by Polly Ho-Yen
HOW TO FIND A WAY OUT
We didn’t bring a car. We’d caught a bus into the centre.
And as we stand at the top of the tower and watch the scene below, the running people, the mayhem, the transformations, that’s what I can’t help thinking about. We don’t have a car. If we leave the tower now we will be out in the open, out in the screams, with nowhere to hide. We aren’t prepared… we aren’t prepared. I have failed to follow the first Rule.
The others have slumped down behind the pillars of the walkway. Julie’s sitting between Steve and Angharad and she holds one of their hands in each of hers. Angharad sees me staring over the edge and lets go of her mum to come over to me.
‘Don’t look any more,’ she says and pulls me down so I too am sitting with my back to all that is happening beneath us.
‘I know you’re not speaking to me because… well, I don’t know why… but what are we going to do?’ she whispers to me and when I look at her face, I realize that she really thinks that I might have an answer.
‘I’m not speaking to you,’ I whisper back, still angry despite what’s going on beneath us, ‘because I know I can’t trust you.’
Angharad thinks for a moment and then she speaks very quietly. ‘You know I told my mum about your survival kit – she promised she wouldn’t say anything.’
‘You promised me you wouldn’t say anything.’
‘I’m sorry, I know.’
‘You gave me such a hard time about how important your word is to you – remember, you said that you’d never speak to me again if I ever shouted at you. You said that when you promised something you meant it.’
‘I know. It’s just, Mum was going on about you getting in trouble at school and Steve being so worried about you, I was trying to… I was just trying to stick up for you. I tried to tell her that stuff with your mum wasn’t exactly how Steve was saying it, and it just kind of came out about the survival kit and that time at the museum. I’m sorry, I really am. I shouldn’t have told her, but I thought it would help. I’m on your side, you know.’
We’re silent for a moment.
I look around. The four of us are alone. It is fairly safe being up here, I think – unless the Greys start to climb up the winding staircase.
‘I’m really sorry I told my mum, okay?’ Angharad continues. I can feel her reach out and take my hand in hers. It feels warm and solid and for a moment, it makes me think of Sylvia’s hand in mine. ‘You can’t keep being angry with me. Not now. Not with what’s happened. I promise if you tell me a secret again, I’ll keep it.’
I raise my eyebrows and Angharad says quickly, ‘I know, I know. I know you don’t believe my promises any more. But Billy, please. We have to get out of here and that means we have to work together.’
‘I know,’ I say quietly.
* * *
‘We can’t risk being down there, wandering the streets,’ Julie says, her voice getting higher with every word. ‘If we meet someone who’s…’ She doesn’t finish the sentence. Julie and Steve are trying to decide what to do. They’re trying to keep each other calm. I can’t help but notice the fierce way their hands clench each other but listening to them run through their options, the terrifying realization that they have no plan, that they don’t know what to do, is quite clear. I can’t help but think of Sylvia who would know what to do, who would have a clear plan.
‘Is this what you saw before?’ Julie asks us. ‘The man by the garages? The… Grey?’
‘Yes,’ Angharad says. She actually stamps her feet as she says it. ‘We don’t make things up. Billy saw them at his school too.’
‘The broken window,’ Julie says quickly.
‘We didn’t break it,’ I tell her. ‘Anwar and I were attacked in the classroom by Greys. They smashed the window trying to get in.’
I’m aware that Steve’s staring at me but I don’t want to meet his gaze.
‘Why didn’t you tell me that?’ he asks.
When I don’t answer, Angharad speaks for me.
‘Would you have believed him if he had? No, because you haven’t believed anything he’s told you about the Greys this whole time. You just think Billy makes stuff up.’
Steve looks like he wants to speak but there’s something that’s stopping him. Perhaps he can’t find the right words.
‘Listen,’ Angharad says all of a sudden. ‘It’s stopped, it’s quiet.’
I stand and look over the side of the stone railing. Angharad’s right: there’s no commotion, there’s no shouting or screams. There’s no one to be seen.
The silence feels more terrifying than the panic.
At least when we heard the noise, we knew where the Greys were but now nowhere feels safe. There is no marker of where anyone or anything is.
‘I’m going to call the police,’ Julie says and she reaches for her phone. ‘Maybe they can come and get us.’ She raises her eyebrows hopefully at us.
She dials three nines and holds the phone to her ear, but we can hear the dull bleeping tones. She tries again and again.
‘I can’t get through,’ she says.
‘We could go out to the square and break into one of the cars there,’ Steve suggests.
‘Do you know how to do that?’ Julie asks.
‘I – I – I’ve seen it in movies.’
‘Right… so maybe we need to work out the best way we can walk home?’ Julie says.
They start discussing a route that should be quieter – a back road where we might find cover – but their voices tremble a little as they picture it.
I think of Sylvia again and I can almost imagine she is here, I can almost see her profile shimmering in the air. I picture her face as it would whir through different possibilities, weighing up what to do. This is what she taught me to do. All the Survival Rules reverberate round my head but I distil them down into just one: take action.
I reach for my phone and send a message to Anwar. If he gets it, then I know he and his dad will come in the taxi. I slide the phone into my pocket but I keep a hand resting on it so I will feel the vibration if he writes back. I don’t mention what I’ve done to the others, I’m not sure it will work and I don’t want to get their hopes up yet.
Angharad shivers although it’s not cold. She looks pale and tired. I want to tell her that it will be okay, but I don’t know if it will. I could ask her if she’s all right but it’s clear that she’s not. So instead, I say nothing.
Then I feel the buzz of my phone in my jacket and I’m reading it, I’m reading how we will be saved.
Steve and Julie are so engrossed in their debate over the best route to take, that even when I approach them, they don’t break off. Their voices are becoming higher and higher, more ragged with every breath.
‘Steve?’ I say. ‘Steve?’
‘Hold on, Billy,’ Steve says. ‘Just wait a minute. Julie and I are trying to work out how to get us out of here.’
‘I know a way,’ I tell them. ‘I know a way out.’
HOW TO USE A HELIOGRAPH: PART II
Angharad leans out of one corner of the tower. Her braids fall forward making her beads clatter into one another and I’m reminded of the first time we met.
‘They’re almost here,’ I tell everyone, reading the last message that Anwar sent me. ‘They’ve just turned off Park Street.’
‘Ask them to beep their horn, so we know when they arrive,’ Steve says.
‘No,’ Julie says quickly. ‘We don’t want to draw attention to where they are.’
My phone buzzes again with a new message from Anwar.
‘They’ve had to move somewhere else – there were people in the square or something – they’re going to come in from another direction.’
‘Why would people stop them from parking?’ Julie says.
‘Maybe they want to get into the car?’ Angharad suggests.
‘We don’t know what’s going on down there right now,’ Steve says.
Suddenly a shriek fills th
e air. There’s the sound of a police siren. It blares and pierces but its everyday familiarity is comforting, it’s a sign of life. But then we hear a crash, a sharp defeat, and once again, there’s silence.
I check my phone but there’s no message from Anwar. My fingers fidget. I want to ask him – Where are you? What’s happening? – but I know that he will message when he can.
Moments later, my screen lights up.
‘What does he say?’ Steve asks.
I read it twice through so I don’t misunderstand it.
‘They’ve had to park a little way away. Anwar is coming to get us to take us to the car.’
‘Anwar?’ Steve repeats. ‘No, tell him to stay with his dad. It doesn’t seem safe down there, so he shouldn’t get out of the car. We’ll find another way.’
I write back immediately, I tell him to stay, I tell him to go home, but he doesn’t reply.
Steve paces the small area at the top of the tower. There is nowhere to go.
Julie, Angharad and I keep watching from above, our eyes searching for any sign of movement.
Then, I see something flashing from one of the windows of a building a little way away.
‘That’s him!’ I cry and point to the light. ‘That’s him!’
‘How can you be sure?’ Steve asks, striding back to us. He peers at the flashing from the building.
‘He’s using his heliograph,’ I tell him. ‘We made them together – I taught him how to use it.’
‘Heliograph?’ Steve says, but his face drops as he says it. I can tell he knows the word, but I guess the last time he heard anyone use it, it was coming from Sylvia’s mouth.
‘What’s a heliograph?’ Julie asks me.
‘It’s a way of signalling using sunlight – I taught Anwar how to use a mirror to do it,’ I tell her.
‘But why doesn’t he just message you?’ Steve asks.
‘I don’t know – maybe his phone ran out of battery or maybe it’s easier to show us where he is this way… I don’t know, but that’s Anwar, I’m sure of it. Let’s go.’
Angharad is the only one who is listening to me. She looks at me expectantly and walks over to the stairs. She seems so anxious to get off this roof that I wouldn’t be surprised if she just kicked off from the ground and flew away.
‘Come on, Mum,’ she says. ‘We can’t stay here. Anwar is down there, just like Billy says.’
Julie looks at Steve whose forehead is ridged.
‘Anwar is here and his dad can drive us out of here,’ I urge. ‘They are our only chance to get away without meeting someone who’s been infected.’
‘Billy’s right. We’ve got to go now,’ Angharad says.
Steve and Julie look as though they are searching each other’s faces for another answer but when they find none, they turn to follow us.
* * *
We walk down the steps of the tower silently. There’s none of the shouting and shrieking that we heard on the way up. Those moments feel a long time ago, so long ago that it’s difficult to imagine that they even happened. The steps twist round and round, on and on, in a spiral of darkness. Though I know it has an end, I wonder, as we take those steps, if we will ever make it to the bottom.
I’m leading the way and Angharad falls into step behind me. I know that she’s watching me carefully because each time I stop if I hear the slightest sound, she freezes too and warns Julie and Steve in a quiet whisper.
‘Almost there,’ I murmur behind me when I can see light ahead of us.
I feel Angharad’s hand reach out and touch my shoulder.
‘Let’s stop for a moment,’ she whispers. ‘In case there’s anyone there.’
I nod back at her.
We hold our breath as we look out through the doorway.
The day outside looks both sunny and dull all at once; dark clouds hang down low but a bright sunshine beats, almost as though it is a spotlight and the city, its stage.
There’s no sign of movement.
I look over to Angharad. She gives me a small thumbs-up and signals to Julie and Steve to follow. They shuffle behind us, their faces pinched and scared in a way I have not seen before. It doesn’t feel like they are the grown-ups any more.
I lead the way from the tower and then we are out, we are out in the park, the silent, deserted park that looks sunny and cheerful but feels anything but.
I am missing the sounds of other people – the couples who chat non-stop and preen each other like birds, the child that screams with glee and then just as suddenly from fright. All the talking on the phones about nothing really at all.
I can’t see Anwar’s flashing any more. Hoping that this is because Anwar is still directing his heliograph towards the top of the tower, rather than anything else, I make my way to the building that we saw his signal from.
‘Are you sure it’s this way, Billy?’ Steve asks, drawing up next to me.
I don’t answer him and just beckon everyone on. I know we don’t have much time, that we can’t stop to talk.
When we reach the building I speed up a little more, I hear the others do the same. When we get to the door we run in without looking back.
The building feels deserted, everywhere feels like that really, but I think there must be many pairs of eyes watching us, that the city must now be full of waiting and hiding and wondering and hoping.
‘Anwar!’ I call out up the stairwell. ‘Anwar! Anwar!’ After the silent walk from the tower, my voice comes from my mouth like a siren.
At first there is no sound other than the echo of my voice. We are in what looks like an office building. Its reception is laid in creamy, shiny marble and my shouts bounce off the walls and back towards us in a loop.
‘Anwar!’ I shout again. ‘Anwar!’
But there’s no answer.
I feel Steve’s hand on my shoulder. I turn to him and see his face is set in lines. Behind him, Julie stands defeated too. Their shoulders have drooped, their feet turned inwards and their faces are masks of what they once were. They won’t look at me. Their eyes stay fixed on the ground as though they are looking for something they have lost there.
‘It was a good try,’ Steve is saying. ‘We had to try.’
But then Julie starts to cry. She tries to hold it in, but it’s like she can’t help it.
‘What are we going to do?’ Her voice is full of worry and fear and despair all mixed up together. They bleed into each other, feeding one another, growing larger and larger and larger.
‘It’s okay, Mum,’ Angharad says, going to her. But I see from the way her eyes dart around the empty room that she thinks that we’ve made a mistake too. Have I let them all down?
Steve goes to comfort Julie too, stretching his arm around her.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say, but I am speaking too quietly or perhaps everyone else is too loud because no one hears me. No one can hear me.
‘I was sure…’ I begin to say, but I don’t want to keep speaking. What I want to say doesn’t matter any more, it won’t change anything. It won’t move the slippery guilt that coils around me, that is tightening around my heart. It won’t alter the fact that I’ve exposed us to more danger with no clear escape. My mind races with this single thought, that after all my training I’ve got it wrong. I’ve let Sylvia down. I’ve let everyone down.
‘Should we hide here? Or should we leave?’ Julie’s voice is shaky and her breath is catching in a frantic, darting way, although she tries to conceal it. ‘Steve? What do we do?’
Steve takes a deep breath.
‘I hear something!’ Angharad says suddenly. ‘Someone’s coming!’
There’s the sound of footsteps squeaking on the stairwell. We have no time to hide as they thunder down towards us.
‘Billy!’ I hear. ‘Billy!’
It’s Anwar, he’s flying down the stairs and past us.
He moves so fast, his feet don’t seem to touch the ground.
He moves so fast, I wonder if I am imagining hi
m.
‘Come on, we’ve got to get to my dad!’ he yells. His eyes are fixed ahead of him in a way that makes me think that he doesn’t want to look back, that he can’t possibly turn to see what’s behind him.
He grabs on to one of my hands as he passes me, to jolt us from our stupor at seeing him. I’m relieved to feel that he is real. But then I feel a cold dread stiff in his fingers, I can feel his fear and suddenly I’m afraid too.
So we run with him. We run from the office building, out again into the silent, sunlit streets. The guilt that hung over me shrugs off me with each step we take towards safety. I wasn’t wrong. Anwar came. My best friend came as I knew he would.
Anwar streaks ahead, turning down alleyways and through back streets. We’ve let go of each other now, running as fast as we can, our arms pumping at our sides. I take no notice of where we are going or what we are passing but just follow his snaking back and so when he stops quite suddenly at the end of an alley, I almost crash into him.
I’m about to ask him why he’s stopped, because I can’t see his dad anywhere, when I see it.
There, just lying ahead of us.
A body on the floor.
HOW (NOT) TO LOSE IT WHEN THERE’S A GREY RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU
‘Don’t move,’ Steve says, although no one is even considering taking a step further. All of us stand paralysed.
The body is quite still – it’s lying face down on the ground – and if it weren’t for what I’ve seen of the Greys, I wouldn’t fight the urge to run up to whoever it is and help them up. But I know that just because this body is on the ground, doesn’t mean it won’t get up and be a Grey after all.
Julie takes a few steps forward and I see that she is fighting this impulse too. Her fingers quiver and her eyes fix upon the body, as she decides whether to help or not.
‘Julie – no,’ Steve hisses. ‘Come back.’
She looks back at him. ‘It’s all right,’ she mouths and takes another step forward.
Suddenly there’s a hand in mine, gripping it tightly. I look down and see it’s Angharad’s. It makes me feel a tiny bit better to feel her fingers clasped around mine. I am able to look at the body without feeling that I might fall over; the world has been able to right itself a little.