by Jen Calonita
“Oh, okay.” Kayla still looks disappointed. “Did you tell Flora you think Jocelyn was working with Harlow to escape? Because I’m sure she was.”
“I was too busy trying to convince Flora that Jocelyn wanted to escape with Harlow.” We walk by enchanted classroom doors that seal shut when all the students are inside. It’s a new safety measure since Alva’s last break-in. “Jocelyn said I’m lying, and Flora foolishly believed her.” I sigh. “Bottom line: Flora says Alva’s the one who broke Harlow out, not Jocelyn. Jocelyn seemed upset she was left behind.”
“I feel kind of bad for her being abandoned like that.” Maxine’s good eye widens. “Oh, I just meant… I…”
“It’s fine. Forget it,” Kayla says, and Maxine and I look at each other. Kayla wasn’t exactly abandoned. Her whole family was cursed by Alva and turned into a group of trees. Still, Maxine’s comment had to sting. “I should go,” she says and flutters away. She’s barely gone a few feet before the hallway mirror glows purple.
“Illegal use of magic, Kayla!” Miri reprimands her. “No flying in the hallways!”
Kayla ignores her. “So? Give me detention. I’m not leaving this place anytime soon.”
Maxine shakes her head. “That fairy needs a pick-me-up.” Her good eye widens. “I know! We should do a girl day and paint our nails or visit mermaids at the lake or... Ooh! Let’s join the Royal Ladies-in-Waiting together. It would be fun to be in a club, wouldn’t it?”
“Not the RLWs!” I say quickly, not that the other options are more appealing. Painting nails? Hanging with mermaids? I’d rather be baked in an oven. “Maybe we could do fencing.” A hallway disappears and we take the new one to the left. Thankfully it pops out on the lower level where we need to be. We have our first group therapy class with Blackbeard down here.
“Gillian Cobbler?”
I turn around and my shoulders sink. A gaggle of Royal Ladies-in-Waiting are staring at me. You can tell they’re in the FTRS club because they wear bright-pink sashes over their school uniforms and always have creepy smiles plastered on their picture-perfect faces. I wonder if they heard me talking to Maxine.
A goblin named Tessa Underlin steps forward and holds out a cream-colored envelope wrapped in a bright-pink ribbon. She’s the RLW president, and she’s wearing a tiara and a glittery, jeweled necklace. Her pointy ears are adorned with earrings much like Maxine wears. “We’d like to present you with an invitation to join the Royal Ladies-in-Waiting.”
“Oh, Gilly!” Maxine cries, smacking her heart as I stare at the pink-and-gold lettering on the thick envelope. “You’re so lucky!”
Tessa barely looks at Maxine, but I notice that the others start to whisper.
“You are the sole member we are recruiting for the club this semester, and we’d be ever so pleased if you could join us on our royal journey,” Tessa adds.
“Recruit?” I repeat. “I thought clubs at FTRS were open to all students.”
Tessa smiles smugly. I notice the pink patches on her uniform sash. She has more than any of the other girls, and I suspect it’s because she’s earned the most badges. All the girls start with the same five: a glass slipper, a wand, a hairbrush, a tube of lipstick, and a tiara. “We are exclusive, and we only accept members who meet our proper lady criteria.”
“I meet your criteria?” I notice a chocolate stain on my skirt. “I am not a lady.”
For a second Tessa looks at me like I’m a bitter biscuit. “You are a hero and that gives you a certain status. Princess Rose, our new advisor, asked for you personally. Princesses have endured so much that we commoners have not,” she gushes. “You’ve faced evil and survived, just like them. That makes you Royal Lady-in-Waiting material.” The girls behind her nod their heads in agreement.
I frown. “I don’t see it. I’m sure you guys never get your hands dirty.”
Tessa looks uncomfortable. “We’re learning. With Alva’s call to arms, we have to be ready for anything.”
My villain radar goes up. “You guys have read the manifesto?”
“Of course,” says a pixie sitting on another member’s shoulder. “Princess Rose held an emergency discussion on evil and power just last night that we all attended.”
“So?” Tessa presses. “I assume you’re interested. No one turns down Princess Rose. She’s tough. She says it’s never too early for a lady to learn how to defend herself.”
I find that sentiment surprising coming from a royal. “Why not just let a dashing prince come to your rescue instead?” I crack myself up, the sound echoing through the hall. No one else laughs. I stare at the stained glass window above me, wishing I had a way to climb up it and disappear.
“Princess Rose says you can’t wait for someone else to do the rescuing,” Tessa says tartly. “If Royal Ladies-in-Waiting want something, they have to grab it.”
Like ruling Enchantasia? Could one of these princess wannabes secretly be working with Alva? I glance at Maxine, trying to somehow tell her what I’m thinking, but she’s still drooling—literally—over Tessa’s jewelry. Maybe if I went to an RLW meeting, I could find out if the mole is among them. That’s what a hero would do, right?
Hmm…but do I really want to go to a club meeting where everything is pink? Shudder. I tug at my brown hair, which I never even combed this morning. “I’ll check out a meeting if Maxine can come with me,” I say. “She is just as much a potential Royal Lady-in-Waiting as I am.”
Tessa looks at Maxine’s lumpy frame and winces. “Maxine?”
I put my arm around Maxine. At least I try to. She’s much bigger than me. “She’s been helping out at your events all year.”
Tessa looks at the others. “But…well…you see, we have very strict criteria.”
“Last time she tried to help, she crushed the flowers with her pudgy hand!” cries one royal wannabe with a particularly crooked nose.
“I did,” Maxine admits, her right eye rolling madly.
“She makes a mess when she’s eating, and her food flew into my mouth one time!” says a girl whose hair is so bright red I think it might be made of flames.
“I am kind of sloppy.” Maxine burps for added benefit. The girls giggle.
I’ve had enough. I shove my invitation back into Tessa’s hands.
“If you guys don’t think Maxine is RLW material, then you’re not the kind of girls I want to hang out with,” I say indignantly. How could girls who are this obsessed with princesses have a member who’s the mole? I take back my original idea. Who needs them?
The final bell chimes, and students duck and roll through the closing classroom door. I have to make it through before it seals shut and I get extra detention time with Madame Cleo. Where I’d have to do dance lessons. Shudder.
“But Princess Rose…” Tessa starts to say.
“You can tell Princess Rose that if she wants me to be in her royal-lover club, she’ll put Maxine in it as well,” I say.
“Okay! We will!” Tessa calls after me as I race to the classroom door. “And by the way, love the purple stripe in your hair!”
Grr… I pull Maxine with me as we dive through the doorway to Professor Harlow’s—I mean Blackbeard’s—classroom before the door seals shut with a slurp.
“Ah, the other lass we’ve been looking for!” Blackbeard says.
I look up and my jaw drops. Where the heck am I?
Blackbeard puts a strong hand on my shoulder and leads me to the front of the classroom where a pouty Jocelyn is waiting. He flashes a mouth of rotten teeth. “Ready for your duel, poppet?”
Happily Ever After Scrolls
Brought to you by FairyWeb—magically appearing on scrolls throughout Enchantasia for the past ten years!
Meet Fairy Tale Reform School’s New Teacher: Blackbeard the Pirate!
by Coco Collette
Name: Edward Teach but he’s better known as Blackbeard for his famed long, black beard beaded with jewels from the Orient.
Former Occupation: “Pillaging, pl
undering, and having lots of jolly good fun!” says Blackbeard, who was more than happy to sit down for an interview with HEAS.
Current Occupation: “Teaching lads and lasses how to swab the decks.” (We translated this to mean: “Clean up thar acts.”)
Hobbies: Fencing. Blackbeard is taking over Professor Harlow’s role as fencing team coach. The former pirate also enjoys “a good sea chantey, and Madame Cleo knows plenty of them.” (Hmm…makes us wonder about those romance rumors.)
Strengths: Fear tactics. In battle, Blackbeard was a menacing sight. He dressed in black and tied fuses to his hair so they’d give off smoke. Enemies would surrender on sight. “It’s about the illusion, matey!” No idea how this tactic will go over in a classroom.
Weaknesses: “I’ve been swayed by a bonny lass before.” Paging Madame Cleo…
Likes: Captaining a ship, the smell of sea air, and intellectual ARRguments
Hates: Insubordination. “If ye don’t follow me rules, I’ll make ye walk the plank!”
Check back for more coverage on FTRS’s newest teacher, Blackbeard the Pirate!
CHAPTER 4
Captain of the Ship
Professor Harlow’s room has been completely transformed overnight. It looks like the deck of what I assume is a pirate ship. Where the Evil Queen’s desk once stood is now a helm with a wooden ship’s wheel, and nearby, sails and ropes ascend to the ceiling. The floor beneath my feet is made of wooden planks that are being swabbed by a pirate. Another pirate is dusting a large, wooden serpent statue that I recognize from the bow of Blackbeard’s ship. He must have moved it into his new classroom, right behind the mock ship’s wheel.
At the far end of the classroom, or deck, are our old desks and the mer-folk tanks, which are now decorated with sea creatures and netting. The only thing I recognize is Miri’s mirror hanging on a door to nowhere. The room used to be so dark you could barely see your quill, but now the walls beyond the ship’s deck are enchanted to look like a sea. It’s calm and the sun is shining, but in the distance I can see storm clouds rolling in.
“Crew!” Blackbeard says to the class as Jocelyn and I stand next to him. “We will start our first lesson with a duel between…” Blackbeard scratches his beard. “Poppets, what are yer names again?”
“Gilly,” I say, and the class erupts in cheers. The mer-folk do backflips in their tanks, and the pixies and fairies shoot off mini-fireworks even though they’re technically not allowed. Ollie gives me a loud wolf whistle. Wow. Maybe this hero stuff has its benefits.
“And ye, love?” Blackbeard motions to my opponent.
“Jocelyn,” she says, and you could hear a pin drop.
“Ye rules of dueling arrgh simple.” Blackbeard walks to the edge of the ship to grab two swords from a bucket. I feel my stomach drop. The sheen of the blade, the clinking noise the two swords make when he hits them together… Those babies are real! A pixie in the first row starts to whimper.
“Sir!” Maxine waves her arms wildly. “Are those real? Isn’t that dangerous?”
Blackbeard laughs. “Of course they’re real!” He uses one sword to slice a sail line, which falls on a mer-folk tank. “But don’t worry, dearie. Madame Cleo bewitched these beauties so that they can cut everything but people. See?” He uses the sword to nick his own arm and everyone in the room screams. But when he removes his sword, the only thing sliced is his jacket. I breathe a sigh of relief.
“But gettin’ cut in battle isn’t what ye have to fear, me buckaroos.” Blackbeard points to his noggin. “Fear is what ye make of it. If losing is all ye fear, then ye will fight to the death to win!” His voice booms. “If ye battle for another reason—anger, resentment, love—ye have much more to lose, don’t ye?” He points to Jocelyn and me with the blade. “What is sending ye into battle this morn?”
Who knew a pirate would make much more sense than an evil queen? Why do I always fight with Jocelyn? I look at her and she stares back at me, her eyes dark as coal. It’s because I don’t trust villains. Sure, I may sort of be one for my thieving, but that’s nothing compared to what she’s done. Jocelyn is an evil bully, and I don’t like her.
Miri’s mirror begins to glow, washing the makeshift pirate ship in a blue that mimics the reflection of the ocean. “Professor Blackbeard?” Miri’s voice comes into the room. “Headmistress Flora would like to have a word in the hall. It’s urgent.”
Blackbeard removes his hat. “Aargh! Fine.” He looks at us. “Ye behave. I’ll be out thar.”
As soon as he leaves, the room erupts in conversations. Jocelyn moves to the plank at one end of the ship, while I attempt to pen a note to my sister Anna. She’s still mad at me for being stuck at FTRS, but I’m hoping eventually she’ll send me a Pegasus Post back. I sit down to write and am surprised when a group of students mobs me.
“You’ve got to beat Jocelyn,” says a goblin boy. “We can’t stand her.” The others nod. “But you’ll win! Anyone who went after Alva twice has to.”
“Pummel the witch!” someone shouts. It’s Ronald Gertrude, this weaselly kid who follows Ollie around. With a pale, pudgy face, eyes like slits, and greasy hair always slicked back in a ponytail, he looks like one of Ella’s coachmen who are always pushing villagers off the carriage when it is parked in the square. Rumor has it Ronald is in FTRS for stealing Pegasi, and Maxine heard he’s banned from our stables for teasing the animals. I ignore him.
“Jocelyn is no match for you,” says a sprite with bright-blue hair. This is the same girl who ran from Jocelyn just a few weeks ago during detention. “No one beats a hero!”
There’s that word again. Hero. I could get used to that.
“My mom said I could order a pair of your father’s glass slippers,” says an RLW with a pink bow on her head. “All the princesses have them, but your father can’t keep up with orders. Could you, um, maybe put in a call for me?”
“My father says your father is being invited to all the village parties because of how you helped when Alva attacked the school,” says a pixie who lands on my shoulder. “Everyone wants to hang out with the Cobblers now.”
I smile to myself, thinking of my family being in demand instead of shunned for a change. I wonder if the attention makes Anna happy. Maybe all the village goodwill will make her finally forgive me.
“I was talking to Gilly!” the RLW snaps. Then she smiles at me. “So about the slippers. Can you put in a call for me? Because I really need them ASAP.”
Everyone is talking over one other. Maxine is jumping around in the background trying to reach me, but I’m distracted. I never got attention like this at home. Father was disappointed in my thieving, and I was always in trouble. But if sales are as good as this girl and Felix says they are, he must be thrilled. I know I am. I’ve never had so many people calling my name before, let alone cheering me on. It feels good to be appreciated. I hold my hand up in solidarity and they go nuts. Holy gingerbread. This is cool.
“Gilly!” Maxine tries yelling, but I am sure whatever she has to tell me can wait.
“I’m back, buckos!” hollers Blackbeard, and everyone runs to their seats. “We’re going to have to cut class early so let’s get this duel started. Have ye lasses thought about what I said?” Blackbeard goes to his wheel and gives it a little spin. “So many buccaneers could have spared their lives if they’d just hashed things out without a weapon. Do ye two want to do the same?”
“No,” Jocelyn and I say at the same time, and my classmates get excited. I side-eye Maxine. She’s too busy talking to Ollie to look at me. Geez, are my friends going to pay attention to my duel?
“Very well, let the dueling begin. Crew, be still.” I don’t understand what he means ’til Blackbeard points his compass at the back of the room and bam! The desks and fish tanks have been moved to the corners of the room—ship…whatever. In their place is a large, flat deck perfect for fencing. “I assume ye both have dueled before?”
“I’m the best fencer on my sister’s fencing tea
m,” Jocelyn brags.
“Ah, I forgot to mention that.” Blackbeard slaps his thigh. “Harlow’s out as coach and this buckaroo is in.” Jocelyn’s eyes look like they’re going to bulge out of her head. “Tryouts for ye fencing club be soon!”
“I am so making the team,” I boast to Blackbeard. “The Evil Queen isn’t here to hold me back.” Jocelyn’s nostrils flare. I’m enjoying getting a rise out of her. My classmates are applauding, and a warm feeling is spreading through my chest.
“You’ll totally make the team, Gilly!” someone yells.
“The only sword you’ve ever used is a fire poker, Cobbler,” Jocelyn snaps. “You think that purple stripe in your hair is a curse? Just wait ’til you slip up. Your school will get destroyed while you’re busy stroking your own ego.” The class is cheering so loudly that I can barely hear her.
“What did you say?” I move closer, but Blackbeard hands us our swords.
I feel the weight of the steel in my hand. It’s not like I haven’t used a sword before. My dagger saved Princess Snow. I’m sure I can manage a proper fight with a sword. I’ve wanted to be a fencer forever.
“Now take three paces away from each other, and when I give the command, ye will have five minutes on my clock to duel,” Blackbeard explains. “Winner gets… What are ye even fighting over?”
I feel my hatred sear. “I want Jocelyn put in the dungeon where she belongs.” The class cheers.
“I want Cobbler to keep her peasant nose out of my business.” Jocelyn’s black cape billows out behind her in a wind that appears out of nowhere.
Blackbeard scratches his beard. “Blimey! I’m not sure I can have anyone locked away or keep ye apart, but we’ll come up with something. A little time in the dungeons might suffice. Now walk—and keep it clean, poppets!”