by Murphy,Misti
Chapter Fifteen
Maxi
Oh shit. I flip a few pages forward in my notepad, and then flip back a few pages past where I’d written my notes today. I hadn’t even noticed the disappearance of the thick lines I’d written as a reminder not to let my attraction to Rush get out of hand on the flight from Australia. I quickly turn a few more to the last page marked, Do not shag Rush Hadley.
Jade had been telling me about how charismatic and entertaining he was in high school, about how the girls used to flock to him. Which really isn’t any different to now. But also how he’d gotten so many detentions from not being able to sit still or keep his mouth closed during class. He’d been a bit of a class clown, and had been failing English when their friendship had started. She’d been his tutor for a while.
That’s when I noticed the page wasn’t marked. My pulse sped up, my heart bouncing against my ribcage in the very tight dress she’d poured me into. I swear she could hear it from where she stood next to a rack of clothes she’d personally selected for me. For a second, I’d gotten dizzy, the room receding and then surging forward.
Biting my lip, I flip to the next page. Just my notes, no warning, no reminder. I can’t pretend I don’t want to explore what he offers. Having him near me seems to be enough to light sparks that have my panties wet and my mouth dry. My nerves zing from his touch, and my lips tingle when he looks at them. I don’t mean to want him. I’ve tried not to. I’ve reminded myself over and over again that he’s the kind of trouble I don’t want.
Tossing the notebook back in my bag, I climb off the bed and make my way down to the kitchen. My body feels like it’s on fire at the thought of his touch, of touching him and exploring all those sculpted muscles. A special kind of ache sets up in my belly as I imagine his mouth between my legs again, and wrapping my fingers around his cock. And it’d be okay, because I’m clear on what this is. Only sex, a great fuck, nothing more. I’m his friend until the day I board a plane and fly home, then I’ll never see him again.
Getting a bottle of water, I wrestle with the lid. Then I set it on the counter, gripping the edge with both hands. “Okay. I can do this. I can fuck a guy for pleasure.”
Can’t I?
Shutting my eyes, I fall into a fantasy scenario of how I’ll admit that I want to go to bed with him.
“What’s your plan?” A voice pipes up in the audience. “What are you going to tell him?”
I lift my head to take in the microphone in front of me, and in front of that a dark stadium packed with people. I shuffle the note cards in my hand and clear my throat. “I can’t stop thinking about you. About the way you tell me it’s okay to want. And I want you to fuck me. But, I’m inexperienced. I’ve never…”
“Boo.” The audience breaks out into loud boos and grumbling. “You suck.”
“Okay,” I whisper, moving to the next notecard. “I want to have sex with you. Can’t stop imagining it, but this is my first—”
“You can’t tell him that.” Someone stands up, and a spotlight falls over a woman about my age. “He doesn’t want to know you’re a virgin. Take your clothes off. That’s what a man wants. Take your clothes off and jump his bones.”
“Right.” I flip to the last note card. It’s only got two words on it. “Fuck me?”
A man jumps out of his seat, cupping his hands around his mouth to make his words carry as the audience erupts in cheers. “Do you think that’s fair? Not telling him you’ve never ridden a dick before?”
“Well, it doesn’t mean anything.” My voice breaks. “It’s not like we’re dating or anything. It’s just sex.”
“That’s right, honey.” The woman turns to face the guy, her hands gripping her hips. “It’s a casual hook up. He doesn’t need to know it’s her first time. It isn’t going to mean anything to him.”
“What about STDs?” Another spotlight falls.
“That’s what condoms are for,” a man shouts, and the audience laughs.
“But condoms can break.” Another spotlight.
“Do you want to tempt fate? You already have one child without a father to look after. Look what happened to your sister. Look how her choices turned out.”
“Don’t listen to them. Go get your man, honey.” Another woman jumps up.
“He’s not my man,” I cry, covering my face with my hands.
“Are you all right?” Rush stares at me from the other side of the counter. “What’s going on?”
“Headache.” I groan from beneath my hands.
Moving quickly, he picks up a bottle of pills and taps two into his hand before passing them to me. “Take these.”
I swallow them with a mouthful of water as the fluttering in my chest eases up. I can’t bring myself to look at him, haven’t been able to all evening while all I could think about is whether or not I’m going to let him get in my panties. “Thank you.”
“Is there anything else you need?”
He’s actually a sweet guy. I never expected it of him. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into when I took this deal, but he makes it so hard not to like him. Casting my gaze toward the floor, I get caught on the white boxer briefs he’s wearing. They do nothing to hide what’s beneath them. Absolutely nothing.
Yes, I want him to be the man who shows me real pleasure. No holds barred, the experience of a lifetime. Twisting to face him, I flatten my palm to his chest. He hesitates for a moment, staring down at my fingers splayed on his chest. My heart thuds loudly, once, twice, three times before he inches closer. “You’re touching me. You know that right?”
“Uh-huh.” I bite my lip, bringing myself in line with his body. His cock hardens without hesitation.
“Are you sure you want to do that?”
With a jerk of my chin, I slide my hand down his muscular chest, over those thick ridges I’ve perved on so often. “Yes.”
“Good.” He grips the back of my neck, smashing his mouth to mine. His tongue licks across mine, over and along. The kiss so deep, while my pulse amps up, my breath coming quicker. Groaning into me, his cock pushing at my belly, he forces my back up against the edge of the counter.
Pleasure burns in my belly, setting my panties alight. The flick of his tongue to the roof of my mouth, the bump and graze of his cock against my hip, and the way his hand skates down the side of my boob to fiercely grip my waist rocks me to my core.
Breaking the kiss, he sucks and licks his way down my throat, and my knees go weak, my head giddy. I almost fall down, but for his hold on me. Tossing my hands behind me, I grasp the counter edge. “W-what did you give me?”
He pauses, his mouth to my shoulder, then brings his gaze to my face. “A simple painkiller. Tylenol PM.”
“What’s the PM stand for?” My eyes grow heavy even as we talk, even with my body wrapped up in pleasure.
“Night time.” Furrowing his brow, he wraps one strong arm around my waist. “It contains a mild sedative to help you sleep.”
Gripping his shoulders, I fight not to fall asleep on him, to keep my legs under me. Of course this would happen to me. Only I could manage to decide I want him to fuck me and then lose any chance of doing so to a freaking damn sedative. “I’m not…” My words come out funny, slurred, like I’ve been to a kegger, not taken two tiny blue pills. “I’m not good with sedatives.”
“I can see that.” He scoops me up, and all I can do is wrap my arms around his neck and fight to keep my eyes open while he carries me upstairs. “I should have given you something else.”
“You didn’t know. I’m a weirdo. Can’t medicate like normal people.” I press my head to his chest, unable to keep it up any longer. His heartbeat is loud under my ear, unexpectedly soothing. “I want to have sex with you.”
“Not tonight.” He grunts. “Tonight you are sleeping.”
“Sleep with me?” I don’t know why I said that. He’s not the kind of guy you ask to curl up with you to take a nap, but my head stopped working completely the moment he lai
d me down on the bed.
It goes completely quiet. Dark. This is just my luck.
***
I’ve never been to a bridal shower before. I don’t know whether we’re more immature in Aus, or more likely to wait to get married, but none of my friends or colleagues have gotten to tying the knot yet. And that’s including the ones who disappeared when I became Sarah’s guardian overnight. There isn’t enough time to keep up a social life, work full time, and raise a baby all at once.
We’re all sitting on the couch at Chelsea’s house while the bride-to-be, Claire, opens her gifts. I didn’t know what to get her, but so far I don’t think I was too off the mark. I hope not. I’d Googled. There’d been house stuff, and lingerie, and sex toys. My mouth had fallen open at the idea of sex toys as a gift. Who even does that?
“Open mine,” Chelsea says, holding baby Mia against her chest with one arm, her hand cradling the back of her head, while she thrusts a small gift bag with pink tissue paper peeking out the top.
“Should I guess?” Claire snickers as she looks at the logo on the bag.
Mia tries to ram her little fist in her mouth, her sleepy eyes staring in my direction. Still guilty. I shouldn’t be enjoying myself when I have no business being on a different continent from Sarah. Gripping the pocket in my skirt, I fight the urge to go for my phone. Soon. I’ll call as soon as this party is over.
“I couldn’t help myself.” Chelsea shrugs as Claire pulls out the lacy white bra and matching panties with Mrs. B scrawled in gold across the butt. “Step one in getting your man, give him a peek of something that’ll want him seeing more of you naked.”
I swear that was almost what Jade said when she’d been helping me pick out dresses. It’d been part of the reason I’d given in to buying the new underwear she’d suggested. Panties and bras that are still wrapped up with their tags on, tucked under the bed. Maybe it’s time to consider breaking them out.
“Would you mind holding Mia for a minute?” Chelsea asks me as Gem hovers beside Claire while she unwraps her gift, a gift voucher to a homewares store in town. “I want to go and sort out a couple platters, before we play games.”
Oh no. Mia’s in my arms before I can bust out a quick, “How about I deal with the food. You just tell me what to do.”
“You’ll be fine. She won’t bite.” Chelsea smiles before leaving me to fend for myself.
Only a baby. A cute adorable little thing with that new baby smell that sends women mental with desire to have their own. Which is exactly why I didn’t want to hold her, why I’ve avoided it every time Rush and I have hung with his family. Because holding Mia, even when she scrunches up her face and her arms move jerkily as she inhales to voice her displeasure, makes me want to catch the next plane out of here.
I shouldn’t be here holding someone else’s child. I shouldn’t be here thinking about how I managed to screw up with Rush a few short days ago, or fantasizing about what he could do to my body. I bolt up off the couch, still holding Mia who’s starting to get wound up. Jostling her gently, I try to get her to settle.
“Please, please shh. It’s okay.” I put my finger to her fist and she grasps it. My heart aches, my eyes burning. What the hell am I doing here? Who did I think I was that I could have it all? My pulse starts racing. I need to call home, but all the girls are absorbed in the present Claire’s opening. There’s no one to take Mia, but I need to know how Sarah is right now.
“Did you do this?” Claire’s getting out of her seat, the dollar store tiara on her head slightly askew as she clutches the unwrapped gift in her arms.
Oh God, my gift, and she hates it. My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth as all gazes turn in my direction. Did the room suddenly get smaller? I yank at my collar. It’s so stuffy. “I, um, I didn’t know what to get.”
“This is…” her gaze is bright, shiny as she comes toward me, flicking through the glossy magazine I put together. Photos and quotes from family, and mock articles I wrote up from conversations with all the Hadleys about how she and Razer became a couple. “It’s amazing.”
I gasp when she throws her arms around me and Mia, who chirps and smiles at the sudden closeness of someone she knows so much better than me. “It’s beautiful. No wonder Rush picked you.”
“R-Rush picked me?” I’m momentarily confused. It’s not unusual, when my mind is racing as fast as my heart.
“To interview him.” She steps back, furrowing her brow.
Heat screams into my face, and my stomach flips. Oh no, she’s worked out that I have the hots for her brother. “It’s my job.”
“You’re going to do an amazing job. You’re going to do justice to the man he really is.”
But what if I don’t? What if anything I do isn’t good enough? The room narrows down to the scenario playing out in my mind.
“What if I can’t?”
Claire’s face twists, hardens. Her gaze flinty, she folds her arms across her chest. “And to think we welcomed you into our lives, we let you get to know us. Rush gave you the chance to really make your career and this crap is the best you can come up with?”
“But I haven’t even written the article yet.” I shrink back, as the other Hadleys join her.
Mia starts screaming.
“Look at that.” Chelsea reaches for her daughter. “Even Mia thinks you’re pathetic.”
“Did you read this shit?” Claire taps her hand against the magazine, it’s cover distorting to a picture of a glaring Rush. “Even a sixth grader could have done a better job.”
“And this is why I don’t do interviews.” The photographed Rush paces in a circle before lunging toward me. “To think I offered you the opportunity of your life.” He shakes his head. “To think I wanted anything at all from you.”
“I’m sorry.” I claw at my throat. It feels like someone has wrapped their fingers around my neck and is squeezing. I can’t breathe. “I’m sorry.”
“What’s going on?” Chelsea curls her fingers around my arm.
“I’m sorry.” I gasp. My entire body is trembling.
“Are you okay?” Claire stares at me, a concerned pucker to her face as she takes Mia from me.
“Yes.” No. I can barely get the word out.
Chelsea grips my hand, pulls me from the room with everyone looking on. Passing through the kitchen she grabs a paper bag, and then we’re outside and sitting on the back step in the sunshine while she holds the paper bag in front of my mouth. “Breathe.”
It’s not the first time I’ve had a panic attack, nor will it be the last, but it might be the most embarrassing. I can’t believe I’m falling apart in front of Rush’s family. I exhale into the bag, inhale.
“So, have you slept with Rush yet?” Chelsea twists to face me, stretching her legs out along the step.
I jump, almost forget to breathe entirely, the question is so unexpected. “No.”
“But you want to.” She raises an eyebrow as I choke on her assessment.
“That’s not, I’m here for professional reasons.”
“Yeah, but the way he’s been looking at you, he wants in your panties. So what’s keeping you from getting your bow-chicka-wow-wow on? Why not get some jollies out of it?”
“Why are you asking me this?” I clasp the bag in my hands between my knees. My fantasies, my thoughts on Rush getting into me are something I’m barely comfortable with in my own head, let alone hearing anyone voice them. It must be so obvious that he does things to me I’ve never felt before. “There’s nothing going on between me and Rush. Not like that.”
“Maybe, maybe not.” She lifts and drops a shoulder. “But you’re not panicking anymore. Feel better?”
Glancing down at the bag scrunched in my hands, I realize she’s right. My heart’s stopped racing, and I’m breathing normally. “You distracted me?”
“I did.” She smiles, climbing up and squeezing my shoulder on her way past. “Take your time. Come in when you feel up to it.”
“Than
k you.” I call out to her, then once she’s inside I take out my phone and call home. “Hey, Mom, I need you to send me a video of Sarah.”
Chapter Sixteen
Rush
Firing off rounds of colorful missiles at my brother’s place is better than strippers any day. Especially when the idea of seeing anyone naked brings my mind to Maxi and her telling me she wanted me to fuck her right before she passed out from the Tylenol PM. That had been three days ago, and she’s been noticeably absent from my life since. It shouldn’t be so easy for her to hide when we’re living in the same house, but she’s amazing with her ability to tiptoe around the elephant in the room when she wants to. Or, at the very least, escape while I’m not looking and only come back to the house when she’s already exhausted. The girl has more quirks than elephants.
That thought brings a smirk to my lips. Even I’m making connections with her weird obsession.
“So what’s really going on with the journalist?” Mace says, sticking his head around the corner of the barrier. A ball narrowly misses his arm as he jumps back.
“Nothing.” I’d filled them in enough on Maxi, telling them she was writing a piece and since she’d be here for the weddings she’d be my date as well. Nothing to see here, move along.
“She’s a bit odd, isn’t she?” Taking another chance to scope out the field, he signs at me the way he used to when we were younger and pelting each other with whatever debris we could find. Mud, sticks, rocks, chicken shit as well, if I recall correctly.
Maxi, odd? She has some issues, that much is obvious, but she has this way of dealing with them that’s kind of cute. And when she lets her guard down, she’s beautiful. There’s something about her that’s truly bright, that has me smiling despite myself. Besides, she’s not the only one who has had to learn to deal with not being normal. “I think she’s great.”
“You’ve got a thing for her?” Mace says, then crouching low, he takes off for a mess of tractor tires stacked into the shape of a hill.