Christ alive, she was everything he wanted. And still, he had barely touched her.
“Hannah,” he said quietly, and his whole body was filled with warmth as she smiled, “do you…do you find me attractive?”
It was a forward question, and he would never have dared ask it of anyone else.
She blushed. “What makes you ask that?”
Josiah shrugged. It was important to his ego that he did not let her see how much her response mattered to him. “I thought, in your…your line of work, you must see plenty of men. Quite a few. All the time, even if you are not…looking after them.”
He did not entirely know how to continue, and she was certainly not going to help him.
Sipping her wine slowly, she smiled. “Yes, plenty of men.”
Josiah squirmed slightly. An earl usually did not have to work this hard.
“And so, having seen them, and seeing me, how…how do I shape up?”
He had not expected her to be quite so happy at his evident discomfort. “From what I have seen so far, you are handsome.”
Josiah laughed.
She laughed with him. “Goodness, Josiah, I never knew you to be a prude!”
“I am not!” he said defensively, taking another swig of wine and feeling the pleasing tingle “I have no concern, have had no issue with—well, being with other ladies. But I have rarely taken the time to get their opinion afterward.”
She was still smiling and raised an eyebrow. “I think if they had been disappointed, you would have known.”
The tension in his shoulders grew. This was not the direction he had thought the conversation would go in.
“Come, I am just jesting with you.” Hannah’s smile was full of warmth rather than teasing. “I will tell you the truth. I have thought you handsome from the very first time I saw you, and…that attraction has deepened ever since.”
The thought of her feeling attraction for him was stirring. What he could not have predicted was what she said next.
Setting her wine glass down, she said, “To tell even more of the truth, Josiah, if that is your real name, I was disappointed you did not wish to bed me the first time you came to visit me. That feeling has deepened ever since, too.”
Something surged through Josiah, and this time he could not blame the wine. Was this it—when he was finally able to kiss her with complete abandon? His manhood wanted more, but he would not take more than she could give.
“I wanted to,” he admitted, the fire crackling in the grate. “But it felt strange. Like I was forcing you in some way. I had chosen you, but you had not chosen me—we had just met, and I did not know you.”
She leaned toward him slightly, allowing the curve of her body to arch. The firelight teased out the curve of her breasts, and he swallowed.
“You are not forcing me now,” she said in a low voice, her blue eyes never leaving his. “We have not just met. And I think it is fair to say in many ways, I have chosen you.”
He tried to say something, anything, but his voice was strangled, and it came out as a guttural moan.
Hannah’s smile widened, evidently reveling in the power she had over him. “Maybe ’tis time to get to know me better?”
Chapter Ten
Josiah blinked, but the vision of delight did not disappear, and neither did the memory of what she had said.
Was it possible? After months of wanting to touch her, know her in an entirely new way, she was ready?
Hannah nodded, and Josiah saw the nervousness in that gesture. She was shy. As the silence grew, he saw this was no trick, no guile to make him feel more special. It was genuine, this strange fear she had of taking the next step.
She needed him, and she needed him to do something about it. It cannot all come from her. It was time for him to take the step he had wanted when he had first set eyes on Miss Hannah.
“Or not,” she said quietly, her gaze dropping to her hands in her lap. “Forget I spoke, it was foolish of me to…”
Her voice trailed away as Josiah stood up, reached out for her hands, and pulled her to her feet.
“There is no one in the world I want more than you,” he whispered.
She was so close. It was intoxicating, this precipice they stood on together. The moment before they moved was the most exciting one, and for an instant, Josiah wanted to stay right here.
With a smile dancing across her face, she leaned up and kissed him chastely on the lips.
The chaste kiss did not remain so. With a slight tilt of his head, he deepened it as he took her into his arms. She welcomed him in, allowing her lips to open and their tongues to meet.
Josiah groaned—he could not help it. This was better than he could ever have imagined. His manhood twitched to be released.
She broke the kiss and raised an eyebrow. “I am already having quite an effect, I see.”
“You have had this effect from the day I first saw you,” Josiah moaned. “Now I want you. All of you.”
She met his gaze. “Then take what you want.”
He kissed her hard, his hands entangled in her hair, and her body pulled against his own. Glorying in the feel of her, in the reality of her—this was no fantasy. This was real. The courtesan was his, and he was going to give and take all the pleasure they could endure.
Their kisses became more frantic, and Josiah moved his hands to the back of her gown. There it was, the ribbon to release her bodice.
Hannah’s gown pooled to the floor. Her breasts were heavy, and her softness…
Josiah pulled away. “I did not mean your gown to immediately—I mean, I did, but…how did it undo so quickly?”
She grinned, eyes full of desire. “It is designed to do that.”
She reached forward with eager hands, ripping away his shirt from his body. Buttons pinged on the floor.
“It is not meant to do that,” he breathed.
She laughed as he pulled her into his arms, barely thinking, only feeling—and he moaned in her mouth as her nipples grazed his chest. There was no one like her. If they had not been made for each other, he’d be damned forever for being wrong.
And she was just as eager as he was, kissing him wildly, so passionately, he took a step back and fell into an armchair.
This did not stop Hannah. As he tried to rise from the seat, she straddled his body.
“God alive, Hannah,” he muttered, her breasts swaying gently before his eyes. He could see the little scar beneath her chin, their secret, another part of her only he knew.
She lifted his chin, so he was looking into her eyes. “A complaint?”
“Never.”
She lowered her mouth to his and took possession of him, her hands teasing his manhood through his breeches. It was all he could do to control himself, for he could easily overpower her if he wanted—but this dictatorial woman was thrilling, a chance to see her wild side. A chance for her to indulge all those fantasies she surely had about being the one in control in the bedroom.
His hand moved to a breast, and the shudder of pleasure it so evidently gave her made him bring both hands to them. She moaned in his mouth, so sweetly, he almost cried out with her, and she broke the kiss to look at him hazily.
“You…you have bedded women before.”
It was not a question, but Josiah nodded all the same.
She was looking at him carefully, a hint of those nerves still present in her face. “And you know—you know how to pleasure a woman.”
I hope so. He nodded again.
“With your fingers?”
She was inches above him, but with his breeches still on, there was nothing he could do. He smiled. A woman who knew what she wanted. His kind of woman.
He brought his mouth to one nipple as his right hand moved to her softness. She was so warm and wet and ready for him. It was nothing to slip a finger inside her. Then another.
“Oh!”
His tongue whirled around her nipple as she shuddered.
“Oh, Josiah, yes!�
��
She arched her back, and he felt the vibrations of her ecstasy around his fingers. He could do that to her every day without anything in return. It was thrilling to give Hannah so much pleasure.
She weighed nothing as he lifted her and placed her on her feet again. “Have you ever made love before a fire?”
“No.”
It was not difficult to lay her onto the rug, but when he joined her, he found himself underneath her.
“Now then,” Hannah said, her eyes hazy with lust. “I think it is time you had some attention, don’t you?”
He grinned.
An unbidden and darkly delightful thought broke into his mind. What if she was going to take his cock into her mouth…
She smiled wickedly, as though she could read his thoughts, and at this point, he would not have been surprised if she unbuttoned and pulled off his breeches in one swift movement.
She knelt between his legs. “Now, this is something the French girls do. Try not to spend, Josiah. You’ll regret it if you do.”
Before he could say anything, she kissed the top of his manhood.
His body shuddered. “What are you…” He moaned.
The warmth and sensuality of her tongue moving up and down his shaft undid him.
“Hannah!”
It was too much, and if he was not careful, there was absolutely no way he could last. The whole evening would be over.
Knowing it was the right thing to do, he moved his hand to her hair.
“Wait, Hannah—stop.”
She did so immediately. “What is it?”
He was panting and unsure whether he would ever forgive himself from stopping the most perfect sensation he ever experienced.
“I want to finish inside you,” he managed. “Not like that—not like—”
“You do not like it?” She smiled mischievously, her breasts grazing his legs. “It does not please you?”
“You know it’s divine,” he moaned. “Now ride me, please, I am begging you!”
“Josiah, I don’t think I will. I think you owe me another pleasuring, don’t you?”
He nodded. Anything for this woman. He would pleasure her forever.
His fingers moved to her again, but she caught them. “No, not like that. Have you…have you ever kissed a woman between her legs?”
He shook his head. “No…no woman has ever let me. I have wanted to, but they were too…”
Her smile broadened. “Let me educate you.”
She hovered above his face, her softness ever so close. He wanted to kiss her there, to taste her.
She squirmed as he pleasured her with his tongue, losing himself in the taste of her, the intimate knowledge of her, and his hands moved to her thighs.
“Yes,” she moaned. “Just like that, yes, deeper!”
He went deeper, and he gloried in her, and his hands moved to her breasts, and he opened his eyes to see her cry out his name as she came in his mouth.
“Josiah!”
She was the only real thing in the world. When she had finished, she collapsed onto him, her smile wonderous.
“I think you lied,” she murmured. “You are too good to be inexperienced.”
He licked his lips and moaned at her lingering taste. With a swift movement, he twisted her around, so she was lying on the rug, and he was nestled between her thighs.
“I never tell a lie,” he said with a grin, “and so know this, Hannah. You are about to have the pounding of your life.”
Kissing her deeply, he entered her. Her fingers scratched his back as he played with her, teased her, brought her closer and closer to the ecstasy they both wanted. They would never experience this again, their first time together.
She shattered in his arms, and he quickly followed, finding blessed release.
“Oh, Hannah!”
They were exhausted and breathing heavily as they attempted to calm themselves after experiencing the most exhilarating thing two people can share. Josiah was hardly aware of the room around them, which could have caved in for all he cared.
She nestled into his arms, and he welcomed her like the part of him he had never known had been lost.
“You know,” she said softly, “I think this is the closest I have ever felt to anyone.”
He brought his arms around her and held on tightly. She was his, and he was hers. There would be no one else for him, not after this encounter.
“Me, too,” he murmured. “Hannah?”
“Mmm?”
“I…I care about you very much.”
Why was this difficult to say? He felt it, felt it overwhelm him, and knew it was not a feeling which would ever fade.
“Mmm.”
“Hannah, I love you.” Josiah waited for a response, hardly able to breathe. But none came. “Hannah?”
Looking down, he saw her eyes had closed. She was asleep.
Chapter Eleven
There was something different about this morning.
Josiah. He was tangled in her arms. Josiah, the man she loved.
She could admit it now after sharing her body with him. After experiencing such pleasure, knowing such closeness.
Something ice-cold gripped her heart. She never wanted to share herself with anyone else again, although that was impossible.
He stirred in his sleep and tightened his grip around her. She smiled through the bittersweet pain. Though it was impossible to prevent herself from ever bedding another gentleman, no one else would share her heart.
He stirred again, and this time he smiled. “Hello, angel.”
She laughed. “Some angel I would be! Josiah, you know full well I would be thrown out of heaven!”
His smile did not falter, and it made her heart sing. “You would not have to be alone. I would go with you, and we can be outcasts together.”
He was jesting, she knew. No shining knight in armor could ever restore her good name, her place in society. No man would ever think of her truly as a potential bride. Not a courtesan like her.
There was no way out of her situation, and though Josiah was sweet to suggest it, he must forget her eventually. No, the day after tomorrow, she would have to go back to Madam’s, and it would be as though she never left.
These thoughts pained her, preventing her from feeling any happiness.
To distract herself from such ideas, she disentangled herself from him and started pulling on her undergarments.
“And where,” said Josiah lazily, watching her with hungry eyes, “do you think you are going? Come back here this instant.”
She grinned. That teasing, half-mocking, and half-serious tone he had. Would she ever tire of it?
“I know exactly what that means,” she said, her smile mischievous, “and I would much rather see the outside world, then spend hours pleasuring you.”
He leaned on one elbow. “Oh, I see how it is. I thought you said last night that you were attracted to me! Have I lost all my charm already?”
“Yes,” she said and giggled. “No, of course not, but it’s not just for your body that I am…attracted to you.” Why was it so hard to admit the hold he had over her? “Not just your body, but also your company, and it is your conversation I wish to indulge in. Did you have anything in mind for today?”
“I did indeed, but I think I must accept you have a different idea,” he sighed, but smiled and shook his head. “Hannah, I am not sure what I did to deserve you.”
She hesitated. He was certainly older than her by a few years if she was not mistaken. At times she felt twice his age. Did he not see her, did he not understand what she was? Deserve her, indeed. No man deserved her. Especially not a gentleman like Josiah. He deserved so much more.
He looked at her sharply. “If you are berating yourself, I wish you would stop.”
She had finally gotten her gown on. “How did you—”
“You have a look,” he said, finally standing and pulling on his own clothes. “A certain air when you are unkind to yourself.”
Was she so obvious?
“Come now.” He pulled on his shirt. “I thought a carriage ride and a picnic would be the order of the day, and so, if you are agreeable, we can leave whenever you are ready.”
“A carriage ride and picnic? Perfect. But let me go upstairs and use your toilette, and you can spend the time ensuring everything is ready.”
She had already seen the staircase when she first entered the lodge, and Josiah’s laughter echoed as she scampered away. She was breathless by the time she reached a bedchamber with a suitable toilette by the window, and as she sat, the cracked but serviceable looking glass peered back at her.
Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes bright, her hair falling to her shoulders in untidy waves.
“Now look here, Honora Lennox,” she said firmly. “You are not to be overwhelmed. This is not real life—not real life for you. You can enjoy it, and I heartily encourage you to do so. But do not lose your head.”
Josiah’s face poked around the door. “Who are you talking to?”
She glared at his reflection with mock anger. “Josiah! Did no one ever teach you never to interrupt a woman’s toilette? Be off with you!”
She thought she had been too severe, but his face broke into a delighted smile.
“I could happily live with you, Hannah,” he said cheerfully. “Carriage and picnic supplies are ready.”
“And I will be ready in ten minutes if you leave me alone!”
He was gone without another word, as though he had never been there. She placed a hand on her chest and felt the thumping of her heart. Live with him? Spend each and every day being treated like…well, like any young woman? It was too much to hope for, too much to expect—but then, why did he mention it if it was not his intention?
By the time she found her way to the stable yard, she saw Josiah leaning against the carriage with a smile.
She would follow that man anywhere, and she must be careful he never knew it.
“How far to your intended picnic site?” She asked, raising a nervous hand to stroke the nose of one of the horses. She had never got along with the beasts, even when she had one of her own.
He shrugged. “Two miles? Maybe a little less.”
Always the Courtesan (Never the Bride Book 3) Page 9