by Murphy,Misti
“I do not.” I bolt upright, crossing my legs underneath me as I imagine him bursting through the door and scooping me into his arms. My chest feels kind of funny, the same way it does lower, all warm and tingly.
“You’re fantasizing about him sweeping off your feet, aren’t you?” Eliza bursts into my ear along with a bunch of static. “You’re having a relationship with him in your head.”
“No. And I don’t like him like that. I can’t wait to come home. I have to go. I need to…” I search the room for an excuse to end this phone call, “… wash my socks.”
Wash my socks? Seriously? I slap my palm to my forehead as she laughs.
“Sure. I’ll check in with you next week.”
Dropping the phone beside me, I stare at it. I don’t have feelings for him. Do I? No. He’s likable enough, but his ego is huge. And he’s obsessed with his career. He’s flashy and flighty and selfish. Plus, he’s made it abundantly clear that he’s a fucker not a lover. None of which is what I want in my life. I have a little girl to raise and my own career to somehow cling to. The last thing I want is a man like him.
***
“So should we do something?” Rush shifts from foot to foot in my doorway. He keeps glancing at the bed behind me while I dry my hair. Does he remember what I said? Is he weighing up how to tell me to get the hell out and go home? That I blew my chance at getting the interview of a lifetime?
“Like what?” I fluff the ends of my hair for longer than necessary to keep my hands busy. Then I follow his gaze to my mattress too. Is he trying to say…?
“What would you do? If you could do anything?” He taps his fingers against his thigh. “Absolutely anything, sweet cheeks, whatever you want.”
“Um.” I honestly have no idea. Probably because a year ago I had all the time in the world to work out what I wanted to do with my life, and then I became for all intents and purposes a mom, and all the fun things I could ever plan on doing had to be put on the backburner.
“Abseiling? Sky diving? We could fly back to Vegas for the weekend, or go to Disney World.” He paces to the door of the bathroom, studying the mess of hair and face products on the counter. Is it my imagination that his face goes a little green? “We could take a hot air balloon ride, go down to the Vivaldi Valley, spend a couple days drinking wine.”
Holy crap. He literally does mean anything.
“I’m not sure. Shouldn’t we stay here? I have the article to write, and your family might need you for something.” Pitiful excuses. Could I be any more wishy-washy? But at least here, I sort of have my bearings. I can find my way to an airport if I need to, I can leave if things get too awkward.
“You can write anywhere.” He pushes away from the door, stalks around the bed to stare out the window. “And wouldn’t some one-on-one time alone with me be working on your article? You know, getting the answers to your questions?”
I guess he has a point. My mind fills in details of how the rest of the conversation will go.
“And you want those answers. You want to know if I give a shit that you were so inexperienced, or if it turns me on.” Padding toward me on bare feet, he brushes his thumb along my jaw and lifts my face to his. “To know that you couldn’t resist me.”
“No. No I don’t. It really doesn’t matter.”
“And there’s still a month before you need to have it finished. So it’s not like we can’t have some fun in the meantime.” He says, making my imagination skip like a scratched vinyl record.
My heart races as he turns around and stares at me with those violet eyes. I lick my lips, swallow, trying not to pay attention to how much my mouth waters when his focused on me. Why does he drive me so crazy that I can’t remember how big his ego is?
He leans on the windowsill. “But if I stay here, I’m going to go stir crazy.”
“Oh.” I blink, wiping my clammy palms on my shorts and ignoring the buzz of heat that flames in my core. Are my coping skills actually getting worse around him, or is it pure lust that’s driving me to have more daydreams than usual? “Yep, I suppose that’s true.”
Perhaps indulging in a little getaway with him will help me burn this crazy desire out of my system.
“Twenty minutes. I’ll get everything organized.” He stalks toward me, stopping for a moment to stare at me in a way that makes my heart twitch, then leans closer. I turn my mouth to his, but he skips it to lay a kiss to my cheek. Then he’s out the door.
I clutch my face where I can still feel his lips. That was weird, wasn’t it? He was weird. Wasn’t he? Or maybe it’s me. Oh man, he did hear me last night. And he’s so full of himself he probably thinks it means I’m in love with him.
***
“You are such a show off.” Glass of white wine in hand, I playfully push at Rush’s chest. We’ve been touring one of the many wineries dotted around the Vivaldi Valley for the past hour and until a few moments ago, it seemed that whatever had been eating at him earlier in the day had melted away.
The minute we boarded the hot air balloon he’d lost that agitated energy that had been eating him when he suggested this mini getaway. By the time we’d climbed out of the basket and headed for the closest winery the tension on his face had melted away. It’s probably the most relaxed I’ve seen him since we met, though he hides his need for constant activity fairly well. I wonder if it’s a physical thing, or if he doesn’t like to stay still with his thoughts.
“Why? His wife thought it was hilarious.” He shrugs and picks up his own glass, the dark suit he’s wearing moving fluidly with his muscles.
My lips twitch. I can’t help it. “You turned his water into wine. I mean I saw how you did it, you sneak, but still… he wasn’t impressed.”
“But you were.” He hides his smirk behind his glass as he tips his head back and downs the small amount left. “Admit it. You like my moves.”
“You’re a great magician. Entertaining, a lot of fun.”
“Fun?” He turns to lean over the counter and snags another bottle of the wine we’ve been drinking while making eye contact with the server. “We’ll take another three of these.”
She nods, fluttering her eyelashes at him.
“Do you think she has something stuck in her eye?” He brings his mouth up close to my cheek. “Is that why she’s blinking at me?”
By his grin I know he’s toying with me. The man is not and never could be oblivious to the way he affects women. It’s a shame really. Perhaps, if he wasn’t so obviously aware of his charm, he’d be easier to deal with. “Maybe you should try that cock in a box line on her. See what she thinks.”
“Want to see if it works?” He tops off my glass. The way he’s standing, his chest to my back, his arm around me to pour, is weirdly like an embrace.
My pulse trips over itself, my false bravado slipping. No, I don’t want to watch him flirt with some other girl in front of me. It wouldn’t be so bad, if I could be sure she would knock him back, but somehow I don’t think that’s what would happen. In my head they crash against the wall, his hands ripping her shirt up over her head before he skims his mouth over her neck. He mutters something about how much more fun she is than I am, then they both turn to face my direction, and I startle back to the real world.
Ouch. A shiver creeps down my spine. Even my thoughts sting. But it’s probably true, and it would probably be smart to stop this thing now. Concentrate on the article and close the deal, not on the way his chest presses to my back and makes me think about taking him to bed. “Sure, let’s have some fun.”
“There’s that word again.” He picks up his glass. “You and I, are we having fun?”
“Yes.” I gulp at my wine. “I thought so. Aren’t we?”
He pushes his mouth side to side for a moment, contemplating his wine. Then he takes my hand and drags me behind him as he speeds out of the winery and down to the fence in front of the grapevines. Lifting me up, he balances me on the top beam of the wooden fence, his hands squeezing my thi
ghs. “Fun. That’s what this is, isn’t it?”
“Absolutely. Nothing but fun.” I nod. This sudden trip starts to add up. We’re not so different when it comes to mulling over whatever’s bothering us. We both occasionally need to escape our reality. I go into my head. He literally leaves where he is. “What are you thinking?”
His smile is like a shrug, a quick rise and fall of his lips before he exhales. “I’m thinking you might be the most fun I’ve ever had.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Rush
So this is what fun feels like. Two bottles of wine later, over a dozen songs into her playlist on her phone, we’re laying back in the hot tub on the deck of our suite, appreciating the view of a valley set on fire by the sun.
But the view I’m getting is far better than any setting sun. Maxi’s right beside me, her head resting on my arm, her face tilted up as she closes her eyes and hums to the song that’s started. Something about falling and enjoying the ride.
She forewent covering up, her pink bikini strings over her shoulders the only visible mar to her gorgeousness. Her lips start to move at the chorus, almost inaudibly, but in the quiet I can make out the sound of her voice. The girl I used to think was plain weird, well she’s still weird, is growing on me. And for some reason she seems to understand the way I work and actually likes me for it.
If I were going to fall it would be for a girl like her. Not her. She and I, we wouldn’t work, even if I wanted something like that with her. Something more than fun. Something with a little substance and staying power. Yeah, it would have to be a girl like Maxi. But not quite so in her head. And definitely not now. Not when the whole world lies at my feet.
The song ends and she takes the earbud from my ear and hers, dropping it carefully beside her phone, which somehow is still dry, before picking up her wineglass. “I think we’re out.”
“You’re a lush, little nun.” I chuckle at calling her that when she flicks a glance at me and wrinkles her nose. I guess she’s not so pure anymore. A problem I enjoyed fixing for her.
“Are you going to stop calling me that any time soon?”
Grabbing her hips, I pull her onto my lap, and she drops the glass, which tumbles and rolls across the deck. “No. I don’t believe I will.”
“Why not?” she demands, her juicy lips staying slightly parted as I run my hands up and down her sides.
Leaning into my touch, she rocks on me. The hard points of her nipples strain at the thin pink fabric. It’s fascinating how quickly she turns from a goody-two-shoes into a wanton little strumpet when I get my hands on her. To think I’m all she’s had is a smugness I can’t quite find a reason for.
Surging forward, I grip the back of her head and meld our mouths together, lashing my tongue along hers until she grips my shoulders and whimpers. “You’re still so fucking innocent, little nun. You think because I’ve fucked you you’re experienced? You’re practically virginal.”
She flinches, her eyes narrowing on me as her face flushes. The color goes all the way down her throat to her chest and past the line of her bikini. “Well, it’s better than having slept with anything that moves.”
And maybe this one time she’s right. Because there’s no satisfaction in all those moments. Those fractions of nights, those back room tangoes, those adrenaline-fuelled liaisons where it wasn’t even lust that drove me on, but the fact that I could have anything if I wanted it. “At least I’m not the one who was caught up in the idea that waiting for the right person is going to keep her safe.”
“So you did hear me? And you’re what? Ecstatic you bagged a virgin?” She pushes away from me, standing up to climb out of the hot tub. The water drips from her hair and beads on her shoulders. “Maybe I was better off being a nun. Maybe I should have remembered you’re a self-centered egocentric.”
She glides past me, snatching up a towel as she crosses the deck and goes into our suite. Yeah, maybe she should have kept her distance, and maybe I am selfish. But it’s a bit too late, isn’t it? And being selfish is what got me my fame, my fat bank balance, my multiple houses and vehicles. Pretty much anything I could have ever dreamed of at my fingertips because I was willing to go the extra mile to make it happen.
Jumping out of the hot tub, I go after her. It got me her too. For now. Until I’m done with this deal of ours. She’s already in the bathroom, the sound of the shower running reaching me as soon as I step through the glass doors. But the door isn’t shut so I march right in. “Being self-seeking isn’t a bad quality, the way I see it.”
“Of course you wouldn’t think so.” She wipes her fingers around the rims of her eyes and down her nose. “It must be nice to be able to behave the way you do without any consequences. Some of us don’t have that luxury.”
“What are you talking about?” She’s got nothing to complain about. After all, she’s getting a two-month, all expenses paid, overseas trip and a career-establishing article out of our arrangement. There has to have been a part of her that understands how being selfish is a good thing. I’m sure her family, her sister at least could have used having an extra pair of hands closer to home, while she’s raising a baby alone. But Maxi came anyway.
I chew the inside of my lip. Of course she ties what I said back to her sister. Example A right there, but she has to know that she can’t paint either of us with the same brush from that mess. “You’re thinking of your sister, and Sarah. You know your life isn’t directly correlated to what happened with her, right?”
“Isn’t it?” She glares at me, then shakes her head as she steps around me to check the temperature of the water. “You have no idea.”
Nope, none. And I’m feeling a little out of my depth. On the one hand, all I see is a woman who is, right at this moment, being ridiculous, and on the other I have the need to put my arms around her and hold her, because quite obviously something is hurting her. I go with option two. Catching her around her waist, I pull her against me. Her back is stiff against my chest, and the scent of her hair does nothing to help me remember why exactly I’m holding her close.
“I’m only twenty-one, for Christ’s sake. I’m barely legal to drink in your country.” The bitterness in her voice is tinged with sadness. “I have dreams I want to accomplish. I was supposed to have years, if not my whole life to chase them.” Slowly she melts against me, the frustration leaving her body, exhaustion taking its place. “Adelaide, she, well, she isn’t... she died.”
Wait? What? Her sister passed away? What about Sarah?
“So I guess the consequences of her behavior are mine after all, because I’m Sarah’s guardian. And instead of being at home with the baby who needs me, I’m here, with you.” Shoving me away, she grimaces. “You get to be selfish and you get everything, including me. I’m being selfish, and do you know what I have? Guilt. I’m supposed to be at home being mother, father, and aunt to a little girl whose mother couldn’t hack it, and whose father won’t even acknowledge her existence. I wasn’t going to come. I shouldn’t be here.”
It’s kind of weird how someone telling you something about themselves can shake you up internally. Like a bomb has been dropped and the fallout from the blast literally makes an impact. Rattled would be one way to put it. Dragging a hand through my hair, I try to work out what I’m supposed to do for her. “Where’s Sarah now?”
“With my mother.” She cinches the towel around her a little tighter, staring at the tiles to the left of my feet. “She thought this was too important an opportunity for me to pass up. But I’m not so sure. You probably think I’m an awful person, don’t you?”
“No.” I take her hand, inching her closer to me. “And not because I’m a selfish asshole who would put his own desires first.”
That makes her smile a little, and eases the ache in her eyes. A sense of warmth seeps through my chest that I can lighten her mood. Slowly, I turn her around, gather up her hair in my hand. “Surely you’ve noticed by now that my family have big hearts. That Razer is a bro
ther to all of us, that Chels is like a sister. We didn’t have everything growing up, but we had enough that my parents opened up our home to the kids that needed them to be their family too.”
“Your parents are amazing. Your whole family is special.” She bows her head forward, and I brush my lips over the bumps of her spine.
“And so are you. You’re going to do fine raising Sarah. You’re a little odd, granted, but you have a big heart. That’s the most important thing.”
She snorts a little, which is even better than her smile. Pulling on the knot that holds her bikini top in place, I drop it to the floor. Then I lead her into the shower. The water kisses her skin, and I want to follow the path where it runs between her breasts with my mouth.
“But she also needs you to set her an example. Do you think she really wants to grow up believing she should sacrifice everything to look after other people? Or would you want her to know that it’s more than okay to live her own life, to chase her own goals?”
She glances up at me through the thick web of her lashes, her face clearing from all the dark thoughts swirling through her mind. “Do you think?”
“I know so.” I grasp her shoulders and tug her flush to me. “You’re not a bad person for having ambitions. It might take a little compromise, though.”
“When did you become so wise?”
I chuckle at her observation. “I had great role models who managed to not only raise five kids, but for the most part follow their dreams. My father’s an author, and my mother’s an artist. They took time to work on their own goals, to do book tours, or art exhibits. And mostly, we turned out fine.”
“Yes, you did.” She gives me a slightly watery smile, and it’s like magic for my soul. A sense of accomplishment deep in every cell of my body, just to put hope back in her gaze. “But you don’t compromise.”
“No, I don’t.” I turn her to face the shower wall then lather my hands up with her soap and massage it across her shoulders. “I’m not good with finding a middle ground. I’m an all or nothing kind of guy, and my career comes first. And as long as it does, I’m not interested in anything else.”