by Kara Louise
He ran both hands through his hair, combing it with his fingers and then stared down at me with a nervous smile.
“You find me at a complete loss to know what has taken hold of me. I find myself most uncharacteristically wavering in my regard for her. Despite every argument against her unsuitability, I find I cannot disregard what great pleasure and delight I find in her company!”
My tail resoundingly thumped against the floor at this quite satisfying, but not surprising, news. He attributed to himself as wavering in his regard, whilst I begged to differ. I wholeheartedly believed that he had remained constant in his regard for Miss Elizabeth from the beginning. He merely wavered in his attempts at dissuading himself that his feelings for her were natural and just.
As he returned his attention back to the man in the mirror, he straightened his neck cloth and declared most vigorously, “It appears that there is nothing I can do to relieve my suffering but to go to her. The days have been positively torture for me since her departure! With each passing day, I find myself hoping to walk into a room and find her there. On our walks, I wish to catch sight of her down the lane! I catch a scent that reminds me of her and I turn my head, expecting to see her!”
He looked down at me with a tentative smile slowly breaking out upon his face. “I am resolved to make no attempt to hide my attentions toward her at Longbourn this day so she will be unmistakably confident of my regard, even at the expense of raising her mother’s hopes!”
I responded with a most ill-mannered jump, planting my front paws upon his upper legs and putting forth a highly charged wag of my tail. I then jumped down and retrieved the knotted rope that Miss Elizabeth had presented to me, holding it proudly in front of me. He regarded me with a shake of his head. “If only I had the optimism that you had, Reggie.”
The men’s decision to ride into Meryton and then to Longbourn on their horses prevented me from accompanying them. In my younger days, I would have cared not a whit, but a distance of three miles would have proven far too wearying in my advanced age. My disappointment in not being able to see Miss Elizabeth was lessened with the comprehension that my master was going to her with the intent of making clear his regard for her.
I watched as they rode off together, two men with very different objectives. Mr. Bingley, with his open artlessness, simply hoped to enjoy Miss Bennet’s society, with little consideration as to her suitability. I believed that my master’s decision to join Bingley was a very good indication that he was listening to the leanings of his heart like his friend rather than the strictures of his familial obligation.
I settled myself in front of the fire in the sitting room, the drawing room, and occasionally the library, depending upon which room Miss Bingley was not occupying at the time, for she was in a most disagreeable state, a look of grave suspicion infusing her countenance. It was clear to me that she was not at all pleased by my master’s decision to accompany her brother to Longbourn.
With a rapidly beating heart, I made every attempt to sleep, but my thoughts refused to be still as I deliberated what might be happening. Would my master truly be able to display exceptional manners and particular attention to Miss Elizabeth? Would he come away held in a more favourable regard in her eyes or would they somehow find themselves at odds with each other again?
The sound of heavy boots coming in through the back kitchen door alerted me to the return of my master and his friend. Their return was much sooner than I had anticipated and I wondered what may have prompted their call on Longbourn and the Bennets to be reduced to such a short one. Perhaps the Bennets had been away and they had not been able to see them.
I trotted eagerly to join the men as they came in. Bingley’s countenance glowed and he cheerfully answered the staff’s inquiries about Miss Bennet. His answers gave every indication that he had indeed seen her. He declared that she was completely recovered. As I approached, however, there were two things that became quite apparent to me.
The first was that my master was deeply troubled. This was a silent anger overtaking him that I had not seen in a very long time. His movements were abrupt and harsh. His demeanour was rigid and unresponsive. He was not even wont to acknowledge me! His features were overspread with a reddish hue and his breathing was almost forced. I had a grave suspicion that the morning had not gone well at all! Based on his state of agitation, it would appear likely that it was nothing short of a disaster, and my heart sank. Could he have sunk further in Miss Elizabeth’s approbation?
As I tentatively approached him, I passed close to Bingley and it was then that I detected something else. I caught the scent -- albeit a very slight scent -- of Wickham! My fur bristled across my back as I turned with alarm toward my master and recognized the expression of anguish that only Wickham could produce upon his features.
He brusquely excused himself from Bingley and marched directly up the stairs, taking every other step in a hurried and determined manner. I followed behind, concerned for his well-being and wishing to know exactly what had transpired!
Upon coming to his chambers, he stopped abruptly and glanced down at me, finally realizing I was at his side.
His eyes grew dark as he slowly shook his head and spat out, “He is here, Reggie. Wickham is here!”
He opened the door and I followed him in, bestowing inadequate tokens of compassion to soothe his fury and rage. I sat at his feet peering up to him, offering up a paw of companionship. My tail wagged only slightly to assure him I understood and was not at all pleased with this news.
He brusquely raked both hands through his hair and paced back and forth in silence, shock and suspicion overtaking his features.
“Why is that detestable leech here?” he spewed out. “Of all places, why must he suddenly appear in Hertfordshire? What is there here to lure him away from his debaucheries in London? Did he somehow discover I was here and he has come to harass me?”
He walked over to the window and gazed out, silenced by his own question. His breathing became increasingly laboured as he fisted and unfisted his hands. “No, I believe he was as surprised as I. He had no previous intelligence that I was in the neighbourhood. But why here? Why now? I readily believed all my dealings with him were history!” He pounded a fisted hand against the frame of the window.
“Of all people to encounter…” His jaw tightened as he kept his gaze fixed to something off in the distance. “And what kind of cruel twist of fate would have me come upon him when he is addressing her? Such an unsuspecting and pleasant expression upon her countenance, such delight in her eyes as they exchanged civilities. I am quite certain she esteemed him as a most charming gentleman! Certainly, she has enough sense about her that she will not allow his deceptive charm to have sway over her!”
I listened with wide eyes as I realized he must have encountered Wickham whilst he was engaging Miss Elizabeth in conversation.
His voice grew softer and was laced with regret. “Will he once again come between me and someone…” He was unable to finish and was silent for a moment. I could see the pain in his eyes.
He had difficulty formulating the words; his unsettled behaviour causing him much suffering. “This morning… I vowed to display nothing… but the most polite and attentive manners toward her. I cared for nothing… but to garner Miss Elizabeth’s esteem!”
He walked over and sat down upon a rather large chair and rested his head in his hands, shaking his head. “But when I saw Wickham with her, I was so filled with rage that I did not -- I could not -- extend even the basic civilities toward her.”
I approached him and sat at his feet, leaning into him, feeling the crushing weight of what had transpired as if I had experienced it myself.
“So instead of singling Miss Elizabeth out, instead of exhibiting to her that I can be attentive and pleasant, instead of doing all I can to improve in her regard, I behaved in a most impolite and rude manner… quite the opposite of what I had intended.”
He looked down at his hands, which were clenched tightly t
ogether. “I ignored her, driven by a fierce anger and overpowering compulsion to distance myself from that man. I rode away, leaving Bingley to shower his attentions toward Miss Bennet whilst I neglected to even acknowledge Miss Elizabeth, her sisters, or her new friend.”
My fur bristled at these words. How could Miss Elizabeth consider such a worthless man -- such a devious rake -- a friend? Knowing Miss Elizabeth as I did, I heartily believed she would see him for who he truly was! But just as suddenly, my heart sunk, as I realized she had never come to know my master for who he really was. I could only hope that she would see through any sort of deception that Wickham might cloak about himself.
My master’s eyes darkened and narrowed. “Wickham tipped his hat at me but I refused to return any salutation. I saw Elizabeth’s spark of disdain directed towards me as I rode away, but I could do nothing. Her fine eyes lashed out in contempt at my manners. I wish, even now, that I could divulge the truth to her about him and explain my behaviour, but I cannot. My only hope is that his stay in Hertfordshire will be short and the damage he inflicts here minimal.”
I gently pawed at him and he responded with a tousle of my fur. “It appears, Reggie, that my dealings with Wickham will never cease.”
*~*~*
For the next few days the knowledge that Wickham was in the vicinity weighed heavily on my master, and whilst Bingley was filled with joviality as he began making plans for the ball he was about to host at Netherfield, my master became increasingly disturbed. It became apparent even to his good friend.
Bingley commented one evening as the two men gathered in the study, “Darcy! If you are this unsettled because of the ball, you are by no means obligated to attend. You may remain in your chambers if you chuse, however it would mean a great deal to me if you agreed to attend and… if at all possible… make an effort to enjoy yourself!”
My master turned to his friend, commanding a reticent smile to emerge. “It is not the ball, Bingley, that has me so disconcerted and pray, accept my apologies for my behaviour of late.”
“Then what is it? I have never seen you in such a state! I have always observed you to remain collected and cordial even in the most bothersome of situations! What, may I ask, has caused you such distress?”
I wondered what my master might say to Bingley. His behaviour of late had been inexcusable if one was not aware of the situation, but I was quite certain he was not willing to divulge Georgiana’s involvement with Wickham.
My master appeared to be contemplating what to say. He was torn between being open and honest with his friend and yet would not divulge anything that might hurt his sister’s reputation.
At length, he pronounced, “The gentleman in Meryton that was with the officer and the Misses Bennets the other day… Wickham… is a long-time acquaintance of mine.”
“He is!” exclaimed Bingley. “I was not aware that you had a previous acquaintance with him.”
“We grew up together at Pemberley; his father was my father’s steward.”
“Go on,” Bingley urged, noticing the grimace taking hold of my master’s features and realizing there was more.
“We came to be at odds with one another. My father offered him every opportunity to do well in life… promised to provide a living for him… but Wickham proved to be dishonest, most undeserving, and an idle miscreant. I cannot divulge the nature of his transgressions. But, as I was responsible for all dealings after my father’s death, Wickham holds me responsible for certain decisions I chose to make as a result of his disrepute. Suffice to say, Wickham may attempt to pass himself off as a gentleman, but he is not a man to be trusted.”
“Heavens, Darcy! What are we to do? I understand he is now an officer in Colonel Forster’s regiment and I have informed Forster that all the officers are invited to the ball!”
“I doubt that he will come. He has no greater wish to be in my company than I do to be in his. At least that is what I surmise.” He eyed his friend as if wondering what more to tell him. “It was unsettling to me, Bingley, to have encountered him when I least expected or wished it.”
That appeared to satisfy Bingley as to my master’s demeanour as he continued to press on along with his sister to make all the arrangements for what would be the finest ball ever held in the neighbourhood. She took a great deal of care to ensure that the plans were coming along to her satisfaction, all the while lamenting the lack of society there would be at this ball. Bingley later compounded her complaints when he advised her briefly on some of the details regarding Wickham and she vowed to do all in her power to ensure my master would not have to suffer in his presence.
When the invitation cards were ready to deliver, Bingley and his sisters set out to extend some personal invitations. Even though the Bennets were one of those so privileged, my master was not inclined to accompany his friend and sisters. I believe he was still stinging from his encounter with Wickham and consequently, he decided against it.
Whilst they were out extending the invitations, my master suggested we take a walk about the grounds. I was grateful for the diversion, as I felt in my bones that rain was on its way and would settle in for several days. Before we quitted the house, I ran up to my master’s chambers and found my cherished toy.
My master allowed me to lead the way; he was not inclined to go any particular direction. I conveniently led him to the place where Miss Elizabeth and I danced the other day. When we reached the small area along the path, I sat down and dropped the rope, glancing up at him. My master returned to me a knowing smirk as he realized where we were.
“Dare you to boast, little fellow, by bringing me to the very place where you and Elizabeth danced so amiably whilst she was staying at Netherfield? Do you wish, you little braggart, to call attention to the fact that she obliged you with a dance yet she has yet to honour me with one?”
I yapped in affirmation. “And what would you have me to do about it? She is the one who has refused me!”
I yapped again.
“Oh, I see. You are of the opinion that I ought to ask her for a dance at the ball!”
This time I yapped and wagged my tail fervently.
“Well, I have already made up my mind in the quarter.”
I peered up at him eagerly, waiting for him to tell me what he had decided.
“Since seeing her with Wickham, I cannot erase the image from my mind of her ease and friendliness towards him. A great deal of my disquiet these past few days stemmed from the expression she had as she spoke with him, especially as I cannot but compare it with the ensuing look of disdain she flashed at me.”
He took a few steps, giving a rock that lay on the path a good kick off into the shrubbery. “I fear that if she persists in this estimation of his character, Wickham will have won yet again -- whether he knows it or not!”
He returned to me and kneeled down, picking up the rope that still lay on the ground. He turned it over and over in his hands, meticulously eyeing it. “I have given this every consideration and I have concluded that all I can do is single her out at the ball, Reggie. If she does not come away certain of my regard, then there is little else I can do. But I am at least determined to ask her for the honour of a dance!”
*~*~*
From that day until the day of the ball, it rained incessantly as I knew it would, giving us no further opportunity to walk the grounds. I kept a close watch on my master, however, and whilst he still was mistrustful of Wickham’s presence, I believed him still to be of the mind to apply for Miss Elizabeth’s hand for a dance. He was aware, as was I, that singling her out would be tantamount to publicly declaring his admiration for her to the whole of this Hertfordshire neighbourhood, especially if he were to apply for her hand for a second dance. Now in my opinion, that would certainly be a splendid idea!
Bingley’s enthusiasm for his own prospects at the ball was only slightly dampened when he learned he must make a trip to London the very day following the gala event. When inquiring of my master as to whether he
wished to accompany him, my master declined, replying he would prefer to remain at Netherfield and await his friend’s return. I was grateful and could only surmise that meant he was hoping to further his association with Miss Elizabeth after the ball.
Early on the evening of the ball, my master kept to his chambers. He was noticeably tense and on more than one occasion, he stood before the reflection in the mirror asking his reflection if he was being prudent. He had dressed with an uncharacteristic amount of care and prepared with not a little unease with the hope of being accepted for one simple dance, trusting that Miss Elizabeth’s heart might be won in the course of the evening. Straightening his jacket and neckcloth for the hundredth time, he appeared neither completely satisfied with his appearance nor confident of his forthcoming actions.
I, however, was of the opinion that no one could be more handsome than my master, nor could one be on a more exceptional quest.
He must have sensed my growing enthusiasm and eagerness, for he regarded me with a sombre eye.
“Reggie,” he began, “securing Miss Elizabeth’s regard may have been effortless for you, but it has proven to be much more complicated for me! Never in my life have I had to work so hard to attain something!” He reached down and scratched under my chin. “If I could take you with me and present you to her as a testimonial to my good character, I would!” He took my head in his hands. “But tonight, my friend, you are confined to my chambers. I will not trust you to be let free to roam about this house even with the strictest of instructions, for I know you would have no qualms but to march down there with every intention of seeking out Miss Elizabeth. If you were to do that, Miss Elizabeth would most likely be quite delighted but you would send Miss Bingley and everyone else at her precious ball into pandemonium!”
He stood up and returned to eye his figure in the mirror one last time. “I will send my man in here in a couple of hours to take you out back. But you will remain tethered on your lead and you will behave! Do you understand?”