by BJ Harvey
He smirks at me. “Well no, but you need to tell her, and soon. Are you guys still talking on the site?”
“Wouldn't have a clue. I haven't logged on for months. Oh shit, what if she's messaged me?” Fuck! I've been so wrapped up in everything Kate that I didn't even think about the site. She was my sole reason for me being on there after I'd fulfilled Zach's dare.
“Well, how about we check.” Zach walks away through the bar's back door, returning a few minutes later with his laptop. “Here. Go wild, just no porn. The boss will chew me out. Again.” I crack a smile, but I have a horrible feeling at the pit of my stomach.
I bring up Chicago Singles and log in, feeling sick when I see one message from Kate which was sent weeks ago.
FUCK! I slam my fist down on the bar, shaking the bottles lining it and grabbing everyone's attention.
Zach looks around the bar. “Sorry guys, won't happen again. What the fuck dude?” he whispers loudly.
I turn the computer around and show him the screen. A minute later he looks at me, his face full of sympathy. “Shit, Zan. You have to tell her asap.”
“I know,” I say, resigned to the fact that tonight may be my last night with Kate. Mac warned me dishonesty was Kate's deal breaker, and I've been lying to her for months. She struck up a friendship with me, but didn't know who she was talking to. She got drunk, laughed and shared her feelings with this version of me, some things she hasn't even told me in real life. Come to think of it, she's never even told me she was on an internet dating site. Was she ashamed of it?
I'm broken out of my thoughts when I see Daniel and two older guys walk into the bar and take a seat at a table in the middle of the room. There's no way I can avoid talking to them without coming off as a bastard, and I don't have a problem with Daniel. In fact, he should really have a problem with me.
I look over, and lift my chin when he does the same. He grins at me and jerks his head, inviting me to sit with them. Well, this should be interesting at least.
“Hey man,” he says standing up and slapping my back. “This is my father, Will, and Mac's father, John.” I shake both of their outstretched hands before taking a seat next to Daniel.
“We're leaving the women to it and decided to come down here for a few drinks and some pool. You want to join us?” John asks.
“You sure, man?” I ask Daniel.
“Yeah, of course. The past is the past, and I'm looking toward the future in a big way,” Daniel says. I raise my brow and look at him and he gives me a chin lift to let me know everything is fine. I don't miss the fact that his whole body looks tense, and he looks nervous as hell.
“So what do you do for work, Zander?” Will asks as I lift my beer bottle to my mouth.
“I'm a rookie cop. Graduated a month ago.”
“Congratulations. That's a fantastic career. Have you always wanted to be a cop?”
“I've always been protective, so it just seemed like a natural progression.”
“It's the best way.”
“So Daniel, when are you going to make an honest woman out of Mac and give those twins a committed family unit,” John pipes up. I choke on my beer and look at Daniel who takes a deep breath before leaning forward to rest his elbows on the table.
“John, part of the reason I wanted to bring you here is to talk about that. Mac is the love of my life. I think I fell a little in love with her the first time I met her, and I fall more in love with her every day. I see our children growing in her belly, and I picture our life together in five, ten, fifty years. I've worked hard to get where I am, and I worked my ass off to get Mac in my life. I'll continue to appreciate every single day that I'm with her and tonight, on our way home, I'm going to ask Mac to marry me, and I'd really like you're blessing.”
Will and I watch as John frowns, considering Daniel's declaration of love for his only daughter. John makes him work for it, keeping him waiting while he makes 'mmm' and 'ah' noises, like he's seriously considering whether to give his permission or not. Daniel starts to shift nervously in his seat, and I swear I can see sweat on his forehead as he waits for an answer.
“John, I think you better put my boy out of his misery. Look at him, he's a mess,” Will says with a shit eating grin on his face.
“Oh, okay. Please take her off our hands, I've been waiting twenty-five years for this. But I'll tell you one thing…”
“Ah yes.” Daniel looks up, looking confused as hell as if he's wondering what he's going to say next. I mean c'mon, he is Mac's dad. Her crazy had to come from somewhere.
“There are no returns, no refunds, no warranties and no money back guarantees. You want her, you've got her. For life. Until you take your last breath.”
“Wouldn't have it any other way, John.” Daniel stand and holds out his hand. John stands up and shakes his hand before pulling Daniel in for a man hug.
“Welcome to the family, Daniel. She couldn't have picked a better husband and father of her children than you.” Well, shit. I feel like an intruder now.
“So you're asking her tonight?” John asks, flagging Zach and ordering a round of whisky.
“I want to ask her before the babies arrive, and since it's her birthday, it will be a day she'll never forget. She'll always remember her birthday as the day I asked her to marry me.”
“Well, this calls for a decent drink to celebrate,” he states emphatically. “It's not every day I gain a son.”
“I'll always do right by her, John. I promise you that.”
“Enough, Daniel. Our Mac needs a superhero to keep her in line,” he says with a wink.
I knew Mac got her crazy from him.
“Should Mac ask our permission too?” Will asks with an amused voice.
“Don't you start, old man. You're gaining another daughter and two grandchildren. You're getting a great deal already,” Daniel says with a laugh.
“Too true,” he replies.
“Now, enough of this sappy shit. Let's grab our drinks and head over to the pool table. I feel like kicking some ass,” John announces, standing up just as Zach returns with four tumblers of Macallan on the rocks each. He quirks an eyebrow at me, and I just nod, letting him know I'm fine.
We all walk over to the pool table and spend the next few hours talking shit and playing pool with Daniel, his father, and his future father-in-law. It was just what the doctor ordered ahead of what could be one of the worst nights of my life.
ZANDER
I'm sitting on the couch surfing the internet when Kate comes dancing through the door, literally bouncing with happiness.
“Hey, babe,” she says cheerfully, dropping her purse on the counter and heading toward me.
“Hey. How was your day?” I ask, putting the computer on the coffee table and holding my arms out to her. She jumps into my lap, making me grunt in discomfort before she gives me a soft sweeping kiss.
“It was the best day ever. Daniel proposed to Mac on the L in front of a bunch of total strangers. It was epic.”
I chuckle at her excitement. “That's awesome. I'm really happy for them. He asked Mac's dad for his permission at the bar this afternoon.”
“You had a drink with Daniel? And the dads?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh Zan, that's awesome.” She bounces in my lap, which makes my dick jump to life like there's a party in Kate's pants and it wants to gatecrash. Suddenly, my mind is clear of everything Mac and Daniel and full of everything that is Kate naked underneath me.
“Babe, you keep looking at me like that, and I'll have you on your back in five seconds flat.”
“Don't make promises you can't keep.” Her eyes fall to half-mast as I run my arm up her back, tangle my fingers in her soft red hair and pull her lips to mine. My tongue moves in for the kill, seeking hers and rolling over it causing us both to groan into each other's mouths. I need her naked; I need to be skin on skin. Suddenly, we're ripping our clothes off, and I'm lying on top of a naked Kate on the couch.
“See,�
�� I say, a cocky smirk on my face.
“Now you got me, what are you going to do with me?” She raises an eyebrow, her eyes dancing with amusement, but still flickering with lust.
I thrust my hips against hers, my aim right on target as she moans loudly. I lean down and kiss her, taking her mouth as if it's the last time I'm ever going to kiss her. Reaching between us, I stroke my fingers over her wet pussy, circling her clit until she's writhing against my hand. She's wet as hell, and it's all for me. Her whimpers and moans are driving me crazy and I know I need to be inside her. Overcome with feeling, I move my knees out slightly so that they fall between her thighs, opening her up to me.
“Fuck. I need to go grab a condom.”
She reaches up and cups my jaw in her small hands. “I want to feel you, Zan. I don't want anything between us. I'm safe, and I'm on the pill. I trust you.”
I hover over her and watch her face for any uncertainty. Fuck, she trusts me. The intensity of this moment threatens to pull me under, but I shove it back and slowly push my way inside her. She grips my back, her fingernails digging in just enough to sting. Fuck, I love this woman, and by God does she feel good wrapped around my cock.
“Baby, you feel like heaven.”
“Mmm,” she says before kissing me again. I slow down and make love to her, taking my time and savoring this moment. It may be the last time I see her. The last time I can touch her, be with her. Whatever happens after our talk tonight, I know that I'll always love her. Nothing can sway my feelings. She's it for me. My princess. My life. As we climax together, I kiss her slowly. With every stroke of my tongue against hers, every caress of her lips, I'm memorizing every part of her; her taste, her smell, the cute little sounds she makes when she's turned on.
“I love you,” she murmurs against my lips. Her husky voice reaches my heart, squeezing hard. I never thought I'd hurt her, but this is the mess I've made. I only hope she'll listen to me long enough to give me a chance to explain.
KATE
After a shower and another orgasm from Zander's talented mouth, I'm sitting on the couch twiddling my thumbs. Zander said he wants to have a talk after dinner, so I'm kind of anxious. I see his laptop open and decide that I could check my emails to pass the time until he's dressed and ready to go grab a bite to eat.
“Zan, Can I use your computer to check my emails. The battery is dead on mine,” I yell down the hallway.
“Sure, babe. Password is firebird.”
Firebird? Where have I heard that name before?
I type the password in and open the web browser, typing in my email account and waiting for the page to load. I check out his bookmarks and notice “Chicago Singles” as one of his most visited pages. That doesn't seem right. Zander would never need to go on an internet dating site. I mean, he's the God of Gorgeousness. He doesn't need the internet. He could just flex a muscle or lift his shirt, and he'd have women attacking him. It's worse now that he's working full time; the police uniform is rather fucking hot.
My curiosity piqued, I click the page open. I freeze when I see his login name.
Surely this is some practical joke. There's no way that Zander, my Zander, could be nightdancer23.
No, no no no. There is no way this is happening.
Firebird.
Nightdancer.
Night dancer. 23. He was a fucking stripper, a night dancer, and he's twenty-three.
Holy fucking shit. Am I that naïve?
Nightdancer is Zander. My Zander. My boyfriend. The man who just fifteen minutes ago had his mouth on me as I screamed out his name.
My breathing picks up as both panic and anger run through my body. Calmer than should be possible, I put the laptop back on the coffee table and sit back on the couch, thinking through all possible outcomes of this cluster fuck.
Do I ignore it? Forget about it? No. What has been seen cannot be unseen.
In my head, I run through everything we talked about. Did I approach him, or did he seek me out? Was this a prank gone wrong? No, I can't believe that. Zander isn't cruel. He could never do that, could he? Lying is a big sticking point for me. My deal breaker. He knows that.
Do I ignore it and wait for him to come clean? Fuck that, he's had every opportunity to tell me about this, so do I confront him now and risk everything for the truth?
With every minute that passes, my body grows tense, my anger increasing. My heart feels as if it's being squeezed tightly inside my chest.
I keep overanalyzing this, knowing that it will drive me insane not knowing the truth. I've always believed if you love somebody, truly love somebody, you don't lie to them. Not about something like this. He's been lying to me for months it seems, and worse still, he'd messaged me as nightdancer after he'd moved in as well. What the fuck was he playing at?
He probably thought that he didn't need to tell me the truth anymore since I sent that goodbye message a few months ago.
Why has this happened to me again? The last person I let lie to me was Liam, but this is far worse because I've let myself see a future with Zander; living happily, in love, and hoping that this was it for me, for us.
I thought I'd finally found my prince; the person who made me see the world brighter, live life fuller and who I'd love unconditionally.
When Zander walks out of the hallway, his expression changes to one of concern when he sees my face. I just stare at him, my expression one of shock.
“Babe, what's wrong?”
Just hearing his voice sets me off. The tears I've been trying so hard to hold in breakthrough, and suddenly my shoulders are shaking with my sobs. The enormity of the situation hits me like an eighteen wheeler at full load. I stare at him, almost like I'm looking through him. My entire body feels as heavy as lead. With a voice devoid of emotion, I open my mouth. “You tell me, nightdancer.”
He stands in front of me motionless, his mouth agape. He looks to the open computer and sees the Chicago Singles page open. Moments pass where he seems unable to speak, unable to say anything to me. “Babe, I can exp-“
“Oh you can, can you?” I spit out, my voice full of venom. “You can explain why you've lied to me? Why you decided to carry on this little game of yours after you'd moved in here? I bet you thought I was stupid. That poor Kate had to resort to internet dating. I gave you my heart...”
My voice catches in my throat, my sobs wracking my body. All of my mustered strength disappears as the hurt takes over.
He takes a step toward me, but I hold my hand up.
“I think you should go. Go back to Zach's, or wherever, and leave me alone. I don't think I know you anymore. You knew lying was a deal breaker, yet you still carried on this ruse of a relationship. What was I to you? A convenient, easy lay? I have to give you credit, though. At least you had the patience to wait out the three dates...well, almost. You said you loved me.”
A sob escapes my lips, and I wipe my nose in the most unladylike fashion possible with the back of my hand. I swallow hard, and hope that my voice is steady when I start speaking again. “I thought I was the luckiest freaking woman in the world because I was loved by you. You'd chosen me.” I choke out those last few words, my voice shaky at best.
“Of course I love you. Don't ever fucking doubt that. Ever, babe. Sit down and let me explain. It's not what you think.”
“I'm not going to let you talk your way out of this because I know I'll cave. You'll try to make it look better than it is. You're going to tell me it wasn't you who talked to me on an internet dating site for almost two months without letting me know it was you? That you never pretended to be someone else and messaged me after you'd moved in? After we'd started dating?”
“Babe, I-“
“No. I'm going out, and if you know what's best for both of us, you'll be gone when I get back.” I grab my purse from the counter and walk to the front door, turning around for one last time and sending a long, pained look at the man who has just single-handedly broken my soul. My heart shatters when I see my p
ain reflected back at me in his face.
“I thought I'd found the one. I thought that was you. But yet again, dreamy Kate was just letting herself believe in fucking fairytales. Last time I make that mistake.”
He tries to move closer. “Babe, you have to let me explain.” He's pleading, but I can't do it. Not now.
I shut the door behind me, running down the steps and to the cab rank down the road. There's only one place I can go.
I just hope she doesn't kill me for clam jamming her.
ZANDER
I'm a stupid fucking idiot.
I should have told Kate months ago about the internet dating thing. I should have explained my reasons and avoided this heartache. The pain in my chest is paralyzing. I never thought anything could match the pain I saw when my mother lost my father, but this is worse. This is of my own doing.
Mac sent me a text an hour after Kate left to let me know that she'd caught a cab to Daniel's apartment.
Mac: She's here. You're an idiot. Why the fuck didn't you tell her?
Zander: I know I fucked up
Mac: She's a mess. This is beyond a simple fucking up. I warned you.
Zander: Fuck! How can I fix this?
Mac: I'm sure she'll come around. She just needs time.
Zander: I'll be gone in the morning.
Mac: You sure you don't want to stay and fight for her?
Zander: I'm going to fight for her to the death, but she asked me to leave so I will.
Mac: Okay. She's staying here tonight. She's not talking to me right now though.
Zander: Shit. I'm sorry Mac. Tell her I love her. Tell her I'm going to make this up to her.
Mac: I'll try.
As much as I want to believe that Kate will forgive me, I have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that I've lost her for good.