by Erin Osborne
Sitting up in the chair is Killer, sound asleep. Both of our girls are cradled against his chest. The only thing I can see is one of the Harley blankets covering their backs and little pink hats covering their heads. My husband has his arms wrapped around our girls and this is a moment in time I need to capture. Looking at the rolling table next to my bed, I see my phone resting there. Picking it up, I unlock the screen and point my phone at my little family while they sleep. Taking a few pictures of them, I watch as Killer begins to stir.
“Sparrow, how are you feelin’?” he asks, his voice hoarse and filled with sleep.
“I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck,” I respond honestly.
“I’m sorry baby. Do you want to see our girls?” he questions me as I begin nodding my head while he stands with them in his arms like a pro.
Walking slowly over to me, the girls squirm in his arms. Once he’s right next to the bed I’m currently in, Killer leans down and settles the girls in my arms. Tears roll down my face as I take in our babies. They’re perfect as I look at their ten little fingers and ten tiny toes. Moving their hats a little bit, one of our daughters has straight black fuzz covering her head. Our other little one has no hair on her head. Still she’s perfect in my eyes.
As I’m looking down at them, they begin to stir even more and begin to cry. At the same time a nurse comes in the room and looks at us. Or I should say, stares at Killer. Yeah, this is not happening.
“Goodbye,” I tell her, not even looking in her direction.
“Excuse me?” she questions.
“You’re not here to stare at my husband. I don’t want you in here while I’m here,” I tell her, finally looking up at her as she keeps her gaze on Killer.
Turning my head to my husband, I see him staring at me with a smirk on his face.
“Sparrow, you want her outta here?” he asks me as the girls cry and wiggle in my arms.
“Now,” I say, trying to untie my gown so I can nurse them.
“You heard my wife, get the fuck outta here,” he says, his voice low and deadly.
Leaning over my body, he unties the gown and steps around the bed where the nurse is still rooted to her spot. He blocks my body from her view as he helps me position a baby at each one of my boobs so they can nurse. I’ve only read about tandem feedings in books and wanted to try it so that’s what we’re doing.
It feels so weird as our daughters’ nurse. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world though as Killer adjusts them so he can pull the blanket up over their small bodies. It’s cold in our room and we can’t adjust the temperature. Just another one of the shitty things about being in the hospital.
Once the girls are done nursing, Killer takes one of our daughters while I keep the other one and we burp them. As soon as they burp for us, I lay my little one down in between my legs to change her. Killer is changing our other little one in the bassinet. I’m so sore from the surgery to remove our babies from my body. We each wrap out little girls up and cuddle them to our chest.
“Momma, are you ready for visitors?” Killer questions me. “Everyone’s been waitin’ for you to wake up so they can come meet the girls.”
“Yeah. I don’t know when I’ll ever not be exhausted or tired,” I reply to him as he picks up his phone and types out a message to one of the guys.
Within minutes, the door opens, and our room fills up with our family. The women race over to my bedside to see the girls first. Everyone tells us how beautiful and precious they are as they look down on them. I hand my little one over to my sister as she cuddles her to her chest while Fox brings a chair in behind her to sit in.
“Everyone, I’d like you all to meet Faith Mary,” I say looking at Killer. “And Hope Angel.”
There isn’t a sound in the room as each man and woman take in the names I’ve just told them. After everything that’s happened, Killer and I decided to go with names representing the miracles our babies are.
“I love them,” Shy says, placing a kiss on the top of my head. “So proud of you.”
“Thank you,” I respond, stifling a yawn.
“Alright, everyone out. Stryker isn’t goin’ anywhere,” Slim says, looking around the room. “You guys can visit tomorrow when Gwen’s gotten some more rest. Love you guys and we’ll see you soon. I don’t think Rich is gonna be leavin’ here either.”
“Okay. Sounds good. Thanks for comin’ over everyone,” Killer tells them all as they begin to file out.
Fox and Kim are the last to leave besides my two closest friends. My sister leans over my bed while Fox holds Hope. She kisses my cheek with tears in her eyes before speaking.
“Gwen, I’m so glad we found you and you wanted to have me in your life. I love you baby sister. And I’m so damn proud of you. You’re so strong for doing what you had to in order to bring Faith and Hope into the world and join our family,” she tells me, making us both cry as our men look on. “I’ll see you in the morning. Let me know if you want me to bring you anything.”
“Okay big sis. I love you too. Thank you for being here for me,” I tell her, giving her a smile as Fox walks over to me and hands my daughter back.
“Love you like my little sister, Gwen. Killer’s already my brother. Rest easy and we’ll see you in a few hours,” he says, kissing my forehead.
Once everyone is out of the room, Killer places both girls in the bassinets after putting pajamas on them so they don’t get cold while they sleep. After wrapping them back up, and making sure they’re okay, Killer walks around the bed and I slide over. He climbs in bed with me, making sure he doesn’t touch my stomach or cause any pain.
“I love you, my Sparrow,” he says quietly. “Thank you for givin’ me the best gift in the world.”
“I love you too, Killer. There’s nothing to thank me for because you’ve given me the greatest gifts I could ever ask for. You saved me when I didn’t think I could be helped, taught me how to love and be loved, and we have two little girls to love and nurture,” I tell him, placing a hand on his cheek and leaning in for a kiss.
Killer pulls away from the kiss first and places his arm under my head before wrapping his other arm just under my chest so it’s away from my stomach. Laying my head against his chest, I close my eyes and drift off to sleep. The girls will be up soon for their next feeding and I want to get a little sleep before that time.
As sleep claims me, I think about my life and where I am now. I’ve gained so much since moving to Benton Falls to be with my sister. I now have a family who loves me unconditionally, two little girls who will never know what it feels like to have hands laid on them in anger or torture, and a man who makes my world complete. There’s nothing else I could imagine wanting to make our life the best it can be.
Epilogue
Kim
I’M SITTING AT my desk at home working on a few cover designs when my phone rings. Usually, I look at the caller ID, to I decide if I’ll answer it or not while I’m working. The only ones I answer for are Gwen and Fox. They’re important to me and I’ll never ignore them if I can help it. Unfortunately, that’s not the case this time.
“Hello?” I question in the phone.
“Kim, it’s good to hear your voice. I’ve missed you,” Rusty says into the phone.
Immediately my body fills with goosebumps and I want to toss my phone across the room. It wouldn’t take Fox much to get me another one. However, I need it for work and making sure Gwen always has a way to get a hold of me. Especially now that she’s a mother. You never know when you’ll be needed. Not that I have any experience of being a mom.
“What do you want, Rusty?” I question him, not keeping the hostility out of my voice.
“Kim don’t be like this. You know you’re my favorite team member. I’m calling because I have a job that needs to be done. It’s a big one and you’re going to work on it,” Rusty informs me. “I’m in town and we’ll see one another very soon.”
There’s no doubt about the threat in Ru
sty’s voice. He hangs up before I can tell him I’m not doing any work for him. Before I met Fox and moved to Benton Falls, Rusty started stalking me. He’d ask me out on numerous occasions, not hear me when I told him no, broke into my house more than once, and called me every hour of the day. When I tried to get a restraining order against him, I was denied. There wasn’t enough evidence for one apparently.
I changed my number right after court and kept my doors locked at all times. Everything in my house was locked up tighter than Fort Knox honestly. I’ve never been so terrified in my entire life. Have you ever felt like a prisoner in your own home? I did once Rusty started his shit. No one knows about it; including Gwen. If anyone could understand how I felt, it would be her.
Placing my phone back down on my desk, I try to regain my focus on the project I’m currently working on. Plus, Sam will have some things for me to look over and double check in a little while. She does amazing work but really doesn’t have confidence when it comes to designing book covers and other graphics. We’ll have to keep working on it.
Anyway, Rusty has always given me the creeps. Until court I’d never seen him in person. All of our interactions were through social media messages or emails. Somehow he found my number and eventually address. I’m not even sure what exactly gave me the creeps about him. There was never really any one single thing. It started out as him trying to talk to me longer and not about the projects. Then it turned into him messaging me on a daily basis about nothing at all. While some might be flattered, he didn’t stop when I told him I was seeing someone. I really wasn’t, but he didn’t have to know that tidbit of information.
He turned into a guy who was my client to someone I wanted to avoid at all costs. Especially when he started calling me babe, sweetheart, darling, and a ton of different other pet names. Names that don’t belong in a business relationship. That led to him showing up everywhere I was. Yeah, I had a routine down for a while and that shit all went out the window once Rusty started showing up. I went from trying to let him down easy to turning into a complete bitch. Even that didn’t deter him from everything he was doing to me.
There is no way I can concentrate on the work I have to complete today. My mind is firmly stuck on Rusty and the shit he’s pulled in the past. Now, I’m also thinking about what he’s going to do this time. There’s no point going to the cops because he knows exactly what to do so they don’t do anything to him. Not once did they ever talk to him when I filed a complaint. I was told to change my number, block him on social media, and not respond to any of his emails. Their actual suggestion was to change my email. I’m a small business and can’t just change everything because of one person.
Closing my laptop and making sure everything is put up, I head into the living room to watch some mindless TV. At this point, I won’t even be able to concentrate on reading a book. That’s the shittiest part of this whole situation. Plus, I want to call Fox and have him come home. Then I’ll have to explain everything to him. I don’t want him to know what happened in the past and that Rusty’s back once more. This is my burden to bear since he’s got so much to do at the clubhouse or for members of the club. Plus, he fills in at the different businesses whenever he’s needed.
My phone rings as I sit down, and I jump out of my skin. Looking down, my hands are shaking, and my heart is racing. This is how I always am whenever Rusty has any contact with me. I look at my screen and answer Fox’s call just before it goes to voicemail.
“Hey, babe,” I say into the phone. “How are things going?”
“I’m ready to come home and be with you. How’s your day?” he asks as I hear him typing away in the background.
“Um, it’s going okay. I just stopped working for a while. Hopefully, I can get back to it in a little bit,” I answer him, not being able to keep the tremor from my voice.
“What’s wrong?” Fox questions, immediately on alert.
“Nothing. It’s nothing. Just can’t concentrate on work today,” I respond, evading his question.
“Are you sure that’s all it is?” he asks me, not believing a word I tell him.
“Yeah. You sound busy,” I deflect.
“Workin’ on gettin’ things set up for the new business,” he responds. “Slim wants to open up another garage that’s strictly for bike customizations.”
“That will be good for you guys. I’ll let you get back to work. Anything you want for dinner tonight?”
“No. I’m good with whatever. You know this baby,” he responds. “I love you and I’ll see you soon.”
“I love you too,” I respond hanging up the phone.
Fuck! Fox doesn’t believe me. That only means one thing; he’s going to search everything until he figures out what’s making me nervous and jumpy. Thankfully, he only called and didn’t come home to see me a nervous wreck. Setting my phone down again, I turn my attention toward the TV and try to get lost in whatever program is on. It’s my default coping mechanism. It doesn’t always work, but here’s to hoping it does today.
Fox
It’s taking everything in me not to dig into Kim’s records to find out what’s going on. She’s not telling me the truth about why she sounds jumpy even over the phone. I’m literally forcing myself to sit here and work on pulling up the records for possible locations around town for the new bike shop. I’ve been working for two days trying to find the perfect spot for what we want.
For the next few hours, I look at what different realtors have available. I print off the details for all the locations I believe will work for us. Once I’ve got them all together, I shut my system down and make my way to Slim. Hell, I don’t even know if he’s still here. If he’s not, I’ll just leave the papers on his desk to look over when he gets back to the clubhouse.
Knocking on his office door, I hear him tell me to come in.
“Fox, what’s up?” he asks, sitting back to relax in his chair while pushing his own paperwork aside.
“Got the listings for you,” I respond, handing them over. “If you don’t need anythin’ else, I’m headin’ home. Somethin’ is goin’ on with Kim.”
“What?” he deadpans, looking up at me.
“I don’t know. She says it’s nothin’, but I heard a tremor in her voice. She’s not tellin’ me what’s wrong. I need to see her and try to talk to her,” I answer him.
“Get home to your woman. When you gonna claim her ass?” he asks me, as I turn to walk out the door.
“I’ve got her rag sittin’ here in my closet. Just waitin’ on things to settle down.”
“That may never happen. Just pick your spot and claim her ass already,” he states as I nod while walking out of his office. “We’ll be havin’ church in the next day or two. Still need to figure out who the rat is and smoke them out. That will be a meetin’ for the officers only. I don’t want to take any chances and let whoever helped Neil know we’re onto them. For now, we’ll keep that shit sealed and be on the lookout for anythin’ suspicious.”
“Got it, Pres. I’ll keep diggin’ into everyone’s backgrounds. See if I can find either a connection to Neil or anyone who’s had anythin’ happen in the last few months or so. There’s a lot of different reasons for someone to turn their backs on us,” I inform him before walking out of his office.
Walking through the common room of the clubhouse, I don’t stop to talk. When someone calls my name, I simply nod in acknowledgement while continuing on my path. Once I’m outside, I straddle my bike and put my helmet on. Turning the key, I start the engine and leave the clubhouse. The night air whips around me as I fly through the streets until I get to the edge of town. Then I slow down because of traffic. It’s not long before I’m pulling in my driveway.
After parking my bike so I can get out at a moment’s notice, I make my way inside. The house smells of whatever my woman is cooking so I make my way into the kitchen. Kim’s standing with her back to me in front of the stove stirring something. I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around
her waist. She jumps in my arms, causing me to let go of her and step back.
I turn her so she’s facing me and see tears shimmering in her eyes. Now I’m really worried. Kim is not a crier.
“What’s wrong, baby girl?” I ask her, pulling her body to mine and holding her close.
“Nothing. You just scared me,” she replies.
“That wouldn’t cause you to have tears in your eyes, sweetheart. Tell me what’s goin’ on,” I urge her, rubbing my hands up and down her back as she pulls away from me.
“I’m okay. I just want to finish up dinner so I can get back to work,” she says.
When I lean down to kiss her, Kim turns her head so my lips land against her cheek. That’s definitely not like my girl at all. She’s all about kissing me when I walk through the door and before I leave in the morning.
“Kim, baby, talk to me,” I once again urge her.
“I’m fine, I swear it. Go get a shower and dinner will be done by the time you’re out,” she tells me.
Huffing out my frustration, I turn and make my way to our room. We have a bathroom off our room, so we don’t have to share with anyone else. I’ve remodeled it since she moved in though. Stripping out of my clothes, I jump in the shower. There really isn’t any point in trying to get Kim to talk to me about what’s bothering her. She’s stubborn as hell and will only lock herself down tighter if I continue to ask her about it. That’s the one thing I don’t like about her.
Kim is extremely independent. She always has been. I love that about her because the only time she needs help is when her legs and back are acting up. Other than that, she’d rather do things on her own. Unless it’s something we’ve talked about doing together. On her bad days, she doesn’t talk too much because she feels as if she’s letting all of us down. It’s not her fault there are days she can’t do much. Some days she needs to stay in bed or only move from the bed to the couch. That’s fine by me. I try to do whatever I can to help her, but there’s not much I can do to take the pain away from her.