Sean complied. This wasn’t Otis’s primary office—it had a computer, desk, American flag, and wall of bookshelves with legal books and policy manuals and not much else. There were no windows.
“Jesse wants out of witness protection,” Otis said. “I told him you were coming to talk to him, and he indicated he wants to leave with you. I need to know your intentions.”
“I didn’t put that idea in his head,” Sean said. “He knows this program is the only way to be safe.”
“But you and your brother are some kind of superheroes to the kid. He thinks no one can touch you.”
“My brother is trained Special Forces—”
“I know who your brother is. It’s you, Mr. Rogan. Sean. I didn’t know until this weekend that Jesse didn’t know you were his father.”
“I didn’t know he was my son.”
“You can see the problem we have.”
“I’ll talk to him.”
“You don’t see it.”
“I get it, Otis. Jesse needs to be in the program. I’m not arguing with it. It was my fucking idea—I don’t like it, but it’s the only way to guarantee his safety.”
“Sit.” Otis motioned toward the visitor’s chair.
Sean didn’t want to sit—felt too much like he was being disciplined by the principal. Or his brother Duke. But he sat.
“Jesse is twelve years old and just found his real father. I read the report, and I read between the lines. I talked to Jesse. A whole load of shit happened down in Mexico that didn’t make it into any official reports. You’re a hero to the kid. He wants to live with you.”
“He won’t be safe.”
“He doesn’t believe that.”
“I’ll convince him.”
“Sean,” Otis said quietly, “I don’t see you walking away.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Last month you said you understood that you had to cut all ties with Jesse in order to keep him and his mother safe. But I don’t think you have even processed what that means.”
Sean knew exactly what it meant. He wasn’t happy about it, but there was nothing he could do. They were working on allowing Sean one visit a year at a location to be determined by the US Marshals, but that wasn’t even set in stone yet. The Flores cartel would hunt down Jesse and his family unless they truly disappeared—new names, new city, new future. Carson Spade would be testifying multiple times as the federal government built their cases and went after the criminal organizations one by one. The legal system was certainly not fast, especially when dealing with international criminals. Because many of those Spade was testifying against were still fugitives, the Spades would never be safe. Not until the last member of the cartel was in prison or dead.
Kane was working on it.
“What do you want me to say? Madison will never allow Jesse to live with me permanently. She won’t stay in witness protection if that meant she’d never see her son again. She’s his mother. Jesse is angry now, but if he turns his back on his mother he’ll never forgive himself. And if something happens to her because … Well, I’m not going to let that happen.”
Otis was silent for a minute. “I’m in negotiations with the Department of Justice to grant you visitation with Jesse. It’s a complicated process, and it’s expensive. We’re working to amend the witness protection agreement to include annual visitation at neutral locations. Normally the family would pay for it, but considering that the Spades’ assets are frozen and they are living on the stipend provided by the program, that cost would fall on you.”
“Not a problem.”
He didn’t want to get his hopes up. But any relationship with his son was better than nothing.
“A marshal will be assigned to you in San Antonio. He’ll mediate between whichever office takes over this case—I don’t know where the Spades will be sent at this point. And if I did, I wouldn’t tell you—or Jesse, because I don’t trust the kid not to spill the beans. I have a feeling he wants to be kicked out of the program, and if he screws up again he will be.”
“I will do everything I can to make Jesse understand. I appreciate this. More than you know.”
“You’ll have to be read into the program. We’ll draw up the documents.”
“You’ll also need to read my fiancée into the program. FBI Agent Lucy Kincaid. We’re getting married next week.”
“That shouldn’t be a problem—she’s already a federal agent, would have gone through extensive background checks. But I have to run it up the ladder, she’ll have to be cleared just like you.”
Sean nodded. “Thank you, marshal. For everything.”
“Don’t thank me yet. You have a difficult job—convincing that boy that he has to stick to the straight and narrow isn’t going to be easy.”
If Jesse was anything like Sean, it was going to be next to impossible. But Sean didn’t tell the marshal that.
* * *
Thirty minutes later, Otis brought Jesse into the small, generic office. Jesse looked surprised and pleased. “You came.”
Sean walked over to his son and hugged him. When Jesse’s arms wrapped around his back and squeezed, Sean had to fight his emotions. There was nothing he wanted more than to bring Jesse home to live with him. He could make it work. He was trained in security. He would change his system. Teach Jesse how to defend himself …
But how would Jesse go to school? A private school? Bodyguards? How could he defend himself against a sniper? And Madison would be part of the package, she wouldn’t let Sean simply raise his son without her in the picture. How could Sean protect both of them? He couldn’t very well move Madison into his house. He could hardly even look at her without feeling a deep-seated rage that she’d not only married a money launderer but also never told Sean she was pregnant with his child.
The only way Jesse would have a remotely normal life was if he had a new identity, a life that involved school and friends and sports. Where he wasn’t the stepson of a criminal. Where he wasn’t testifying against some of the most dangerous drug lords in the Northern Hemisphere.
“We need to talk,” Sean said, his voice cracking.
He glanced at Otis, who nodded and left them alone.
Sean walked Jesse over to the couch. They sat. “You look good, kid.”
Jesse didn’t smile. “You’re not taking me with you, are you?”
Sean shook his head. “Marshal Otis asked me to talk to you.”
“I’m not changing my mind. I don’t want to stay in the program. I don’t want to have a new name and live in some strange city. I don’t want to even talk to Carson. I hate him. I hate him for what he did, for how he used my mom, for how he used me. I can’t believe you want me to live with him!”
Jesse jumped up and paced. Sean didn’t tell him to sit down; Sean would have done the same thing. He would have said the same thing. He may not have raised Jesse, but this kid was a Rogan.
“If you leave, you will be targeted,” Sean said.
“But that’s what you do, right? You and Kane, you protect people. I would be safe with you.”
“I can’t protect you twenty-four/seven. These people Carson used to work for have resources. They will blow up a car, a house, hire a sniper. They could plant a bomb in your school and kill hundreds of kids just to get to one—you.”
Jesse stared at him. Sean didn’t know if the kid believed him.
“And your mother wouldn’t let you leave on your own. She would leave, too, and that would put her in danger. You and your mother, while Carson sits in witness protection safe and sound.”
“I don’t care!”
“Yes, you do. Look—I get it. I’m not happy about this arrangement, but it’s the best thing for you and your mother right now.”
“Why do you even care about her? She lied to you! She lied to me. For my entire life. Now I’m the one being punished.”
“You’re not being punished.” But Sean understood exactly why he would think that.
�
��You don’t get it.” He frowned. “Do you—do you not want me around? Because you’re getting married and all that?”
Sean stood and walked over to Jesse. He put both hands on his shoulders. “If there was any way to keep you with me and safe, I would do it. But legally, I have no rights. And morally, I cannot allow you to put yourself in danger.”
“It’s not fair.” Tears welled in his eyes. “It’s not fair!”
“No. It’s definitely not fair.”
Jesse wiped away tears. The kid didn’t want to cry, but sometimes you couldn’t stop them.
“Look at me,” Sean said quietly.
Momentarily Jesse tilted his head up. Sean stared into dark-blue eyes exactly like his own. Rogan blue, his mother had called them.
“I’m working with the marshals to come up with a visitation plan. They know I’m your biological father. They know I want to be part of your life. They also know how to do their job. To keep you safe, you have to take a new identity. You have to move to a new city, start a new life. But we’ll be able to see each other. I don’t know where or when, but we’ll have regular visits.”
Jesse looked confused. “When the marshals first told us what would happen they said we couldn’t talk to anyone in our old life. No one.”
“That’s true. It’s not a common situation, but it can happen. Otis is a good guy. He’s putting together a plan, and I’m going to make sure that in the documents I am legally recognized as your father. That will give me more rights. Then once or twice a year we’ll both fly to a place the marshals have picked and we’ll have time together. Really get to know each other.”
“It’s not the same.”
“I know.”
Jesse said, “I can’t forgive my mother. I’m trying. You told me I need to forgive her, but I can’t.”
“You will.”
“Don’t tell me what I will do! I won’t forgive her. I’m so … so mad at her.”
Sean put his arm around Jesse’s shoulders and walked him back to the couch. “Jesse, you and I are a lot alike. Kane said the Rogan genes are strong in you—for better and worse.” What could he say that would help? What could he say that would help in the long term? “My parents were killed in a plane crash when I was fourteen. I was in the plane with them.” Sean didn’t like talking to anyone about what happened all those years ago. How he had buried his mother; how he had tried to save his father and instead watched him slowly and painfully die of internal injuries. Why was he spared? He’d waited days for rescue. “I was so angry with everyone. With my parents. With myself. My whole family. And I was smart, too smart for school, so I got into a lot of trouble. When a truly smart kid is seriously angry at the world, nothing good can come from it. It took me a long time to figure out how to channel that anger.”
Sometimes it got the better of him, but he’d learned self-control. He’d had to. “But my anger only hurt me. I put myself in danger, I got myself into trouble. If you let the anger control you, you will hurt others. Your mother. Carson. Yourself. And if the cartel finds you, they will win. They will get away with all their crimes—drug running, human trafficking, murder, extortion. All those women who were killed for their babies … all because they were no longer useful to the organization. All the drugs brought into the country, slowly killing people. The violence. The murder. The fear these people instill in everyone that crosses their path. If you let the anger take over, they win.”
“Carson said that another group will just take over. He said it’s all just stupid, that the cops are tilting at windmills. I don’t really know what that means, but it’s not a good thing.”
“It’s fucked, Jesse. It’s truly a fucked system. I’m not going to lie to you—hell, I will never lie to you, okay? Life is unfair. These people are evil. Law enforcement has their hands full, but they aren’t tilting at windmills. Not all the time. Sometimes, they win. Sometimes, they save innocent people like those women who were used as sex slaves. My family, we’re not cops, we don’t have to play by the same rules, and we’ve made it our mission to hunt down and destroy the worst of them. People like the Flores cartel.”
“Then why don’t they go after you? Why are you safer than me?”
“I’m not testifying against them. I don’t have firsthand knowledge of what they’ve done and who they’ve killed. I don’t control their purse strings—their money, their livelihood. My life isn’t safe—but I’m only in danger when I go into their territory. I’m not in passive danger—meaning, they’re not going to go after me without cause.”
His face fell. “I don’t understand.”
Sean didn’t know how else to explain it. “They will only target me when I screw with one of their operations. And when I go into their territory, I know it and take precautions.”
Jesse shrugged. What could Sean say?
“Jess—”
“You risked your life for me. You didn’t even know me. But you went to Mexico and rescued me.”
“You’re my son.”
“But you didn’t know me.”
“You are my son,” Sean said firmly. “I will do anything to make sure you’re safe. And I believe that witness protection is the only way to ensure you survive this.”
Jesse bit his lip.
“Your mother loves you, Jess.”
“Does she? I don’t know anymore.”
“She does,” Sean said forcefully. “Do you think it was easy for her to be nineteen and pregnant? Did you know that I was expelled from Stanford?”
“She told me you were expelled, but I don’t know why.”
She hadn’t told Jesse why? It figured. But Sean didn’t let his frustration show. “I hacked into the university system and exposed one of my professors as a pedophile.”
“And they expelled you for that?”
“They expelled me because I remotely took over a joint demonstration between the FBI and the university about cybercrime security, simultaneously exposing my professor and highlighting the flaws in their security system in a very public way.”
Jesse’s eyes widened and he grinned. Sean grinned, too, though he shouldn’t have. “In hindsight,” Sean continued, “I should have exposed him in a less dramatic way. That act cost me a lot—my brother sent me to MIT, I have a sealed juvie record, I created an enemy who nearly killed me years later, and … and most important … that act cost me you.” Sean made sure Jesse was listening; there was no doubt that the kid was hanging on to his every word. “If I hadn’t done it, Madison would have told me she was pregnant. I would have been part of your life.” He hoped. He wasn’t positive she would have included him, not after knowing what she’d done since Jesse’s birth, or who her father was, or how she was dishonest with Jesse about Sean from the beginning. But he needed Jesse to understand.
“Would you have married her?”
Sean opened his mouth, closed it. “I don’t know. I started college early, I was two weeks shy of my eighteenth birthday when I was expelled. I was wild. If we had gotten married, I don’t know if it would have lasted. But without a doubt, I would have been in your life. That I guarantee. You don’t have the name, but know in your heart: You are a Rogan. That means something. It means you’re smart. You have good instincts. You can do anything you set your mind to. Which is why I know that you’ll make this work. You’ll find a way to forgive your mother, you’ll find a way to live with this fucked situation. And I will be in your life from now on.”
Jesse’s bottom lip quivered, but he nodded. “Why can’t I call you? A secure phone? Or an email?”
“Because security is only as secure as its weakest link. Anytime you bring in technology, there is an added risk. We’ll find a way to communicate, but it might be the old-fashioned way.”
Jesse wrinkled his brow. “What way?”
“Letters.”
“Like, with a pencil?”
“Exactly. I’ll talk to Otis about it. There will probably be rules about what we can talk about, even in letters. The
marshals will most likely read them.”
“Stupid rules.”
“Normally, you wouldn’t get an argument from me. I never liked rules. But some rules are there to protect you.”
“And what happens when I’m eighteen? Can I do whatever I want?”
“That was already in the program—you can walk away when you’re eighteen. But that means no marshal protection. If your mother stays in the program, you won’t be able to see her again.”
“But it’ll be my choice, my decision.”
Sean nodded. It suddenly all clicked. For the last month Jesse had had no say in anything that had happened to him. Carson had taken him to Mexico for his own selfish reasons; Jesse was put into witness protection because that was the only way to protect his family, but he had no part in making that decision. Even further back, Jesse had had no say in whether he got to know his biological father, because Madison had lied to him about Sean. Jesse felt manipulated, a pawn with no rights. He didn’t think anyone cared about his feelings.
“When you’re eighteen, you will legally be able to make your own decision. Go to college. Do whatever you want.”
“I want to work for RCK. I want to do what you and Kane do.”
“If that’s what you want, I will support. But don’t go into the business unless it’s what you really want. This isn’t the easiest life out there.” He then asked, “Before all this happened, what did you think you wanted to do with your life?”
He shrugged. “Design video games. I heard that some people get paid to beta test games, and that would be fun.”
“It is fun,” Sean agreed.
“You did it?”
“I designed a game, sold the rights, made a small fortune. I’ve been hired to work through glitches in gaming systems.”
“That’s totally bitchin’.”
“Anything else?”
“My grandfather said I would make a good lawyer.”
“You’d want to be a lawyer?”
“No. Unless I was a prosecutor like your friend Matt. He’s really cool.”
“Matt is definitely cool. He was a Navy SEAL way back when.”
“I could enlist. Kane was in the Marines, right?”
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