by Watkins, CN
“I know you have, and I have missed you, my darling. My, you have turned into such a beautiful and strong young lady.” Her voice was like music to my ears.
“I’ve tried to be strong, Mom. I’ve tried to do everything like you were still here.”
“And you have done a wonderful job. I never doubted you for a minute. After all, you are my daughter.” Her smile radiated and was very contagious. “Come, honey, let’s sit.” She walked me over to a bench and we sat down, holding hands.
How was this possible? The realization suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. No, no, no, no! “Mom!” I tried to console myself. “Please, please tell me I’m not dead.”
“No, honey. I just wanted to talk to you for a moment.” She squeezed my hand, sending a wave of relief through me. “I just wanted you to understand how proud of you I am. You are a remarkable woman.”
I smiled and swallowed back the tears. “Mom-”
“You have chosen a fine young man to spend the rest of your life with. He seems so genuine and caring. You two are good for each other.”
“I love him, Mom. More then my soul will allow some times.”
“Hang on to that forever. This feeling that you feel, the love that is between you two, don’t let that fade for even one second. Some people never get to experience the truth depth of love. Love isn’t just a word, it’s not just an expression. Love is when your soul is finally home. When you can look in their eyes, and you feel safe. That passion is there. Anyone around you can feel it. When you sway, he sways. It’s such an intense love, don’t lose that.”
She squeezed my hand, and I felt a hot tear roll down my cheek. “Mom, what about Dad?”
“The Earth has a funny way of handling things. You’ll see. Baby, our time is limited. I love you, and my love will only grow deeper for you and my new son-in-law and grandchild.” She smiled. “I will always be looking down on you, and I will be your voice of reasoning. As long as you remember me in here,” she put her hand on my chest over my heart, “you’ll remember me here.” She lifted her hand and put it on my head. “Now it’s time for you to take care of your pending duties.”
“Mom, I can’t say good-bye again.” I started to cry.
“Then how about a simple see you later instead.” Her green eyes twinkled. “I will always be with you baby, trust me.” She leaned in and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes as I felt her warm lips on my forehead, then vanish.
“Mom!” I cried as I opened my eyes.
“Baby!” I looked into Stefan's worried eyes. “You’re awake? Nurse! She’s awake!” He screamed as he practically jumped on me. “Oh my God! You’re awake!”
I lifted my hand and touched his tear stained cheek. He put his hand over my hand and closed his eyes, pushing more tears from his eyes.
“I’m...here,” I whispered.
“You’re here,” he whispered back as he kissed my lips, igniting a fire deep down.
Chapter Nineteen
The nurse wasted no time coming in to assess my condition. She introduced herself as Melissa, and told me that I had a concussion. That was why they kept sedating me— to make sure the swelling in my brain was going to go down. I also had two broken ribs and my wrist was sprained. I felt the splint at my arm and the tight wrap around my torso holding me in place.
As Melissa was talking, I remembered what was missing.
“Annabelle? Where is she?”
“Your baby is in the NICU. We had to do an emergency C-section to get her out. Her heart rate was really slow, so we are continuing to monitor her very closely. She is doing fantastic, and we are hoping she will get out of the NICU very soon.” She smiled as she walked out of the room.
I looked around the room and found Charles asleep on the couch at the other end of the huge hospital room. He had his arms crossed and appeared to be fast asleep.
Stefan cupped my face in his hands and put our foreheads together. “Christ, I thought I lost you, I thought it was over,” he whispered into my hair. I took a deep breath, smelling his ocean scent.
“I’m here,” I whispered. “How long have I been in the hospital?”
“Today is day six..”
“Have you seen Annabelle yet?” I asked as he pulled his head away from mine.
“Yes, I got to touch her through the incubator they have her in. She looks just like you. Jennifer, I didn’t know what I was going to do if I lost you.”
I put my hand to his chest. “I couldn’t go anywhere. You hold me down to the Earth. I can’t go anywhere without you.” I tried to smile.
“God, I love you.” He leaned in and planted a kiss on my lips, stilling my breath.
I spent the next fifteen minutes telling her about my drive to Stefan’s work and the black SUV that appeared in front of me. She gasped at all the right moments, and at one point even muttered my father’s name. We both knew who was responsible, but something inside of me still wanted to believe that he would never do that to me.
Kennedy stood to her feet, charged out the door, and hollered for Stefan. Stefan and Kennedy both came back into the room. “Please, for fuck’s sake tell me you are going to murder this asshole sperm donor!”
“Kennedy!” I yelled at her as I flinched. My sides protested.
“Can we please talk about this outside?” Stefan asked, looking over at me.
“No! We sure in the damn can’t!”
“Kennedy, calm down.” I tried not to yell, but she had no right.
“No, I’m not calming down! This fuckwad has hurt you ever since your mother passed away, and I am so sick of standing by why he does this shit, and now he tries to kill you?” She threw her arms up in the air. “What if he did kill you? What if?”
“He didn’t,” I said, trying to calm her down.
“I can’t take this, Jen. I am so sick of you always having to look over your shoulder for your dad. I’m not going to stand by and deal with this shit anymore. Either you,” she was standing in front of Stefan now and jammed her finger into his chest. I watched him as his eyes began to grow cold. “Can do something about this, or I will, but he’s not going to get away with this, and he’s not going to jail to sit in there and plot his revenge.”
She turned towards me and stopped on her way to the door. “What if, Jen? I love you, but I refuse to watch this unfold.” With that, she walked out of the door leaving Stefan and me in complete shock.
“That was a little too much,” Stefan finally said after a long moment of silence.
“She’s a little too much,” I replied. “I know she loves me, but I don’t want anything happening to my dad, Stefan.” I looked at him; his eyes were still dark.
“I can’t promise that.”
“Why?”
“He tried to kill you, Jennifer! Seriously, wake up! He tried to kill my wife and daughter. You can bet your shit he will pay for this, and I’m sorry if you don’t like it.”
I took a calm breath and stared at him. “Get out.”
“You’re seriously protecting your father and kicking me out?” he asked, standing in disbelief at the foot of my bed.
“I said get out!”
“FUCK!” He turned and walked out of the door, slamming it behind him.
I couldn’t do this! I knew what he did was wrong, and I knew he had to pay...but I wanted him sent to jail, not to his grave.
“Jennifer?”
“Come in,” I said as Melissa walked towards my bed.
“We are going to be transferring you to your home. You have a doctor and a nurse ready to take care of you there, and you will be more comfortable. It will probably be tomorrow morning before you can leave here to go to your home. The doctor here still wants to make sure you are okay enough to go home and be taken care of there.”
“Who told you this?” I asked, crossing my arm over the one in the splint over my chest.
“You’re husband. It will probably be tomorrow morning before you can leave here to go to your home. The doctor here
still wants to make sure you are okay enough to go home and be taken care of there.”
That man infuriated me! “I need to see Annabelle.” I demanded
“Yes. Let me go get a wheelchair and then I can take you.” She grabbed some medical equipment and left the room.
I immediately got butterflies in my stomach as I thought about meeting my daughter for the first time. I couldn’t believe this moment was actually happening. It wasn’t at all how I’d imagined it, but never the less, it was happening.
Annabelle had already toughed through so much, and she wasn’t even a week old. She came out of a horrifying wreck, and now she was lying in a little incubator waiting to get out so that I could finally hold her and touch her and love her more then anything I’ve ever experienced before.
Melissa came back into the room with the wheelchair and locked it right next to my bed. I tried to sit up on my own, but she stepped around the wheelchair and helped me. She draped a small blanket around my legs so that my gown wouldn’t expose my legs and other areas.
“Are you ready, Jennifer?” Melissa asked as she clicked the locks off.
“More than ever,” I whispered, almost out of breath.
She wheeled me through the door and into the waiting room where Stefan was sitting with his mom and two sisters.
“Jennifer?” Sam’s head popped up out of her magazine.
“Where are you going?” Stefan asked.
I knew I should be mad at him, but seeing him sitting there with his jeans and tight black t-shirt and his face...oh my, his face! Even though I was hurt, I could feel my body come back alive as he turned and our eyes connected.
“G-Going to see Annabelle,” I stumbled. Damn him for doing this to me.
“Nurse!” He popped up, shoving his hands in his front pockets. “Don’t you think she needs to rest before going to see her?”
“Stefan, I will see my baby whenever I damn well please. Now sit down and stop being so freaking possessive!”
He slowly shook his head and glared at me. We froze in time, having a secret standoff with our eyes, then he slowly walked over to my wheelchair and bent down, resting his hands on the armrests.
“I know you’re the one who taking me back to the house instead of staying here,” I whispered, our lips only inches apart.
“Because you’ll be better treated at home, you can sleep in your own bed, and you will have round the clock security. Isn’t that what you want?” He cocked his head to the side.
“I want my husband to discuss things with me instead of making his own damn decisions.”
Stefan leaned closer to my ear. “Well, Mrs. Long, I have some bad news for you. I make the decisions, and when it comes to my wife’s health, I’ll make whatever damn decisions I see fit.”
“Jackass.” I mouthed as he stood to his feet, towering over my wheelchair.
“Your jackass,” he responded as Melissa started wheeling me in the direction of the NICU. Ugh! “I’ll be here when you get back. Enjoy your time.”
“That was intense,” Melissa mumbled. She sounded almost embarrassed.
“It can be.”
She pushed me the rest of the way in silence.
“Here we are, Jennifer,” Melissa said as she pushed me up to a door that could only be unlocked by using the telephone on the wall next to it. “Whenever you want to visit her, you will have to use this phone to call the nurse station. You will tell them your name, and your daughters name, and they will let you in.” She smiled, picking up the phone.
“This is Melissa, I have Mrs. Long here wanting to see her baby, Annabelle.” She hung up the phone and stepped behind my wheelchair. The door slowly opened, and she pushed me into the room. I looked around at the incubators which held the small, helpless babies and I wanted to cry. I felt my heart tighten.
Melissa wheeled me back to the back of the room. The incubator held a small, precious little girl with Annabelle Long written on the card, identifying who she was. This was her! This was my baby girl.
She locked my wheelchair and came around to where I could see her. “I’ll give you two a moment alone. I’ll be at the nurse’s station if you need anything.” I smiled at her, but I could not take my eyes off Annabelle. She wore a pink hospital hat with no clothes and a diaper that looked to be a little too big.
There were two holes in the incubator that I could stick my hands through to touch her. I scooted to the edge of my chair and slipped a hand in, hanging it over her. I was so nervous, so scared to touch her. She had little stickers covering her body and little tubes in her nose providing her with fresh oxygen.
I gently used the tips of my fingers to touch her torso, and her soft baby skin felt like velvet. The tears fell. I didn’t want her to be in this little box. I wanted her to be in my arms.
Stefan was right, she looked exactly like me. Her little face was shaped like mine, and her lips were small and petite. I watched as her little eyelids fluttered and I hoped she would open her eyes.
I started lightly rubbing her torso, humming a lullaby, hoping she could hear me. Everything in my life finally made sense. I finally had someone, someone who was so small, who held the strings to my heart. Stefan held my soul, but Annabelle held my heart.
I lost track of how long I sat there, staring at her perfect face, but it felt like only moments before Melissa gently touched my shoulder with her hand.
“Jennifer?”
“Yes?” I peeled my eyes off Annabelle and looked at Melissa.
“I think we should get you back to your room. Your family wants to see you, and I also think you should get some rest before going home tomorrow.”
I nodded in agreement and gently pulled my hand away from Annabelle. I gripped my hands in my lap as I heard her unlock my wheelchair. “I love you, my sweet baby,” I whispered, hoping she could hear me.
Melissa wheeled me back to my room and helped me into my bed, covering me back up. I was exhausted already. Stefan came in shortly after her and sat down on the couch across the room.
“Why do you insist on defying on me?” he asked, his head hung low between his arms, which rested on his legs.
“I’m not trying to,” I whispered. The air between us was thick, and I hated it.
“I want you home, safe and where I can keep an eye on you. George, can get in here, Jennifer. It doesn’t take much.” He lifted his head and looked at me. His caramel eyes were sad.
“That’s why you have Charles.”
“He can only do so much, Jennifer. I don’t understand what the big deal is.”
“The big deal is that I want to stay here where Annabelle is.” I raised my voice.
“Not an option. End of discussion, Jennifer.” He stood to his feet. “And when I find George, I may not kill him, but he’ll wish he was dead.”
“Stefan!” I protested.
“You don’t get it.” He put his fingers up to his temple, rubbing it. “He tried to kill you! He wants you dead. He wants my daughter dead. You knew I was like this when you married me. You knew I wanted the control, needed the control, and I’ve given up so much control for you! I’ve tried to be everything you could ever want me, but I’m scared that one day I’ll come home and you’ll be gone because you’ve realized I am as fucked up as they come.” He was pacing now, pouring his heart out in this hospital room.
“I’ve done so much for you, so much to make sure you are taken care of, including keeping you in this little safe bubble. You just don’t get it! You don’t think about me, me Jennifer. I have a heart! And it aches, aches for you. When I saw your body lying here, lifeless...I thought I’d failed you, failed our daughter, failed myself. The thought of you not coming back to me was too much to handle, Jennifer.
“I don’t care if you choose to hate me. I am finding that bastard and I am making him pay.” He turned and walked towards the door. He opened it, then looked back at me. “I love you, Jennifer, more than my soul allows sometimes. I will never sit back and watch you lie m
otionless on a hospital bed ever again.”
He walked out of the door and shut it quietly behind him.
I knew my dad deserved whatever he had coming to him, but something inside of me continued to hold out hope that he would change; that he would accept things and move on. I wanted...needed that acceptance from him. Why couldn’t I have that? Why couldn’t I be good enough? I hated what he made me, what he did to me, and sometimes I hated the reflection the stared back at me.
“Knock knock.”
“Come in.” I smiled when I saw it was Sam, Judy, and Sabrina. I had missed them.
“Oh, honey. I’m so glad you two are okay.” Judy took me in a tight hug.
“Scared us!” Sam said, hugging me next.
“I’m glad you’re okay.” Sabrina hugged me last.
“Have you seen Annabelle?” I asked them.
“Yes. She looks so much like you. She is just precious,” Judy gushed.
“I never knew my heart could love someone so tiny, so much.”
“It’s an amazing feeling,” Sabrina agreed.
We spent the next thirty minutes catching up. I told them what I remembered from the accident and how I felt about my father. Judy and Sabrina agreed with me, but Sam was on Stefan’s side. I wasn’t surprised; I knew she would feel that way. I loved having them around; it made me feel like I belonged to a family.
After they said their goodbyes, I started to close my eyes, when the door opened again. Melissa was standing in the doorway with a small cup in her hands.
“I’m sorry to interrupt you, but it’s time for your medicine before bed.” She gave me the two white pills and I took a drink from my straw, allowing the cold water to flood my mouth.
“Thank you,” I said, setting my cup down next to my bed.
She smiled as she walked to the door, turned off the light and left the room. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. The door opened again, allowing the light from the outside to stream in, then quietly closed,
I felt his hot touch under the covers start at my foot, burning a hot path up my leg, my thigh, stopping momentarily at my inner thigh. He continued on his path, up my stomach, stopping as my nipple stood at attention for him.