and the other one, pointing to the right, looked like it had been on the post for a million years but if you got close to it you could read, “WARNING! NO TRESPASING! NO SWIMING! NO PUBLIC ENTREE! Signed Joe Collier.”
“Oh, man! Collier’s Landing,” I said. “Let’s go!” I knew Joey wouldn’t like this, but I figured me and By could talk her into coming and not snitching.
Joey said, “Uh-uh, Kenny, you heard Grandma Sands tell about that little boy getting lost in the water. What was that thing called that she said got him?”
Daddy Cool said, “Didn’t you hear what she said, Joey? She said he got caught by the Wool Pooh.”
“Is that a fish?” Joey asked.
“Uh-uh. You know who Winnie-the-Pooh is, don’t you?”
Me and Joey both nodded.
“Well, the Wool Pooh is Winnie’s evil twin brother. Don’t no one ever write about him ’cause they don’t want to scare y’all kids. What he does is hide underwater and snatch stupid kids down with him.”
By figured that dumb story was enough to scare me off and he started walking in the direction of the public swimming. “If Kenny wants to take his stupid little behind down there and get snatched, let him.” By grabbed Joey’s hand and started pulling her along with him, but she skidded her feet in the dirt.
“But Byron, what if the Wool Pooh comes down to where we’re going? Can’t he swim down there and get people too?”
“Naw, Joey, the Wool Pooh don’t come on public beaches, he just grabs folks that are too stingy to let peons come on their land, like this Collier guy.”
Who could understand Byron? Here was a chance for another Fantastic Adventure and he was going in the wrong direction. Something was wrong with him. If he was in Flint and you told him not to do something he’d go right out and do it, but now he was acting real dull and square. Maybe it was the heat, maybe just like it had sucked all the energy out of me it had sucked all the meanness and fun out of Byron.
“What you gonna do, punk?” Byron shouted over his shoulder. Joey yelled, “Come on, Kenny! You know what Grandma Sands said.”
I couldn’t believe it. I really wanted to go see where some kid drowned and now By was choosing this time to listen to what a grown-up told him.
“Awww, man, I’m going to Collier’s Landing.”
Byron shrugged. “Have fun.”
I shouted, “What’s wrong with you? When are you going to start acting like you normally do? What would Buphead say if he saw you acting like this?”
Byron flipped me double middle fingers and another finger sign I’d never seen before and said, “Just keep your stupid little butt out of the water.”
“Forget you, I’m going!”
They kept walking.
“I’m not playing!”
Joey waved.
“I’m going to Collier’s Landing!”
They were gone.
I looked in the direction that the warning sign was pointing and started to get a little nervous. I turned and started to follow Joey and Byron, but finally decided I really was going to go to Collier’s Landing. Maybe Byron was getting sick of having more Fantastic Adventures, but I figured I was getting old enough to have some myself.
“You’re a couple of jive squares!” I shouted, then walked off the way the warning sign pointed.
Byron must have thought I was stupid. Whoever heard of something called a Wool Pooh? I wasn’t sure what the lie was, but I knew Byron had made that junk up. Besides, if Winnie-the-Pooh had an evil twin brother it seemed like I would have read about it somewhere. Some of the time it was kind of hard to understand what Grandma Sands was saying, but I couldn’t remember her saying anything about any Wool Pooh. If there really was something that snatched kids into the water Momma and Dad wouldn’t have let us come down here, would they?
I knew all that stuff but I was still kind of nervous when I followed the little trail that went through a bunch of bushes and led to the water. I forgot all about Byron’s lies as soon as I saw the water. Collier’s Landing was great! The water was dark, dark blue, and best of all, it was about a hundred degrees cooler.
Joe Collier had put up another sign on a giant tree: “WARNING! DANGER! NO SWIMING! SIX LIFES BEEN LOST HERE! BAD DROP OFF! Signed Joe Collier.”
Six? Grandma Sands had said one little boy drowned here, not six! I felt dumb but I looked real hard at the water to see if the Wool Pooh was hiding there. I even looked up and down the shore to see if there were any strange footprints on the ground. I was kind of worried because this sign looked a lot fresher than the first one.
I kept waiting for By to jump out of the bushes and say something like, “Aha, you little dope, I got you! I made you look for a Wool Pooh!” but everything was real calm and quiet, the water didn’t even look like it was moving, but like it was breathing, going up and down, up and down, and it made a sound like the wind blowing through big trees in Flint.
I walked right to the edge of the water and still didn’t see anything strange so I figured if there really was anything dangerous Byron would have followed me here and stopped me from getting hurt, wouldn’t he?
Then a bell went off in my head. I knew Joe Collier put that sign up because he didn’t want to share his lake with anyone! The Wool Pooh was some made-up garbage!
There’s one good thing about getting in trouble: It seems like you do it in steps. It seems like you don’t just end up in trouble but that you kind of ease yourself into it. It also seems like the worse the trouble is that you get into, the more steps it takes to get there. Sort of like you’re getting a bunch of little warnings on the way; sort of like if you really wanted to you could turn around.
The first warning I should have listened to was when Daddy Cool and Joey followed the arrow to the left and I went to the right. The second warning came when I decided to wade in the water and the knots wouldn’t come out of my tennis shoe laces and I had to pull and tug the shoes off with the laces still tied. After that it’s kind of hard to count how many warnings I got, because with the trouble I ended up in I must’ve had a zillion of them.
Step by step I kept easing into trouble until I finally was standing in the lake with the water up to my knees. I’d gone out into the water because there were a bunch of little, stupid-looking, slow-moving fish right near the shore and I thought I might be able to catch some of them and make them pets. I wasn’t afraid because I figured if there was a real Wool Pooh and he was in the area these little fish wouldn’t be hanging around.
Alabama fish were a lot friendlier, and a lot trickier, than Michigan ones. I bent over and stuck my hand in the water and tried to grab a couple but they kept slipping away like they were covered with soap. They were right there and I couldn’t grab them. They didn’t even act like they were afraid of me, they just kept swimming around my legs, even bumping their faces into me, like they were trying to kiss me. It seemed like they wanted me to catch
them and take them back to Flint.
After missing about a hundred times I stood up and saw the reason the fish wouldn’t go out in deeper water. There was a big green turtle, about the size of a football, cruising back and forth in the deep water, and he looked just as slow and stupid as the fish did.
Wow! Who’d want to have a fish for a pet when you could have a turtle?
I took a few more steps out and the cool, blue water came all the way up to my arms. Getting cool all of a sudden like this made me bug my eyes and suck in my breath. I made a quick grab at the stupid turtle and, zoom, he flapped his arms once and disappeared into deeper water.
That quick grab was my last step. Boom, all of a sudden I was in big, big trouble!
The rocky ground under my feet started sliding away from the shore. I didn’t get nervous because I knew I could flap my arms like the turtle and get back to the dirt. I looked up and saw the shore was still real close. I flapped my arms and nothing happened, I stayed in the same spot. Then the rocks under my feet were gone and I was kicking in water. With the tips of my toes I could still brush some of the rocks but they were all slipping and sliding away from shore.
I pushed away to try to swim back and my head bobbed under the water. All the sound and light from Alabama disappeared because my eyes automatically shut and it seemed like my ears were stuffed with cotton. I got a mouthful of water but my head came right back up. I laughed because I was spitting and patoohing a mile a minute when my head popped out of the water. But the laughing stopped real quick when I tried swimming again and my head went back under.
That’s when I got really scared. I’d seen enough cartoons to know that when your head goes down three times it doesn’t ever come up again! I knew if I went down one more time I was as dead as a donut!
My eyes looked at the shore, where my shoes were sitting safe on some rocks. “Awww, man,” I said to myself, “I wish I had a magic lamp so I could have the genie make me be where those shoes are and they could be where I am!”
The Watsons Go to Birmingham--1963 Page 13