World Turned Upside Down

by Elyse Springer

“Nope!” Simon turned on the ball of his foot, amused. “It was only for a day or two. The station kept us all inside, no going outdoors without 100 percent coverage. I got a nasty patch of frostnip on my cheek just dashing from my dorm to the dining hall.”

  “Wow. Okay.” Asher started walking again. “Winfly, that’s in August, right?”

  It was nice, getting to teach a newbie about things that Simon was so familiar with. “Yeah. Winter fly-in. It’s when the first planes start arriving after winter ends. They’ll bring a couple hundred people in to help reopen the station before Mainbody starts in October. It sucks.”

  “How so?”

  They’d left town behind them now, and it was dark as they walked, with only the starlight to guide them. Simon’s eyes gradually adjusted.

  “Just a lot of new people. You get used to the quiet, and then one day there’s a new guy sitting at your spot in the dining room, and a lot of loud, tan people running around.” Simon grimaced. “Last year I left during Winfly, but this year I’m staying through till summer starts.”

  “Me too.” Asher pointed up ahead. “I think we’re here. That should be the warming hut.”

  As cold as it was, Simon found himself in no hurry to get inside. He spotted a rock to sit on, and gestured for Asher to join him. With Asher’s body beside his, he was warm enough.

  Simon tilted his head back. Above him, the Milky Way stretched from horizon to horizon. Every star was visible, it seemed like, a million glittering lights overhead. “It’s beautiful.”

  “Yeah.” Asher’s voice had dropped to a whisper. “We used to go out to the lake in Minnesota, and the sky would look just like this. Always took my breath away. Of course, the constellations were different.”

  “Do you think—oh.” Simon stopped, jaw hanging opened, as the sky above them erupted.

  First it was a ribbon of brilliant green, there and gone. Then the entire sky lit up, sheets of bright yellow and green spilling across the atmosphere. Simon had seen the aurora before, but never like this.

  “Oh, Asher, it’s—”

  “Yeah.” Asher’s voice was rough. “I know.”

  It was like someone had taken a brush and painted streaks of color across the sky. Hints of purple appeared, up at the very top.

  Simon was only vaguely aware that he’d reached out and that his gloved hand was now holding Asher’s. They gripped each other tightly, heads tilted up while nature put on the most beautiful show that Simon had ever seen.

  “GOD, MIRANDA, I can’t even describe it.”

  Miranda looked exasperated, but also fond. “Yeah, Si, you can. Because you already did about a dozen times.”

  It had only been a day, but Simon felt like the image of the aurora was still burned across his retinas. “Sorry, it’s just….”

  “I get it,” she said. “But you still haven’t told me all the juicy details.”

  Simon drew back. “The details?”

  Miranda sighed. “About what happened after, Bancroft! Once you two were done freezing and watching the light show. Did you go into the warming hut and bang?”

  “What?” Simon wrinkled his nose. “Ew, no.”

  “You wouldn’t be the first, from what I’ve heard.” Miranda shrugged. “So you went back to his place?”

  “No, we didn’t—we just walked back together. He dropped me at my dorm, and I came inside and went to bed.”

  Miranda looked disbelieving. “So you and Linebacker Delaney didn’t fuck? Simon, come on!”

  Simon fiddled with his mug of tea, strangely uncomfortable. The thing was, he hadn’t even thought about inviting Asher in for sex after they’d gotten back to town. It was utterly unlike him, but something about the mood between them had made Simon forget all about his fantasies. The evening had been magical, almost transcendent.

  “I guess it just didn’t feel like the right moment,” he said finally.

  His friend was silent for a moment. “Sounds a lot like you went on a date with Asher.”

  Simon’s scowl was automatic. “I don’t date. We just went to watch the aurora. Maybe we’re kinda friends, but that’s it.”

  Miranda raised her eyebrows, but seemed to shrug it off. “Well, let me know. Me and Oli have a side bet on when the banging is gonna happen.”

  Of course they did. His friends were awesome, but also way too interested in his sex life. “Sure. Will do.” Simon drained his tea, then stood abruptly. “I need to get back to work; my break is almost over. I’ll see you at dinner?”

  She smiled. “Absolutely.”

  Simon went back to work, but his mind was a million miles away as he did prep for the afternoon shift and washed the remaining lunch dishes. Miranda’s words bothered him, but he wasn’t entirely sure why.

  It wasn’t a date. I’ve gone out to star-gaze with Miranda before, and with Oli and other friends. And it’s not like I’m upset that she assumed we had sex. After all, two weeks ago Simon himself would have assumed the same. Asher was hot, and Simon wanted to climb him like a tree—aurora or no aurora, that much hadn’t changed. No, it wasn’t that… it was that she assumed we wouldn’t spend time together without sex being involved.

  Simon had two months of fantasies stashed away in the back of his mind, and none had ever involved him and Asher talking or going for a walk or just enjoying one another’s company. Every single one of them was all about the sex—fast and dirty, slow and sensual, whatever. He’d spent hours imagining what Asher would feel like sliding into him, holding his wrists down while they fucked, curling up after for a nap so they could go again a few hours later.

  But now, faced with the reality of Asher Delaney, Simon was startled to realize that those fantasies didn’t apply.

  The Asher in my head is nothing like the sweet, shy, awkward man that I’ve been talking with.

  Fantasy Asher was good for a one-night stand, for relieving tension. He was an alternative to the toys Simon had snuck through customs in his suitcase, hoping the agents in New Zealand wouldn’t find them. He was a right hand that wasn’t Simon’s own, a warm body on a cold night.

  Asher, the flesh-and-blood man that Simon had spent last night watching the aurora with, was none of those things.

  Maybe, Simon thought, it’s time I got to know the real Asher.

  Midwinter

  THE COFFEE House was one of the oldest buildings on station. It was an old hut, wood and cloth somehow still holding strong after literal decades in the harsh Antarctic environment. But inside it was cozy and warm. There was a small barista station set up, and usually a couple bottles of wine open for purchase by the glass.

  Oli called it “the rusty Antarctic version of being classy,” but it was one of Simon’s favorite places on station.

  Tonight Miranda had plans with her beau, so Simon grabbed his tablet and headed for the hut on his own, planning to order a hot chocolate and read on one of the couches for a few hours. Maybe Erica or someone else would stop by for a board game, but he was content to spend the evening alone, relaxing.

  He didn’t expect to see Asher curled up on a couch with his own book in hand.

  His resolution from a few days prior came to mind. I should talk to him, find out more about him. If he’s not up for a fuck, maybe we can at least be friends.

  “Hey.” Simon cleared his throat. “You mind if I join you?”

  “Oh!” Asher sat up, startled, and almost dropped his book. “Sure. Uh, of course.”

  Simon slid onto the couch across from Asher, setting his tablet down on the table between them.

  “Thanks again for taking me out to see the aurora last week. I can’t stop thinking about how incredible it was.”

  Clearly those were the magic words, because Asher visibly relaxed, eyes crinkling with a smile. “Yeah, me too. It was a much better visualization that I expected.” He blushed suddenly. “And I’m glad you were able to come with me. It was, uh, a lot better to get to experience it with you.”

  Is he flirting with me? Si
mon wanted to laugh out loud—as though Asher would flirt with him. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t flirt back a little.

  “Always a pleasure to watch a beautiful light show with a beautiful man.” Simon grinned cheekily, laying on the camp just a little.

  He half expected Asher to brush it off and change the subject or look uncomfortable at the attention. Instead, though, Asher blushed even deeper… and a tiny, pleased smile appeared on his face.

  “I could say the same thing,” he said softly.

  Holy shit, he is flirting.

  Well, that was a bombshell that Simon hadn’t remotely prepared for. Asher had been friendly enough when they’d met at Crary, and his offer to take Simon out to see the aurora had been a really nice gesture. But so far Simon hadn’t seen any evidence that Asher was actually attracted to him.

  I don’t understand, though. He doesn’t act like he’s interested in a fuck. Realization dawned on Simon all at once. Oh. Does he want to date me?

  Because that’s what this behavior was—the shyness, the offer to take Simon out of town for the aurora show, the timid flirting: this was Asher being interested in Simon, not showing interest in fucking Simon.

  And that was a problem. Simon didn’t date. He’d never been interested in a relationship, never stayed in one place long enough to form any real bond with another man. Sex was fun, easy, and most guys were happy enough with no strings attached.

  But Asher was still smiling at him. I don’t want to date him. But he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Asher’s bright-green eyes, and the way his entire body curled forward, like he was magnetically drawn toward Simon.

  “So,” Asher said, clearly unaware of the thoughts flying through Simon’s head, “what brings you out to the Coffee House this evening?”

  The conversation change was a blessing. Simon shoved his confusion aside and motioned to his tablet. “Reading, mostly. I have a big essay due right before Midwinter for my online class, and I need to finish this book before the end of the week so I can start writing it.”

  “Oh yeah, you mentioned before that you’re working on your degree while you’re down here. Do you like the classes you’re taking?” Asher asked.

  Simon nodded. “They’re okay, I guess. I missed the whole college experience thing when I was eighteen, but ‘better late than never,’ right? I’m just doing my GenEds right now, nothing fancy.”

  A frown flashed across Asher’s face. “That doesn’t sound like nothing. It sounds really great, actually.”

  Simon forced a thin smile and looked away. His family and friends didn’t understand why he wanted a degree. Hell, Simon didn’t understand it, some days. He wasn’t even sure what he wanted to study, once he finished his general education requirements. Nursing, maybe; he could still travel as a nurse, maybe come back to the Ice or go to another research station somewhere else. But talking about it just made people ask questions about his life plans, and Simon had no clue what he actually wanted to do.

  “Well, it’s interesting enough, anyways.”

  Thankfully Asher didn’t push it, though. He seemed to recognize that Simon was uncomfortable talking about it, because he changed the subject again. “You mentioned something about Midwinter. Is that the big party in a couple of weeks?”

  Simon leaned forward, elbows on his knees, thankful for a subject that he was happy to ramble on about. “Midwinter is great. It’s usually on June 21, and it’s the longest night of the year. Not that you can tell here, because everything is always dark. But the station really goes all out: party, food, music, everyone gets dressed up… the works.”

  Midwinter was the biggest holiday of the season in McMurdo. It was a chance to remember the history of the land they stood on and to feel the community and companionship that surrounded them. Stations across Antarctica held a Midwinter feast, from the Russians to the French and British.

  Asher also leaned forward as Simon explained about the holiday, genuine interest clear on his face.

  “It sounds like a lot of fun,” he said.

  Simon laughed. “It is. Like Christmas in June, you know? Everyone eats and drinks a little too much. It’s a nice halfway point in the season.”

  Asher tilted his head to the side, a small smile gracing his lips. His eyes were soft, the green almost golden in the soft lights of the coffeehouse. He looked… not amused, necessarily, but fond.

  “What?” Simon asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “Nothing,” Asher said. “Just. Well, you’re really cute when you get excited about something, and it’s obvious that you really love Antarctica and being down here.”

  “It’s home to me,” Simon confessed. “More than my home growing up was, that’s for sure. I like it here.”

  Asher shook his head. “No,” he said, “you love it here.”

  Simon blinked, then grinned. It was rare that anyone really understood him enough to get that. For people like Oli and Miranda, McMurdo was a job, an adventure. But Simon had always connected with the continent in a different way. And he was beginning to think that Asher might be able to relate.

  Conversation shifted again from there, settling into something comfortable and relaxed as Simon regaled Asher with stories about his previous seasons. His course reading sat on the table between them, forgotten and abandoned.

  When the coffee shop finally closed for the evening, Simon retrieved his tablet with only a little guilt. “I really enjoyed talking to you.”

  “But you didn’t get your reading done.”

  Simon shrugged. “I was doing something more important. I can read tomorrow after work.”

  Asher smiled with obvious pleasure. “I had a really nice time tonight. If it’s okay, I’d… can we do this again soon? Hang out like this?”

  “Absolutely,” Simon said. “Anytime.”

  ANYTIME ENDED up being about a week later. Asher found him in the library of all places, sliding through the shelves of books and lighting up when he spotted Simon at the chair in the back of the room.

  Simon still had that essay to do for his online class, and his dorm neighbors were watching a movie that rattled the walls, explosions and gunfire breaking through Simon’s concentration every couple of minutes. So he’d escaped to the small volunteer library, hoping to curl up with his laptop in the back of the room and knock the paper out in a few hours.

  Asher’s appearance was a surprise, but not an unwelcome one.

  “If you’re busy I can leave you alone?” Asher asked, nodding down at the computer in Simon’s lap.

  Simon shook his head. “Nah, I need a break anyways. This assignment is making my brain leak out of my ears.”

  Asher flushed a little but accepted the silent invitation and sat down across from Simon. “Working on your paper?”

  “Yeah. I should finish it in time.” Simon closed the laptop and set it aside, stretching his arms up above his head. “The class isn’t anything fancy or smart, but I guess it’s better than nothing.”

  A frown crossed Asher’s face. “Why do you do that?”

  “Do what?”

  “Put yourself down like that.” Asher fidgeted in his seat, looking agitated. Simon had only ever seen him happy or calm, or maybe awkwardly anxious, but never looking like this with his eyebrows drawn and lips pressed together. “You’re working hard to get a degree. That’s—it’s really great, Simon. You should be proud of yourself.”

  Asher paused, the flush deepening. “I mean,” he continued, voice softer, “I’m proud of you.”

  Simon’s mouth was dry, and he had to look away and take a deep breath in an attempt to calm his suddenly pounding heart. Asher’s words, though quiet, had been fierce and full of genuine affection. It made something in Simon’s chest stir… something he quickly quashed down.

  He’s sweet, he told himself, but I don’t do sweet.

  “Thanks,” he managed instead. “It’s—I always wanted to go to college, but we could never afford it in my family. Being down on the Ice is givi
ng me the chance to at least get that education. But I know it’s not a real degree, okay? It’s not like I studied physics and science. It’s just some online generic BA.”

  To his surprise, the explanation attempt only served to upset Asher even more.

  “But it’s still a real degree.” Asher’s voice was low, but passionate. “Simon, you’re—you’re so smart, and you’re interesting, and just because you’re not getting a doctorate or whatever doesn’t make you any less than anyone else. It’s really inspiring that you’re doing this in your free time.”

  Simon frowned and sat back, tapping his fingers against the laptop. “You’re the only one who thinks so,” he said after a minute. Miranda and Oli never asked about his course. His boss didn’t care if he was stressed about a paper. Antarctica was funny like that; the people who came down here could be lawyers or judges or teachers in the real world, but on the Ice it didn’t matter what piece of paper you held. Outside of the scientists, nobody on station needed a degree—and Simon, as a dishwasher and janitor, least of all.

  Something must have shown on his face, because Asher’s expression went soft. “My opinion may not count for much,” he said quietly, “but I am proud of you, Simon. If this degree is something you want, then it’s great that you’re going for it.”

  Silence fell between them. Simon looked away, rubbing at a sticker on his laptop’s lid where the adhesive was showing. His heart was thumping in his chest, and he could feel Asher’s gaze on him, heavy and too intense.

  “I’m sorry for upsetting you.” Asher sounded miserable. “I came to find you to ask you a question, and I’m just screwing it up, I guess.”

  Simon exhaled. When he finally looked up, Asher’s focus was fixed on the floor. “It’s fine. I’m not upset.” Well, he reasoned, he wasn’t upset at Asher… just at himself. “What did you want to ask me?”

  Asher wouldn’t look him in the eye. He curled in on himself a little, shoulders up around his ears, and his cheeks went pink. But there was a hint of something in his face that caught Simon’s attention… hope, maybe, or nervousness.