by A. C. Bextor
“Okay, so do you want to look up information on past child abuse cases or would you prefer to work something on drug related cases?”
“Give me the drugs, I can’t handle children suffering. I’m already a walking broken heart, add children suffering and you will need life paddles to bring me back.”
“Little overdramatic for a Monday morning, but I get you. I think ‘broken heart’ resulting in sudden death is a bit of a stretch Mace, you will see him later, gees. Anyway, here you go. You just need to go through and search our records in the system, the internet, and any other archives we have. These here will probably just take you today, then you can help me when you’re done. I will warn ya though, don’t get too caught up in the information you get because you will have nightmares. Search, find, print… that’s all, okay?”
“Yes my dear, I’m on it. Search, find, print… that’s all. I’m just glad to have these, I need something to focus on.” I’m feeling sorry for myself out loud now. Great.
“Hey, what’s really wrong there Mace? You doing alright? You look a little absent.”
“I am, just a lot on my mind is all.”
She shifts a chair in front of my desk and sits down, using her hands to hold up her chin as she leans on my desk and she smiles, just like Peyton to look so cute in doing so during my pity party. “Tell me what’s shaking or I’m going to start spelling words before you’ve had your second cup of Joe.”
“Don’t you even try it. It’s nothing really. As I said already, Shame and I are over and I can’t talk about it right now, please understand. I just want to work on these files and concentrate on something other than my heart breaking in my chest. I’m sorry, I don’t want to be a downer so just ignore me.” I’m starting to hear myself talk now and I think I’m getting more depressed!
“What? You guys looked so… I don’t know… involved the other night when I saw you. You were definitely out of your normal guarded shell on the dance floor once he showed up. I know you may not want to talk to me about what happened, maybe you think I’m too young and can’t help you give you good advice but I can listen if you want me to. So as long as you know I’m here when you want me, that’s what I can do. I’m shocked is all. People around here, well not to upset you more but you know they think of you and Shame as like some celebrity couple. Sounds ridiculous and it doesn’t help your situation. Never mind, I shouldn’t say that. I really don’t like you upset is all.”
“Honey, I know. Thank you for trying to help. I will tell you everything in time, when I can. Right now though I just need to delve into something that has nothing to do with Shame and I. I want to take my mind off my miserable life and look into someone else’s.” I give her half smile while looking at the files she put on my desk for review.
“Alright, well I feel kind of bad even bringing this up but I waited all weekend to tell you because I didn’t want to disturb what I thought was a great hot and sexy weekend you were having with that delicious man of yours but I can’t keep it in any longer.” She’s blushing.
“Look at you, all embarrassed. Someone has something to tell me. Spill the sap!” I’m excited for her and the only thing that makes a girl look like that is the swoon effect from a man, a hot cowboy of a man I hope.
“Okay, so! Derek. After you left, he and I talked and danced and got to know each other a little bit. Sadey introduced me officially to Hem and do you know how hard it was to sit around a table with Hem and Derek at the same time and try to stay focused on a conversation? Damn Mace, the men in your life, seriously H-O-T.”
I eye roll because she giggles knowing what she is doing before my second cup of coffee. She’s bouncing her foot on the ground as she continues, “Well, turns out that Derek and Hem actually know a lot of the same people and Derek is the son of one of Hem’s friends. They talked a lot like a lot and about things that made zero sense to Sadey and me. We had a few drinks together then afterwards Derek asked if he could take me home. Bad enough I’m underage and shouldn’t be drinking so I don’t drink and drive, ever. I told him yes, I felt safe enough being alone with him since Hem and Sadey got to know him and Sadey definitely approved cause she told me this in front of him, Mace. How embarrassed was I? That girl has no coothe. M-O-R-T-I-F-I-E-D me, Mace. She talked to him like I wasn’t even at the club, let alone the table! Telling him how beautiful I am, how I need a good man to keep me in line, how I am so young. Then outta nowhere, bam! Hem steps in and tells my cowboy if he hurts me, even my feelings that he would answer to Peril. Damn! I wasn’t ready for him to straight out threaten someone I just met and liked.”
I giggle a bit. “Oh yes, meant to tell you. Nothing safe in front of Sadey and Hem. They will put it out there good or bad, you will get used to it. So, then what?”
“He took me home and he was such a gentleman. He opened my truck door for me, helped me inside it too. That truck is huge! He made sure I was comfortable with the temperature in truck, the route we were going to take to my house, I mean everything! I was sort of scared he was being like this because of Hem threatening him. I just met him so I took Hem’s warnings as serious as Derek probably did.”
“I’m jealous. That’s quite the gentleman you have there and that man was into you all night, so stop with the worries. I told you missy, you’re a catch. Any man would be happy to court you.” I wink at my old fashion word for dating. She just smiles and keeps on talking.
“Oh yes, but so I’m not done. When we got to my house Gramma was home waiting up for me of course. All lights inside and outside were on. I told him he didn’t have to walk me to the door but he insisted. Once he got me out of the truck he led me to my front door then he asked me if he could kiss me goodnight. Mace, no one asks that any more do they? I mean, most guys I know just assume it goes without question and go for it, right? Not him though, he just got real close and leaned his head into me. Since Gramma had all the lights turned on I felt a little embarrassed because he had to have known I lived with someone of her age.”
“Friend, are you stalling on me on purpose? Keep talking! What happened? What did you say?”
“Well duh, what do you think? What do you say when a tall sexy delicious cowboy asks you to put his tongue in your mouth after he’s spent his whole evening getting to know you and then also getting to know your friends so that they feel safe letting him take you home? Duh, I said what any lady would say! I told him before he kissed me I needed to see a copy of his credit report.” She breaks out into giggles so I toss my box of staples at her.
“Oh my god, shut up woman!”
“I’m kidding. I’m kidding! Of course I told him yes. I had already kissed him all the way home in my mind because I was so afraid he wouldn’t do it once we got to my house. I sat in the passenger seat trying to look at him in profile without him catching me. Something sexy about a cowboy in a big truck. Anyway, he kissed me and it was the best kiss I have ever had! He is one of those slow starters then when you think you are safe with the tempo he just throws down and the gentlemen goes out the window. It was a devouring, give me goose bumps, and don’t ever stop kind of kiss.”
She is seriously swaying back and forth in front of me. I am so jealous of her butterflies right now. “I’m so happy for you honey. That sounds so exciting. That feeling of wonder and disbelief is… gah!” We both giggle as I struggle for words.
“He asked me out for this weekend too. He works at the lumber yard in town during the week and gets home late during the week but he asked if he could take me to dinner this Saturday night.”
“How old is he?” I remember now she’s only 19 and I’m guessing he’s older than me so if there is a Mama Bear talk to be had with the man I need to know now so I can include this in my week, will giving me something to do in between the obsession over losing Shame.
“He’s 24 and I can see your mind working overtime already, Mace Cash. Don’t you dare scare him away from me, Hem already about did. Please don’t. He asked how old I was and when I
told him I was only 19 it took me and Sadey a while to wipe that look of concern from his face. Hem didn’t even care that he was nervous about it, he just kept staring at him in warning. After watching Hem go into his alpha protective mode now I know exactly why you will end up with Shame. I don’t think there is a man available to you out there that wouldn’t live his life with you in fear of Hem. One. Scary. Biker. Dude. Mace. Hot though, sorry I know he’s your brother, but whew. Yummmmy! Still gotta say that Sadey is one lucky biatch. Every time he smacked her ass I’m pretty sure I even felt it.”
“And now going back to work! No I won’t say anything, sweetie. Apparently Hem and Sadey approve and I trust them completely. You just don’t lose yourself with Mr. Cowboy. If he’s the gentleman you say he is, then he will wait for anything further until you’re comfortable.”
Relieved that I hadn’t ruined anyone's night by leaving early from the club, I mentally put away all of my thoughts of Shame and start in on this research. The task itself is simple. Search, find, print. Just enough mindless work to keep me busy.
The day flies, at lunch I text Sadey to check in. I haven’t seen her since Saturday night but we’ve been texting since then. Hem has her seized up with him most likely overwhelming my friend. I’m leery if he’s pulled his tyrant head from his ass and has apologized for making her watch what happened to Ace. That was too much for a girl like Sadey and he didn’t have the right forcing anything at all on her, let alone that.
*ME: Hey Sade, what are your plans tonight? Would like to catch up, I miss you.
She generally holds her phone fairly close so she doesn’t miss the chance to socialize, with anyone. So I know I should be getting a text back before my lunch is over.
*Sadey: Hem is leaving for an overnight trip with Shame tonight. I’m thinking girls night, no Oreos though please. I have been feeling little light headed all day, no comment needed. Sugar will put me in a coma! How about just some wine and girl talk? That sound good?
She’s funny. Isn’t wine just sugar in fermented form?
*ME: Whatever you want, it’s all about you. See you at home, I will stop for your wine and my Oreos. ;) xxoo M.
Lunch is almost over, then just three hours and I’m on my way to girl time!
So just an hour later, I’m still at my desk and reviewing some of this research that was requested on a specific suspect drug runner in town. The name isn’t familiar but what jumps off the paper is the address of Greys office in town. Then his name is in this article. It is dated just a few months ago, what the heck? This had to have been on the local news too because it is in this paper, I had to have missed it! Appears that Greyson is being named in association with a known thug from another town.
Greyson would never associate with people he deems smaller in status than him. This has to be a mistake. I print the rest of the articles and finish the folder I’m working on for it, racking my brain trying to figure out what on earth caused Greyson to put himself in a position to deal with those people. The more I see Greyson, think about him and our time together I’m starting to wonder how well I really knew him.
It’s a sad thought to think that the people who you thought you knew most in your life, you really didn’t know at all. Shames face pops into my head, I push it away unsure I could live with the fact that I may not have known him either.
*****
*HEM: I’m away tonight, club business. You are to take care of my girl, do not do anything stupid. Stay close to home. Do you get me?
Walking in the door to my house and getting my phone out of my purse I find that Hem is in his Sergeant Rude and Bossy mode. Does this really turn people on? There is a distinct line between hot alpha and domestic asshole. Could me just me, but my brother tends to walk on the asshole side quite often.
*ME: Ilu2 brother. I’m fine. Yes, all good here. Did you say something about staying safe? Because if so it got lost in translation of your asshead behavior.
*HEM: Jesus Christ, Shame has his hands full. Just do what I tell you. Ilu now tell me you get me and you will stay close to home and be safe.
*ME: I GET YOU.
I have always thought using capital letters in text messages is rude, I don’t do it as freely as the boys do so when I finally use them, they get my message loud and clear and I just sent Hem a nice big translated ‘Kiss my ass’ without having to say it with vulgar. Men are dumb and in need of lessons but I’m in no mood to educate.
“Sadey, something smells delicious! What are you cooking?” She never cooks, she definitely can cook but she doesn’t enjoy it. Hem is going to be a lucky man if he can convince her to cook for him more than once every few months and the occasional holiday.
“I was in the mood. I made salad and pasta for us. My pasta made from scratch, too. I figured you were in need of some serious carbohydrate therapy after your weekend and since your bitch of a friend was so involved with trying to make things right with her man, she wasn’t here for you and will try to make it up to you now. I’m sorry, Mace.”
“I’m a big girl, I can wipe my own nose. I’m glad you and Hem have started to talk more about where you guys are going. I worried about him when he was gone trying to find Switch. He left with so many questions about you two, but since they were answers only he could give I knew he just needed time to sort it out in his head. So how are you guys now?”
She blushes, second woman today that is about to describe her butterflies and I have to sit there and listen like the good friend I am as my personal misfortunes linger throughout the room. How lovely for me.
“We are good. He and I talked, really talked after we got back from Shell Horns. By the way, wow for Peyton and her man, Dave or Don or Derek.”
“Derek” I corrected her. I’m a name person, so get it right or stop trying is all I’m sayin’.
“Yes, that’s it. He’s sweet and he looks at Peyton like Shame looks at….” She catches herself then recovers. “Shit, sorry Mace.”
I shrug my shoulders knowing that just as it took time for people to adjust to Shame and I together, it will take even more time to adjust us not being together. Sucks all around but as Shame says, it is what it is.
“I’m good girl, go ahead.”
“We talked about what happened that night with Ace, he apologized for being so crazy. He said he was jealous and knew there was some truth to what Ace was saying about how he treats me at times. Hem realized that another man had listed his weaknesses when it came to he and I and it pissed him off. He told me Ace had feelings for me, but I think Hem has made all that up in his head. Ace and I are friends, I think of Ace as a very dear friend. Hem said he would try to come to terms with that and he said he will forgive Ace eventually for stepping out of line, for me.”
Damn could this beautiful green eyed girl be more friggin clueless? It really is apparent to everyone but her that Ace has feelings that left friendship avenue weeks ago and now lives at the corner of love and lust alley. This is one of many reasons I love her though. She is beautiful in so many ways and she gives away her beauty to others without even knowing it.
“I’m not sure about Ace’s feelings toward you, but they don’t matter as long as you are comfortable being his dear friend and Hem is comfortable with that as well. You love Hem, not a person in this town doubts that and I hate that Hem does. So you worked things out, are you guys together as in together or are you together as in just trying to find your way through? It isn’t probably my business but I love you both and more importantly than knowing where you guys are at, just want to be sure you are happy. Are you happy with him Sade?”
“I’m more than happy. All my life I’ve loved him, like really loved him. You know that I have never imagined a forever with anyone else. Now that I actually have him though, it is more than what I thought it would ever be. You know what I’m talking about cause you feel a bit of the same emotions with Shame. Have you ever really looked at Shame? I mean, not in the obvious way because we both know that Shame is the all-
consuming alpha, crazy, beautiful, here let me drop my panties for you, stand beside you in the wind cause your natural scent makes me cling to you, kind of way…” I put my hand up, just like Hem does to get her to shut the hell up and stop talking.
“Oh my god Sadey Marie Lyons, did you just imagine Shame naked in your head? Cause the way you just described him I think you just removed his clothes and they are strung out all over the imaginary floor!” She blushes and throws the napkin holder at me.
“Please! I’m with your brother who is his own beauty, but I’m human and I’m a girl. Shame is the essence of male beauty. I’m taken but I’m certainly not dead.”
“Jesus, I’m so telling Hem you said all of this if you don’t promise to cook for me at least twice a week for the next month.” I’m such a bitch for blackmail but damn this woman can cook and she knows that for my love of food I would sell her ass out!
“Done, you evil witch.” No one said Sadey was dense. If I were to tell Hem then he will blister her ass just like he enjoys doing so much, from what she tells me anyway. Yuck! Mental picture snapped and immediately deleted!
We sat through dinner and just talked about meaningless things such as household chores, the groceries she’s going to need to get so she can cook for me, bills, and work. She has been looking for a job, but she went to college to be an architect so there’s not a lot of demand here for that.
To be honest, she majored in that because she felt pressure from her parents. Sadey is the only child and all her life they tended to force things on her. She used to tell me that she never felt the light shine on her because they consumed her in dark clouds. She has no intention of leaving our home town so she has to find something here that’s worth doing.
We say our goodnights and head to bed just after 10 o’clock. Girl time used to be partying and drinking and living it up, we are only 22 now but an outsider would think we acted much older. I’m sure that some of this has to do with Hem and Shame. The older they get, crazier they act, and the more risks they take has aged us.