by Anna Jarzab
I shrugged. “Fine. I don’t care.” I wasn’t pleased—I had enough to worry about with Callum and Thomas eating at the same table, and adding the General’s wife would only make it worse, especially if there were tensions between her and Thomas—but there didn’t seem to be much I could do about it now.
We found the entire group gathered in the parlor adjacent to the dining room. It was easy to spot Alice Mayhew; she was a small, chic woman with a perfect auburn bob and hazel eyes that rested gently on me as I entered the room. Everyone rose from their seats, and Callum came over to take my hand, giving me a kiss on the cheek; any annoyance he’d felt toward me due to our earlier discussion seemed to have dissipated.
“You look beautiful,” he murmured, and I smiled at him, grateful for the compliment. There was something about the casual sophistication of the dress that made me feel, for the first time since my arrival in Aurora, a little bit more like myself.
Thomas and Agent Tyson hung back; as KES agents, they weren’t allowed to greet me until everyone else had. Next up was Alice, who smiled at me as she approached and clasped both of my hands in hers. They were cool and soft; a breeze coming through the open window carried her perfume on it, a powdery poppy scent.
“It’s good to see you, Your Highness,” she said. “It’s been far too long.”
“It has,” I said. “I’m so glad you could join us tonight.” I let my gaze wander over to Thomas, who was suppressing a scowl near the back corner of the room. He wasn’t happy that his adopted mother was here, that was obvious, but he was working very hard not to show it. I saw it, though, but I told myself it wasn’t my problem. Alice seemed perfectly lovely, and I was going to be as polite to her as I was to anyone else.
“Thank you for inviting me,” she said, stepping aside to make room for Agent Tyson to pay his respects. Then Thomas approached, and I felt everything inside of me clench. Before yesterday, his presence would’ve calmed me, but now I didn’t know what to feel. He bowed his head in deference.
“Good evening, Your Highness,” he said, stiff and proper. I nodded, and he stepped aside.
Dinner was pleasant, all things considered. Neither agent talked much, which I had a feeling was part of the protocol, but the rest of us chattered easily, and by the end of the meal I’d come to like Alice Mayhew a lot. Her lilting voice was like music, and it was soothing just to hear her talk, though all she was doing was telling stories about renovations to the Mayhew home that she’d been overseeing. Every so often, she would look over at Thomas in the hopes of catching his eye, but he kept his own trained on his food. By the time dessert was finished, Alice seemed exhausted from her attempts to get her son’s attention, and announced that she was skipping coffee and tea in the parlor and going home early. I offered to walk her out.
She was quiet until we reached the front door, at which time she turned to me and said, “Pardon me for being so forward with you, Your Highness, but I have a question to ask.”
This caught me off guard. “Uh, okay.”
“You know Thomas very well, don’t you?” she asked, searching my face.
“I suppose,” I said carefully. “Why?”
“I was only wondering if he’s ever spoken to you about me,” she said. Her cheeks reddened, but Alice Mayhew was a proud woman and she held my gaze.
“No, I’m sorry, not lately,” I told her. Alice seemed so unhappy. I put a hand on her arm in an attempt to comfort her. “Mrs. Mayhew, what’s wrong?”
She took a deep breath. “Oh, don’t trouble yourself about me. It’s only that Thomas and I had a falling-out and I’ve been trying for a while now to find a way to repair our relationship, but he doesn’t seem as though he’s willing to forgive me.”
“I don’t know what you mean.” She seemed desperate to talk to someone, and even though I shouldn’t have cared, I did. I cared about everything to do with Thomas, unfortunately.
“I did a terrible thing, Your Highness,” she told me.
“Whatever you’ve done, I’m sure it’s not something so awful as to be unforgivable.” I couldn’t imagine this woman intentionally hurting anyone, much less her son.
“It happened right after we got word that Thomas had been accepted into the KES Academy,” she explained. “And we found out that Lucas had been rejected for the third time. Lucas was beside himself, and all my husband could talk about was how pleased he was with Thomas, how proud he was to call him his son. I just … I snapped. I screamed at Clarence, saying how dare he prefer some boy he’d practically picked up off the street over his real son.”
I winced. She nodded, dabbing at her eyes. “I didn’t mean it. Of course I didn’t. I love Thomas, and I would never begrudge him his accomplishments. He earned his place at the Academy, I have no doubt about that. But I was just so distraught for Lucas. He wanted to prove his worth to Clarence so badly. …”
“I’m assuming that Thomas overheard you,” I said. She nodded.
“They both did. The boys. They heard every word.” She took a deep breath. “Thomas walked out of the house that night and he didn’t come home. I didn’t know where he went or how he got there. I didn’t sleep for days, wondering what had happened to him. Later I found out that Clarence had put him up in the Citadel and I asked him to bring Thomas home, but he refused. He told me that Thomas was his own man, and that he would come back when and if he chose. Ever since then, it’s been Lucas and I against Clarence and Thomas, but I don’t want it to be that way. I want both of my sons.”
I could tell from one look that Alice Mayhew was in agony, thinking that she’d driven Thomas away forever because of one mistake. I wanted to put my arms around her, to comfort her, but I wasn’t sure if I should. There was the protocol, after all.
“Your Highness?” I turned to see Thomas at the end of the corridor, fixing his mother and me with a stare.
“Yes?”
“Prince Callum is looking for you,” he told me.
“Fine. Let me walk Mrs. Mayhew to her moto, and I’ll be right in.”
“I’ll do it. The prince is being … rather insistent.” There was a sharp edge to his words that told me he was exaggerating about Callum, but I stepped aside anyway. Maybe he wanted to patch things up with his mother; if that was the case, I didn’t want to stand in the way of it.
“Good night, Your Highness,” Alice Mayhew said with a smile. I could see hope shining in her eyes. “I’ll see you at your wedding?”
“Of course,” I told her. “Get home safe, Mrs. Mayhew.”
She looked me right in the eye and smiled. “You too, my dear.”
THOMAS AT ASTHALL
“I’m so glad you’ve decided to talk to me,” his mother said as they walked down the long driveway to where she’d parked her moto. “I want you to know how terribly sorry I am for what you overheard. I didn’t mean it, T, I—”
“Please, don’t,” Thomas said. “That’s not why I’m here. I’m going to ask you a question, and I need you to tell me the truth. Okay?”
“Why would I lie to you, Thomas? I’m your mother.” Her voice was wobbly, which dislodged something inside of him.
“I know,” he said gently. “I know you love me. And I’m sorry that I’ve been so distant since … since that night. But I need you to answer my question.”
“Of course. Anything. Ask me anything and I’ll tell you the truth.”
He drew in a deep breath. “When was the last time you saw Lucas?”
Alice thought it over. “Well,” she said. “It must’ve been about a month ago? He came to stay with me for a few days to celebrate my birthday.”
Thomas felt another pang. Maybe Lucas deserved to be the favored son. After all, Thomas had forgotten all about her birthday. “Are you sure that was the last time? He wasn’t there this weekend?”
“No, I would remember,” she said sharply. “I’m not addled, you know.”
He forced himself to laugh. “I know you’re not.”
“So that was
it? That was all you wanted to know?” He could see a buried fierceness rise up within her. Alice Mayhew was not always the sweet, gentle being who had dined with Sasha tonight. She could also be tough and demanding, and all that suppressed intensity was rising to the surface. She wasn’t just sad, she was angry. But he didn’t have time to deal with it right now.
“Yeah, Mom, that was it. I’ve got to go back inside now. Are you okay getting home?”
“Yes, I’ll be fine.” She reached over to press her thumb against the moto door lock, then turned to face him again. “She’s a lovely girl, T. A lovely, lovely girl.”
He narrowed his eyes. “You mean the princess?”
“Yes, of course,” she said, with an inscrutable glimmer in her eye. “Who else?”
When his mother was gone, Thomas stood at the end of the driveway and reached into his pocket, pulling out a blue origami star. Gloria had sent him back for a few things she’d forgotten to pack for Sasha, and he’d seen it lying on her bedside table. Normally he wouldn’t have touched anything he wasn’t explicitly told to bring, but it had seemed out of place and significant, calling out to him to pick it up and open it. So he had.
Now he opened it once more.
T—I’m sorry, but I can’t. I wish I was better, but I’m not. —J
THIRTY
As it turned out, there wasn’t much to do at Asthall Cottage after dinner. I ended up playing hearts with Callum, who was extremely good at it and beat me three hands out of four. Finally, I pled exhaustion and turned in for the night. Callum walked me to my room, lingering at the door.
“I like it out here,” he told me. “It’s so peaceful.”
“Me too,” I told him. It was such a relief to be away from most—if not all—of the prying eyes at the Citadel.
“When we’re married, we should come out here all the time,” Callum said. “Every weekend if we can.”
“That’s a good idea,” I murmured. Briefly, I tried to pretend that I was actually getting married to Callum, that any of his plans for the future might come to pass. It wasn’t an altogether unpleasant prospect—if I was going to be forced into marriage, there was no one I could think of better suited to being a husband than the sweet, considerate young prince—but it didn’t feel right, either, and not only because I was way too young to get married.
He kissed me on the cheek. “See you in the morning.”
I smiled. “See you.”
He got halfway down the hallway before turning back. “You know what’s weird?”
“What?” I asked, hand on the doorknob. It was ridiculous, but I was overjoyed by the fact that all the doors in Asthall had knobs. There were no panels, no biometric scanners, no codes to memorize. I could have stayed there forever.
“In a few days, we’ll be sleeping in the same bed,” he said, raising a playful eyebrow.
I swallowed hard. “Yeah. Weird. Well, good night!” I slipped through the bedroom door and shut it firmly. Kissing Callum was one thing, but sleeping in the same bed with him … we had to find Juliana by then. We just had to. I did the calculations in my head. Two days. We were running out of time.
“Hey.”
I jumped. “Thomas, you scared me. What are you doing in here?”
He rose from where he was sitting, in an armchair close to the window. “I was hoping to talk to you,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.
“About what?” I sat down on the bed and watched as he paced the room. “How jealous I am? And manipulative? Are you here to call me a liar again?”
“Stop, please.” He hung his head in shame. “I spoke to my mother, and I asked her when the last time was that she’d seen Lucas. She told me that he came out to her house for her birthday, April eleventh. Except Lucas told me that he’d just gotten back from seeing her this weekend. Which means that first of all, he lied, and second of all, there’s no explanation for his absence during the time when you saw him in your visions.”
I sat perfectly still, not even breathing. I knew where he was going with this, but I wasn’t going to make it easy on him, not after the things he’d said to me.
“And I found this.” He held up the origami star. “On the nightstand in Juliana’s room. Do you know what it says?”
I nodded. “I saw her write it. Through the tether.”
“You were right. About all of it.” He shook his head, despair etched all over his face. “She left. She turned her back on us and she left. I thought bringing you here would buy us time to rescue her, but she doesn’t want to be rescued. I ripped you out of your world for nothing. I’m so sorry, Sasha. I’m so, so sorry.”
“Please don’t,” I said, tears springing to my eyes. I was so tired, and he looked so sad, that my anger evaporated. “It’s all right. If I were you, I wouldn’t have believed me, either. She’s your friend, he’s your brother. I’m just some girl you barely know.”
“No, that’s not true,” he insisted. “You’re not just some girl. And you would’ve believed me. But I couldn’t … I couldn’t bring myself to see what was right in front of my eyes. I didn’t want to see that I was wrong, that I was capable of being wrong.”
“We’re all capable of being wrong,” I whispered.
“I didn’t want to be. I’m supposed to be better than that; otherwise what was all my training for?” He sighed. “I let you down. You deserve better.”
“So do you,” I said fiercely. I stood and grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket, pulling him close to me. I could smell the comforting piney scent of his cologne and feel a faint heat rising off his skin; his cheeks and ears were flushed, and he couldn’t quite bring himself to look directly at me, as if I was an eclipse, a dangerous celestial event. “You trusted them and they betrayed you. You would never have done that to them.”
He stared at me, struck dumb, then took me by my wrists and pressed my hands against his chest. “I’m taking you home,” he said, his voice hoarse. He looked as though he’d seen a ghost—he was pale, wide-eyed, trembling—but there was something building inside him, something strong and resolute. I imagined I could see it swirling in the darkness of his pupils.
“What? When?”
“As soon as possible. Tomorrow, if I can manage it.”
“Why now? We haven’t found Juliana yet.” I had a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Shouldn’t I have been excited to go home? Wasn’t that what I wanted? Yet while a part of me was excited, another part was full of dread.
“I don’t care,” Thomas said. “You’re not safe here. That Libertas bombing … if you had gotten really hurt, or God forbid died, I would never have forgiven myself. I can’t believe there was ever a time when I thought I could justify bringing you here and putting you in so much danger. I can’t turn back time and make a different choice, but I can do this.”
“How are you going to do it without the General finding out?”
“I don’t know. I’ll start by asking Dr. Moss if he has an extra anchor, or if somehow he can get me the remote that controls yours,” Thomas said. He was growing frantic now, which worried me. I’d never seen him this unspooled before. I was afraid he was going to do something stupid and rash. “I turned it in to the General when we arrived at the Citadel, but maybe Mossie can get it back under the pretense of having to fix it or something … I haven’t thought it all through yet. But I’m going to make it happen if it kills me.”
“No,” I protested. “No, I’m not going to let you do that. You’ll get in so much trouble.”
“Don’t worry about me,” Thomas insisted.
“How can you say that? How can you—?” The words stuck in my throat. “How can you think I’d go home and leave you to deal with the fallout?”
“You have to,” he said. “There’s no way for both of us to get out of this, and if one of us is going to get their life back, it has to be you. Don’t you see that?”
“I won’t go!” I cried, digging my nails into the fabric of his jacket. “Not until Juliana’
s back. There are other lives at stake here, not just ours. You told me that.”
“There’s more than one way to stop a war,” he told me. “I’ll figure something out. You don’t have to be part of this. It’s not your world. It’s not your problem.”
“I can’t go home yet. I refuse to let you send me back.”
“For God’s sake, Sasha, why?”
“Because,” I said in a near-whisper. “I’m not ready to leave you.”
The frankness of my admission seemed to catch him off guard, but I was tired of hiding how I felt, from him and from myself. He had a right to know, and I had a right to say it.
The shock of what I’d revealed wore off in seconds, and then I was in his arms. His lips fit perfectly against mine. The kiss was tentative at first, and we were both shaking. He started to pull away, but I grabbed him by the back of his neck and pushed myself up hard against him, tangling my fingers in his hair and letting my tongue graze his top lip softly, sending a shudder down his spine. Thomas held my head in his hands, cradling it like a precious object. His lips roamed the soft planes of my face, pressing against my cheek, my temple, the corner of my eye. He traced the ridge of my jaw with kisses. I arched my back, offering him the smooth skin of my neck to kiss, gasping, breathless, before pulling him back up to meet my mouth once again. The weight of him kept me from floating away, atom by atom, into the universe.
We came apart then, our foreheads and noses touching, as if we couldn’t bear to fully separate. We grinned at each other, both giddy with a sense of release.
“What are we doing?” he panted, happily bewildered.
“I don’t know,” I said. “But I don’t want to stop.”
“Sasha,” he breathed. I loved the way he said my name, like an incantation, like a magic word. “What are we going to do? We’re from—”