by A. C. Bextor
I stand soundless and still, trying to give him time to let it all out so he doesn’t make a massive mistake and walk out of this Club for good. He’s losing patience with me now though. The vein in his forehead is throbbing and I can see his rapid pulse in his neck.
“DO YOU FUCKING KNOW WHY MACE?” He’s screaming so loud at me. I just nod back and forth telling him wordlessly to continue working through his rage.
“BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE HER! I wanted to BE HIM because I LOVED AND WANTED HER! I would have sold my true self out for the rest of my life by acting like him, if she would have loved me the way she loves him. I can’t do this anymore, no fucking way. I thought I could handle them together, I told myself ‘Okay sure, I could wait for her’. Then the baby, and fuck if that didn’t about kill me. This though? Stand by and watch him marry her? I can’t. I’m out. I’m done.”
He throws himself on the bike, puts the helmet on and before flipping the top down over his face and cranking the pipes and he says, “Thanks for everything you tried to do for me, Mace. If you ever get a chance and you think there is ever a moment she needs to hear it, tell her how I felt about her. Tell her how I will always feel about her. I love her, always.”
With that, I watch him leave. I stand outside in the dark alone holding his cut in my arms until I can’t see his taillights anymore. I’m speechless. I’ve always known his love for Sadey was powerful, but shit the man just gave up his entire life for her in a sense. Jesus, that woman is loved even by those she can’t ever love back. Hem better not fuck this shit up.
After standing there pulling myself together I turn to head back into the house. I’m met with a pair of very pissed off eyes. Shame looks enraged. Lucky me I don’t know how much he just heard or if he witnessed it all, but I am nervous as hell waiting for him to address it.
“So, you gonna share just what the fuck that was about? Been waiting for you to call for backup babe, I would have torn him to fucking bits had you said the word. He seemed a little upset about Hem’s proposal. So go on speak now, woman.” Oh yea, he’s seething.
“Nope. I’m going to put this away and go back inside and enjoy the evening with my brother and share in his and Sade’s good news. So are you, so don’t start your alpha bullshit on me right now.”
He smirks a bit, so I know he agrees that this celebration comes first. “My alpha bullshit.”
“You want me to explain what this means, because I’m fairly sure you know exactly what I’m talking about. C’mon Shame, let’s go join them inside, then let’s go home and I will let you love me…. roughly.” That got his attention.
He growls and in the next second I’m against the wall with my Shame dressed tightly to me. Men are so easily distracted, I almost feel bad.
As the night progresses, Hem remains sober. He’s still on ready with everything going on around him. Oddly enough but not surprisingly so I guess a few of the others are sober as well. Gunner, Honor, Raider, they are all no longer drinking. Shame has had a few but he keeps bringing them to me so I continue swigging them down.
Hem has attempted to get Sadey to drink quite a few times and he is starting to get a little miffed that she’s not interested in liquor. He doesn’t know her to ever turn down a margarita, no one does, so it is understandable that he’s getting more agitated with every denial.
The music is blaring, people have started to leave or head back to their rooms. Some have migrated outside leaving a handful of us in here. I move to turn down the music, trying to give Sadey a cue to go ahead and tell Hem. He’s pouting because her lack of enthusiasm to drink and celebrate tonight. She needs to run interference now before he ruins the evening for them both.
I look around and find Shame starting to clean up the bar, it is sooo not his job and he friggin knows it but he’s trying to stall so in case Hem becomes an ass he can diffuse the situation. He just still doesn’t know what the ‘situation’ actually is… yet…
Of course though, leave it to Sadey to just drop the damn bomb like it’s lit, hot and about to explode. Good Lord, I serious wonder that if Sadey and Hem ever become a normal couple, how will anyone recognize them?
While I’m making eye contact with my full of crap, poor actor, alpha male cleaning man, I hear Sadey say it loud enough the whole damn room can hear it. She was spurred because Hem started in on her again about relaxing and having fun tonight and trying to force yet another drink on her.
“PATRICK COLLINS YOU ARE STUPID! YOU KNOW THAT? THE ONLY QUESTION LEFT WOULD BE EXACTLY HOW STUPID ARE YOU?” That would be Sadey. She has her head cocked back at Hem and is screaming directly in his face.
“What the fuck, woman? Explain your damn self. You’re moody, high strung, you’re Goddamn eating everything in the damn house, twice. I thought you would be happy for just one fuckin’ night. I ask you to marry me because I love you, and I’m in love with you, but hell if you still ain’t happy. Girl, you are wearing me down!” He rubs his hand over his face in quiet contemplation but he’s not done, I can tell. “Are you having period troubles cause I’m pretty sure you’ve got all the fuckin’ symptoms!” Hem starts to stand up and down tumbles Sadey off his lap, barely catching herself on her feet.
“Really Hem, you can be so stupid. GAH! I don’t want to drink dammit. I’ve told you this four times already, this is the fifth. I DON’T’ WANT TO DRINK! Care to ask why I may not want to drink?” The entire room quiets from their chatter, waiting to see Hem’s reaction to her raised voice. Unsure anyone here has heard anyone but me talk to Hem this way. “Care to stop and shake that brain of yours up a little by THINKING of why maybe I won’t drink? God, you’re dumb. You’re lucky I love you so much because just the thought of another Hem running around is starting to scare the living shit out of me!”
And action! That’s how she tells him. She chooses to tell the man that reproducing with him scares her, wait no, scares the living shit out of her. Oh god. Damn, that shit is funny... well tomorrow it will be funny, right now it’s a little more frightening.
“What are you telling me, Sadey girl?” He is grinning. She’s not. She’s still pissed.
“I’m telling you that you, asshat Hem, are going to be a father and I would seriously appreciate it if you would stop trying to get the baby drunk! He has plenty of time later to be drinking and smooching up women just like his daddy!”
“You’re having a baby?” He’s smiling!
“Yes, you stupid jackass.” She’s still not.
“Sadey girl, stop sassing me right now please. Let me enjoy this. You are for sure telling me I’m going to be a daddy, is this real?” He is starting to stand up again now and move to her, eye to eye. Every person in this room is paralyzed in wonder waiting for Sadey to calm the hell down.
“Yes Hem, you are goi…” and that’s all there is folks.
Hem moves to her, picks her up and cradles her like a baby in his arms and off they go into Hems cave. I’m fairly certain that it is safe to assume that Hem is about to make caveman love Sadey all night long. She should either stop being angry or start meditating cause I saw the look on his face and he’s too far past asking her permission to have her tonight.
“Congrats” is all I say quietly to no one because they are already gone.
Chapter Eighteen:
“But in the night he woke and held her tight as though she were all of life and it was being taken from him. He held her feeling she was all of life there was and it was true.”
--Ernest Hemingway
It’s been four weeks since the night of Mom’s wake, Hem’s proposal, Sadey’s announcement and Ace leaving. I know it has been this long because the next day Hem told Sadey she had just four weeks to plan this wedding and become his wife. She is now 12 weeks along in this pregnancy but she is already showing. Hem wants her to have the wedding she always wanted. She told him she wants the wedding similar to that she had when she was a kid, only instead of me being the groom she really does have her man. Thank hell for that. So
we have planned everything, right down to her dad walking her down the aisle and her mom being too busy guarding and forcing signatures in the guestbook to care what Sadey is doing. Sadey asked that we have it at the lake behind our parents’ house. I can’t think anything more fitting to be honest.
Sadey had asked me my thoughts on how to tell her parents of the wedding and the baby. Knowing her parents and their ability to make Sadey feel less than what she is, I gave her my divide and conquer plan. Tell them separately to avoid her being feeling overwhelmed or ambushed.
When she told her mother about her engagement to Hem, she had cried. The tears weren’t happy tears and Sadey was prepared for this. So she then led immediately into the fact she was also carrying her first grandchild. More tears, but those were of utter happiness. Needless to say that once she finished telling her mom, the new grandma rushed to furnish a room at grandma and grandpas.
Her dad however was the opposite. He was not upset about her marrying Hem. He was in fact upset that Sadey was already pregnant before the wedding. He just couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that Sadey had sex before the wedding night. This is telling of the fact that he doesn’t know Hem as well as he thinks he does. Hem wants something, he doesn’t wait.
Ace never came back. Sadey thinks he had an emergency back home and had to rush away. I tried to tell her the truth and I know this makes me such a bitch of a friend that I didn’t, but eventually I will tell her what really happened. I can’t bring myself to put any sort of hindrance on this wedding or baby news for Hem.
Hem was livid when he heard Ace left, dropping his cut at the door on the way out. Deep down, like way deep down, Hem took comfort in knowing that Ace’s love for Sadey kept her safe when Hem needed to use it to his advantage. Shitty way of thinking, but that’s men. I also believe that Hem respects Ace for leaving, knowing he’s doing it to make Sadey happy and be able to focus on her new life rather than have Ace around to cause any trouble later.
Shame and I are still good. Sure we argue over stupid things. The time we spend at the house with both Sadey and Hem is really starting to wear us thin, but as a wedding present Hem bought Sadey a house near the hills for her and the baby to be away from the Club and its business. They won’t move in until after the baby is born because Hem is tearing it nearly completely apart to update everything, making it a play for his family to be safe. Once they move then I’m hoping Shame and I will have more alone time, we are at a standstill in our relationship at this point.
Along with today being the day that Hem and Sadey recite their vows, it is also my birthday. I never make a big deal of it, I actually hate this day each year. It forces me to look back at decisions I’ve made in the past, it is habit. This year I vow to just count my blessings.
Hem insisted they wed on my birthday, citing that we’ve always done everything together and each year we will all celebrate together. This seems a bit much to me, even for Hem. The guy is seriously a romantic at heart.
Shame is the best man and I am the maid of honor. Kegs is handling all the backstage tasks, ensuring it runs smooth. Gunner and Honor are both handling seating and security, they are technically supposed to be ushers but no way is that their actual position here. Gunner is packing weapons and is constantly checking security to be sure all is clear for the event.
We have yet to hear from Greyson again. I hate to say but I am optimistic that he has gone away. Cherry refuses to testify and Hem agrees that the Club will handle him when the time is right.
Tonight Raider has escorted Cherry. She hasn’t been to the Club yet, says she just doesn’t want to face all the pity that waits her there. She’s been staying with Kegs but since Kegs told her she either goes to the wedding or she finds another place to live, Cherry is here with Raider protecting her. I see they have something between them, but I know Cherry doesn’t recognize it. She’s far too damaged to focus on anything but mental and physical recovery.
Honor brought Kegs with him tonight. I talked to him briefly last weekend at the party when he was with her. He told me they have a lot in common and she has agreed to be with just him, for now. She’s never really had a real relationship so this thing with Honor is new and confusing. Honor doesn’t sleep with Club girls, he never did. That is one thing that always endeared him to me. Both of them are good people, lost among chaos.
Peyton is here with Derek. They are together, officially. Shame doesn’t appreciate Derek as much as I do, but then Shame also found him touching me at Shell Horns, what feels like so long ago. Peyton was ecstatic to be invited to the wedding. She and I still work together at the library and we hang out sometimes with Sadey in the evenings since we have both been helping her plan for this big event. Peyton tells me that Gramma actually approves of Derek and that she has no longer been spending Saturday nights at Shell Horns but has been spending the weekends at Derek’s, Gramma still approving.
Before the wedding I want to find Sadey alone and talk to her. She’s surrounded by her family and friends and I know she’s busy but I want to give her my best wishes. I haven’t been able to even find her since lunch and I’m starting to panic because it is only about 15 minutes till show time and after asking several people, no one knows where she’s at!
Looking through the tents, down by the dock and the rock way, I’ve come up empty. There’s only one more place she could hide without actually leaving the lake. I tell Shame I will be back shortly and he gives me a concerning look but nods to me in trust, knowing I’m alright.
“There you are, the beautiful bride. What are you doing up here ‘Miss soon to be Patrick Collins’?” She’s in our treehouse and she looks troubled. She’s looking over the lake and has got tears falling from both her eyes. She’s breathtaking in her white gown. Her auburn hair and green eyes, scattered mix of freckles, and that button nose look like it was meant for pictures that little girls look at when planning their own imaginary weddings.
“I’m taking a moment. I’m nervous and I know I shouldn’t be but Mace, this is Hem. This is the man I have loved forever and I’m looking around and seeing that this is real. I’m going to marry him, he wants me forever. What if I let him down? What if I’m not a good wife, friend, or mother? I’m supposed to be the one witnessing the rest of his life and that’s a lot to take in and be responsible for.” She sniffles again and looks out towards the water again.
I stand close to her, looking out to our lake as well. I rub her back for comfort, offering her what I can. “Honey, don’t you think that Hem has those fears? He isn’t without concern but he also loves you enough to not worry about those concerns anymore. He can face anything, as long as you’re together. This baby will only know love. Think about how much love both of you longed for in your life, now you’re giving it that child together. He has just as much responsibility to you as you to him. Trust him and all that you have with each other.”
She doesn’t say anything and I’m hoping some of what I said has sunk in a bit. She’s right in some aspects, being a part of someone else’s life is a huge step but they’ve already been so much a part of each other that this is a natural progression.
“I love you, Mace. I want to ask you something, I need you to be honest with me please. I just need things straight in my head before I go down there, back to Hem.”
“Awe, I love you too and I’m so happy for you Sade. You were destined to be my sister in law and if you would hurry your boney ass down this treehouse unscathed we could make that official in about eight minutes.” I glare at my wrist that holds no watch but smirk at her so she gets my point. “I can be honest honey, can we be honest in a rush though while walking toward your wedding?”
She smiles and walks with me now as I wrap my arm in hers and study her face. She’s about to shock me with what she’s asking me. She’s marrying my brother in a few minutes but she’s thinking about Ace.
“Ace isn’t coming back is he?”
I’m stuck. This will hurt her and I know now is definit
ely not the time to give her the message he has for her so I just push forth and play stupid. I will give her peace from him best I can, she doesn’t need to wait for him to come back. He’s gone and she needs to leave him behind at the present.
“No, he’s not. I’m not sure all he was thinking when he did it but he turned in his cut. He went back to his old life.”
Her reaction isn’t what I had expected. She doesn’t look shocked at my news. “I’m going to miss him. He was a good man, he deserves to find someone that makes him as happy as Hem makes me.”
We stop walking for a second so she can compose herself. Her father comes towards her, her mom is already sitting at the front and moving her head around to find out what happened to her daughter. Hem is standing at the altar, looking puzzled no less at our late arrival but Shame whispers something in his ear and Hem’s face relaxes a bit.
I kiss Sadey on the cheek and tell her goodbye and that I will see her up front, squeezing her arm then giving her a smile of encouragement. She glances again at the treehouse and the lake in remembrance of all our lives together and then she smiles and moves into her dad’s proffered arm.
I wish my dad were here to see Hem marry Sadey. Our family is broken, it won’t ever be the same. Too much has happened throughout the years to expect that we could recover something from it. I hope my mom is watching from a comfortable seat in heaven.
*****
The reception was everything that would be expected from our crazy family. Dancing, drinking, swearing, and laughing has consumed us all. It was nice to be able to celebrate such a thrilling event after everything the Club has been through this year. Looking back just a year ago, everything has changed. I’m no longer with Greyson, Sadey and Hem are finally together, Hem has recruited and pledged new members and prospects and although those are all the positive aspects to this year, so much tragedy has marked us as well. Cherry still in recovery while Greyson is accused and yet to be handled through the Club, Winnie is dead, Ace is gone, and mom has died. So much change taking place around us.