by Helen Brooks
Jenny and Rod left just after tea time to take the twins home, declaring the two little girls would need at least an hour to settle down before they could put them to bed. ‘They adore being with Robert and Caroline,’ Jenny said, as she hugged Cory goodbye, ‘but they do get overexcited.’ Then, her voice soft, she added, ‘It’s been lovely meeting you, Cory. You’re so good for Nick. I’ve never seen him so happy.’
Cory stared at her, taken aback. ‘Thank you.’ She didn’t know what else to say.
They had all wandered out to Jenny and Rod’s car to wave the little family off, and once indoors Cory let the others walk through to the garden and disappeared to the downstairs cloakroom. It was as she was leaving it that she stopped dead as she heard Margaret’s voice somewhere near.
‘Please, Nick, you have to listen to me. I can’t bear it when we’re apart. I’ll come down to London, I’ll do anything but I want to be with you.’
‘Don’t start this again, Margaret.’
‘I know you don’t want marriage or anything like that and I accept it. I do. We don’t even have to live together if you don’t want that.’
‘Margaret, move on. I have.’ Nick’s voice was cold, flinty.
‘You’re not talking about that little nincompoop you’ve brought with you? Darling, you’ll be bored with her in a month or two. I guarantee it.’
‘Leave Cory out of this. I’m talking about us having nothing left, Margaret, not Cory or anyone else. Whatever you’re searching for, it’s not me. It never was. You’ve always wanted me only because I didn’t fall at your feet like most men you meet. Even as a child you always had to be the centre of attention and it wears thin.’
‘You wanted me once.’ It sounded sulky.
‘We had a few dinners, a few laughs and that was all it was,’ Nick ground out stonily. ‘Face it. You were between partners and so was I.’
‘This is because I said I loved you, isn’t it?’ Margaret’s voice was quivering. ‘Because I wanted us to be together always. It scared you off.’
She heard Nick sigh impatiently. ‘Margaret, once you went to university you found the big world of men and you never looked back. I’ve lost count of the number you had before, during and after your marriage. You have no idea what love is unless it’s love for the reflection in the mirror. You know damn well that’s true; you’ve as good as admitted it in your better moments. I’m a challenge, the one who won’t play ball. That’s all. Now, cut the heartbroken act because it doesn’t wash.’
There was a screaming silence for a few seconds and Cory found she was holding her breath. Then Margaret said, a different note to her voice now, ‘We’re two of a kind, Nick, you and I. You’ll never settle down with one woman, just like I’ll never settle down with one man. But we could at least have some fun for a while.’
‘Thanks, but no thanks.’
‘Because of her?’ Margaret said petulantly.
‘Because I don’t want you. End of story. Now go and say your goodbyes to my mother like a dutiful goddaughter. I’ve told Rosie and Geoff to take their leave too. You may not have noticed, but mother is getting older and a weekend like this shows it up, not that she’d ever admit it.’
‘I’m always around when you grow tired of little Miss Perfect. You only have to pick up the phone and call and I’ll drop everything.’
‘Margaret, you always drop everything when a man calls.’ It was said drily, the double meaning clear, and Cory waited to see how the redhead would respond.
Surprisingly there was a reluctant giggle before Margaret murmured, ‘You’re a wicked man, Nick Morgan, but irresistible. I shall live in hope.’
She couldn’t hear Nick’s reply to this because they were moving away, presumably going into the garden. Cory stood quite still. He didn’t want Margaret, at least she knew that now, but from all that had been said the redhead was his type of woman. Two of a kind, Margaret had said. The kind who didn’t want emotional commitment or monogamy.
Her heart was thumping madly and she put her hand to her breast. But she had known Nick was like that all along, so why did she feel so devastated now? Just because he had let her into his life to some extent, had been tender, understanding, it didn’t mean he had changed his views about anything. He wasn’t a cruel or manipulative man like William had been; of course he would be gentle and sympathetic to the woman he was seeing.
She stood for a few minutes more, knowing she had to get a handle on how she was feeling before she joined the others. Then, when she really couldn’t delay any longer, she lifted her head and marched out into the garden.
‘Hi.’ Nick rose immediately as she walked through the French doors on to the patio. He sent the Jack Russell a warning glance which made the little dog slink away under Catherine’s chair. ‘I was beginning to wonder if you were all right,’ he said, reaching her in three long strides.
She smiled up at him, into the blue, blue eyes that had the power to make her dream impossible dreams and long for what she could never have and hadn’t even known she wanted before she met him. Because with Nick she wanted it all. Commitment, marriage, babies, for ever. But it wasn’t going to be. ‘As you can see, I’m fine,’ she said softly, loving him and knowing she had to leave him.
When she had heard Margaret confirming all her worst fears she knew she had been fooling herself. She wouldn’t be able to continue seeing Nick, sleep with him, stay at his house and he at hers, and then be able to get on with her life when it finished. It would break her. This way it would be crucifying, she knew that, but at least it would end cleanly and without dragging on and turning into something which ultimately would be distasteful to him and shameful for her. She didn’t want him to remember her begging him not to leave her and falling to pieces, and she would if she let this continue.
Rosie and her family took their leave shortly afterwards along with Margaret, the latter kissing Catherine’s cheek, giving Nick a swift but full kiss on the lips before he could object, and smiling a tight, hard little smile at Cory.
Cory didn’t smile back. ‘Goodbye, Margaret,’ she said politely, keeping her gaze steady and cool. After a moment or two Margaret tossed her head, muttering something about it having been nice to have met her, and without further ado left.
Cory glanced around at the remains of the barbecue and the general mess. Then she looked at Nick’s mother. Catherine did look tired. ‘Why don’t I make you a nice cup of tea and then Nick and I will clean up a bit while you put your feet up?’ she suggested quietly.
Catherine protested a little but not too much, which spoke volumes. Once she had fed all the dogs and cats—a major feat in itself as several were on special diets and two of the cats were diabetic—she went into the sitting room with her tea and Cory and Nick got to work.
Once they had loaded the dishwasher with the first lot of dirty dishes and utensils they set about restoring order in the garden. By the time they had cleaned the gas barbecue, sluiced down the tables and one or two of the chairs which were sticky with lemonade spilt by the children and put all the toys in the small outhouse Catherine used for that purpose, the second dishwasher load was purring away.
While Nick washed all the animals’ bowls in the deep stone sink in the utility room and put them away, Cory whipped over the surfaces in the kitchen and tidied up.
‘We make a good team.’ Everything finished, Nick came through to the kitchen and put his arms round her, nuzzling his face into her neck as she stood looking out of the kitchen window into the gathering twilight. A blackbird was singing at the bottom of the garden, and where the barbecue had stood before they’d wheeled it into the outhouse a flock of starlings were squabbling over tasty morsels. Nick was used to Sundays like this, times when all the family joined together and just enjoyed being with each other. Cory felt unbearably sad.
She turned into him, laying her head against his throat for a moment but not saying anything, and his arms tightened around her. They stood together in the quiet of the
old house for some time before Cory stirred, her voice husky as she said, ‘We ought to go and leave your mother in peace.’ It was strange, but in all their passionate times she had never felt so close to him as she had for the last few minutes.
Catherine was dozing as they entered the sitting room, an array of dogs at her feet and a cat snoozing in her lap. ‘Don’t get up,’ Cory said, smiling. ‘We’ll see ourselves out.’ She bent over the back of the sofa and kissed the older woman’s cheek.
‘You’ll come again soon?’ Catherine asked. ‘Just the two of you for dinner so we can get to talk a little. The family en masse always turns into something like a chimpanzees’ tea party.’
Cory kept the smile in place with some effort as the sadness increased. She would have liked to come again and get to know this woman whom she felt instinctively she could have loved. ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘I’ve so enjoyed today.’ And she had, in a way.
Once they were in the car and on their way to Nick’s house to pick up their things, Nick said warmly, ‘That was nice of you, to suggest we stay and clear up. I appreciate it.’
‘It’s all right.’ A terrible consuming emptiness was filling her. He had said he wanted to talk and she knew what he would say. He wanted to know how she felt about them as a couple, where she saw them going, what she envisaged happening between them in the next weeks and months. And that was fair enough. He had a right to expect some answers from her after all these weeks.
‘Is anything wrong, Cory?’ He flashed her a concerned glance but she didn’t respond for a moment. ‘Cory?’
‘You…you said you wanted to talk about things earlier,’ she said flatly.
‘What? Oh, yes.’ His brow furrowed slightly. ‘But it doesn’t have to be today. We’re later leaving Mum’s than I expected and we’ve got the drive back to London. We can talk tomorrow.’
‘I’d rather it be tonight.’
‘You would?’ They were just approaching the lane leading to his house. ‘OK. Once we get in, why don’t you pull your things together and put them in the car while I make some coffee. We can talk then.’
She didn’t wait for him to open her door when the car pulled up in front of the house, jumping out with more speed than grace and nearly going flat on her back in the process. She saw the quizzical glance he shot her but pretended that she hadn’t, rushing straight up to her room once he had opened the front door. Bundling her things into her case and clearing the bathroom of her bits and pieces, she was downstairs again in a minute or two, stowing her case into the back of the sports car as Nick had suggested.
Then she stood for a moment on the drive, staring up into one of the huge trees bordering the house. You’ve been here for over a century, she said silently. You’ve seen so much. People come and go, heartache, trials, loss. And you’re still here, weathering the storms and feeling the sun on your leaves and branches in the good times. Life will go on after Nick, I know that, but nothing will be the same. And I just don’t know how I’m going to bear it.
‘All packed?’
He called her from the doorway and she lowered her eyes to his. He looked very big and dark standing in the shadows dappling the house, and in the strange half-light she couldn’t see the expression on his face. ‘All packed,’ she said, walking to join him and taking the hand he held out to her.
‘Cory, what’s wrong?’ As they walked through to the sitting room he spoke softly. ‘You were fine earlier but something has changed.’
‘You were right this morning.’
‘Right?’ he said, puzzled.
‘About us having to talk. We do.’ She sank down on to one of the sofas and watched him as he poured coffee from a tall white jug into slender china mugs. He added cream and sugar to hers and passed it to her before he sat down with his own beside her. She wished he had sat opposite her. She didn’t want to say what had to be said with the feel of his thigh against hers.
‘So you agree we have to talk,’ he said, and his voice had changed. The softness had gone and it was cool, wary. ‘Why do I feel I’m not going to like this?’
‘I don’t think we should carry on seeing each other.’ She hadn’t meant to put it so baldly but really there was only one way to say it. ‘I don’t think it’s working.’
There was absolute ringing silence for a moment. ‘May I enquire why?’
‘I told you at the beginning that I don’t date.’ She had decided in the car coming home that she wasn’t going to tell him what she had overheard. He might get the idea that she was trying to blackmail him into saying something he didn’t want to say, that she was hinting he let her know that he wanted her in a different way to Margaret, that he was prepared to offer more. But she would never hold him to ransom like that. She went on with the lines she’d prepared. ‘The last few weeks have been good but I’m getting behind with my work and things are slipping. I…I can’t have that.’
‘And so I’m to be sacrificed on the altar of your career?’ he said silkily.
The tone didn’t fool her. The powerful body at the side of her had stiffened and tensed as she had talked on. She cleared her throat. ‘I wouldn’t put it quite like that.’ Her voice had croaked on the last word and she took a sip of coffee to moisten her dry mouth.
‘How would you put it?’
‘We’re different sorts of people, we want different things from life.’ For the first time she could speak the truth and, unbeknown to her, her voice carried weight because of it. ‘We have had something great, I admit that, but if we go on we’d lose it.’
He swore, just once, but explicitly. ‘Rubbish. I don’t accept that. Is all this because I told you a few home truths the other night, because I got near? Is that it? I got under your skin and it rankles.’
She put the coffee mug down on the occasional table in front of them and stood to her feet. She had to put space between them. Then she turned to face him. ‘I’m sorry you think that but it’s not true.’
‘Neither is the garbage you’re telling me.’ He rose slowly without taking his eyes off her white face. ‘I’ve held you, damn it. Felt you quivering in my arms, moaning, begging me to take you all the way. Oh, not in so many words,’ he said, as she went to interrupt him, ‘but your body was saying what your mouth wouldn’t admit. We’re not so different, Cory.’
‘You’re talking about sex.’
‘Yes, I am,’ he said with no apology in his tone, ‘and it’s a damn good place to start. But there’s more than that between us and you know it.’
‘Whatever is between us I don’t want it to continue.’ She stared at him, desperate, her heart breaking. She had to go through with this now; it was the only way, so why did it feel so wrong, so cruel? She hadn’t expected him to look at her the way he was looking now. It made her feel so horribly guilty.
‘What was all that about earlier in the walled garden then?’ he said furiously, anger coming to the fore for the first time. ‘When you said you were wrong about your career being your life?’
‘I didn’t say that exactly.’
‘The hell you didn’t.’
‘I said perhaps I’d been wrong about it, but on reflection I don’t think so. I’ve been thinking about everything this afternoon and now I know what I want.’ And it’s you. For ever and ever. Impossible.
‘Well, bully for you.’ There was a look on his face which made her want to cringe. He despised her. Hated her even.
‘I…I thought you’d at least try and see it my way.’
‘Sorry to disappoint you,’ he said bitterly.
‘Nick, I didn’t want it to end like this.’
Her lip trembled but then he almost made her jump out of her skin when he barked. ‘Enough. No tears. Damn it, it’d be the last straw. Drink your coffee.’
He walked out of the room without looking at her again and she heard him go up the stairs, presumably to his room. A minute later he came back with a jacket slung over his arm and, his face set, he said, ‘Are you ready to leave?’<
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She nodded, walking past him and then out of the house to the car. He opened the door for her and shut it once she was in her seat, striding round the bonnet with a face like thunder.
She felt herself shrinking when he joined her, the only thought in her head being, how was she going to get through the next three hours until she was home?
CHAPTER NINE
THE journey back to London was the sort of unmitigated nightmare Cory wouldn’t have wished on her worst enemy—not even Margaret. At least the mood Nick was in meant that it didn’t take as long as on the way down. In fact he cut a good half an hour off the time, and he hadn’t driven slowly before. Cory was sure she saw at least two or three cameras flash, but she didn’t mention it.
When they reached her flat he got out of the car and fetched her case from the boot, walking with her to the front door. ‘I’ll stand in the hall until you’ve gone upstairs and opened your door.’
‘You don’t have to.’ She had been fighting the tears all the way home and her voice was a husky whisper.
‘Just open the damn door.’
Cory was all fingers and thumbs with the key hindered as she was by the mist in her eyes, but eventually the door was open and she walked into the hall, Nick behind her.
‘Here.’ He handed her the case, his face cold.
She walked over to the stairs and then turned on the bottom step to face him. She couldn’t let him go like this, she just couldn’t. Her face tragic, she said, ‘I’m sorry. I mean it, I’m sorry.’
‘Go on up, Cory,’ he said flatly.
‘Nick, please—’
‘What the hell do you want from me, woman?’ he growled before an answering growl came from the direction of the downstairs flat.
Oh, no, please, not now. Cory cast agonised eyes towards the Wards’ flat just as Arnie went into full action, the sound of the big do’s savage barking horribly loud in the dead of the night, She could hear Nick swearing even above the din the German Shepherd was making, but before she could say anything the door to the flat opened and there stood Mr Ward holding on to Arnie’s collar, Mrs Ward standing behind him clutching what looked like a rolling pin.