One would question why, but it made sense in the business world. It prevented things like theft, unauthorized copies being made, and any other infringement activities where people could make extra money.
Release forms gave the go ahead for the shipment to be made.
What was he doing last Monday?
His stomach clenched. He remembered now. Hiroshi was looking at hotels and ideas for his romantic getaway with Savannah. He’d practically spent the week arranging it and hadn’t really done any work as such. In his head things were fine, and he’d allowed himself the time to spend it with her.
“What about Cory?” He had to ask. Cory had to have questioned things somewhere along the line.
“Corey thought Pete handled it.”
“I’m finished here,” he breathed, clasping his hand over his mouth and shuddering at the thought of all the problems this would cause.
“Stay calm. Things are bad, but they can be fixed. It’s just been three days. We can put our heads together and fix it.”
“How Jake?” A suffocating sensation tightened his throat. All this time he’d been so careful with his work in Washington. He’d made sure everything was done by the book, that the company always outdid the others, that it performed seamlessly.
Now this had happened.
“That’s for us to figure out, and I know we can.”
Jake looked positive, but Hiroshi felt like he could barely stand from the doom that wore down on him. This was one time he didn’t think they would be able to figure anything out. It was too big. Too much of a mistake, a catastrophe. Damn it. Damn everything. The one time he took a break to have some form of a life, and this had to happen. How was he supposed to ask his father about modifying anything now?
He couldn’t. He wouldn’t be able to, and things would be worse than how they were before. There had never been a mistake this big in the history of the company.
“I have to go see my dad.”
Jake straightened up with a resigned look. “Are you sure? We could just fly over now and sort it out. You know he’s going to be livid.”
“I have to, Jake. It’s the right thing to do.”
At that Jake nodded and Hiroshi left. He went straight into his father’s office. The door was already open, so he didn’t bother to knock. From the look on his father’s face when he saw him, he could tell he was furious.
“Close the door.” His father said bringing his hands together and straightening up in his chair.
Hiroshi closed the door and faced him again.
“I’m going to fix it,” Hiroshi declared. There was no point giving any explanation of what happened or talking about Pete. His father wouldn’t care about any of that. All he would care about was that the Z-chip wasn’t released yet, and there was a deficit of a billion dollars and counting. Not to mention the company’s reputation.
“Yes, you will fix it, Hiroshi,” he replied pointedly. His eyes had resumed that coldness and look of disapproval—disappointment. “We will fix it.”
“We?”
“Yes, we. I am coming with you, and we will work ourselves to death if we have to, to fix it.” To someone else that would have sounded like his father was offering his support to manage the situation. But Hiroshi knew better than that.
“You don’t trust me to fix this myself?”
“That was the first mistake I made, trusting you. But it’s me who’s the biggest fool here. The one thing you never fail on is disappointment. It’s just a matter of time with you. I just hoped that maybe this time it would be different.”
His head numbed as he listened and his chest tightened. Hiroshi couldn’t comment or refute any of those accusations because…they were all true.
Every word.
“I never intended to disappoint you. I would never—”
“It doesn’t matter!” his father yelled. “You assured me you’d leave capable people in charge of Washington. I understand the situation but this is your fault. I even asked you to go to Washington weeks ago and spend some time there. Had you gone there was a chance this could have all been avoided.”
All true again. What could he say in his defense? That he’d been too consumed with his girlfriend to think about anything besides her, oh and by the way could he have more time to find time to be with her?
“Yes.” Hiroshi nodded. “I’m sorry, Dad.” He searched the coldness he saw in his father’s eyes and found nothing but anger and disappointment. He’d worked so hard for the last three years to earn this man’s respect. To show him that he could have a son he could be proud of, and Hiroshi had lost any progress he’d made in one weekend.
“Sorry is not going to fix this. The training center is done, and you had time to check that the company’s biggest release was on track. You’ve lost us money and made us look like a bunch of incompetent idiots. The press is having a field day with this. I couldn’t be more furious, and I’m quite certain that your grandfather is turning in his grave with anger.”
His words felt like a slap in the face and stung him to his core. It was as if someone had reached inside him and pulled everything out, replacing it with a void.
“Go and sort out your things; we leave for Washington tomorrow at noon.”
“Okay,” was all he could say.
He left and made his way to his office to think about what he could do. Regardless of what happened, this was his fault. The Z-chip was important, and he should have made it his duty to check that everything was in order for it to be released.
He should have been more vigilant and paid more attention. Particularly because he knew what was at stake if something went wrong, which it had. Now everything was a mess.
Over the last few weeks, he was so wrapped up in Savannah that he just got sidetracked.
What was he going to do about her?
He was stuck.
It wouldn’t matter what she chose. Whether it was freelancing or taking the staff position at the magazine, he’d be stuck. He would never be able to see her, let alone spend time with her.
His life would always be like this, always, and it would be worse now with this royal screw up of a mistake.
So…what should he do?
Something reached into him and twisted his heart into knots.
By evening things just got worse, he felt worse, and he found himself alone in the office sitting in the dark—thinking.
Looking at the glass wall, he saw his haggard reflection and thought he could see his heart break as he realized what he had to do.
In his twisted, conflicted, battered state of mind, he knew what he had to do.
And he knew that once he did it, that would be the end of everything that made him happy and he would never be the same again.
* * *
“Well, we completely agree,” Breana replied. In the Skype conversation window on the laptop screen, Savannah could see both her friends nodding in full agreement.
She’d told them she was going to continue to freelance for the magazine. Not that she needed anyone’s approval to confirm her decision, it was just that she knew they would understand her.
And she’d been right.
They both understood, even Breana with her one million boyfriends and wild takes on love. She was actually more vocal than Laura.
“I would have done the same thing,” Laura offered.
“You know what’s amazing?” Breana began. She tucked a lock of her dark hair behind her ear. “You don’t look like you have any regrets at all. You look like it was the easiest decision you’ve ever made in your life. And that’s a big deal since you’ve always wanted the position with the magazine.”
“Yes,” Laura agreed, nodding fiercely.
“But how do you feel? Are you okay with freelancing?” Breana asked.
“Yeah.” Savannah smiled as she leaned forward onto her desk.
Having had the last couple of days to really think about it she decided that choosing to freelance would be fine, and
the fact that she would be exclusive to the magazine made all the difference.
Of course, she would have to fund the trips herself, but her income would be good, so that would be okay, too. It had to be.
“Well then what more can be said, this is all getting pretty serious, Savannah. Girl we need to meet him soon.” Breana laughed.
“Yes.” Savannah nodded. Her eye caught the time on the clock. It was ten.
Hiroshi was normally home by now, even on a busy day. She must have gotten so carried away talking that she didn’t notice how late it had gotten.
She glanced at her phone. No messages or missed calls.
That was odd, too.
He’d seemed a little distracted this morning when he left. He’d told her he was meeting with his father about something important, but she just figured it was a standard meeting.
Something must have happened. Since they’d been together, a day hadn’t gone by yet when he didn’t call her on days he didn’t spend with her.
“Girls I think I may have to go.”
“Why, did Hiroshi just come in and take off his shirt?” Laura giggled.
“No,” she rolled her eyes at her. “See you soon.”
“Right back atcha,” Breana said.
As soon as they said their goodbyes Savannah picked up her phone and called him. To her complete surprise, the phone rang out to voicemail. She couldn’t remember ever hearing his voicemail greeting before. He’d always answer within the first or second ring.
She called again and the same thing happened, so she made her way to his empty room to find that everything was exactly the way she left it this morning.
It occurred to her to ask either Yumi or Sakiko, but they were both out and she didn’t want to disturb or alarm them.
Jake.
As soon as his name popped into her mind, she hit his number, but his phone went straight to voicemail, too. She didn’t leave a message.
Savannah lowered the phone to her side and looked around Hiroshi’s room. She sat on the bed and hugged her knees to her chest, staring out the sliding doors as she waited. Two hours later she was still in the same position. It was now midnight and she was worried sick.
She made one last attempt to call him but just like before the phone rang out.
Where are you Hiroshi?
She rested her head on his pillow, allowing his alluring woodland scent to fill her and lure her into sleep.
* * *
He should have called.
Hiroshi stopped at the entrance to his room watching his beautiful Savannah curled up asleep in the center of his bed.
He wished he had called, or better yet he wished he could have gotten past the dread that held him back from answering the phone when she called.
As soon as he took a step forward, she jumped up and looked around her. When her eyes landed on him, she practically flew out of the bed and rushed over to him, throwing her arms around him to hold him tight.
“I was so worried. What happened to you?”
He opened his mouth to answer when she released him, but no words came out. It was six am. What the hell could he say that would sound reasonable?
He stayed in that office for the whole time wrestling with his decision. Going backward and forward and coming to the same conclusion.
The same damned conclusion.
And now he was so tired. So tired he could barely think, let alone begin to explain himself.
He gazed deep into those eyes he loved so much. All he wanted to do was run away with her and start a life together, somewhere they could be happy. But that wasn’t possible.
That was just a dream.
“Something’s happened in Washington, and I have to go and fix it,” he began.
Concern washed over her fine features. “What’s happened?”
“I lost the company a lot of money. I have to go to Washington today.”
She held his gaze for a few agonizing seconds. “Will it be okay?”
“I don’t know.” He didn’t know what else to say.
“When will you be back?” Her eyes searched his.
“I…don’t know.” He had to gather courage. He had to push aside his feelings for her and gather courage.
“Is…everything else okay?” He knew she could tell that something more was wrong. It was in her eyes.
He shook his head. “Savannah, we have to talk.”
She brought her hand to her cheek. “About what?”
Here goes. He’d say it, just like he rehearsed in his mind. “I’ve been thinking a lot about your decision to turn down the staff position. I think it would be a mistake if you didn’t take the opportunity.” Better to say that part first.
“Why would you think that?” She shook her head. “I told you, it would just be too difficult, and I’d never see you.”
This was so hard, and he was dying inside. If she could see how tortured he was right now well…this was best. He couldn’t let her see the disaster that he was inside.
Now for the lie.
The lie he had to make seem like truth. He’d hoped to get more time with his thoughts. More time before he saw her so he could prepare himself better. But it had to be done. He stared at her, loving her so much the feeling weakened him. So much he could scarcely breathe, and that was why he couldn’t let her pass up something she’d worked so hard for.
His life was a mess. But her life was right before her, and she had a bright future that held all sorts of adventures.
“There’s no easy way to say this.”
“To say what?” Her voice shook, and she bit the inside of her lip, staring expectantly with anxiety.
“Savannah, I care about you a lot and I’m grateful to you for choosing to be with me. But I think that you might see something more serious in our relationship than what there really is.” His stomach turned over, and his nerves spiked and scattered as he watched her eyes darken with hurt.
“Oh,” was all she said, and she looked like she just about managed to say it. Her eyes widened, her lips quivered, and her skin turned a weird shade like she was going to be sick.
She looked at him like she couldn’t believe what he’d just said.
A stab of guilt buried into his chest. For all that she meant to him, those were not the words he imagined himself saying to her. Not even in some hellish nightmare. “I’ve thought a lot about this, and I think its best we break up.”
She looked at him without blinking, her eyes wide and expectant. That spark that usually burned within for him just died out.
“Break…up?” Her voice took on a frail edge he’d never heard before, and her hands shook.
“It would be unfair to let you give something up so important and…” He stopped. It was too hard. Too hard to watch her looking at him like that. Too hard to hurt her.
“And you don’t love me,” she finished for him, summarizing what she thought he was saying.
Hiroshi just looked at her. He tried to say no, to fulfill the aim of this disastrous conversation, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t lie about that. He tried to form the words but he couldn’t. He couldn’t tell her that he didn’t love her.
For a moment he thought she would see through his terrible attempt to break up with her. A glimmer of hope flickered through his heart as it struggled to break free of the decision he’d made, and he thought she would be able to tell just from looking at him that he was so in love with her that he wouldn’t be able to function without her.
But she didn’t.
She couldn’t see past the lie, and it wasn’t fair for him to want her to. So instead he just made her think it, he allowed her to think whatever she wanted. Hiroshi allowed Savannah to think that he didn’t love her.
Her beautiful lips trembled as she opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out.
She wiped at the tears that emerged from her eyes and tried to talk again, but couldn’t. Emotion assailed her as she covered her mouth to prevent from crying,
and that was it. She turned and rushed away from him.
It was done.
Chapter 23
Savannah couldn’t allow herself to cry in front of him. She couldn’t let him see that he’d destroyed her with just a few words.
Something deep within her struck her sense of reality and asked if she truly hadn’t expected this.
Could she really be surprised? With everything so uncertain and the way that their lives were. They were two different people with very different lives. Lives that were bound to clash no matter what attempts were made.
But…
What picked her apart and ripped away at her heart and soul was that he didn’t love her.
She was so sure he did. So sure that when it came to it, she chose him over her career.
How could she be so wrong? How could she have been so mistaken?
Her mind ran through every moment she’d spent with Hiroshi, trying to reassess it all. Trying to see where she’d gone so wrong.
Where, where had she gone wrong?
As she neared the corridor, tears blurring her vision and her emotions making her sick, she ran straight into Jake. He had to take hold of her shoulders to steady her from falling.
“Savannah, what’s wrong?”
Her breath caught in her throat, and she opened her mouth to speak but she was crying so much she couldn’t. Then something awful happened.
She couldn’t feel her heart.
“Jake, my heart’s not beating,” she cried out, giving escape to the agony of her loss.
“Come here.” He pulled her into his arms and her legs just gave, no longer able to sustain her. “It’s okay. Don’t cry.”
He helped her get back to her room where he set her down on the chaise lounge and sat next to her so she could lean against him, just like she did when they were kids.
It was only when she felt able to breathe again and the numbness turned to emptiness that she was able to explain what happened.
As she did, she realized that everything she experienced with Hiroshi must have all been in her head. All the feelings she thought she shared with him.
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