“I didn’t. Not at first anyway. I just said that I wanted to see Ma. That’s what Robert always called his mother. He said it annoyed her, she thought it was low-class.”
“Nice.”
“Well yes he was actually. He was a very good friend and he asked me to come here.”
“Why?”
“He wanted me to tell his mother what had happened to him. He wanted to give her the chance to do some good and maybe make amends for all the mean-spirited things that she did and all the nasty things that she said.”
She had replaced the receiver. “Why didn’t you just say so up front? Why all these days lurking about?”
“Honestly?”
“Yes, honestly.”
“Well first of all because you shouldn’t have this place at all. It’s not yours. Robert had pictures, you had changed it completely, his mother was dead and I thought that maybe there was money to be made.”
“Very noble.”
“You aren’t listening are you? I came here to speak to Mrs Bowling. Robert knew exactly how old she was. He assumed that maybe she was sick or at the very least feeble and maybe she had rethought things, wanted to make amends. He wanted her to do something good with his legacy. He wanted to give her a chance to redeem herself. It was important to him. I left my friend dead. You’re a nurse, you know what it’s like to die as a result of AIDS, it’s not pretty. He asked me to come, I came. I find you and this – all this luxury, money, and privilege. I was puzzled; it seemed to me that what you were up to wasn’t above board. I was right wasn’t I?”
“Well, okay yes we already know that you have something on me. I wanted to do something with my life, this place came into my hands, it was too good to miss. It was meant for me.”
“Okay, so you took advantage, let’s leave that for the moment. The other things though.”
“What other things?”
“Last night, that old woman’s room. Don’t try to kid me, I know what I saw.”
Phillipa lowered her gaze, now she couldn’t look him in the eye.
“Why?”
“She was old, old and feeble and sick. When people are like that they must be miserable, they can’t want to live like that; would you? Would you want to be incontinent, dependant, incapable?”
“No probably not, but it’s not up to you to decide.”
“When I came into nursing I knew that I would have to deal with things, gruesome things, blood and stuff but to see them like that it’s foul. I am just helping them, that’s all it ever is.”
“Foul, no sorry Phillipa. I’ll tell you what’s foul. To watch a mother and father die of AIDS within days of each other, leaving three children under seven all infected and in the care of their ancient grandmother. To see people struggle on when they can hardly stand from sickness because there is nobody to help them. To watch generations one after the other sicken and die – that’s foul. My God a bit of pee, a bit of vomit what’s that?”
“I like things clean, everything pristine, tidy and pretty.”
“Well, life isn’t like that is it?”
She mumbled, her voice so low he could hardly hear it. “No, no it’s not. But it should be, anyone can see that it should be.” And to his surprise she lowered her head into her hands and began to cry.
Chapter 22
He didn’t speak, he waited for the storm to pass, and after a few minutes she raised her head, dashed away the tears and levelled her gaze straight at him. “So, what are you going to do?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know, I honestly don’t know. I’ve worked in the cesspits of the world, I’ve seen things that will never leave my head and I just don’t know what to think about this. I have never before come across what seems to be pure evil.”
Phillipa gasped. “But it’s not is it? You’re sick, I truly think you are. I don’t think you can help it. But even if that’s true, you have done what you’ve done. My God, how many? I hadn’t thought of that until just now; how many?”
“No, not many, some but not many. Don’t make me do this, I can’t list them. I didn’t plan it at all, well not at first, it was reaction, I don’t know how to make you understand.”
“Oh, I don’t want to understand. God forbid that I should understand. But still, I don’t know. I would have thought, not that I could ever imagine a situation like this, but if I had my first reaction would have been that I would know what to do. Call the police, no hesitation, but now, now I’m faced with it, well it’s not so simple. Are you evil?”
She shook her head frantically.
“I don’t know, but what it very clear is what you have done is so very, very wrong.”
He shook his head, his brow was creased in a frown. “No, it’s no good, you’ve committed murder. You have, there’s no way around that. Okay, they were old and they were very sick but it’s not up to you to decide who should live and who shouldn’t.”
“But they were all very sick, didn’t have long to live and I truly believe that they were miserable. It was a kindness.” Phillipa had come now to sit beside him on the settee. She reached out and laid her hand on his arm.
He shrugged her away. “It doesn’t matter, how can you know that they didn’t want an extra day, one more chance to see their families, see the sun set and hear the birds? It’s not your place to decide, don’t you see that?” She sat beside him silent, unmoving.
For an age he sat with his head lowered, occasionally a sigh would escape from deep in his chest. “Look, I just don’t know what to do. I’ll be honest, I still think that I should call the police, this is all too much for me, too big.” She saw a chance, a glimpse of light in the dark, he was still confused, still sitting there.
“I see that what I have done was beyond what one would expect. I can see that from your point of view it seems wrong, possibly evil. It wasn’t. Honestly I didn’t ever mean it to be evil. I thought that I was doing the right thing. Those old people, it was no life. There’s something else too, this place, the Bowling Clinic. We do good work here, we help people to recover in peace and in the sort of surroundings that see them getting back to full health. We employ over thirty people here, if we were made to close, if you brought in the police they would all lose their jobs.”
“Jobs, jobs. You are equating life with jobs.”
“No, no of course not. Nobody here has ever had anything to do with this, you must believe that. Anything that I have done I have done on my own.”
“And that old duffer of a doctor.”
“Oh him, no he knows nothing. He just comes in and believes anything I tell him. He signs the papers, asks no questions.”
“It’s wrong. God woman, it’s just wrong. It’s too much for me to deal with, this is too much for me. I want out of this situation.”
She couldn’t let him go, couldn’t risk that he would walk away with this knowledge. There was too great a risk that at some time in the future he would have a crisis of conscience and feel the need to act. She had made her way to the drinks table and her fingers gripped the top of the whisky bottle. Did she have the strength? This was different from what she had done before. He wasn’t old and infirm, he wasn’t finished with life. Could she? Her fingers gripped the smooth glass. Her heart was pounding. In her panicked mind she saw no other choice. Everything that she had ever wanted, all that she had worked for hung in the balance and she wasn’t about to let it go now.
Chapter 23
Time held, second crawled after second as the universe slowed. She turned towards the settee and stepped closer. The gently warming hardness of the glass against the skin of her palm and the shift of weight as the liquid slopped and rippled with the downward force filled her senses. Phillipa’s muscles tensed and stretched, bringing the makeshift club downwards to the globe that was the back of Giles’ head. The blood pumping from an overstressed heart pounded against her eardrums and teardrops of perspiration appeared on her brow. For what seemed like an endless time there was nothing but sensation, panic, fear, horror
and exhilaration combining in a deathly cocktail of emotion. The bottle continued in its deathly arc. He turned. Reality fractured as their eyes met.
Abruptly the world exploded and cracked into hyper-speed, the crash of glass and splintering wood assaulted her senses as Giles leapt from his seat and turned, simultaneously knocking away the bottle and spinning her sideways from behind the settee. “You mad bitch, Christ. Get away.”
She skittered yards across the carpet and collided with a small table which tipped showering her with a confetti of papers, magazines and other detritus. The wind was knocked from her lungs leaving her sobbing and gasping desperately for breath. She drew up her knees and scrabbled to a crouch. Giles was standing above her now and she turned to meet his look which was appalled, frightened and furious.
“Stay where you are! Don’t you dare move, stay there you lunatic, just stay where you are.”
She pushed herself back against the wall and pulled down her skirt which had ridden up baring her thighs and leaving her feeling absurd and vulnerable.
“Keep still, don’t you move.”
“Okay, okay, let me get up, just let me get up.”
“No way, stay just where you are or I swear I’ll flatten you. What the hell is this? I can’t believe this. You are mad, there is no doubt, you are quite mad.”
There was a knock on the door, “Matron, this is Nurse Patel, is everything alright, are you alright Matron?”
“It’s fine nurse, everything is fine, I dropped something, it’s all okay. Thank you.”
“Do you need anything? Shall I get someone to clean for you?”
“No, no it’s all fine, please just go back to your work. Thank you nurse, really everything is fine. I will ring if I need you. Thank you.”
Staring up at him she moved her legs under her, tensing them ready to rise if the chance presented itself. Her breathing had slowed and with some control now over her brain she knew that she must take the initiative. Lowering her gaze she muttered just loud enough to be heard. “Oh my God, what have I done? Oh Giles, I am so sorry, I don’t know what came over me, what can I have been thinking? I am so very sorry.” Brimming eyes turned on him, tears trickled over her lower lids and flowed down the flushed cheeks.
The violence of the moment evaporated leaving a void of uncertainty. He still stood above her, his arms tensed at his side with fists clenched. She gazed up, her eyes awash, and held up a hand.
Taking a step backward Giles shook his head. “No, no stay where you are, don’t you dare move. I’m getting the police, you need putting away.” He moved towards the desk and the phone. As he lifted the handset she saw everything that she had worked for slipping away, her world of order and comfort under threat and her life itself to be made worthless and useless.
“Wait.”
Chapter 24
“Wait, exactly what am I waiting for? Waiting for you to sneak up behind me and hit me with a bottle, waiting for you to go and make another poor old patient “comfortable”? Or something else, just what else do you have in your arsenal “Matron”, shall I just wait and see eh, shall I?”
“Please, just give me a minute, let’s just talk. Look I am really, really sorry about just now, the bottle and everything. I don’t know what came over me, I was panicked, desperate. Just wait, don’t do anything until you’ve given me a chance to explain, try to make you understand.”
He replaced the receiver and turned with his arms crossed, his look cynical and mistrusting. He didn’t speak, he simply stared from where he stood beside the telephone.
Phillipa desperately tried to bring her mind under control. She knew that she was on the edge now. The rest of her life, indeed whether or not she would have any more life to speak of, depended on the next few minutes and what she found to say to this man.
“I know that I did the wrong thing taking this house, I do know that and yes I knew it at the time. It was too much for me to resist. I have never been rich, my parents were ordinary and I always thought that my life would be like that as well. Nursing was the only thing that I ever wanted to do. When the chance to take possession of this place presented itself I grabbed it with both hands. I spent all my money and time on it.
“I have worked tirelessly to make it what it is and although you don’t see the value, we do help people. Yes, we help wealthy people and we give them luxury and ease; but why exactly is that wrong? You have been places that I couldn’t go and seen things that I can only imagine but what we do here doesn’t hurt those others.”
“No, seems to me that you are the one doing the hurting.”
“I have tried to explain. I truly believe that some patients have really reached a time when they don’t want to go on any more. I simply tried to ease their way kindly and easily with no fear and no pain.”
Giles had taken a seat again and was looking up at her, his expression slightly less antagonistic. “I think that you’re probably partly right, and to be honest I do understand how someone may be happy to finish with a life that is more pain and discomfort that pleasure and happiness, but it isn’t up to you to decide. Don’t you see that?”
She sensed the softening in his tone and honed in to take full advantage. She flopped onto the settee beside him and lowered her head into her hands and let the tears flow with just the odd sniff for effect.
He moved towards her and taking hold of her hands he lowered them away from her streaming eyes.
Chapter 25
Although his childhood had been one of ease and privilege, Giles possessed two very rare commodities, a kind heart and a generous spirit. He left university with a good degree in civil engineering. Rather than go into the army as his father had expected, he had taken himself off to see how he could make a difference in parts of the world that needed more than just a “Rupert” with a theodolite. He had seen things that had shocked and repelled him and had found his heart seared at times with man’s inhumanity to man and for that matter woman and child. Rather than hardening him, this had made him search for the good he believed resided in most people, and he was desperate now to try to understand what made this woman tick.
On the one hand she was a nurse. In his world a nurse was a loving and caring individual who wanted to help ease the way for the sick and troubled. This did not equate with what he had found here in the clinic.
Although he was kind and compassionate he was not stupid and when he had first come to the house, in response to Robert’s wishes when he knew he was dying, he had seen a chance to maybe make some money for one of his causes. He thought maybe a clinic could be useful. He could possibly arrange for a treatment programme for some of the sick children he had known in Africa or the disadvantaged orphans in Eastern Europe. Very quickly he had seen this was just not that sort of place.
Loyalty to his friend had persuaded him to stay around and see if there was anything that could be done to benefit the people and places which had become so important to both of them in the years before they had come back to England.
Now, in spite of all that had happened he was still willing to give Phillipa a chance to explain herself and he was trying very hard to be fair and open-minded.
“Okay, let’s look at what has happened,” he said. “Let’s just for the moment pass over the incident with the bottle. I am willing to accept that you were panicked and overwrought. The other stuff though, you can’t get around the fact that it is murder. Even though you say you did it because you wanted to help your old patients, you killed them; it’s against the law and quite simply wrong. On top of that there’s the theft of this house, and you can’t deny that’s what it was.” Phillipa nodded and stared down at her hands which now lay clasped on her lap.
She sighed. “Is there anything I can say to make you understand and maybe find a way out of all of this? Anything at all?”
“I don’t know. At this point in time I just don’t know. How many old patients have you helped on their way? No, don’t shake your head like that. I assume that you
do know.”
“Of course I know, God what do you think I am some sort of monster?”
“Well, then how many?”
“Six, altogether six. Over a period of six years, when I was training and then while I have been running the clinic it’s six.”
“Were they all old and sick?”
“Of course they were, every one of them was right at the end of their lives and in such a state that I couldn’t have lived the way they were. I didn’t ever benefit I was just trying to help them.”
Chapter 26
“Six. Poor old things. How do you live with yourself?” Giles shook his head in sorrow.
“That’s it though, that’s the whole thing. If I didn’t believe it was really what they would have wanted I couldn’t, but I keep telling you and telling you they wanted to die. I am sure they did, they must have done.”
“Well, maybe you’re right. How can we know? My God, six of them. Okay, first of all before we go any further I have to have your word that it stops here. Never again, as long as you live, must you make these sorts of decisions for people. Promise me or we can’t go on with this.”
She swivelled around to face him looking him directly in the eyes. She spoke in a quiet controlled voice. “I promise, I am still sure that what I did was for the right reasons but I promise there won’t be any more.”
“The next thing is this house. It should have belonged to Robert. He didn’t want it for himself but he saw it as an asset, a resource that could be used for good.”
“You can’t have the house, the clinic. It’s mine.” She leapt to her feet and stood facing him, a look of wild anguish on her face.
“I don’t want it, what the hell do you think I would want it for? The thing is though it isn’t really yours, and I just can’t see a way that you can be allowed to simply carry on as though nothing has happened. You do see that, don’t you? Basically the game’s up.” He smiled as he said this, a sad and ironic expression tinged with a hint of steel. She could see he meant what he said and her mind was off again racing over the possibilities.
YOU'RE DEAD: Three Gripping Murder Mystery Suspense Novels Page 5