“Jayla.” He searched her eyes, and through the want, through the love-me look in them, a shadow of doubt remained, and he regretfully pulled back. Prying her hands from his body was the most difficult thing he’d ever done. He let out a long, low breath as they slid from his skin.
She looked up at him and smiled. “You always could see right through me. And with me, you’re always a gentleman.”
A nod was all he could manage.
“Good night, Rush.” She turned and went inside, closing the door behind her.
Rush stared at the cabin door like it was the enemy, but he knew better. As he walked away from Jayla’s cabin with a hard-on like no other, everything became clear. There was no enemy. There was only the truth of who he’d been, who he’d become, and the bridge of proof that he was going to try his damnedest to construct.
Chapter Ten
JAYLA HAD FALLEN down the rabbit hole with Rush and seriously doubted she’d ever want to climb back out—and it felt so good that she had no idea if it was smart or not. She lay in bed thinking of him and that insatiable kiss until the sun peeked in through the curtains, and then she finally dragged herself from bed. She pulled on sweatpants and argued with herself in the mirror again while she worked through her shoulder exercises. It was a losing battle. She couldn’t look at herself for two minutes without feeling guilty for hiding her injury from Rush.
She’d always trusted her own judgment. From knowing that competitive skiing was right for her to choosing friends and the few lovers she’d had. Okay, three lovers wasn’t a huge track record, but they were her choices. Luckily, she’d realized quickly that dating Marcus had been a horribly bad decision, and though they’d spent a lot of time together, she hadn’t yet slept with him. She assumed that was why he forced his way onto this trip, to finally claim that piece of her and win the gold that Rush hadn’t yet taken. She was beginning to doubt her ability to judge men at all. Jayla didn’t often reach out for advice, but when she did, her sisters were only a phone call away. If only one of her sisters were there now. She could always count on Mia, her eldest sister, to give her sound advice. Then again, she could count on Jennifer to be brutally honest. Jennifer wasn’t afraid to talk about the more intimate aspects of relationships that Mia avoided at all costs. She leaned against the dresser looking at their picture, debating which sister she’d burden with her love life. She opted for a good dose of honesty. Jennifer answered on the second ring.
“How’s my hotshot, supercute baby sister?” Jennifer was only seventeen months older than Jayla, but she never failed to rub it in.
“Baby? Wouldn’t that be Jared?” Their parents had a freaky thing about names. She and her siblings all had names that began with the letter J, only her older sister Jocelyn went by her middle name, Mia. Apparently, in sixth grade Mia decided that their parents’ naming theme was stupid, and she’d been Mia ever since. Her brother Jace was the oldest at thirty-six, then came Mia, Jennifer, Jayla, and her youngest brother, Jared.
“No, he’d be my cute baby brother.”
Jayla heard papers shuffling in the background. Jennifer was a high school principal, and she seemed to always have a million things going on.
“You at school?”
“Yeah, rockin’ it like a rock star, too.”
Jayla pictured her in her pencil skirt and fitted blouse, her long dark hair pinned up and secured with a pencil or something equally schoolmarmish and equally out of place on her sexy sister.
“What’s up with you? How’s the asshole? You dump him yet?”
Jayla sighed. The time she spent with Marcus seemed a world away, like a bad dream. “Yeah, finally. You know, as my older sister, you probably should have kicked my ass into submission and made me dump him earlier.”
“Do you not remember a certain awesome sister talking to you until three in the morning on more than one occasion and telling you to do just that?” Before Jayla could answer, Jennifer added, “I think your response was, Nothing is more important than the competition. I can deal with this for another…whatever. Day, week. Ugh. You made me so angry.”
“Yeah, well, at that point I had three competitions I was facing. Next time threaten me or something. Anyway, I need your advice.”
“Are you going to listen this time?”
She heard the sarcasm in Jennifer’s voice and pictured her perfectly manicured brows lifting above her hazel eyes. “Yes. Maybe.”
Jennifer sighed again. “Okay, I’ll do my best. But hurry, because I’ve got a new teacher interview in about six minutes.”
“You know Rush…” She winced, expecting a litany of rants. Her family knew all about Rush’s history with women. The whole world probably knew. For months after he won the Olympic gold two years ago, he’d been shadowed by the media everywhere he went—and appeared in gossip magazines with a different woman on his arm in nearly every shot.
“He’s only been your best friend forever, and if I might add, one hot playboy.” More papers shuffled in the background.
Jayla heard her tapping away on her keyboard and knew Jennifer was losing interest in the conversation. She was great for advice, but she had the attention span of a squirrel.
“The one and only. Well, we’re teaching together and—”
“And everything’s changed. He’s a changed man. You’re a changed woman, and you can’t help yourself from banging him, right?”
“Jennifer.”
“What? We both know how long you’ve wanted him. Besides, I hear it in your voice. You want my blessing, or do you want me to tell you to be careful?”
“I don’t fricking know what I want, which is why I called you.” Jayla went to the living room window and looked out over the snowcapped mountains. The sun beamed down between breaks in the clouds, giving the already majestic mountains an even more impressive feel. There was something about the immensity of them that calmed her—and reminded her of Rush.
“Well, here’s the thing. Can people change? Sure. Absolutely. The hard part is knowing if the change is permanent or temporary. And I can’t answer that because I’m not there and I can’t look in his eyes.” The keyboard sound stopped. “What does your gut say?”
“That my feelings for him have never changed.”
“Well, I’m not even sure that’s a good thing. You’ve always known about his propensity for women—many, many, women—and you still adored the man. What does that tell us?”
“That I’m an idiot?”
“Hey, don’t be so harsh on my baby sis. Maybe it tells us that you really do love him? I’m not exactly the queen of relationships, but I think the real issue is that if you decide to be with him, really with him, then he can’t be doing all that romping around.”
“Of course.” She leaned against the windowsill and twisted the end of her hair, debating if she should tell Jennifer about her shoulder. Her family didn’t understand the mind-set of a competitive athlete, or Jayla’s determination and passion for skiing. Rush understood both. “Rush has never been a liar or a cheat. He wasn’t in a committed relationship with any of those women that I knew of. In fact, I can’t remember him ever being in one.”
“Hello? Red flag much?”
Jayla sighed. Nope. She’d keep the injury to herself. No need to overdose on her sister’s honesty. “Maybe. Or maybe honesty all the way? He’s never lied to me about any of it. Not the number of women he’d been with, or his lack of emotion for them, or…anything.”
“Look, I gotta run, but here’s my advice.” Jennifer paused so long that Jayla wondered if she’d gotten lost in her paperwork. “I have none. For the first time in our lives, I’m afraid to give you advice. I mean, what if he’s the right guy? But what if he’s a bastard?”
“Really, Jen? That’s what you’re leaving me with? That’s almost worse than if I hadn’t called you.”
“I know. I kinda suck on this one. Okay, here it is.” She sighed loudly. “Sleep with him, see if you’re compatible and then decide.�
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Jayla rolled her eyes. “That’s horrible advice. I know sex with Rush will be good. Amazing. Earth-shattering.”
“You’d be surprised. It’s the ones who are all hot and sexy that suck in bed.” Jennifer had never hidden her penchant for sexual experimentation. She’d been a promiscuous teenager and driven their father batty, and as she matured, she’d turned that promiscuity into almost an art form, always searching for someone to stroke some invisible itch. Jayla wasn’t sure Jennifer even knew what she wanted, and the few times she’d asked her why she slept with so many men, Jennifer claimed to enjoy the feel of being in a man’s arms and that she got bored easily.
Now wasn’t the time for Jayla to try to figure out her sister. She couldn’t even figure out herself.
“You would know, I guess. But what if it ruins our friendship? That’s more important to me than sex could ever be.”
“Hmm…Okay, so if you don’t want to do the dirty with him, little Miss Purity, then follow your fluffy little heart. I do know one thing for sure. It’s always been Rush.”
“What does that mean?”
“You figure it out. I’m late, sis. Love you tons. Let me know what you decide. My vote is on dirty, hot, animalistic sex with no commitment until you see that he’s everything you want in every way.”
“My sister the freak. Love you, too.” Jayla ended the call and went to answer a knock at her door. Nerves stifled her smile at the sight of Rush filling her doorframe. Dirty, hot, animalistic sex. Heat flushed her cheeks, and she focused on the steaming cups in his hand to keep him from reading the desire in her eyes.
“Hey.” Rush handed her one of them. “Hazelnut.”
She took the coffee. “Thanks.” She fidgeted with the lid of the to-go cup. “You didn’t have to do this.”
He reached one arm above him and stretched against the doorframe, causing his shirt to lift above his waist and flash a sexy path of skin. “I know. Listen, I was thinking.”
“I thought I smelled smoke.”
He smiled, making it very hard for her to separate the friend from the man who was vying for her attention—and winning.
“You’ve seen the friend side of me, and you’ve seen the asshole side of me, but you’ve never seen the boyfriend side of me.”
She narrowed her eyes. She had always been direct with Rush, and as far as she knew, he’d never lied to her in return. She reached for the doorknob to keep from faltering.
“Has anyone?”
He leaned a little closer to her. “I’ve never been boyfriend material. I thought that you of all people knew that.”
“I guess I always did, but you’re thirty-two, and that’s a whole lotta years without a real girlfriend.”
“It’s a damn long time.” He leaned his shoulder against the doorframe, bringing him closer to her. He ran his hand through his hair and looked away. When he drew his eyes back to her, his mouth was twitching again.
Instant nervous detector.
If only there was a bullshit detector that she could rely on just as accurately.
His voice grew serious again. “I’ve been trying to think of all the reasons for you not to give us a shot. And I can come up with a million excuses not to, but I’m not sure they’re reasons.” He paused and shoved his free hand in his pocket. “I know you think our friendship is a reason, but I see it as a foundation for so much more. There is one thing I want to tell you, and it’s presumptive, so don’t hate me for saying it.”
“Please don’t tell me you’re one of those guys that are into kinky things, because that might kill any chance you have.” She arched a brow.
“Really? Gosh, I thought for sure you’d be into that sort of thing, with your little buzz-buzz friend and all.” He sighed. “Guess I’ll have to rethink this.”
The sensuality in his voice sent a quiver through her.
“Okay, here goes. I can’t believe I’m telling you this, but I’m sure part of your brain is tossing it around a million different ways.” He trained his eyes on hers again. “I’ve never had unprotected sex, and I’ve never had a disease. Not that I expect you to fall into bed with me. I just wanted you to know that on that front, I’m clean.”
And there it was. Rush held her gaze without a shadow of guilt or doubt. The look of a steady, honest man. It had been right before her eyes this whole time. The bullshit detector. Who knew it was built right into his eyes? Jayla realized that she had always known it was there, which is why she trusted every word he’d ever said. How was she supposed to respond?
She bit her lower lip. “Um. Okay.”
“I know it’s a weird thing to say, but, Jayla, it’s us.” He shrugged, as if that explained everything.
It kinda did.
It’s us. They trusted each other. Their friendship deserved honesty, and Rush was clearly acknowledging that she deserved the same. It’s us. There’s nothing he wouldn’t tell her, even if it felt weird.
The guilt she’d been ignoring since they’d shared the heart-stopping kiss made her throat thicken. With everything on the line, and honesty written all over his face, she couldn’t hide from it any longer.
“I didn’t tell you the truth about my shoulder.”
“I know.” He touched her hand. “I figured you’d tell me when you were ready.”
“I’m not ready now, either.”
He shrugged. “You will be. Eventually. Just tell me this. Should you stop practicing?”
“No.” The word came so fast she practically spit it at him.
“You’re sure?”
“Yes. I have to practice.” That part was true, and not just for now. She was always in training for the next Olympics; they all were. Whether it was two years or two weeks away made no difference. A competitive athlete was always in training for the next big event. “God, Rush. You’re turning my whole life upside down. Do you know how long I’ve hoped that you’d see me as more than a friend?” Before he could answer, she added, “What about your no relationships during this competition season thing?”
“It’s no secret that I’m all about focus, and women mess with my focus.”
“I’m a woman, and focus is precisely the reason I didn’t break up with Marcus sooner. It would have been too distracting to deal with a breakup while competing.”
Rush pushed off of the doorframe and rubbed the back of his neck. She’d struck a nerve.
“Jayla, I haven’t been with any women this season because I only want to be with you. It’s that simple. Yes, I’m about focus, and I don’t know how our relationship will interfere with my focus because I’ve never cared enough about a woman before to test it. I’ve never had a real relationship; you know that. But don’t kid yourself. You were distracted just by dating Marcus.”
She chose to ignore that particular truth. “And I have other stuff to deal with. Big stuff.”
“Let me help you.” He took a step toward her, and she stepped back.
“There are some things I need to figure out on my own. But, Rush, the more important issue is focusing and dating. You’ll lose focus and you’ll resent me for it. If not now, then if we stay together, next season. What happens after the summer, when we go back into full-blown training?” We? The way her shoulder was aching, she had serious doubts that she’d be training with the team next year. She pushed the thought away before it could take hold and distract her from their discussion. “You think I want to be responsible for messing up your focus? Or worse? You’ll realize it won’t work and you’ll dump me? Then I’ve lost my best friend and boyfriend.” She crossed her arms like a shield against the truth.
“We’ve always trained together.”
“No. We’ve always been together as friends when we train. Not a couple. There’s a big difference.” She could hardly believe she was talking Rush out of wanting to be with her. She had no idea what they’d find with her shoulder, and if the doctors were right and she ended up unable to compete, would he still look at her the same way? Until she
figured out her own life, how could she drag him into it?
Rush stepped inside the cabin and closed the door behind him. “Jayla, we’re both competitors. We both know what it takes. If any two people can make a relationship work while competing, we can.”
“So you’d chance losing your focus that easily?” Why am I shaking?
His eyes were sincere. “For you? Yes.”
She was breathing so hard that her words tumbled fast from her lips. “You say all the right things, but you forget. I know who you really are. You said yourself that you’ve never had a real girlfriend. Why do you think we’ll be any different?” She sank down on the couch and pulled her legs up beneath her.
Rush sat beside her. “Because we are different. We’ve not only been friends for fifteen years, but we’ve been best friends. We’ve shared the good and the awful. We’ve cried about losing races that we had no business crying over. We celebrated wins by making snow angels.” He cocked one side of his mouth up. “Do you really think I’d do that with anyone else? Come on. We both know about hard work, hours of practice, and determination. We won’t hold each other back or whine about not getting enough attention.”
Jayla shook her head, trying to ignore the lump in her throat.
“You’re not a quitter, which can mean only that I must have totally misread you. That you didn’t feel what I did when we kissed.”
When she didn’t answer, his eyes glazed over, and she swore she saw the hope in them float away with his next breath. It nearly broke her. Between her shoulder and Marcus, she’d lost time and focus. She had to prove to herself, and to the coach, that she could still compete. And when she added that to Rush’s need for tunnel vision when he trained, it weighed her down like a lead coat.
Rush pushed to his feet. “I didn’t realize.”
She grabbed his hand and jumped to her feet so fast she nearly knocked him over. “It’s not that, Rush.” She felt him pull away and tightened her grip. “Kissing you was better than winning the Olympics.”
Slope of Love (Love in Bloom: The Remingtons) Page 8