by Ella Frank
He leaned down and placed the gentlest kiss on her lips. It almost felt like a feather sweeping across them. Too quickly, he lifted his head so their noses were touching. He nodded once and then answered softly, “Don’t you know by now, Lena, that you can never be number thirty-four because you’re the only one there has ever been?”
She grinned at him. “That was really corny, Langley.”
He kissed her quick and then moved back from her. “So? It doesn’t make it any less true.” He walked over to the sunflowers lifted one and brought it over to her.
“Now tell me, what do these mean to you?”
Chapter Fifteen
Lena reached over and took the flower from the aluminum can. She lifted it to her face and looked at him over the top of the large petals, trying to decide if it was time to take the plunge. Mason walked around the counter and sat down on a stool that must’ve been back there.
“Do you want a chair?” he asked her gently.
Shaking her head, she turned her back to him, trying to decide where to start. She thought back nine years to all the memories she’d squashed down and couldn’t work out where to begin. She heard him shift on the chair behind her. Then silence.
“Around nine years ago, my sister Carly died.” She paused, finally letting those words free with a shaky breath. There was no sound or movement behind her, just a new kind of silence that finally held all the pain she’d kept hidden for so long. A comforting silence. She knew he was there but he didn’t need to make sound, he just was.
“We’d gone to my parents’ house for dinner. I remember her calling me that night and complaining for at least thirty minutes that she needed to buy herself a car. I’d laughed at her and asked why, when she had me to taxi her around.” She heard him laugh a little at that.
“That sounds like you.”
Lena sighed and remained turned away from Mason, knowing that was the only way to make it through. “It was like any other Sunday night dinner. Mom made lamb, a God’s honest Irish dish as my dad calls it, and we all sat down and talked about our week. At that stage, I was pre-med and was obsessed with studying and passing all my tests at the top of my class. Carly, on the other hand, had just started college and was all about a good time.”
Walking over the one of the displays in the windows, Lena reached out and spun the rainbow pinwheel that was stuck in one of the pots of colorful tulips.
“My mother had been driving me crazy all night. She’d gone on and on about how I needed to have more fun, get out from the library and date more.”
Lena turned and locked eyes with Mason’s. He was still sitting behind the counter around six feet from her and had his arms resting on top of it. “Can you imagine that?” she asked with a small smirk.
He grinned at her then shook his head. “Not at all.”
She nodded and then lowered her eyes as she twirled the sunflower in her hand. “We finished up dinner around nine thirty. There had been hardly any cars on our way over and as we were leaving it seemed even quieter on the streets . . . I guess because it was a Sunday, I’m not sure. But we kissed Mom and Dad goodbye and buckled up. I remember thinking as I drove her home that maybe one day when I was finally a doctor and if Carly still didn’t have a car, I’d buy her one, because God knew she wasn’t going to save the money to get her own.”
She gave a little laugh and then looked at him with tears gathering in her eyes. She gripped the stem of the flower tight and took a deep breath. “We’d stopped at a red light. I remember sitting there listening to Carly as she imitated Mom harassing me. She really nailed it, too. I remember resting my head back against the headrest and laughing at her as she smiled and stuck her tongue out at me.”
Tears were streaming down her cheeks now as she held his gaze, biting her bottom lip, trying to push through the most difficult part. The part that ripped her heart out and tore it to pieces. He hadn’t moved. He just sat watching her. “She was wearing her favorite red beanie, it was cold you see and she had a braid over her shoulder. She was so pretty and had the most beautiful hair.” Taking a deep shuddering breath, she licked her lips. “She smiled at me and called me a loser and I remember laughing at her then turning to see the light flick to green. I pulled out and then just like that,” she paused, her cheeks wet with tears and her eyes filled with pain, “she was gone.”
Mason’s heart broke at the sorrow that was pouring out of her. She was rooted to the spot, clutching a happy, bright yellow flower that right now looked horribly out of place in her hands as tears ran down her face. Slowly, he stood and walked very carefully around the counter. She hadn’t moved and her eyes followed him as he made his way over to her. He reached out and took the flower, placing it on the counter. She swallowed and then looked at him, her eyes brimming with tears as he watched her finally let go and then they welled up and streamed down her cheeks. He reached out and wrapped his arms around, her pulling her in tight against him. He felt her chest heave as a shuddering sob left her body. He gripped her tighter and felt her hands grip his chest as she sobbed uncontrollably against him.
“That’s it, baby, let it go,” he murmured as he stroked his hand down her hair. “I’ve got you.”
He felt her take a deep breath and struggle to stop the uncontrollable gut-wrenching sobs that were pummeling her. He kept her tight against himself and rocked her slowly with him as he felt her taking deep breaths. Her anguish ripped into him and he couldn’t even begin to imagine how long she’d kept all of this to herself. He had a feeling this was the first time she had ever told anyone what she had gone through that night. He felt her try to move back but he wasn’t ready to let her go. He took both of his hands and cupped her wet cheeks as he tilted her face up so her red eyes could lock with his. Bending down he gently kissed her lips, offering comfort and needing to connect with her on a physical level when all his emotions were spinning out of control.
She tried to pull away from him but he held tight and kissed her again, first on her left cheek and then her right. Finally, when he pulled back, he lowered his hands and placed them against hers, which still had a death grip on his chest. “Thank you for telling me.”
Lena couldn’t think of a single thing to say. She’d just come completely undone in front of him. Letting go of his shirt, she tried to take a step back, needing to put a bit of space between them. She was so exposed right now, so open, and she knew he could see right inside of her. He let her move back, but not far. He kept one of her hands in his but dropped the other. She reached up and wiped her tears away.
“Why the sunflower?” he asked softly.
She looked at the flower on the counter and then back at him. “They were her favorite. She always told me they seemed so happy to be alive. Plus, they symbolize the sun, warmth, adoration, and happiness—seems appropriate.”
“So you buy a sunflower every day to remind yourself of her?”
Shaking her head, she spoke softly, looking up at him. “I buy them for her. Your mother delivers them to her for me.” Looking up at him, she took a deep breath. “I just can’t go there.”
“You’ve never been to her grave?”
“No.”
“Oh, Lena. You need to go and visit her.” He paused and then stepped toward her. She felt him tip her chin up to him. “Go and talk to her.”
Smiling through wet eyes, she laughed a little and he tilted his head. “You sound just like my mom. Actually, the flowers you delivered to me that day, they were from my mom and dad telling me to go and see her.”
Mason nodded, grinning a little. “Parents. They always think they know best.”
“I can’t go there, Mason,” she told him determinedly.
He reached down and took her free hand in his. “Why not?”
“I can’t bear the thought of her alone and cold in the ground.”
“You know she isn’t there, Lena.” Pausing, he tugged her close to him and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Graves are for the living. My m
other always told me that a cemetery isn’t for the people who’ve died. It’s a place for the living to go and visit them. She always likened it to a resort.” He laughed a little at that. “Just one they never check out of.”
Lena smiled. That did sound like Catherine.
“I didn’t want to go and visit my dad’s grave when he passed,” Mason said softly. “It took me a couple of months and then finally I went and you know what? I have some of the best conversations I’ve ever had with him right there. In fact, he knows all about a certain stubborn doctor that I’m crazy about.”
“You’re crazy, period.” She tapped his chest playfully, feeling freer than she ever had. “Don’t try to blame me for that.”
“Well, you certainly haven’t helped my sanity, Dr. O’Donnell. Come on, why don’t you let me take you to visit your sister?”
Lena felt her heart clench but then relax as she watched a smile spread across his face. “After all, you need to introduce me. She’ll be impressed you’re finally dating.”
Mason watched her closely, wondering how far she was willing to go today. She nodded and asked softly, “Can I get another flower? That one looks a little bit sad.”
He tugged her over to where the other flowers were. She reached in and grabbed one, then turned to face him. “Thank you.”
“Why are you thanking me, Lena?” He reached, out stroking her cheek. “You would’ve gone eventually.”
“Maybe, maybe not, but it’ll be easier with you there.”
“In that case, you’re welcome.” He took the apron off and then folded it, placing it on the bench. He pulled his jacket down off the coat rack, shrugged it on, and took her hand.
“My car’s out back. Let’s go.”
Lena sat silently with Mason in his car. She knew his gentle understanding and the feeling of comfort he brought to her was the reason she was sitting next to him in a place she had never been able to come before. They’d pulled up to the cemetery around twenty minutes ago and as she was trying to gather the courage to get out and cross the lawn to where she knew her sister was buried, Mason had sat silently beside her, never pushing and never judging. She knew the address and plot by heart; after all, she’d been sending flowers to Carly for years. She could see a row of bright yellow flowers lining the head and foot of a grave two rows back and three plots over. She almost laughed at that thought; it was like a chessboard. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door. When she stepped out and closed it behind her she heard a second door shut and knew Mason had also stepped out of the car. She didn’t look over to him; she just stood there looking over at the bright yellow flowers that beckoned to her. Finally, she felt him stop beside her and lean back against the car.
“It looks amazing, Lena. She has the brightest happiest spot in this whole place.”
Lena turned to look at him and he smiled back.
“It positively glows with happiness,” he told her.
She blinked and then looked back to the spray of flowers. Silently, she held her hand out to him and not a moment later she felt him place his into hers. Taking a step forward, she felt her shoe sink into the grass. Keeping her eyes on the yellow flowers, she made her way toward them. Mason was right beside her, holding her hand tight. Keeping her steady, keeping her strong. She noticed there were four tall glass vases at the foot of the grave and four across the top in front of the headstone. Each one held three bright sunflowers all staring up at her and the sun, happy to be alive. Catherine must’ve added the vases, and right at this moment she would’ve done anything to wrap her arms around the lady who was such an amazing woman, and who’d touched her life. Not only had she been her one constant over the last nine years but she also had raised such a wonderful man, the one who’d come to a silent standstill beside her. Looking over at him, she did something she never would have expected; she smiled. She watched as his beautiful smile moved onto his own lips and those dimples of his appeared. Then she turned to look down at the grave in front of her and stated plainly, “Cute, isn’t he.”
That had been the last thing Mason had expected to come out of her mouth. He didn’t say anything, though, as he let her hand go and watched her walk around to the top of the grave. She sat down on the grass and placed her hand where the head would lay and stroked her fingers over it. Reaching out, she moved two of the glass vases over to one side of the headstone; then she got up and did the same to the other side. Then she went back and sat down. He could now read the engraving on the headstone.
Carly Brianne O’Donnell
May 12th 1983 – March 22nd 2001
Beloved daughter of
Ewan & Alannah O’Donnell.
Loved and cherished sister of
Magdalena O’Donnell
“She took in all the wonders of life,
wrapped them in a colorful package
and gave it to us. She will be greatly missed.”
“Sorry it took me so long to get here,” he heard Lena say softly. That was his sign to leave.
Lena stroked her hand over the soft grass. “I wasn’t sure how I’d feel coming here. Silly, I know. I’m always sure about everything, right? Not this time, though. There are so many things I want to tell you, but I can’t think of them all right now.” Pausing, she frowned and tried to think of what she’d tell Carly if she were standing right in front of her after nine years of being away.
“I’m a doctor now. See? All that studying finally paid off. I’m a pediatrician down at University Hospital. Remember where we took you that time you broke your arm?” Lena laughed a little at that.
“The time Mom didn’t believe you? Yeah, well, that’s where I work. I love it; it makes me feel peaceful, which is kind of crazy because most of the time it’s insane there. I wonder what you would’ve ended up doing?”
Looking around at the flowers, she felt herself smile. “You’re right, you know. These flowers are happy to be alive. Or maybe they’re just happy to be close to you.”
Slowly, she lay down, resting her head on the grass. She could smell that fresh-cut smell that always used to remind her of summer and the warm sun caressed her cheek as she sighed before whispering, “I wasn’t ready for you to leave me. I’m so sorry, Carly.” She felt a tear fall down her cheek. She smiled as she lay there. “Do you remember me telling you I’d take you to see Dave Matthews Band if you’d stop playing their CD for a whole week, because you played them to death? I couldn’t stand them because of you. Well, I have a confession to make. I’m kind of obsessed with them now because I took your CD, but I never did go to their concert. It just wouldn’t have been the same without you.”
Lena found herself humming “My Baby Blue” by the band as she lay there on the ground. She broke off at the end and reached up, wiping away a tear. Standing, she brushed her hands on her legs.
“Before I go.” She grinned and leaned down to whisper, as though she was telling her a secret. “I think I’m in love.”
Chapter Sixteen
Mason was feeling pretty happy with himself when he walked into the hospital the next day. Although yesterday evening had been difficult, he felt as though he was one step closer to understanding how Lena ticked. Making his way to his mother’s hospital room, he stopped and watched her as she lay sleeping. His mother meant the world to him and he didn’t really know what he’d do if something happened to her. It’d been hard losing his father a few years ago, but he’d been sick. They’d known he was going to pass and he’d made sure they all knew he was at peace with himself and everything he’d leave behind. Granted, that didn’t make it easier to deal with but when they were gone, you knew they were no longer suffering and were finally at rest. His mother, on the other hand, had nothing wrong with her as far as he knew, and the heart attack had shaken him to his very core. After watching Lena fall apart yesterday in his arms, he had to admit he didn’t know how he would’ve coped if his mom hadn’t made it. He moved into the room quietly. As he made his way around to the chair by her bed,
he saw her open her eyes. A smile lit up her face and she held her arms out to him. He walked over and hugged her tight.
“Mason,” she said softly. “It’s so good to see you.”
He sat on the chair beside her, reaching out to take her hand. She squeezed his lightly and smiled at him. “How’s my young Casanova?”
Groaning, he rolled his eyes and then grinned at her. “Not you, too.”
Laughing, she patted his hand, “And why not me? I’m your mother. I get to call you whatever I like. Although I must admit I don’t really like the fact that you’re dating all these women.”
Shaking his head, he laughed softly. “I’m not dating all these women, Mom.” He paused, grinned, and raised his eyebrows at her. “In fact, I’m only dating one woman and you know her very well.”
“Lena?” she asked quickly. “You and Lena?”
Nodding, he got off the bed and walked over to the window, looking out at the sidewalk below. “Yeah. I’m shocked too. I took her to see her sister yesterday,” he told her as he turned to watch his mom’s mouth open a little, then shut.
“Wow.”
“I know,” he said softly. “It was an amazing moment for us, Mom. What you did with her flowers was beautiful.”
His mother blinked and it looked as though tears were forming in her eyes. Funny, Lena had been crying over her just the day before and as he stood there looking at her, he decided it was time they were all in the same room together.