Worth Waiting For

by Burrows, Jax

  ‘I never told you this, but Helen and I were an item. She got pregnant and had an abortion without telling me about either one. I couldn’t forgive her. Still can’t.’

  ‘What’s that got to do with Jade?’ Lexi was sorry for Casey but all her thoughts at that moment were with their child.

  ‘She regretted the abortion and I think she’s had some kind of nervous breakdown. She turned up in Leytonsfield a couple of weeks ago with an overdose. I said she could stay with me until she got a place of her own. I realise now, how stupid that was.’

  ‘She’s living with you? For how long! And why did she ring me and not you?’

  ‘She must have copied your number from my mobile. She’s not dangerous. She didn’t hurt the baby she took, so-’

  ‘What? She took a baby! Oh my God, Casey, this just gets worse. Why is she walking the streets if she snatches kids? She should be locked up.’

  ‘She needs help. Professional psychiatric help. I’m going to phone Joe Moreton and get her admitted.’

  ‘You should have done that before!’ Lexi was yelling in his ear, but she couldn’t help herself. She was frantic with worry over Jade. Everything Casey told her made her think her darling daughter was in danger from this mad woman. And Casey knew all about it. Knew she was dangerous.

  ‘Calm down, Lexi, Jade’ll be fine.’

  ‘You don’t know that. Did you tell this woman where we were going to be today?’

  ‘Yes, I’m afraid I did mention it. She could have followed me, she’s done that before.’

  Lexi couldn’t believe what she was hearing and sat in stunned silence until they reached Casey’s house. All the way there she prayed to God to keep Jade safe. She didn’t even know if she believed in God, but in that moment, He was all she had.

  ‘Right. Stay in the car while I go in and talk to her,’ said Casey.

  ‘Not on your life. I’m going to get my daughter so don’t try to stop me.’ Lexi got out of the car and slammed the car door, then marched up the path to the front door.

  *

  Casey followed Lexi, feeling dread in the pit of his stomach. This was all his fault. All of it. He had handled things so badly, he didn’t know what he was thinking.

  Lexi waited at the front door almost vibrating with fear and rage. He opened the door and tried to go in first, but Lexi pushed passed him shouting for her daughter.

  ‘Mummy!’ Jade ran into the hall and hugged Lexi, who broke down into loud sobs and held the little girl so tightly, she started to wriggle.

  Casey went into the lounge to find Helen sitting on the sofa as if she was enjoying afternoon tea with friends. A glass of juice was sitting on the coffee table next to a plate of biscuits.

  ‘Helen. Why did you do it? You scared us half to death.’

  ‘I wanted to meet your daughter and I knew if I asked you’d say no.’

  ‘Yes, I would, but that is no reason to steal a child.’

  ‘I didn’t steal her. Anyway, it should be me playing happy families with you, not her.’ She gestured at the doorway where Lexi was standing with Jade in her arms.

  ‘Lexi is Jade’s mother, not you. You gave us such a fright.’

  ‘Well, she’s not looking after her properly, neither of you are. The poor little thing had to listen to you arguing while you ignored her. No wonder she preferred to come with me.’

  ‘You followed me.’

  ‘Yes. I was bored here on my own. I wanted to join in the fun too. So I got the bus. It was easy to find you; I just looked in all the toyshops and found you in Jeffersons. Then I followed you. I didn’t intend to take the girl, but she came willingly, so I thought she’d be better off with me.’

  ‘You’re a liar!’ Lexi said. ‘My little girl wouldn’t have wandered off if you hadn’t enticed her.’

  ‘Think what you like. She was happy here with me, weren’t you love?’ She smiled at Jade who looked to Lexi for direction.

  ‘No. I wanted to be with Mummy and Daddy.’

  Lexi looked triumphant and Helen shrugged as if she didn’t really care.

  ‘Well, there’s no harm done, is there? You’ve got her back now, so that’s an end to it.’

  ‘Not quite,’ said Lexi, ‘the police will be here in a minute.’

  ‘Why did you call the police,’ asked Helen in exasperation, ‘I haven’t done anything wrong.’

  ‘Kidnapping is a criminal offence, I’m afraid, Helen. If, however, you agree to be sectioned, I will ask Joe Moreton to admit you. And this time, you need to stay in until you’re better.’

  ‘Are you abandoning me again, Casey?’ Helen looked at him imploringly.

  ‘No, I’m helping you.’

  They looked up as the doorbell chimed. Casey went to answer it. Both the police and an ambulance had arrived. Fortunately Helen went willingly. In the doorway, escorted by the paramedics, she turned to look at Casey and Lexi.

  ‘Oh, by the way, Jade told me she wanted to spend Christmas day at her grandparents which is why she ran off in the first place. Nobody was listening to her. Just thought you should know.’

  *

  Lexi felt as if she was coming down from a momentous high. The adrenaline pumping around her body had left its mark. She felt nauseous, dizzy and tearful. All she wanted to do was to take Jade home and lock the door against the world. Before she did, however, she needed to tell Casey a few home truths while she still had the courage.

  He had made them both a mug of tea and Jade was happy in front of the television watching the Disney channel.

  ‘I need to talk to you.’

  ‘Can’t it wait, I feel so shaken up I don’t think I would make much sense in a serious discussion.’

  ‘Then shut up and listen for once in your life.’

  He looked at her to see if she was joking. She wasn’t. She’d never been more serious.

  ‘Because of you, our daughter was put in mortal danger-’

  ‘I think that’s a slight exaggeration.’

  ‘Because of you, Jade was kidnapped by a woman who is mentally ill and who had already taken a baby.’

  Casey didn’t speak.

  ‘I have never felt so frightened in my life, Casey. This day makes all the other horrible days I’ve had in my childhood pale into insignificance. I will never, as long as I live, forget the feeling I had when that woman rang me and told me she’d got Jade.’ Lexi stopped as tears threatened to overwhelm her.

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘Being sorry isn’t enough, I’m afraid. I can’t trust you Casey, not anymore. And when you include everything else, I don’t think you and I have any kind of future together.’

  ‘Everything else? Like what?’

  ‘You never listen to me. I tried to tell you last Saturday not to spoil her, but you didn’t listen. You like everything your own way; over Jade, the house – everything. You asked me to move in but never thought I’d like some say in choosing where we were going to live. We could have looked at houses together.’

  ‘I just wanted it to be perfect for you.’

  ‘You’re a naturally confident person who likes to be in control and I can understand why. You’re a team leader so you have to be seen to be confident and know what you’re doing, but being a father is new to you and, trust me, you really have no idea what you’re doing.’

  ‘I didn’t think I was doing that bad a job.’

  Then he sighed deeply and turned his head to look at her. ‘You’re right. About nearly all of it. About me not knowing what the hell I’m doing as a parent anyway. And yes, I should ask your advice and I will start to do that, I promise. But you’re not right about me being a naturally confident person. I have to work at that every day to appear confident in front of the team. I live in fear that one day they’ll see through me to the quivering wreck underneath.’

  ‘I find that hard to believe.’ Lexi took a sip of her tea.

  ‘It’s true, I’m afraid. Did you know I nearly gave up medicine?’

&n
bsp; ‘Really? No, I didn’t. When was that?’

  ‘You remember the patient I told you about? The young woman who walked in front of a taxi?’

  ‘Yes, of course.’

  ‘It was my fault. She died because of me. I couldn’t face it. I went to my GP and got a sicknote for a month. I came back to Leytonsfield to discuss alternative careers with my parents and Riordan. I was thinking about being a physio or something else in the medical world where I couldn’t kill anyone. I just lost all my confidence. Hated myself. Was on the verge of handing my notice in when Riordan told me about the job going at Leytonsfield General. I told him he was mad. If I couldn’t cope with being a registrar, how could I cope with the post of consultant? But my training was nearly over and that was the next step. And, of course, he was right. A smaller, quieter hospital was exactly what I needed. And when Shelley was admitted, this time I was ready.’

  ‘So, that first day you appeared in our A&E Department looking as if you were ready to conquer the world, you were really shaking in your boots?’

  ‘My legs were like jelly, but then I saw you and I took it as a good omen that I’d made the right decision.’

  ‘And what do you think now?’

  ‘The same. You and Jade mean everything to me. I know it may not seem that way after today, but it’s true.’

  Lexi sighed, suddenly weary to the bone. ‘We need to go home. I’m exhausted.’

  ‘I’ll drive you.’

  ‘No. Could you just pay for a taxi for us? I want to be on my own now.’

  ‘Okay, if that’s what you want. One more thing though.’ Casey called Jade over and sat her on his knee. ‘Darling, did you run off when we were arguing? And then you saw the lady?’

  ‘She told me to go with her. She said she was your friend, Daddy.’

  Casey asked, ‘Where did you tell that lady you wanted to spend Christmas day, can you remember?’

  Jade suddenly looked serious and Lexi braced herself. ‘I want to spend Christmas Day with Daddy and Nanna and Granddad and Tom and Uncle Riordan.’

  He looked at Lexi but said nothing.

  Lexi’s heart sank. Casey had won. Her daughter would rather be with her new family than her old one. As she looked back at two pairs of green eyes gazing at her expectantly, she sighed. ‘I’ll have a word with Jess, but I’m not promising anything.’

  *

  ‘Billy’s invited us to Edinburgh for Christmas and New Year. Hogmanay, they call it.’

  ‘That’s great! Don’t need to ask if you too are still loved up.’

  ‘We’re as loved up as two people who’ve never met can be.’

  They were sitting in front of the open fire in PJs and dressing-gowns, sipping hot chocolate. Jess was still glowing from her nightly facetime with Billy and the kids were in bed. Lexi had told Jess about her horrendous day and then said she didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

  ‘I was expecting a lecture about being careful or meeting him first before Craig meets him,’ said Jess before blowing on her hot chocolate to cool it.

  ‘You’ve obviously thought it through and decided he’s worth the risk. Just leave me his address and phone number, okay?’

  ‘Okay. And you’ll be with the O’Connors. So, it’s all worked out well in the end.’

  ‘Yes, I suppose it has.’

  ‘You don’t sound very sure.’

  ‘Practically, it makes sense. Jade’ll be over the moon. And Casey. It’s just that, after today, I’m not sure how I feel about him.

  ‘It must have been terrifying losing Jade. For both of you, I mean. I’m sure Casey wouldn’t deliberately put Jade’s life in danger. He loves his daughter to bits.’

  ‘I know, but he never even told me that she was living there. If he had, we could have been more vigilant.’

  ‘Maybe. Is that all that’s worrying you?’

  ‘No… Jade has settled into the O’Connor family so easily. She’s one of them now. But me… well, I still don’t feel I belong in their family. I’m still the outsider. You and Craig are the only family I’ve ever known.’

  ‘You’re not going to lose us, we’ll always be there for you and Jade.’

  ‘I know. Thanks.’ She put her arm around Jess and hugged her.

  ‘Anyway, what about you and the sexy doctor? Are you going to move in with him?’

  ‘No, I don’t think so.’

  ‘Why? It makes sense to me.’

  ‘That’s the problem. I can’t live with a man merely because it makes sense. He wants me there for all the wrong reasons. Because it’ll be convenient for him mainly. He’ll have Jade there permanently and me to do all the running around and looking after the place.’

  ‘Is there nothing between you two then? You know, in the bedroom?’

  ‘Oh yes, the bedroom has never been a problem. In fact, it’s a distraction. I think Casey is confusing lust with love. We are attracted to each other and when we get together…’

  ‘Fireworks?’ suggested Jess with a grin.

  ‘Skyrockets!’ agreed Lexi.

  Jess laughed out loud. ‘Cool, as my son would say.’

  ‘Yes, but not enough for a permanent relationship. If I ever live with a man, then I want the real thing. All of it. I want romance, commitment, loyalty and trust. And I want love. Real, unconditional, abiding love.’

  ‘Did you get all that from your romance books?’

  Lexi drained her mug of the last bit of chocolate and placed it on the coffee table in front of them. She sat back and stared into the flames.

  ‘Do you think I’m asking too much? Am I being unrealistic? Maybe all those things don’t exist except in novels.’

  ‘Our problem, you and me, is that we never had parents who showed us how a marriage should be. We don’t know what’s real and what isn’t.’

  They fell silent, listening to the crackle of the fire. It was warm and cosy with the curtains closed to shut out the night. She was happy in the cottage and part of her wanted time to stand still; to stay like this forever, safe and secure in the now. But, if things worked out with Billy, Jess and Craig would be moving to Scotland and she’d have to advertise for a tenant. She couldn’t afford the rent on her own.

  Jess spoke again, her voice quiet in the stillness. ‘It’s not easy for me either, you know. I want Billy to be someone I could have a future with, but at the moment the man’s a stranger. We’ve never even met. I’m just trusting that we’ll hit it off.’

  ‘I hope it works out for you, too, Jess, I really do. You deserve to be happy.’

  ‘Thanks. I appreciate that. Sometimes you have to take a chance. And like you say – Jade is an O’Connor already. And if you don’t want Casey, there’ll be plenty of women ready to step in and snatch him up.’

  Lexi felt a sudden chill, despite the heat from the fire. That thought had also occurred to her. They were tied together because of Jade. They would always be in each other’s lives. But in what capacity? If they weren’t together as a couple, it wouldn’t take long for Casey to find someone else to love him. She knew she would never feel for another man the depth of longing she felt for Dr Casey O’Connor.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  The Leytonsfield Hotel was dressed for the festive season, like the grand old lady she was. The outside of the building was lit by the silver fairy lights around the main doors and festooning the shrubs that sat snugly in their pots on either side of the entrance.

  Walking up the steps and passing through the heavy wooden doors, into the warmth and noise of the interior, was like emerging into a party-animal’s Christmas paradise.

  It seemed that every department at Leytonsfield General had booked their Christmas party there. Casey had chosen this venue because of the long association his family had with the hotel. His parents had celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary there, the twins celebrated their twenty-first birthdays, not to mention myriad lunches, dinners and tête-à-têtes over the years. Their food sat neatly between pub-grub an
d fine dining. Casey was looking forward to the meal immensely.

  There were tables set in every available corner, some already occupied by people wearing paper hats or Santa hats and unfurling party blowers annoyingly in their colleagues’ faces, while other tables were empty. Neat piles of crackers sat invitingly in the centre of each, with party poppers, cutlery and glasses untouched and pristine, waiting expectantly for the revellers to arrive.

  After a brief search, Casey gave up and asked a passing waiter to show him to the A&E table. There were two of them, in pride of place in the main dining-room, adjacent to the lounge, temporarily converted to a disco for the duration of the Christmas parties.

  One table sat sixteen and the other fourteen. Some of his team had arrived and had plonked themselves down on the larger table, joyfully opening the wine and examining the crackers. They’d made a special effort with their attire, the men wearing suits or open-necked shirts and jackets, matched with casual trousers. No jeans. The women looked gorgeous in low-cut dresses, heels and sparkly earrings. How pleasant it was to see the staff looking happy and relaxed, dressed like normal human beings instead of stress-heads in shapeless scrubs.

  Would Lexi be coming tonight? She hadn’t confirmed by email as requested and he’d paid her deposit himself just in case. They’d seen very little of each other since last Saturday, being on different shifts and their paths had seldom crossed. They had waved to each other occasionally but had not found the chance for conversation. The nights he managed to get to the cottage to see Jade, Lexi had been on a late shift. He couldn’t help thinking she was avoiding him.

  When he’d found out that Jade was his daughter, his only wish was to be the best father a little girl could have. He hadn’t reckoned on how difficult that simple-sounding task was going to be. All he’d succeeded in doing was to annoy Lexi and make her life harder than it had been before he arrived back in Leytonsfield.

  So far, he’d proved himself to be a hopeless dad. Incompetent, scared of saying no, desperate for Jade to love him. Then the fiasco with Helen. Being a parent was the hardest job he’d ever had in his life. He didn’t know how other people coped. He couldn’t do it alone, he needed Lexi’s help but, as she’d pointed out to him, he never asked for it; he just assumed he knew best. What an idiot.