“There’s more, isn’t there?”
“What do you mean?”
“We are in danger somehow. What are you not telling us?”
Fuck, how does he know that? “Ethan, yes, transition is dangerous. Can we talk more after you’ve rested, please?”
“You wouldn’t have uprooted us like this if it wasn’t serious. There is no chance in hell that I will be sleeping for a while. Please, don’t keep anything from us. I am having a hard enough time accepting this,” Ethan pleads, his compassion and need to understand speaking volumes.
“Son, anything I have ever kept from you was for your safety. I now plan to be completely upfront about this in due time, for your safety. Please, trust me when I tell you that there is nothing else you need to know right this minute.” We didn’t need them worrying about the possibility of death on top of it all.
“I do need to know more, and I don’t trust you. Everything feels like a lie, and I am having a difficult time deciphering which end is up at the moment.” His unexpected maturity returns to the moment. My little boy is gone.
The idea of his wavering trust in me proves more than I can handle. What little control and resolve I had been managing falters. Jumping to my feet, my hand comes down hard on the table, our meal rattling in response. “I have done everything, and I mean everything, to protect you, love you, and shield you from this so that you can live your lives in as much happiness as possible and not be burdened whatsoever. It is the promise I made to you while in womb, when we were struggling college students suddenly about to be parents. It is the promise I have held sacred over any and everything else. You have no idea the hell I have walked through to keep that promise—what I have endured and how I let what I am change me for the worse over numerous occasions through the years because it was the only way I thought I could keep it together to be there for you. I fucking let a piece of myself rot for years and became a shell of a person, a horribly selfish bitch outside of where you were concerned, because it allowed me to hang on to the fringes of sanity so that I could uphold that promise! For the last eight plus years, I sacrificed all that I was, for the two of you, so that you could have your human lives untainted by this—” I motion at myself in disgust. “Not because anyone asked me to and not because I expected or wanted anything in return. I did it because I wanted the best for the two of you and you deserved more than I could possibly give. I wouldn’t change it for anything. I would walk through the fiery pits of hell and back, over and over, if it meant that you could happily live your lives as you see fit. This situation sucks ass. I feel as if I have been robbed of my ability to protect you and that I have failed you on an epic level as a parent!” Anger floods me so quickly that a slight tremble vibrates underfoot before I snap my control back in place. Etienne reaches for me, but I push him away as I gather up my wineglass… and the bottle. Who am I kidding? “As I was saying, I hope you can rest for a few hours. Goodnight.”
Etienne stays behind as I trump downstairs and head straight for the bath. Their voices pick up as they engage in another conversation that I quickly tune out. I have been in the same clothes for almost twenty-four hours straight, and I cannot even stand the sight or the ripe smell of myself. Stress, tears, and grief cling to me like a stagnate blanket.
Rushing into the crisp, clean sanctuary, I silently shut the world out with the clasp of the lock. Stripping down, I ball my skirt and blouse up, tossing them into the wicker hamper. Now void of the offending articles, I sit naked on the edge of the tub, prepping the bath and absently letting my fingers hang under the faucet, awaiting the right temperature. Finally happy with as hot as I can stand, I set the stopper in place with a low, muffled thud and add my favorite mix. As the water level rises, I slip within the folds of its warm embrace and sink low until my jaw grazes bubbles. Before I know it, my head tilts back and I fall into a meditative state. The luring sound of my breaths and crinkling of bubbles as they slowly pop and fizzle pull me deeper. There are no outside sounds; in here, there is nothing else. Random footfalls or slamming of doors can’t reach the cavernous confines. Occasionally, one might hear a running pipe, but that is all.
Etienne has never been a noisy individual, more like a soundless shadow, unless we are making love. It took a while to get used to, hell, still trying to get used to as he continues to scare the crap out of me most days. It is easy to get wrapped up in your own thoughts and not pay attention to your surroundings with all that has been transpiring. Add a stealthy, mostly reserved male to that mix and one is bound to get the piss startled out of them. I swear he needs a bell or something.
The meditative state pulls my psyche deeper. Before I know it, I drift off. The door within my being opens, and my spirit begins to race toward the heavens. No, it did not stay to float around and relish in the experience of being out of body like I had initially been aiming for. It shoots off toward the one place it knows to find answers, fueled by a mother’s fury. Time and space seem irrelative as the small bursts of starlight wiz by. It is as if something else is driving this ship, an innate, deep-seated knowledge that I cannot fully comprehend or channel. Sheer will and an ancient connection draw me home.
My speed slows as I breech the billowy clouds and land without a sound into the tranquil forest where nothing seems to move. The eerie quiet pin pricks along my being as I wait. Just as I think it is all for naught, the still air begins to shift and wave as the molecules pull together into her twinkling form.
“Child mine, I see that you have found your way home to me all on your own. To what do I owe this pleasure?” Her translucent face lit by diamonds seems to sparkle in adoration as her genuine stance sings through.
“I’m not sure exactly how I managed getting here, but I think that you know why I came.” My voice is raw, shaken, and tells of a mother’s bleeding heart. Tears prick my eyes as the normal need I feel to appear strong slips away in her presence to my now-raw state. The air moves and wisps away my tears all on its own accord.
“You came for answers then?” Her gentle voice caresses me across the distance between us.
I silently nod.
“Child mine, soul of my soul, I cannot give what you seek. Your pain wounds me, but my hands are tied. You must know that.”
Perhaps that is something that I already knew but didn’t want to believe. “Let me guess, your hands are tied by forces I don’t get to comprehend or some other cryptic message.” My shoulders sag. I think I can hear my own heart break as despair and dread take root while darkness dances on the fringes of my psyche.
“I am not the only force at work, nor will I be the last. Your children turning was something always written in the stars and cannot be undone. Please know that I am sorry.” Her glittering head seems to slightly hang under the weight.
“Sorry doesn’t save them!” I scream in a bloodcurdling fashion. Turning can kill them. Am I the only one who gets that? My knees buckle without permission as I suddenly lose the ability to hold myself up. Falling to my knees, head in hands, a guttural, feral sound rips from my throat and pierces my own ears. Snot dripping, tears streaming, I rock back and forth as the only sound I can hear is my own blood pumping through my skull. I am not even sure that my lungs are drawing air. My chest is on fire as my whole body shakes.
The peace and serenity here encourage my undoing. In this place, I am able to simply exist in any chosen state without harm coming to those around me. Magic vibrates here just as strongly as when I am in bodily form, even more so in some senses because my spirit is not bound by physical properties. The elements pulsate all around, feeding from my emotions, engorging themselves on my power as it spills forward in a flood.
Looking to her in desperation, I am met with a blank stare that does nothing for my current state. Pain rips through me as I fall apart all over again at her feet, collapsing in a mound.
“Please! Calm yourself. All is not lost as you may think,” her voice finally booms, startling me from the delirium.
“I cannot lose them. It will kill me!” I hiss through the mucus attempting to choke me. Amazing how such bodily functions can plague a spirit form. Perhaps it is a self-manifestation of my current state.
“Then have a little faith in what is. Know that there is a higher purpose and all will reveal itself in time.” She heavily sighs.
“My poor, sweet boys shouldn’t have to go through this! Genetically, they shouldn’t be carrying enough of the gene for this to even be possible.” My sobs turn quickly into something far more dangerous and my fangs extend.
“Your temper will do you no good here. Are we not past the possibility of the impossibilities? In answer to your unasked question, no, their sire was not somehow one of my dark children. You alone are strong enough to be all consuming. It was intended that way.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“No. It is the truth.”
“You provide me with some truth but omit the rest.”
“I cannot tell you what has yet to unfold for that could alter the course that has been set.”
“So you will not tell me if they will survive or not?” My quivering voice holds a whine that is most unbecoming.
“Do you remember when you first came to me in this state?”
“Answer the question!” I scream at my maker.
“You will not demand anything of me. Watch your tone or these meetings will forever cease.” Her voice doesn’t waver and is void in an eerie, foreboding manner that inspires goose bumps without any effort.
“Yes, Goddess, I remember. Please forgive me,” I quickly backtrack in regret. It was never my intention to place blame or fight with my creator. What an ass move.
“There is nothing to forgive; I understand that as a grieving mother, you forget yourself. Now, at that time, you much resisted what you had become. And now?”
“I embrace it.” I truly have, and my power has become greater as well as safer because of it.
“So I ask of you, will you not attempt to embrace what you cannot control at this time for the sake of having faith?”
“I suppose I can even though I don’t understand how that changes anything.” The words fall forward even though I question my own response. Shit, I am questioning everything all over again at this point.
“It changes nothing, but it allows you to stop fighting the river.”
I gather myself and rise from my groveling stance at her feet. The light sheath my form is shrouded in slightly rustles as I try to sort myself and wipe at my mess of a face. “And if I stop fighting what is, the river will show me the way to the answers.” The words fall rapid fire, in a robotic fashion.
“Precisely. Now, you are needed elsewhere. This is not the place for you at this time.” Her hand begins to lift from her otherwise still figure.
“Wait, please.” Her hand stills. “I understand you cannot tell me the future, but can you please give me something to hold on to? Anything at all? I fear without it, I will lose my anchor in sanity and flip the switch back off. I don’t want to be that person again. I hated her.”
“You should embrace even the darkest parts of yourself, for in doing so, you can better understand their weaknesses. The future must be revealed in its own time, for telling you anything can have a devastating ripple effect.”
“I am not asking for fortunes or crystal balls. Ugh! I don’t know!” What am I seeking? I know her lips are bound by something I cannot comprehend.
“Sometimes, we cannot see what is already in the making—things that have already manifested. Answers you seek have already laid clues near and far as well as within. If you hold onto your faith, continue to embrace all parts of yourself, my guidance will stay with you if you are wise enough to listen.” More questions begin to formulate before she stops me. “Cease your lingering tongue, child mine. You have your answers, and there is nothing left for you here. It is time for you to return.” Urgency goes through her tone before it returns to her normal, almost passive state.
“Teach me how to return on my own, please. I’ve been so rundown I really can’t afford to spend the evening sick and in bed when the boys may need me.”
“Your melding of spirit and flesh needs no teaching. You can call your spirit home upon your will. It is a control that quickly needs mastering as projection will soon become useful. You must hurry and return before you become lost here.” With that, she vanishes into the still, inky black air that is randomly dotted with distant stars as if she were never even here.
Blinking back my disbelief and sudden sensation of feeling very alone, my mind scrambles. Usually, an unknown force boots my ass back down. I’ve never attempted to return to my body by myself. This forest has always brought peace to the seat of my soul but having never stayed up here this long, a panic begins to creep up my spine and raise the soft little hairs on my arms. Tree after tree, fern after fern, intricate pathways running in every which way through the pillow-soft dirt is all I can see. My bare toes curl into the soil as my lungs breathe deep the rich, damp forest scent. Redwood, pine, and cedar distinctly tickle my tongue. The air remains still and not a sound is heard. How the hell am I to get back?
Centering myself, I breathe deep again and find the energy coursing through this place. Pulling it close, I think of my physical form and tell myself to go back. Nothing happens. Shit! The panic continues its slow yet purposeful ascension, attempting to envelop me. Pushing it down, I tap into the pulsating elemental power lying in wait, just below the surface of this world. The energy responds instantly and attempts to overwhelm me. Using the control Koray has painstakingly taught me, I keep it at bay and only allow a small portion to seep in. Trembling from the surge, I think of my physical form once more as I simultaneously draw the heady scent of the forest deep within and use that to control the element of earth to take me home. In a flash, my spirit is propelled forward at lightning speed as I head like a missile straight through the stars, racing from the heavens.
Fuck! I cannot crash land like this! I am moving faster than when she returns me. I won’t get out of bed for days if I continue on at this rate. The other elements continue to stick close to my traveling spirit. Calling air, I beckon it to assist in slowing my form but not interfere with the mission at hand. Being feisty, the element slightly pulls away in a taunting fashion yet doesn’t abandon me entirely. As the earth’s atmosphere rushes up and I feel the pull grow even stronger, like a vice, I command all the elements to enter me and use their power to slow myself. It only marginally works, and I continue on toward a guaranteed crash landing. As I feel my form nearing, my desperation grows and I yank up on the forceful pull like reins. And like a wild steed that refuses to be broken, the power bucks and charges forward in a burst. In the blink of an eye, the layers of Etienne’s home flash through my periphery as I slam, full force, back into my form.
With a giant whoosh, my body jumps up from the bath I had fallen asleep in, water sloshing everywhere in a panic as I proceed to buckle over and gasp for air as if it might be my last breath. My lungs burn with a fierceness as my wild eyes dart about, attempting to make sense of what just happened. As my vision slowly begins to focus, Etienne’s burning blue eyes come into view. The concern and fear written there scares the crap out of me.
“Mon amour, are you all right? Tell me you are all right,” he begs, coming toward me.
“Easy, lover, I’m fine.” I bat his nervous hands away and quickly bend to splash bathwater into my face. As my shaking fingers chase away the rogue drops in my eyes, the dreaded waves of nausea descend. “Oh, God.” I jump from the tub and barely hug the porcelain throne in time as my insides attempt to rip apart from my body and exit via my mouth.
A soft, plush towel shrouds my heaving form and the palm of an angel begins to rub up and down my spine. The contact soothes me fast. He always proves to be my remedy. When I finally reach the completion of retching after a few minutes, he gingerly lifts my weak form the floor and pulls me tight into his marble-hard chest
. Before long, he lays me on our bed, slips in next to me, and pulls up the mountain of thick comforters to settle around our now-spooning forms. As his fingertips gently work through my long hair, the room stops its incessant spinning.
“Well, that landing was the worst yet.” A shiver quakes through my body.
“Landing? I take it you scared me shitless to travel off to another land again?”
“Scared you?”
“Yes, when your spirit travels, it feels like you are literally being ripped away, like I cut off my own arm.” His distress over the matter kills me.
“Oh, Lil! I am so sorry! I didn’t intend to—”
He cuts me off by placing a punctured wrist to my lips. Unable to resist the call of his blood, I greedily take it down and let it slip down the back of my throat. Hmm, just like a velvety, fruity wine with a tinge of chocolate. Heaven. My hands latch onto this thick, corded forearm as I squeeze and take more of him. Soon, the compounding factors of no sleep, sex, or blood for days on end cuts my illness and what little willpower I have left at the knees. With a growl, I crush his wrist into my mouth and latch my teeth deep into him. His whole body jerks behind me with the sudden change in tide, and his erection grows as I grind my ass back into him.
The free hand that had been running through my hair slides up my neck and into my hair before grabbing a handful at the roots and pulling back so the pressure eases on his wrist. “Easy, mon amour, any more of that and your wicked ways will strip what little decency for your current state that I might have left.” His deep voice purrs in my ear as his hot breath travels across my cheek.
Sucking deep another mouthful, I quickly run my tongue across his wrist, closing the now-large punctures and laving up any of the delicious nectar left behind. As my tongue works his flesh, he groans and presses his dick into the curve of my ass. Throwing all cares aside, I let my blood-drunk haze engulf me as I turn around and crush my lips to his. Etienne’s urgency meets mine as we tumble into ecstasy, a welcome detour at this point and quite the salve to my unsettled state. The goddess had mentioned that the sickness was my spirit having a difficult time settling back into flesh. What better way to settle the riled-up bitch than a hot session with her other half? I can’t help but smile to myself as the thought passes. Bingo! Lil is my grounding force. Maybe I can find a way to control this ability through our connection, which would also potentially save him the pain of my spirit separating and projecting. Etienne chooses that moment to sink his fangs into my neck, which shuts my brain down as the passion escalates. Forgetting all about what had happened, I throw myself into our lovemaking, gorging myself on the salvation he always brings to me.
Eclipsed by Midnight Page 3