by Jaime Loren
But the truth was, if I hadn’t brought April here, if I hadn’t kissed her last night and created this whole messy situation … if I hadn’t dragged her into town just so I could get her alone again, or if I’d gone to the diner myself, none of this would’ve happened. This was my fault. She was crossing that road at that exact time because of me. I almost got her killed.
Me.
April threw off her blanket and leapt to my bedside as soon as I was wheeled back in.
I held up my hand before she could bombard me with questions. “I’m fine. From what they can tell, there are no broken bones.”
She looked me over. “You don’t even have a scratch?”
I placed my hand on her cheek. “I’m scratch-free.”
She pressed her face into my palm and began to cry.
“Come here,” I said, pulling her toward me.
She embraced me as if I might break, and sobbed. “I thought you were dead.”
I rubbed her back, reveling in the feel of her against me, her heart beating against mine. “I know. I’m so sorry.”
“I was so scared.”
“Shhh.”
“All that stuff from last night—the kiss, and the money, and the horses, and all the things you never told me—I don’t care about any of it. All that matters is that you’re here now.”
My heart soared. “And you’re here too.”
“Only because you saved me,” she said, holding me tighter. “You shouldn’t have tried to save me.” She pulled back and whacked me on the chest, scowling through her tears. “That was a stupid thing to do, Scott Parker! Did you even stop to think—?”
“Of course I did.”
She snapped her mouth shut.
“I mean, I had to weigh up my options.” I held out my arm. “I was wearing my favorite watch, so I took that off and put it in the glove compartment of the truck, and while I had that open, I figured I’d throw down some mints in case someone had to give me mouth-to-mouth …”
She frowned. I laughed.
“That’s not funny,” she said.
“I know. Look, I had no choice but to save you. You’re the only one who knows how I like my coffee.”
She laughed through her tears. “You must really love coffee.”
I half-moaned, half-groaned as I rolled my eyes. “You have no idea.”
She moved closer again and placed her hands on my chest. “Thank you for saving my life, Scott Parker.”
My heart suddenly felt twice its normal size. It was the first time she’d ever been able to say those words to me. They had a nice ring to them.
“I would do it again in a heartbeat.” I wiped her tears and kissed her forehead, and she lifted her chin. Our eyes locked. For a moment I lost myself in hers. I wondered if she could feel how fast my heart was beating beneath her palm. Her breaths fell short and shallow as her eyes traveled to my mouth, and for the first time since the accident, I saw some color spread through her cheeks. When she bit her lip, the restraint I’d fought so hard to maintain began to shake loose, but I managed to rein it in. As much as I wanted to, if I kissed her again, it would only complicate things further.
April was the first to look away. I took her hands in mine to examine them. All but her fingers were wrapped in gauze and bandages.
“It’s just a graze,” she said, her eyes shining. “I’ll live.”
My chest tightened. “That was the idea.”
Her smile didn’t reach her eyes. “Oh,” she said as she reached into her pocket to retrieve my keys. “Someone dropped these off at hospital reception. And Stella and Rowan are in the waiting room.”
I took the keys. “You called them?”
“I thought you’d want Stella.”
I nodded. It was a logical assumption.
“But I couldn’t get hold of Henry. I left a message. I think I may have sounded a little hysterical. And I kept thinking, “What if Henry doesn’t call back? Who am I supposed to call?” I’ve never met your godparents, and I have no idea where they live. What if there were decisions that needed to be made?”
“I trust you would have made the right ones.”
The doctor entered the room, carrying some reports. “Well, Scott, we’re going to keep you in overnight for observation, but as far as we can tell, you’re fine. It’s a miracle, is all I can say. The truck is in worse condition than you are.” He laughed. “You’re a big hero around here.”
“I just did what anyone would’ve done. Really though, Doc, I’m fine. I just want to go home.”
April shook her head. “No. Stay here. If anything happens to you during the night I want you to have immediate attention.”
“She’s right,” the doctor said. “Even though we couldn’t find anything on the CT scan, that doesn’t mean you’re completely out of the woods. It’d be against my better judgment to let you leave.”
“But you can’t stop me, can you?”
The doctor frowned. “No, I can’t. But you’d have to sign a release form stating that it was against my advice to leave the hospital.”
April moved to rub her hands together but was foiled by her bandages. I didn’t want to cause her stress, but there was no way I was going to spend the night in here and leave her at the cabin. I couldn’t risk anything happening to her while I wasn’t there.
I threaded my fingers with hers. “I’ll be fine, really.”
She shuffled closer and placed her free hand on my leg. “I’m not taking my eyes off you all night.”
My heart thumped against my ribs. “I don’t think Rowan will love that idea.” I took her hand in mine. She wasn’t to know the effect she had on me with soft touches like that.
“I don’t care.” She squeezed my hand harder. I decided not to argue with her.
The doctor’s pager beeped. He checked it and sighed. “I’ll get the paperwork organized. But if anything changes during the night, you’re to come straight back.” He dipped his chin to look over his glasses, urging an agreement from me.
“You have my word.” I raised my hand and folded my thumb and little finger. “Scout’s honor.”
He eyed me dubiously, but nodded before leaving the room.
April narrowed her eyes. “Were you even a Boy Scout?”
“Of course,” I lied.
She clutched my arm as I hopped off the bed, and watched me as if she expected I’d fall over at any second. I smiled and wriggled my arm free to place it over her shoulder and pull her closer. She put her arms around my waist and held me tight, and we approached the main desk. Our files were open, and my heart missed a beat when April’s notes caught my eye. Benzodiazepines? She’s taking anti-anxiety meds?
I signed my papers, and she took a deep breath. “Ready?”
I nodded.
In the waiting room, Stella beat Rowan to April, wrapping her arms around her and squeezing her so hard, April winced.
“Hey, easy there,” I said, placing my hand on Stell’s shoulder. She released April and turned around to attach herself to me. Rowan pulled April against him and held her tight, which she didn’t seem to mind.
I squeezed Stella’s hand. “We’re okay.”
“It’s my fault. I should’ve been the one to come into town.”
“Hey. No.” I placed my hands on her shoulders. “It was an accident.”
It was my fault.
Rowan smoothed April’s hair, which was barely contained in her loose ponytail. The sight of his arms around her never failed to sucker-punch me.
“What happened, exactly? April told me you pushed her out of the way of a car?” he asked, his eyes flicking between me and Stell.
I drew her closer and pressed my lips to her forehead. Stella played along and wrapped her arms around my waist.
“Scott saved my life,” April said, pushing her hair back as she lifted her head. But when her eyes traveled to Stella, and then to my lips warming Stella’s forehead, her brow turned up in sadness. I could’ve sworn I saw a longing
in her eyes before she rolled her face back into Rowan’s chest.
Hope filled my heart—this was the sign of jealousy I’d been waiting for—but guilt twisted my stomach over the way in which it had surfaced. I released Stella. Hurting April had never been my intention, and I didn’t want her to think I could easily transition between wanting her, and wanting Stella.
“Jesus. I don’t know how to thank you.” Rowan let go of April and held out his hand to shake mine, but then hesitated. “Wait, it isn’t broken, is it?”
“No, but my stomach is growling.” I shook Rowan’s hand. “Who’s up for eating?”
April looked at me in disbelief, but I proceeded to the exit before she could say anything.
Chapter 8
(April)
The air escaped my lungs faster than I could draw it in, and the torrent of rain washed the tears from my cheeks.
My name sounded from a distance as I stumbled onto the road; my shoes soaked through as the heavy raindrops ricocheted off the road to create a cold, enveloping spray. Noises came together in a loud chorus: people splashing through puddles, the drone of cars and the rippling sound of their tires rolling through water, someone calling my name again.
My name. His voice.
With the sound of his voice came the memory of his clothes strewn across the floor, his bed sheets in disarray, and the sight of her naked skin wrapped up in them not twelve hours after he’d held me. Kissed me. I sobbed aloud and brushed the wet hair from my face, only to see a flash of light from the corner of my eye. My broken heart stopped, along with my feet.
His voice rang out again with a painful urgency. “April!”
The oncoming driver didn’t even press his horn.
I jolted in my seat.
Rowan glanced over. “You okay? You’re not gonna hurl, are you? Because I’ve just had the car detailed and I don’t want—”
“No, I’m not going to hurl.” I blinked and took deep, quiet breaths. My bag sat between my feet, complete with pills, but there was no way I could take them. The last thing I needed tonight was to fall asleep. I picked at the gauze on my hands.
“Don’t pick,” Rowan said.
“But they don’t even hurt. I don’t need bandages.”
“Well, just leave them on tonight. We’ll see what it looks like in the morning.”
I sighed. Rowan placed his hand on my unscathed knee and rubbed it. “I’m glad that’s the worst that happened.”
I frowned. “The worst that happened? Scott nearly died, Rowan.”
Rowan squeezed my knee and spoke slowly. “I know, and I’m very grateful he saved your life.”
He pulled the steering wheel hard, turning down the dirt road that led to the cabin. I picked at my gauze again. The last few minutes of the trip were the longest. Scott’s truck hadn’t been in view the whole way home, and the anxiety was killing me. But then, relief. The sight of it outside the cabin helped me breathe again. They’d left the gate open for us, and Rowan waited while I closed it, but I couldn’t sit in the car any longer, so I ran for the cabin.
It was cold inside. No one had been here to keep the fire going. The air was already filled with the scent of dinner—a mixture of bacon, tomato and spices. But Scott was nowhere in sight.
“Jesus, April.” Rowan slammed the door behind him. I jumped. “You couldn’t wait for me?”
“I—I just want to make sure he’s all right.”
“He’s a big boy,” he said drily, narrowing his eyes. “I’m sure he can look after himself.” He chucked his keys on the small pine table beside the door. “And what about me? Did you even stop and think for one minute that I might’ve had the scare of my life today?”
I reached for his sleeve. “Of course I did.”
He rolled his shoulder, avoiding contact. “I sat in the waiting room for two hours—you didn’t even come and see me. The nurses kept telling me you didn’t want visitors.”
“Because I didn’t want you to see me like that.”
“I’m supposed to see you like that. You’re supposed to want me at a time like that. But the only person you wanted to see was him.”
“He threw himself in front of a car for me!”
He exhaled quickly, then nodded. “Maybe if I’d done the same, you’d care about me half as much as you care about him.”
I opened my mouth, only to shut it again. Rowan snorted and shook his head.
The lump in my throat grew. “That’s not fair.”
He stepped forward. “No. It’s not. Because now I don’t just have to compete with the fact he knows more about you than I do, even though I’ve known you longer—but now he risked his life for you, too.”
“It’s not a competition. He’s my best friend, Rowan.” The irony of defending my friendship with Scott, when only last night I’d almost thrown what was left of it away, wasn’t lost on me.
Rowan shrugged. “And what am I?”
I fought back tears. I honestly didn’t know anymore.
Stella appeared from the passage with a dish towel over her shoulder. “What’s going on?”
Rowan handed me my bag. “You tell me, Stell.” He went upstairs, glaring at me on the way past. He’d never looked at me like that before. My stomach tightened. How could I possibly make things right with him? How could I prove to him that he meant more to me than Scott, when I knew deep down that wasn’t completely true?
Stella wiped her hands on the towel. “Everything okay?”
I rubbed my arm. “Everything’s fine.”
Stella raised her eyebrows. “You know I don’t believe you, right? What’s going on?” She came closer, eyeing me suspiciously.
My muscles coiled with guilt. Could she tell just by looking at me that Scott had kissed me? Or worse yet—that I’d liked it? Would she hate me if she knew what’d happened, even though I hadn’t responded to him? It terrified me how close I was getting to losing my two best friends and my boyfriend. I had to snap out of this.
“Really, I’m fine,” I assured her, winning the Worst Best Friend award right there. She stopped before me. With her oval face and defined jaw, along with full lips and high cheekbones, she looked like she’d just stepped out of a Maybelline commercial. Why would Scott risk losing someone like her by kissing me?
I flinched when she hugged me. “Red, you scared the bejesus out of us today.”
“I’m sorry.”
She pulled back. “You came this close to turning BFF into BF, you know?”
Cold panic shot through me. Scott? Boyfriend?
Stella frowned when I didn’t answer. “We can’t exactly be best friends forever if you’re not around, can we?”
“Oh.” Oh. I smiled nervously. “No. I guess not.”
“I don’t think I’d ever stop crying if anything happened to you.”
My smile fell. I pulled her in again. “Not gonna happen. We’re going to Paris for our twenty-firsts, remember? I take those birthday vows seriously.”
She laughed and stepped back. “Me too.”
I dropped my bag by the door.
“But you should cut Rowan some slack,” Stella said. “He was so shaken up at the thought you’d almost been killed, he couldn’t drive—I had to. And you know how he hates the thought of other people driving his car.”
I nodded, feeling even worse. At the same time, I wondered why she wasn’t as freaked out about Scott almost being killed. I mean, he did get hit. But, I suppose she’d driven him back here. She might’ve had her freak-out session in Big Blue. Or maybe I was more upset than her because I was actually there. I knew exactly how close I came to losing him. I’d seen him lying on the road …
My stomach bottomed out.
“If I were you I’d give him some quality time tonight, if you know what I mean.” She threw in a wink for good measure. “Show him how much you love him.”
I managed a smile. “We’ll see.” I looked around. “Is Scott upstairs?”
“No. He went to feed the ho
rses,” she said, turning for the kitchen. “He shouldn’t be too—”
Stella’s voice faded behind me as I yanked the door open and threw myself into the freezing darkness. Scott hadn’t taken the truck, which meant he’d walked the couple of hundred yards to the barn. Damn him. How was I supposed to watch over him when he wouldn’t stay put? The last thing he should’ve been doing was lifting buckets of feed.
Clenching my fists, I closed in on the dirt road we’d taken to the barn yesterday. Jesus, yesterday? It felt like a lifetime since we’d gone riding. Since he’d kissed me …
The air was still around me, frozen under a cloudless night sky. I beelined for the barn, trying to ignore the feeling of eyes upon me. Animals, no doubt. Maybe bears? My heart skipped a beat. I slowed my pace, daring to sweep my eyes over my dark surroundings. Great! Way to think of bears while you’re out in the woods, alone, at night. Then again, the woods were silent, and I was pretty sure bears weren’t known for their stealth. I took a deep breath, feeling better with that rationalization, until I considered that wolves were.
Running seemed like a better option than walking.
The barn doors hung open. The moment I crossed the threshold, I felt safe, as if this barn was my embassy and carnivorous animals weren’t allowed to enter. I slowed down to catch my breath, and the scent of molasses and hay filled my nostrils. The overhead lights were warm—no doubt intended to keep Shadow and Nutmeg comfortable on a cold night like this. I was grateful for them right at this moment. They defrosted me somewhat.
Nutmeg dug at the straw in the corner of the stall beside me, and Scott’s voice echoed from the next stall—Shadow’s stall? I straightened up, ready to march in and lecture him on all the reasons why he shouldn’t be here. But I stopped in my tracks. He wasn’t talking to Shadow.
“But you should have seen her face, Henry. She was horrified. There was no other choice if I wanted to ease her mind.”
My heart beat faster. I climbed through the wooden rails of Nutmeg’s stall and leaned against the stone wall, out of view.