by Joss Wood
Luke felt the sour taste of panic in the back of his throat and pulled at his shirt collar. He’d been living in a dream world these past few days and it was time to snap out of it. He’d been seduced—literally and metaphorically—by the woman in his bed and her family in the manor house.
It wasn’t real and it sure wasn’t permanent.
Nothing ever was.
* * *
‘So, how is Luke?’
Jess sat at a small wooden table at a restaurant in Lambert’s Bay, a cup of coffee in front of her, waiting to meet Luke’s cousin. She was talking to Clem, all the way across the country at their safari operation, Two-B.
‘Distant, irritable, moody and snappy.’
‘Oh. Um...that’s not what I expected to hear. I thought you would be burning up the sheets.’
‘We are,’ Jess replied. ‘We’re just not talking in between. We both know that I should be packing to leave but neither of us are mentioning it.’
When he was making love to her he was anything but broody and snappy. Passionate, loving, attentive, tender. His body worshipped hers...
‘Have you asked him about it?’
‘Mmm, a couple of times. Yesterday I asked why he was being so aloof, far-away...uncommunicative, and was told that he has a lot of his mind. That he’s working on a couple of difficult deals and he’s tired.’
Clem was silent for a moment. ‘Is he back-pedalling?’
Jess rested her forehead on her fist and nodded, then realised that Clem couldn’t see her.
‘I think that’s part of it. I also think he’s thinking about his mum a lot. I think it’s natural after being confronted with our family.’
She really believed that. When she’d caught Luke staring at the photograph of his mum this morning all the pieces had fallen into place. Spending so much time with her family, seeing how close they were, had to make him wonder about his own family—about the fact that he had an aunt. He would be wondering whether he had cousins, other family members he’d never met. So she’d raised the subject of Luke tracking down his aunt again and he’d brushed her off. She realised that his reaction was a combination of fear and bravado, and understood that he was anxious. Who wouldn’t be? But he wasn’t uninterested so that was why...
‘I’m in Lambert’s Bay, about to meet his cousin,’ Jess said. She’d found the slip of paper her mum had given Luke, dialled the number of the cottage and spoken to Luke’s cousin. Luke’s aunt had died a couple of years ago, she’d explained, but she’d grown up with the tragic tale of Katelyn and would be happy to share the story with Jess—especially if she was living with Luke. Well, it wasn’t a lie...she was living with Luke. She just hadn’t felt the need to tell her that it was a temporary arrangement.
‘Does he know?’
‘No.’
‘Do you think that’s wise?’
‘It’s my gift to him, Clem. Knowledge about his past, his mother.’
It was her way to show him how much she loved him, that she would love to make a family with him, to invite him to share hers. Like her brothers, she wanted to love and be loved, to create her own family within a bigger one.
‘I want a man who loves me like Nick loves you—like Dad still loves my mum.’
‘Oh, sweetie, I hear you. But I’m not sure if this is the right way to go about it,’ Clem said. ‘Changing the subject—how did the family advert turn out?’
‘Sbu and I did the final edit on it this afternoon. It’s wonderful—funny, warm and very accessible. Everything I wanted it to be. I just need to show it to Luke and get his approval to flight the ad and we’re done, business-wise.’
‘Meaning that you should be heading home?’
Jess felt her stomach sink. She didn’t want to leave him—didn’t want to go back to her empty life in Sandton. She wanted to stay at St Sylve... She had thought this through: if Luke asked her to stay she’d open another branch of Jess Sherwood Concepts in Cape Town, leaving Ally to run the Sandton branch.
She could have a remote office at St Sylve...what was the point of wonderful technology like video conferencing and e-mail if one didn’t use it?
She’d miss her family, but being with Luke was non-negotiable.
‘I don’t know how I am going to leave him, Clem. If he doesn’t ask me to stay it’s going to break my heart...’
Jess looked up as the door to the coffee shop chimed and a tall woman her own age walked through the door. The first of Luke’s family...she couldn’t wait to meet the rest.
‘I’ve got to go, Clemmie. Love you.’
‘Love you too. Call me if you need me.’
* * *
Good news, good news—she couldn’t wait to tell Luke. As she’d suspected, he had the very wrong end of the stick.
Jess flexed her hands on the wheel and eased up on the accelerator. As eager as she was to get home, she couldn’t risk speeding along these windy roads, slick with incessant rain. The skies had opened up just as she’d left Lambert’s Bay and the rain had followed her all the way to Paarl, and it obviously had no intention of stopping any time soon.
Jess drove her SUV through St Sylve’s imposing gates and noticed that a dark green Mercedes Benz was parked outside Luke’s front door. She wrinkled her nose. Luke had said that he’d be in meetings most of the day, and she hoped that his appointments hadn’t run over and that he’d be finished at a reasonable time.
She had plans for him this evening...
Jess grabbed the envelope and CD that lay on the passenger seat, tucked them into the folds of the newspaper she’d bought earlier and, deciding that her bag and files could wait, ducked out of the car and sprinted as best she could in her high-heeled boots. The door opened as she grabbed the handle and she stumbled into Luke’s hard chest.
‘Jess!’
Jess dropped the newspaper and on a laugh flung her arms around his neck and planted her mouth on his. ‘Oh, it’s so good to see you. I’ve missed you so much.’
He grinned down at her. ‘I saw you this morning, but that is nice to hear.’
Jess laughed into his bemused face, then caught a movement on the stairs. Her blood turned to ice as she saw Kelly drifting down the stairs, barefoot and wearing only Luke’s favourite rugby jersey—her favourite rugby jersey. Jess dropped her hands and stepped back. Kelly’s hair was tangled and her make-up was smudged. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to work out that at some point in the afternoon Luke had removed Kelly’s clothes. As for anything more than that—she couldn’t go there... Jess felt as if someone had shoved a red-hot poker in her stomach.
Luke followed her horrified stare and his muttered oath barely penetrated the roaring in her head. ‘You’ve got to be kidding me!’
Then the red mist cleared from her mind and she shook her head. This is Luke, she told herself, the man who says he doesn’t cheat, ever. He wouldn’t do that to her. She trusted him.
Seeing Luke’s thunderous glare, directed right at her, she knew she had to rescue the situation as quickly as she could. So she took a step forward and met Kelly at the bottom of the stairs.
‘Hi—it’s Kelly, isn’t it? Did you get caught in the storm?’
Kelly, who’d been looking rather nervous, sent her a smile. ‘I did. I was here to buy some wine. Luke, Owen and I were walking back from the cellar and we got caught in the rain.’
‘Hey, Jess!’
Owen’s voice drifted from the lounge and Jess briefly closed her eyes. Thank God she’d hadn’t gone nuts and accused Luke of cheating...
‘Luke lent me a pair of your running shorts. I hope you don’t mind.’ Kelly lifted up the edge of the rugby shirt and Jess saw her own shorts.
She told Kelly she didn’t mind at all and watched as Kelly walked back into the lounge.
Jess started to follow her, but Luke’s hand on her arm kept her in place. ‘You thought that I slept with Kelly,’ he hissed.
She thought about denying it but Luke would see right through her. She m
et his hard eyes and sighed. He was ticked...and he had a right to be. An apology was needed. Why did she keep putting herself in these positions?
She held up her hands. ‘Habit reaction...’ His expression didn’t change and she sighed. ‘Come on, Luke. I reacted, I realised I was wrong and then I tried to correct it. I’m sorry I doubted you but it really was for only a second.’
Luke narrowed his eyes at her. ‘Don’t do it again.’
Oh, well, this wasn’t the way she’d thought this evening was going to go. Jess sent him an uncertain look before realising that she still had the envelope in her hands. ‘Listen, I have news!’
Luke lifted his eyebrows. ‘You look like you’ve had an interesting day.’
‘I’ve had a great day,’ Jess said as they walked into the lounge. ‘I spent the day with Sbu. We finished the edit on the last advert.’
Luke frowned. ‘What advert? I thought there wasn’t anything you could use from the last shoot.’
‘There wasn’t, but I came up with something else.’ Jess pulled the disc from inside the newspaper and waved it. ‘Do you want to see it?’
Luke shrugged. ‘Sure. What’s in the envelope?’
Jess looked over at Owen and Kelly and thought that it wasn’t something she wanted to discuss with an audience.
‘I’ll tell you later.’ Jess walked over to the DVD player and inserted the disc. Flipping on the plasma screen, Jess walked back to stand next to Luke. ‘I think you’ll like this.’
* * *
He loved it.
He hated it.
He looked happy, he thought, jamming his hands into the pockets of his jeans, and he had been. It had been one of the nicest, most relaxed afternoons he could ever remember. The entire weekend had been a revelation; he’d laughed and kicked back, swallowed up by the warmth of the Sherwood clan. He wished that he could bank on the fact that there would be more of that type of family weekend, but that brought him back to the issue of permanence and commitment.
He’d noticed Jess and Clem filming that afternoon and into the evening, had thought it was just a video for the family archives. Jess had turned the footage into something special: gorgeous people in a gorgeous setting. It was an inspired move, Luke thought.
On film, Jess had captured all his hopes and dreams. There was John’s son, Kelby, filthy dirty from digging up worms in an empty flowerbed, and Clem, lying back on her elbows, relaxed and gorgeous in the late-afternoon sun. Him and her brothers, sitting on the lawn, trading insults and getting to know each other.
Then the last frames of the film appeared on screen. Someone had picked up the video camera and filmed Jess walking towards him on the lawn, wrapping her arms around his neck and boosting herself up his body to laugh down into his face. Love and delight radiated from her. Everything she felt about him was written on her face. She was in love with him.
He didn’t need her to tell him. It was there on the screen in front of him. Luke held his throat as he felt it tighten. He hadn’t wanted this—hadn’t asked for it. He didn’t know what to do with this knowledge, her love, where to put it, how to act.
‘So, what do you think?’
Luke eventually realised that Jess was talking to him and couldn’t find the words he wanted to say. He didn’t know what he wanted to say.
‘Luke, do you like it?’ Jess asked again, and he heard her insecure laugh. ‘I kind of need an answer or else we go back to square one.’
‘I think it’s wonderful,’ Kelly said with a quaver in her voice.
‘Superb, Jess,’ Owen agreed.
Luke licked his lips and looked from Jess to the TV screen and back again. ‘I’ll think about it. I’ve got to go.’
Luke hurried out of the room and pounded up the stairs to his room. Dragging off his damp jersey—he hadn’t had time to change between Jess’s arrival and getting Kelly sorted out with dry clothes—he shucked his wet boots and jeans and changed into a pair of track pants and a sweatshirt.
Warmer, he sat down on his bed and looked at his hands. He had to decide what he was going to do about Jess. The campaign was complete and she needed to get back to Sandton—to her business, her family, her life. Leaving him alone at St Sylve.
He didn’t think he could bear it. He didn’t want to be alone, but how could he ask her to stay? He wanted her at St Sylve, wanted to see her face first thing in the morning and last thing at night. But he had no right to ask her to give up her life, her business, her home, when he wasn’t prepared to take their relationship any further.
He was terrified of marriage. It felt as if a noose was tightening around his neck every time he even considered the concept. Jess couldn’t—shouldn’t—give up her life for anything less than a solid, watertight commitment.
Six weeks ago he’d had a peaceful life: a mutually satisfying sexual relationship with a nice woman, good friends for company, work to keep him busy. A normal, busy life without a complicated woman in his bed—in his head. He’d come to terms with his childhood, made peace with his failed marriage, put his relationship with his father into perspective.
Then Jess had skidded back into his life and spun it upside down.
Sex was no longer just about sex. He’d lost his family but he’d been slapped in the face with hers. He was about to have his longest dream aired on national TV. And she was in love with him. He hadn’t asked for this—any of it. Why did he have to deal with all this? It was...overwhelming, distracting, too damn much!
He felt as if he’d fallen into a vortex of information and was being sucked down...sucked dry.
‘Luke?’
Luke looked up and saw Jess in the doorway, her hand resting on the doorframe. God, what now? Could he not just have five damned minutes on his own?
‘Can I come in?’
It irritated him that she felt the need to ask. This had been as much her room as his over the past week. He nodded and she walked over to him, that yellow envelope still in her hand. She sat down next to him and he could see the shimmer of raindrops in her hair.
‘I’m sorry you didn’t like the advert.’
Honesty forced him to answer truthfully. ‘I loved the advert. It was just a...surprise.’
Jess shoved a shaky hand into her hair and tapped the envelope on her knee. ‘I brought you a present. I hope you like it.’
Luke took the envelope off her lap, lifted the flap and pulled out a wad of papers. Placing them on the bed next to him, he flipped through the documents and quickly realised that the papers related to his mother and his childhood. His past... Jess had been delving into it. A core-deep slow burn started in his stomach and an icy hand clutched his heart. She had no right to interfere.
That’s not true. He heard the small voice in the back of his head. You’re angry and miserable and maybe looking for a fight. Looking for an excuse to push her out of your head. In the space of an hour she’s pushed every button you have...
‘Your mother didn’t leave you. She was coming back for you—’
‘Shut up!’
Luke jumped to his feet and looked down at her with furious eyes. Forget maybe—he definitely wanted a fight. He knew what buttons to push too. ‘You really do have a habit of thinking that you know it all, Jess.’
The colour leached from Jess’s face and she stared back at him, her eyes enormous in her face. She looked at the papers on the bed, sucked in a breath and tried for a normal voice. ‘You don’t understand! Luke, it’s not what you think. It’s good news!’
‘I don’t care! What did I say when you suggested that I contact my aunt?’
‘That you didn’t want to do it,’ Jess replied in a small voice.
‘What part of that sentence didn’t you understand? How dare you take the decision to investigate my past out of my hands? If I wanted to know I am quite capable of finding out myself!’
‘I’m sorry. I thought I was doing a nice thing!’ Jess protested. ‘I thought you needed to know—that I was helping.’
‘You know, the first time I met you I thought you were an arrogant, snotty witch. Essentially, nothing has changed.’
When shocked hurt ran across her face he knew he had scored a direct hit, but she recovered quickly.
‘That wasn’t what you were thinking every time you took me to bed.’
‘Hey, your body was on offer. I’m a man. I just took what was available.’
‘That’s an awful thing to say.’
It was, but he didn’t care. Somewhere in a place that was beyond his temper and his anger and his fear, Luke realised that he was hurting her—that every word that dropped from his lips was like acid hitting her soul. He didn’t mean it, but he was bone-deep terrified of the implications contained in that envelope—knew that they would change his perceptions about the past, change him. He didn’t want to deal with any of it. Not with Jess’s love, with the anger he felt that his mother had died, leaving him with his monster father, with knowing how much he’d needed her in his life. He just wanted to lash out...to put all this turbulent emotion somewhere else...on someone else.
Jess had a massive target on her forehead. It wasn’t noble, and it wasn’t nice, but she was somewhere to put this burning, churning rage that had his heart, stomach and throat in an unbreakable grip.
Jess wrapped her arms around her middle. Fine tremors passed through her body—a combination of cold and emotion. She felt annihilated and utterly lost... Who was this man who was doing his best to hurt her? This wasn’t the Luke she’d thought she knew, the man she’d come to love. He was cold, hard, ugly.
‘Why are you doing this?’
‘Doing what? Being honest?’
Jess took a step forward and slapped her hand on his chest. ‘Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare call this being honest! This is you being a chicken-crap coward! This is you being scared of being close to someone, of exploring your feelings, of admitting that I mean more to you than a quick fling.’
Luke scowled at her. ‘Get real. This is about you making decisions on my behalf, insinuating yourself into my bed and my life—’