by Katie Reus
He rolled his shoulders. He couldn’t go down that road either. Keep it together, he ordered himself.
“I’m sorry about a lot of things,” he said quietly as they stepped into the elevator. He was surprised she was even listening to him so he took the opportunity to get all this out.
Her head tilted to the side slightly as she pressed the button for the ground floor, as if she was waiting for him to speak.
“I’m sorry for what I did. Everything you said last night, it hit home. You are a hundred percent right. There’s no excuse for the way I handled things. I felt like a monster.”
Hell, he still did. He barely recognized himself when he looked in the mirror.
“The thought of seeing you, of seeing pity on your face, was too much. So I acted like a coward. I… There’s no excuse for what I did though. I know I hurt you and I’m sorry.” God, so damn sorry. There was more than just the physicality of it all—though he hadn’t been willing to saddle her with what he’d become. It was his fault her father had gotten killed—the security at Evan’s building had been breached and that was on him. It had been his responsibility. He didn’t deserve her, didn’t deserve to be happy. He’d taken so much from her, and then the thought of her settling for him out of a sense of duty? No.
She remained silent, her jaw tight as she stared straight ahead. She’d never given him the silent treatment before and he didn’t like it. At all.
But he also deserved it after basically doing the same thing to her. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I’m asking for it. I wish I knew how to make things right,” he whispered.
The tightness in her shoulders lessened, but she still didn’t respond as they stepped out of the elevators. He was ready to climb the damn walls with her ignoring him for two minutes and…he was beyond an asshole. God, when he thought about her in that waiting room at the hospital, just wanting news about him. To see him. Be there for him. And then he wouldn’t let her back to see him… Yep, asshole.
When he’d seen her last night, looking thinner and watching him as if he was a stranger, the gravity of everything had hit home. He’d hurt her in a way he’d never imagined. Hell, he’d made a promise to not only not hurt her, but to take care of her, to love her. Instead? He’d screwed up. Beyond, even.
“You’re going running?” he asked, then cursed himself again. He was Captain Obvious over here today. She had her armband on and her earbuds dangling from her shirt.
Lifting an eyebrow, she gave him a sideways look that said No shit, Sherlock.
“Can I run with you?” he asked.
She simply shrugged. “It’s a free country.”
All right, then. She wasn’t cursing him out or yelling at him. He would take it. Then she put her earbuds in, shutting him out, but he didn’t care as they stepped out into the morning sunlight. He breathed in the fresh, salt-tinged air, enjoying being next to Isla again. Even if she hated him.
Once upon a time, they’d always gone running together. It had been one of the many things they used to do as a couple. He missed the fresh air, missed this.
Missed Isla.
She was silent as they ran, but he didn’t mind. They’d run in silence many times, just enjoying the city as it woke up. At a little after seven on a Saturday, he wasn’t surprised that not many places were bustling. After about three miles, he knew where she was going before she even made the right turn at the next street.
One of the few places that would have a lot of activity was a farmer’s market in a nearby neighborhood. She ran in a big loop through neighborhoods and liked to get most of her miles in, then stop and get her caffeine here on the way back and enjoy her drink as she strolled the last half mile and cooled down.
Once they reached the line of trucks selling various food and refreshments, she finally took her earbuds out as she stopped in front of a coffee truck. “Would you like something?” Her tone was as neutral as her expression. She might as well have been running alone for the way she’d completely ignored him.
He tightened his jaw. No, he didn’t like this Isla at all—this Isla that he had created with his cold indifference. He was the one who’d put this wall between them, this distance. He shouldn’t even be here with her right now, but after seeing her last night, he’d been powerless to stay away. It had been the first time he’d seen her in person since…everything. Telling the doctor he didn’t want to see her had been hard, but once he’d left the hospital and thrown himself into work—and feeling sorry for himself—it had gotten slightly easier to keep his walls up. Seeing her in person, however? It had stripped him of all control, punched home exactly how lonely he was. He’d just been existing without her, his world dull and gray. It also made it clear how deeply he’d hurt her.
He pulled out a twenty from his shorts pocket and handed it to the woman behind the counter as he ordered for both of them.
“You didn’t even ask what I wanted.” Now her tone was no longer neutral, but tart as her pretty green eyes narrowed at him. Her auburn hair was pulled up into a ponytail, the braid hanging neatly down her back.
“Did I get your order wrong?” He knew his woman liked café Cubano. No. She wasn’t his anymore. And he wasn’t her anything.
She turned away from him as he got their drinks and paid, but she did take the small offering. And when her lips curved up in pleasure as she inhaled, he felt that smile all the way to his core. Damn, he’d missed her so much. Living without her was impossible.
But how could he saddle her with him the way he was now? He couldn’t. But maybe…she could forgive him enough to be friends. At least then he wouldn’t lose her completely. He could still be in her life, even if on the periphery. Which made him selfish, but there it was. “So how are things at work?” She’d taken on a lot when her father had— He couldn’t even think it. He’d been friends with Douglas and it was his own fault that Isla’s father was dead. His security was stellar but the bomber had found a hole, had exploited it. And innocent people had paid. It was all his fault, something she had to understand. And if she didn’t now, one day it would set in. He knew that much.
He shook off the thoughts. Otherwise the darkness would creep in and consume him. At the moment he was with Isla, a bright shining star, and he wanted to bathe in her light for as long as she would let him stay with her.
“Good enough,” she said quietly. “I’m hoping to wrap up the deals my father had in place before the end of the year.”
There was a weird note in her voice, one he couldn’t decipher. But he didn’t like it and he wanted to put a smile on her face. To wipe away all the tension.
“I’m sorry I showed up on your doorstep like an asshole last night.”
She made a snorting sound that was very un-Isla-like as she looked up at him. “You were kind of crazy last night.”
Yeah, well, he’d never been sane when it came to her. From the moment they’d met, he’d fallen—hard. The last couple months without her had been hell. “I’m well aware.”
“It’s just about as crazy as renting a condo right across from me. What are you doing, Evan? Are you trying to hurt me more?” The exhaustion on her expression cut into him.
He rubbed a hand over his head. “No. The last thing I ever wanted to do was that—though I know I did. I did not handle things between us well.”
“That’s an understatement.” She softly blew on her drink as they walked down the sidewalk, not looking at him anymore.
“If I could go back, I would do things differently. I would do a lot of things differently.” He would have let her see him, then he would have ended things in a proper manner. Not…just cut her out. Not been such a coward.
“So…why rent the condo across from me?” She slowed down, careful with her drink as she stretched her arms and shoulders. “You showed up last night and ambushed me, then ambushed me again this morning. You refused to talk to me or see me months ago and now you’re all up in my face? What’s going on in your head right n
ow?”
“I just…I’m kinda screwed up right now,” he blurted out, but it was the truth. “I want to be friends again. I want to make up for what I did.” The words were weak, pathetic, and he knew she would never let him back in after what he’d done. But just maybe, she’d give him her friendship.
The look she shot him was unreadable as they neared the front of her building.
It looked as if she wanted to respond but then she paused, frowning, and he looked over to see what she was focusing on.
Geno Conti.
That bastard. Evan felt his anger rise but ruthlessly shoved it back down. He had no reason to be angry but he wanted to know why the hell Geno was showing up at Isla’s place on a Saturday. And wasn’t that an ironic thought.
Refusing to leave yet, Evan nodded politely at Geno, managing to keep his civil mask in place as he watched the other man—who was looking between the two of them curiously. Conti had a little white bag in his hand with the sticker of a local café on the front. He was bringing Isla food?
Hell. No.
Breathe, he reminded himself. Also, don’t punch him in the face.
“Geno. Surprised to see you again so soon,” he said mildly.
Geno paused, then took the hand Evan held out. Today Evan didn’t squeeze it as if he wished it was the man’s throat. See? He could keep his impulses in check. Barely.
“I’ll see you upstairs,” he said to Isla, not caring what Geno made of that as he stepped into the building.
He shouldn’t be surprised that some rich, pretty-boy asshole was sniffing around his woman… Except she wasn’t his.
Damn it. Maybe if he reminded himself of that enough, he’d believe it.
* * *
Isla stared at Geno in surprise, even as she found herself annoyed by the words Evan had tossed over his shoulder. He might as well have peed in a circle around her for how he was trying to stake a claim in front of Geno. She wasn’t sure what was going on with him and his statement that he wanted to be friends again.
Ugh, friends? After what they’d shared? After being engaged? After the way he’d hurt her? She wasn’t sure she was that evolved.
“Is everything okay?” she asked Geno, who was standing there, acting kind of nervous, which seemed out of the ordinary for the polished, charming man.
Wearing slacks and a button-down shirt, he looked as if he’d stepped off the cover of a glossy magazine. She wasn’t sure how he always managed to appear so put together, but she’d never seen him with a hair out of place.
“I stopped by to bring you breakfast and see if maybe I really did have a chance with you. But I apologize, I didn’t realize that you and Evan were…”
“We’re not back together. At all. But…” Why did this have to be so awkward? She didn’t like being put in this position but she generally liked Geno—this whole episode with him showing up at her place aside—so she was going to let this go. “I told you last night I wasn’t interested and I feel like you’re a fairly astute guy. So why are you here?”
He shoved out a breath and rubbed a hand over his perfectly thick, dark hair. “You’re the first woman to treat me like, I don’t know, not like the loser partier my family expects me to be.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “Well…you did a really good job of creating the partier persona for yourself.” Over the last few years, he’d been splashed all over the tabloids, occasionally with actresses or other Miami socialites. Though to be fair, she didn’t remember seeing much about him in the last few months. Maybe even longer.
“I know. Trust me, I know. My sister reminds me of that daily.”
“So, what—you thought being with me would improve your image?”
He rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged, his cheeks reddening just the slightest bit. “Kinda, yes. I don’t want to be that guy. The one known for being a lush, for being useless. Over the last year, since taking over this new division, I’ve done a lot of good, and it feels, well…good.”
“If you don’t want to be that guy, then don’t be him. You don’t need me to clean up your image. Just stop choosing the wrong women, stop getting in the news for the wrong things.” And holy hell, she was done giving advice. This was not her deal and she was not his therapist.
“Those are wise words.” He held up the bag for her, that affable smile sliding back into place, and she could easily see why so many women fell for him. But he did nothing for her. “I got this for you. Found out from your assistant what you like. You’re not allergic to anything, are you?”
She lifted an eyebrow and took it in surprise. “That was very thoughtful. And just strawberries, so unless this has them, I’m good.”
“Look, I hope things aren’t awkward between us. I know if they are, it’s completely my fault. Coming here was misguided and stupid.”
Reaching out, she grasped his forearm briefly. “It’s not either of those things.” Okay, it had been stupid but she wasn’t going to throw salt in his wound. “You live in some pretty big shadows,” she said, referring to his father and older brother. Both of whom she’d interacted with on multiple occasions. They were nice enough but she could see why being the youngest would give Geno a complex. And yeah, it wasn’t her role to soothe his ego, but whatever—he seemed sincere and she didn’t have it in her to be a jerk to him. “You’ve done a lot in the last year, and it’s impressive. I hope we get to work on more projects together. And I hope you won’t be asking me out again.”
“So blunt,” he murmured, a ghost of a smile on his face. “I won’t—and I hope we get to work together again as well.”
They talked about their project, making awkward-ish small talk for thankfully only another minute before she was able to extricate herself.
This morning had been the weirdest morning she’d had in a long time. First Evan, and then Geno.
She wasn’t sure what to make of Evan’s declaration about friendship and forgiveness, and she wasn’t going to obsess about it.
Much.
Liar, liar, she chided herself. That was all she was going to do for a while. Obsess over Evan because she simply couldn’t get him out of her head, and seeing him had made things even harder. Especially since he’d been so apologetic, asking for her friendship. Even if he wasn’t trying to mess with her head, he was still doing a pretty good job of it.
It didn’t take long for Isla to shower and get changed before heading out again. Thankfully she didn’t run into Evan on her way out.
Two Saturdays every month she tutored at a local community center where she taught reading. She’d been shy and awkward growing up and hadn’t truly grown into her own skin until college. Books had saved her life as a kid. They’d been her escape, and she believed teaching kids to read was one of the best things you could do for them. Heck, for anyone.
Knowledge gave you power. And once you had knowledge, no one could take it away from you.
She hurried inside to be greeted by Marcy, the woman who ran the place.
Marcy’s dark corkscrew curls bounced everywhere, her equally dark eyes flashing with warmth. “Isla, I’m so happy to see you. And you’re early, of course.”
She laughed lightly. “I can’t help it. It’s in my blood.” According to her father, if you weren’t fifteen minutes early, you were late.
“I’ve got two new students for you today. Both really sharp. One loves math and the other history—but they’re struggling with reading and finding a subject that holds their interest. The first one will be here in twenty minutes and then I’ve got another one the hour directly after that. We’re pretty full with tutors today, so as of now I’ve only got the two kids for you.”
“Sounds good. I’m going to go put this in the break room.” She’d brought a little snack bag with yogurt and cheese. Lately everything tasted like cardboard but she was forcing herself to eat.
She nearly jerked to a halt when she saw Evan in the break room, putting a reusable water bottle in the fridge.
�
��You’re tutoring again?” she blurted even though yeah, it was pretty obvious.
“Yeah.” His expression was neutral as he straightened. “I realized I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself. I didn’t know you’d be here this morning—I’m not trying to cramp your style.” And then he was gone, stepping out of the break room on silent feet despite his big size.
She blinked at his quick disappearance, feeling…lost. This community center was where they’d met. But after the bombing, after his injury, he’d stopped coming completely. According to his mother, he’d stopped going out anywhere for the most part. Preferring to hole up and work himself to death.
She was glad he was starting to get out more, even as anger and many buried emotions bubbled up. She’d tried to keep her walls up today, to shut him down, but it was hard. Being around him brought back far too many memories, and this morning she’d seen a peek of the Evan from before. The Evan who’d loved making her laugh—the one who’d stolen her heart and had made her feel safe.
Shaking off those thoughts, she put her bag in the fridge and headed toward the tutoring room. Right now she needed to get over her own issues and focus on what was important.
She couldn’t even think about how she was going to handle Evan until later.
Chapter 6
“Isla, it’s so good to see you,” Rosa said as she stepped back, letting Isla inside her mother’s home.
Her mother had a chef on staff but Isla had recently hired Rosa, a very qualified nurse, to live at her mother’s estate. Her mom had no idea that Isla had vetted Rosa so thoroughly, and assumed the woman was simply overseeing things in her deceased husband’s absence. Though she was doing that too. “It’s great to see you. How is she today?”
“Very well. She’s only had a couple drinks.”
Long ago Isla had given up the notion that her mother would stop drinking. Sophia McDonald didn’t consider herself an alcoholic and Isla couldn’t force her to quit. It didn’t matter if she threw away every single bottle; her mom was a grown woman and would get more. Not to mention she was very good at hiding bottles. But it made Isla feel better to know that someone lived with her now and could keep an eye on her. And Rosa had run the entire maternity ward of an Orlando hospital for three decades. If anyone could take care of her mom, it was this wonderful woman. It was a strange thing to look out for one’s own parent but it was what it was, and she was learning to accept it. She also realized she had a hell of a lot of privilege to even be able to hire someone to watch out for her mom.