by Lilah Rivers
Clementine looked out the window of her room as the sun was coming up over the horizon. It was a beautiful array of pinks and oranges and Clementine wished that she could jump into it and swim in that sea of color.
It was strange how just a few nights before, she had looked out and seen the orange flames of the barn on fire and it had struck terror in her heart. Such shades against the sky meant such vastly different things.
She figured the men and Roberta would be up soon and it was time to get breakfast made, so Clementine peeled her eyes away and went down the stairs in order to get her cooking done.
She dressed simply and with little excitement, but her heart was heavy enough that it did not matter.
Clementine was frightened. Something was amiss and she understood that there was danger lurking around them. Not only around her Aunt Roberta’s ranch, but around them all as people.
She couldn’t place what was happening, but it was clear that something was rising up against them.
As Clementine cracked the eggs and poured the yoke and white into a pan, she heard the shuffling sounds of her Aunt coming to the kitchen.
“Good morning,” she said, her voice groggy, or perhaps weary.
“Good morning, Aunt Roberta,” Clementine replied.
“Already working, are you?” Aunt Roberta asked.
“I thought it was for the best that I get started. I know there is a lot going on here these days and I should hate to let my lazy bones get in the way of it,” she said.
“Oh, Clementine, you are the least of the lazy bones in this world. If I had half your energy and determination, I should be a very proud woman,” her aunt said.
“Thank you, Aunt Roberta, but I fear that I deserve no such comment. I hardly helped at all with the barn,” she said.
“You weren’t raised on a ranch. That has nothing to do with laziness and everything to do with not knowing what’s what. Anyway, why don’t you sit while those cook?” Aunt Roberta offered.
Clementine eyed the chair for a moment before conceding to her Aunt’s wish.
“All right. If you insist,” she said.
“That, I do. You need to rest your own weary self. Honestly, I think you are just the sweetest thing, but you do far too much for your small frame. Why don’t we just talk for a bit?” her Aunt suggested.
Clementine nodded. “That sounds nice.”
“Can I be honest with you, Clementine?” Aunt Roberta asked.
“Always,” she replied.
“I would really like to know what’s on your mind in regards to our dear David,” she said.
Clementine fidgeted with her hands.
“I don’t rightly know. I mean, sometimes I think he might be interested in me, but other times, he’s very difficult to read,” she said.
“How’s that? What’s difficult about him?” Aunt Roberta asked.
“Well, he is a very good man. But sometimes a man can be too respectful. It’s as if he is so respectful that he can’t even tell you what he really thinks or feels because he doesn’t want you thinking he has bad intentions or something,” Clementine observed.
“And you think that he feels that way?” Aunt Roberta asked.
“I wish I knew. That’s how it feels at times. But even if he does like me, even if he cares, I don’t know that he will ever express it,” Clementine said.
“But you want him to?” Aunt Roberta asked.
“I do,” Clementine confessed.
“Tell me why. What do you think about him?” Aunt Roberta asked.
Clementine felt the dam give way within her chest and she was immediately overwhelmed by all of the feelings that she had for him.
“Aunt Roberta, I think I love him. Is that silly? We only interact every now and again, but he is sweet and kind. We have told one another about things that had been hard in life and when I speak, I feel that he really listens,” she said.
“That is a wonderful thing to find. Why are you so upset about it?” Aunt Roberta asked.
“Because it aches so much. Why does it have to be so painful? It is as if half of me is just across the room at all times and I can’t reach it. And it looks at me with want but hasn’t decided if it will ever be a part of me again,” Clementine said.
Aunt Roberta nodded.
“If anyone has ever described love, you’ve just gone and done it. You can’t imagine what it felt like when I lost your uncle. When that half of me wasn’t across the room anymore but buried underneath the earth,” Aunt Roberta said.
“How did you survive?” Clementine asked, her voice choking from the tears that welled up behind it.
“I had to learn to live with the memories of him and nothing else. It was hard as could be, but there it was,” she said.
“Anyway, you don’t have to learn to live with David being across the room. You can help him bring this to an end. You can show him a little bit of how you feel and make him realize that he doesn’t have to be frightened to show his interest,” Aunt Roberta continued.
“How am I to do that? I can’t be forward,” Clementine said in defeat.
“I’m not telling you to be forward. I’m telling you to flash him a smile and bat those eyelashes of yours. What else do you have them for? Let him see that you are interested, because I am confident that he is,” Aunt Roberta said.
Clementine perked up at bit at that.
“Really? You think so?” she asked, needing the confirmation.
Aunt Roberta gave her a sly grin.
“I’m positive,” she said.
Clementine fiddled with her hands again before remembering to check on the mix of eggs and vegetables. She stirred it to ensure that everything cooked evenly and then went back to her seat.
“I want you to remember, my dear, that nothing is permanent. Nothing at all in this world is guaranteed. I would give just about anything to have my husband back and I don’t want you to waste a single day,” Aunt Roberta said.
Clementine nodded in agreement with her aunt’s wishes and then went back to the food, making sure it was well prepared by the time Hank and David arrived just a few moments later.
“Here you go,” she said, pushing the mix of food onto their plates and pouring them each a cup of coffee.
When she looked at David, she tried to relax. For a moment, she considered batting her eyelashes, but it didn’t feel like her natural instinct, so she simply smiled instead.
The beaming smile he gave her in return was nothing short of beautiful.
Clementine felt her heart leap inside with it, but the four of them all went on in the most proper of ways, enjoying breakfast and chatting about their plans for the day and what they intended to accomplish with the barn.
“We’ve got a few men from church who have volunteered to help us out,” Hank said. “I think it’s going to be ideal.”
“I am glad to hear it. I wish I could pay them,” Aunt Roberta said.
“I will do my best to make them a perfect, easy and filling lunch,” Clementine said.
“That’s all they’re going to want,” Hank said.
David was nodding along, listening and voicing his agreement now and then, but Clementine sensed that there was something else on his mind. He appeared anxious somehow and she was beginning to wonder if there was something he wanted to share with the rest of them.
“You all right?” she asked in a quiet voice as Hank and her aunt were talking.
David looked at her with the concern that his face held and he nodded, cautiously.
She accepted this for what it was and, once everyone departed, Clementine decided to do something out of character.
She decided to write David a love letter.
It was not one that she had any intention of giving to him, but she had to get all of her thoughts and feelings out and on paper. It was just something to give herself a bit of peace while she lived with all of this uncertainty.
Dear David,
I can’t rightly think what it is
that I should say. How is a woman meant to tell a man that she loves him? Oh, I know that you will never read this, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a whole lot that I need to tell you. Even if it does feel near impossible to do.
I don’t think you know much about me. And maybe I don’t know much about you, either. I suppose both our lives have had enough recent pain that we can share only what little we can bear to speak aloud.
But I do know that you have the loveliest laugh in all the world. I do know that you are a hard worker and that you blush rather easily. I know that you have a kind soul and that you treat others with care and compassion, even when it is an inconvenience to you.
I do know that you are handsome enough to beat the band, but that hardly matters in the long run and I shouldn’t even be thinking about it.
David Brown, you are the most magnificent man that has ever been in my life and I hope that one day we can tell each other openly what we think and feel. It won’t happen today, I reckon. But some day.
Anyway, what else am I supposed to tell you? How can I, a little city girl, express to a handsome, hardworking ranch hand that I am in love with him?
I hope that you might love me back and that one day you will tell me that. But even if that day never comes, this is the truest thing that I can say. That I am in love with you.
Yours,
Clementine
She took a deep breath and sealed it up before tucking it into the bodice of her dress where she knew it would not leave her sight. Clementine thought about how mortifying it would be if David ever read the letter and she swore to herself that it would stay hidden.
The rest of the day was a whirlwind. Clementine spent four hours cooking for the twelve men who came to assist the ranch, in addition to herself, her aunt, and David and Hank.
She had never cooked for so many people at once, but it was rather exhilarating and she was enjoying the pressure. Still, nothing was as wonderful as hearing all of the grunts of approval when the men were eating.
Again, she made silent eye contact with David. There was still something underneath his gaze, something worried and frightened. She wondered if he was feeling the same thing that she was. That something was wrong and that they had to determine what that might be.
After lunch, she realized that the men were going to continue working and she spent a good deal more time working on dinner, thus her entire day was spent in the kitchen.
Cleaning the dishes in time for the next meal, making sure she had enough pots and pans to cook in, asking Hank to bring her one of the roosters from off the farm because she was running low on meat – all of this took time.
It was all quite busy, but throughout the day, she touched the chest of her bodice and confirmed that the letter that she had written had not moved.
She was still safe for now.
Chapter 22
The next morning, David and Hank were looking at the handiwork of their wonderful volunteers.
“Man, I am glad that we have such wonderful church brethren,” Hank said.
“As am I. It was so kind of them to help us with all of this,” David said.
“Sometimes I wonder where we would be without the church. I mean, I had so much support from everyone after my accident and now, we are seeing it all over again,” Hank said.
“Yeah, they really have done a whole lot for us,” David replied.
He paused to think about the conversation that he had had with the Reverend and decided it was time to talk to Hank about everything now that it was just the two of them.
“So, a couple days ago, I wasn’t really feeling myself,” he began.
“What do you mean by that?” Hank asked.
“I was terribly worried about everything that’s going on. And I guess I still am, but that’s beside the point. The point is that all of the worry led me to the church, like I already told you all,” he said.
“That’s as good a place as any to be led,” Hank said with a shrug, before tugging on a bit of rope that he needed to find the other end of.
“Well, I went so that I might have some time to pray and talk to the Lord. But, you see, that’s not all that happened,” David said, trying to lead into what he really wanted to talk to Hank about.
“So what happened?” Hank asked.
“Like I already told you all, I ended up talking to Reverend St. Claire for quite a long time,” David replied.
Hank looked up at him, hesitation in his face, but he remained quiet.
“Hank, you didn’t send the Reverend the letter that threatened him to keep his daughter away from me, did you?” David asked, already sure that it couldn’t be possible.
Hank jolted upright, dropping the rope.
“What? What are you talking about? Why would I do something like that?” he asked, looking deeply offended.
“Don’t get too upset, I couldn’t imagine that you would do it, but I had to ask. You see, the thing that’s bothering me is that I just can’t figure who would actually do something like that. I know we’ve talked about this with Mrs. Roberta and Clementine, but I thought that maybe you could help me figure out what’s going on,” he said.
“Well, a good way to start the conversation with me is by not asking me if I did something you claim you already know I didn’t do,” Hank said, annoyed and giving a frustrated expression.
“Forgive me for wording it that way. I just needed to hear it from you so that if anyone else suspected, I could confirm that you flat out told me it wasn’t you,” David said.
“Well, it wasn’t,” Hank said.
“So we need to figure out who it was. The Reverend is anxious, just as I am. And I can see it in Mrs. Roberta’s eyes, Clementine’s eyes, yours and even Chelsea’s,” he said.
“Of course, we’re all anxious. The barn was on fire. Strangers are following our beautiful ladies. What is there to be at peace about?” Hank asked in an uncharacteristic manner. It was clear that he was about as upset and frustrated as he could possibly be and David was regretful that he had allowed the conversation to bring his friend to this point.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” David said.
“I know that, but I’m going to be upset for quite some time. This isn’t easy. This is my home and Chelsea is the woman that I love. These things are under threat now. Do you think there’s anything that could make me feel better?” Hank asked.
“No, I can’t say that there is,” David replied.
“Anyway, I don’t know what we’re going to do about it all. I’m just waiting around for the day that I can finally propose to Chelsea and when that day comes, maybe I’ll feel a little bit better,” he said.
David nodded. That was something that he could understand.
He had been trying so hard to be patient with himself, but he really did love Clementine and he couldn’t hold back for much longer. Trying to be respectful, to have a care for everything that was going on and not overwhelm her; all of these things were just too much for him.