“Geez, cat, I thought you were my cousin skulking in the hallway listening to everything.” Molly turned back to see Kirk watching her. “I would die if he ever knew. This can’t get out. Ever.”
“Things have a way of becoming known.”
“If this gets out I will have your guts for garters.”
“It won’t come from me. As you pointed out, I can’t tell Scott anything.”
“Good.” Picking up the mug, she blew on the surface of the coffee.
Leaning back in the chair, Kirk hooked an elbow around the corner of the backrest and resumed idly playing with the handle of the mug. “So, seeing as how I’ve guessed correctly what happened, you might as well fill me in on the whole story.”
Like that was going to happen.
“Or I’ll make enquiries.”
She scowled. “You won’t know anything. I never reported it.”
“It wouldn’t be hard for me to find your friends and ask them.”
“That’s crap.”
“Really?” He arched an eyebrow at her. “You really think I can’t do it? How do you think crimes get solved with the barest of evidence?”
The man was impossible. Wearily, Molly rubbed her forehead. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”
“Nope.”
“Why?” When he remained silent, she sighed.
Telling him would surely turn him off her. She could tell him some of the story but the man was too smart for his own good, he’d know she hid things from him. But telling him….she cringed inwardly. That would be a sure-fire way to turn him right off her, she was sure. She’d been so stupid, so gullible.
But maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Once he knew he wouldn’t come around, would leave her alone, and that was how she wanted it. No men in her life except for casual friends and relatives, and even those she didn’t want too close. Definitely not close enough to ever find out.
Mind made up, she squared her shoulders and looked Kirk right in the eyes. Those beautiful light brown eyes with the yellow flecks that stayed so steadily focussed on her, making her feel like she was the only one worth listening to. No doubt he had that down to a fine art in his job.
Not that it mattered…
“Okay.” She nodded decisively. “You really want to know?”
He nodded.
“Fine. You want all the down and dirty details?”
Another nod.
“It’s not a nice story.”
“Abuse never is.”
Nervously, she linked her fingers together beneath the table, resting them on her knees, unconsciously hunching her shoulders a little. Where to start? How to start? And what troubled her even more…oh God, what would he think of her? This clean-cut cop?
The silence lengthened, Kirk making no attempt to hurry her. Oscar batted a broken piece of the mobile phone around on the floor, and Molly got up and retrieved the pieces, setting them on the table next to her coffee mug before resuming her seat.
Play toy taken away, Oscar walked across to his food bowl and started crunching cat biscuits.
Finding nothing further to stall the inevitable, Molly sighed and picked up a broken piece of the casing, fiddling with it, using it to avoid meeting Kirk’s gaze as she spoke. “I met Hal at work. He seemed really nice, a bit overbearing with his opinions but nothing I couldn’t handle. We started going out. He was thoughtful, always insisted on paying the bills on dates, opening doors for me, buying me flowers. Chivalrous, you know?”
When she glanced up, Kirk nodded. Looking back down at the broken plastic in her fingers, she turned it over and over. That was the easy part.
“Over the next couple of months he started to change. At first I didn’t notice how domineering he was becoming, how much he was starting to expect of me. Before I realised it he was questioning who I met, who I went out with, what I was doing. Keith was telling me to dump him, that Hal was no good for me. But Hal looked after me. Or so I thought. At first his questioning seemed concerned and by the time I realised how obsessive he was becoming, it was too late.” She sighed. “I should have listened to Keith and Sherry. They live a BDSM lifestyle…” Steeling a glance at Kirk, she asked, “Do you know what that is?”
“Bondage, dominance, submission, sadomasochism. Maybe a bit more I don’t really know, but that’s the general idea,” he replied calmly.
“Sherry is one of my best friends, her relationship with her husband is a dominant/submissive one, but it’s consensual. They really do love each other, respect each other. You know?”
Kirk nodded.
“Their frequency of BDSM clubs has made them good judges of character. I should have listened to them in regards to Hal. They’ve seen a lot of people pass through the clubs, know a lot. I should have taken heed of their concern.” Even now she shrivelled inside at how she’d been so blind. “I was always strong, always knew what I was doing and wanted, always cautious when it came to getting close to anyone.”
And that’s what made the next part so painful to tell.
Taking a fortifying mouthful of coffee, Molly tipped her head back to look up at the ceiling. “I started noticing that he was more forceful, more demanding, yet I didn’t stop going out with him. Or maybe I didn’t want to. He was good-looking, he always seemed to want to take care of me, he didn’t mind my weight.” There, that was being blunt, but a glance at Kirk showed him simply gazing steadily at her, nothing of his thoughts on his face, so she plunged on. “I didn’t notice that I was slowly doing whatever he told me, obeying him, until one day he said he wanted me to ask him before I did anything, that I needed a man to guide me, to obey. Hal said if I really wanted our relationship to work and grow into something more, I had to become obedient, do as I was told, acknowledge that the man was the head of the house and the woman his to instruct. I was just dumb-struck. I suddenly realised that all along he’d been building towards this, I suddenly could see it all. Slowly but surely he’d been preparing me, and blind fool that I was, I’d gone along with it.”
Needing a moment to think, she took several mouthfuls of coffee, rubbed her fingers along the edge of the table, watching the movement as she formed her next words. “Sherry rang at that precise moment and I answered without thinking. Hal was angry, I told Sherry I had to go. She knew something was wrong and tried to get me to tell her, then Hal grabbed the phone and told her I wasn’t allowed to talk anymore and hung up on her. I didn’t know what to do, he kind of scared me then. He looked so angry, so displeased. And then he did the strangest thing - or so I thought at the time. He asked me if I was serious about giving it a go, giving us a go. Now I was getting scared, unsure, not liking the way he had grabbed the phone and taken control. But I was determined to stand up for myself, to not be pressured into a lifestyle he wanted, or demanded, to be truthful. I told him no, but then I did something even stupider. I wanted to talk about it, discuss my reasons. Some dim-witted part of me thought I could reason with him, while another part…I was scared.” Frowning, Molly rubbed at a scratch in the smooth wooden surface of the table. “This last part of the story…”
“Needs to be told,” Kirk stated softly.
“Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.” She bit her lip. “Hal suddenly snapped, accused me of leading him on, of playing the game without having any intention of doing it properly. I demanded he leave but then he suddenly shoved me to the floor, ripped the back of my dress open. I should have screamed, should have said or done something, but I couldn’t. I could only watch as he undid his belt, all the time telling me what a bad girl I was, how I needed to be punished, how I asked for it for being disobedient. I just couldn’t believe he was serious.” Molly looked up, gaze meshing with Kirk’s, and something in his eyes strengthened her as though he was physically holding her upright, mentally giving her strength. Nevertheless, it was still painful to retell. “I still couldn’t believe it when his belt snapped across my back. God, it burned. I couldn’t even cry out, can you believe it? Something
made me hold back, the thought my neighbours would hear, that they’d know I’d been stupid enough to allow this to go so far. He hit me again. It burned so much.” Shaking her head, she pressed her fingertips hard against the surface of the table. “I didn’t know he’d used the end with the belt buckle. He broke my skin, I was bleeding. Yet I didn’t scream, refused to. I was so ashamed, you see. So ashamed.” Unbidden, her fingers trembled. “So ashamed that I’d let him change me without my even realising it. I’m a strong woman, I’m not an idiot, yet he’d done this to me and I didn’t even realise it until right then.”
Big hands laid gently atop her own, long fingers curling under her palm to rest along it, supporting her hands. His were so big, strong, tanned. She couldn’t look up, couldn’t bring herself to meet Kirk’s gaze.
He waited in patient silence, just his hands holding her’s so comfortingly, giving her an inner strength.
At least he hadn’t gotten up in disgust and walked out.
“He kept hitting me, stopping between each strike to berate me, tell me how stupid I was, how I deserved to be punished. I begged him to stop, told him I was sorry, but it didn’t deter him. Next thing I knew the door was kicked in and Keith and another man were there. They took Hal down, stopped him from hitting me.” Molly took a deep breath, fingers clenching around his a little. “To cut a long story short, they wanted to call the police and I refused. So they took matters into their own hands. Keith rang Sherry and she came over to look after me while Keith and his friend took Hal away to ‘enlighten him about consensual relationships’ as they put it. Going by his black eye that I saw a week later and the way he walked gingerly, not to mention avoided me, I’d say their method of teaching wouldn’t be to your liking.” She gave a faint grin.
Kirk’s thumbs rubbed soothingly along the backs of her hands. “Did Sherry tell Keith what happened?”
“Yeah. Keith and his friend were out in his car close by when she rang, that’s how they got to me so fast.”
Silence fell between them as Molly thought back to the day. It was one that would stay burned in her memory forever.
With a sudden shrug, she slid her hands from his, missing the contact almost immediately. “I decided I needed a new start. The opportunity to come here for awhile to help Aunt Julia arose and here I am.” Lifting her head, she looked at Kirk. He was closer, leaning across the table, the calmness in his eyes oddly reassuring. “I swore I would never let another man tell me what to do, how to do it. Never let another man control me. I’m no man’s chattel, not their little woman to boss around. And I’m not their’s to punish when I don’t do what they want.” Sitting back in the chair, she folded her arms and lifted her chin. “So you see, that’s the whole sordid story. I was a stupid woman who should have seen what was happening before it was too late.”
Kirk studied her. “Is that what you really think?”
“It’s what I know.”
“Then you don’t know much.”
She arched one eyebrow.
“What Hal did to you was in no way respectful. He took your trust and twisted it to use abusively. You did nothing wrong.”
“I became what he wanted.”
“No. You told him no and he refused to accept it. He abused your trust, he used your relationship to do what he wanted, to inflict pain where it wasn’t wanted. He abused you, Molly, that’s plain and simple.”
She studied him back, relaxing slightly when he continued to regard her with no condemnation. It was a relief to know he didn’t think she was stupid, that he wasn’t going to laugh at her. “So you’re not going to yell at me for not calling the police?”
“I won’t lie to you. You were assaulted and should have called the police, had him charged. You chose not to. Your friends sorted him out and for that I thank them. At least he got some punishment.” Kirk’s gaze narrowed a little. “And it’s this Hal that’s looking for you.”
It was the first time she’d seen anything on his face other than control, a flash of something in his brown eyes, a glint. Fury.
Startled, she straightened. “Oh no. No, Kirk, you are not to look for him!”
“He could be dangerous-”
“No!” Molly leaped to her feet, rushing around the table to grab his shoulders and glare down at him. “Damn it, Kirk, no! You made me tell you what happened. If you go off half cocked and try to hunt Hal down, I’ll never forgive you! Do you hear me?”
He looked up at her for so long that she started having second thoughts about his easy-going, controlled nature. The flash in his eyes was fury, all right, and there was a tightness about his lips, a tic in his strong jaw.
Oh shit, Kirk was furious.
In another split second all expression vanished, all fury blinked away, his controlled cop face back in place. Reaching up, he took her hands in his and stood, towering over her. He looked over her head at the doorway before lowering his gaze to her once more.
“Molly,” he said quietly, “promise me one thing.”
“What?”
“If Hal manages to contact you, you tell me immediately.”
“Kirk-”
“Immediately.” His eyes bored into hers, the steely glint back in them. “And this is the cop talking.”
“Oh.” Slowly, she nodded. “Okay.”
“He writes you, contacts you in any way, you tell me.”
“Yes.”
“Good. And something else.”
Expecting to be told some comforting drivel, she waited.
He shocked her by leaning down suddenly, his hands still clasping her’s, holding her in place as his cheek brushed her’s. His breath was warm on her ear as he spoke, his voice deep, sure. “Some men are dominant without being cruel. Not all strong men prey on the weak. Not all dominant men demand obedience. Not all men are into punishment.” He paused.
Every puff of his breath on her ear had her shivering, her nerves jumping, her skin prickling. With him bent over her, so close, her vision was filled with his blue uniform shirt, the stretch of material over his broad shoulders, making her feel small. Delicate, even. So close the heat of his body seeped into her, his scent filling her senses. She swallowed, her fingers clenching convulsively in his.
Oh God, was that her imagination or were his lips against her ear? A sweep, a touch so fleeting, so light, she wasn’t sure. Frozen in place, she could only breath unevenly as the scent of him, the warmth, the sensation, filled her, surrounded her.
“Molly.” His voice wasn’t just deep, it was almost husky. “Don’t give up on men. We’re not all alike.” Straightening, he looked down at her, his eyes warm. Lifting one hand, he tucked a long strand of hair behind her ear. “Thank you for telling me.”
Uncertain, feeling as though she was standing on uneven ground and in danger of falling, she could only say, “You kind of made me.”
His eyes crinkled at the corners and he suddenly looked so damned handsome, so dangerously good-looking, that her breath caught.
God, how could she feel anything, think anything, like that after what she’d just relived? She had to get her backbone back, drag her determination up from the depths it had sunk to, remind herself that she was her own woman.
Opening her mouth, she was just about to give him a tart word when he confounded her again by pressing his lips to her brow and giving her a sudden, quick hug. In one instant it was warm, friendly, protective, everything rolled into one that she’d always wanted in a man but had found lacking.
It was lacking in him, right?
Releasing her before she could do more than blink, Kirk moved past her. “I have to get back on the road or the office will be wondering what happened to me.” At the doorway, he glanced back over his shoulder at her. “I’ll see you soon, Molly.”
“You will?”
“Count on it.” With that, he turned and walked away.
Dumbly, she stood in the kitchen. Did he really mean it? Surely not. Surely he was just being kind. He’d heard her story, k
nown what had happened. How she felt about dominant men in general. Surely he couldn’t really mean he’d see her again?
But wait, it was a small town and she was related to one of his friends. That was it. Shaking her head, she let out a puff of air. Yeah, that was it. Of course he’d see her, he couldn’t very well avoid it.
Perversely, she didn’t know whether to feel happy or…or what?
Turning back to the table, she muttered, “Cripes, you dill. Get it together. He’s just being nice, it’s the kind of bloke he is.”
Spotting the broken plastic bits of her mobile phone, she rubbed her forehead. Damn, now that little tantrum had cost her.
Her hand stopped moving on her forehead. Her forehead where he’d kissed her. Again. Cripes, why did he keep kissing her on the forehead? Dropping her hand, she stared at it. He’d kissed her on the brow several times now. Did he do that to all the girls?
He didn’t seem like a man who would do that, but…
Suddenly impatient, she snatched up the broken pieces of the mobile and set it on the kitchen bench. She had things to do, walls to wipe, a life to get on with, and trying to figure out a certain cop wasn’t part of it.
Rinsing the mugs out, she put them on the draining board and walked back into the hallway, flicking on the radio as she passed it. Music filled the air, something sweet and country. That just made her think of a certain golden-haired cop, so she changed the station to a popular rock channel and went back into the guestroom.
She was through with men.
Well, except Scott, of course, and Simon was all right and Ryder, well, he was a jerk at times but she liked him anyway. And Kirk was kind of all right….
“Cripes,” she muttered as Oscar jumped on the bed. “He’s a man who knows how to get what he wants. He might not be aggressive but he has his ways of ensuring he gets obedience.”
Oscar yawned.
“I mean it. He does.”
Oscar blinked green eyes and flicked his ears.
“Okay, maybe he does it in a nicer way, but there’s no doubting he’s dominant. I don’t do dominant.”
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