I nod and wait for him to speak, tears threatening once again as now, despite his impassioned plea by the gates, he seems so remote.
Taking a deep breath, he starts to explain, “Chrissy, the sweet butt, betrayed the club. She told the Rock Demons that you’d be going to Utah, so they were on the lookout for our return.”
“Chrissy? The one who wanted you?” I can’t believe she’d done that.
“That’s her. But you don’t need to worry about her anymore.” There’s such a finality about his pronouncement it chills me.
“Do I want to know what happened to her?”
He shakes his head, “Better you don’t ask, darlin’”
I don’t want to know, but I can guess. Chrissy had caused Hank’s death, could have killed us all, or, in my case, delivered me into the hands of a vile abuser of women. But fuck, if I hadn’t have come here three people could still be alive. I’m still having nightmares about Buster.
Wraith’s studying me carefully, “This ain’t on you, so don’t think it for a moment. Bitch was jealous, fuck, she’d have been jealous of any woman I looked at more than once. She thought she was somethin’ special to me. Well, she was fuckin’ wrong about that. Whoever I wanted would have been a threat to her. That she was someone who’d betray the club, well, we didn’t see that comin’. But seems it was somethin’ waitin’ to happen if I stepped out of line.”
He pauses, watching to see if I’m accepting his explanation.
“Did you…”
“Did I kill her?” Now he does reach over and takes my hands, “No, darlin’, it wasn’t me. And thank fuck for that. I’d never want to hurt a woman. It was quick; she didn’t see it comin’.”
For some reason, it pleases me he hadn’t got his hands dirty, but it’s still hard to take the swift retribution dished out by the club. That they can take a life so easily chills me. But then again, perhaps more merciful than a prisoner kept waiting on death row for years.
“Sophie,” he starts, and my eyes widen as he again uses my name and doesn’t call me Wheels. I don’t know what to make of it. “Soph, can we talk? About last night? I know I was wrong to push you so fast, particularly after everythin’ that went down.”
I start turning my head from side to side, wanting him to know that while terrible, it hadn’t been the events of yesterday that made me push him away.
But he misunderstands. Reaching out he brushes the strand of hair that’s fallen over my face back behind my ears, “I know you’re worried about what might happen, but we’re taking every precaution to keep everyone safe.” He turns my head up, his dark eyes staring into mine, “You don’t need to worry about us, about me. No one’s going to be taking unnecessary risks. We’re on lockdown. All the ol’ ladies are here―and that imp, Amy.” He studies me for another moment, “I rushed you last night, but this is me givin’ you space. No pressure, I want you, babe. I want you as my woman, but if you need time to think about it, take it.”
I’m still not ready to tell him all the time in the world wouldn’t change my mind, so I focus on the one word I didn’t comprehend, “Lockdown?”
“Yeah, if the club’s threatened we pull everyone in.”
And that’s down to me; my problems are disrupting everyone’s lives. “It would be so much better if I leave. Just let me go, Wraith.”
“No,” he states, firmly. “I told you at the gate that you wouldn’t have a chance out there. Club’s given you their protection. We’ll get these bastards off your back and then you can think where you want to go. You’re going nowhere until it’s safe. I promise you that. No one is going to let you leave. And, once everythin’s cleared up, I hope you never want to.”
I sit, sadly shaking my head, “It’s all my fault.”
He heaves a deep sigh in exasperation, “Soph, put that out of your mind once and for fuckin’ all. You can’t take it on yourself. If Buster hadn’t broken your prosthesis, we wouldn’t have left the compound, and at the end of the day, it’s on Chrissy. If she hadn’t set her sights on me, the Demons would never have found you. That’s down to her, babe. And she got what she deserved for it.”
“But…”
“No buts. Do you want to blame your friend for havin’ left Ethan, or fuck that, getting’ together with him in the first place? You’re innocent in all this. It ain’t down to you. You might as well say you shouldn’t have been born.”
I contemplate what he’s said. I suppose it’s like the butterfly sneezing the other side of the world, with the resultant ripple effect. While I don’t think it exonerates me completely, he’s right, none of this was directly my fault in that I caused it to happen.
Something in my expression shows he’s, at last, got through to me. He lowers his lips to mine, and as he gently moves his mouth across them, I’m unable to resist. It’s the gentlest kiss I’ve ever received. Moisture floods between my legs, there’s just something about him that arouses me so I moan, and despite myself, press against him wanting more.
“Told ya I was going to give you space darlin’.” He stands and walks to the other side of the room, “But it’s just so damn hard keepin’ my hands off of you.” He adjusts himself in his jeans with a rueful smile. “See what you do to me?” He pauses for a moment before continuing, “Babe, my timin’ was all wrong, but I’m fallin’ hard for you, and unless I’ve been readin’ you entirely wrong, I reckon you’re doing the same. Now are you going to be brave enough to admit it?”
“Wraith, it’s not your timing. Whenever you asked me, the answer would have been the same.”
As his eyes close and his face shutters, I know I have to try to explain, “You’re right, I’m afraid. But it’s not what you think.”
His eyes snap open again, “Gotta give me more, darlin’. Tell me what you’re afraid of.” He sounds as if whatever it is he’d fight it for me, but he can’t take on my demons, they’ve got too great a hold over me.
Taking my crutches I struggle to my feet, already knowing me well he doesn’t offer to help, just patiently waits until I’ve got my balance. Then I cross the room to him. He’s so much taller than me; I have to crane my neck to look into his face. Taking a breath, I put it out there in the only way I can, giving it to him straight. “I’m too fucking afraid of having my heart torn out, of going through that devastating pain all over a-fuckin’-gain. I wouldn’t survive it!”
His dark eyes blaze, “Someone hurt you, darlin’?” he rasps out, “Babe, trust me, that’s not what I’m going to do.”
“They didn’t fuckin’ hurt me. They destroyed me!” I cry out, and before I know what’s happening, I’m enclosed in his strong arms, and tears are flooding down my face. He sweeps me up, my crutches dropping to the floor as he carries me to the bed and sits down with me in his lap, gently he rocks me back and forth like a baby until my sobs turn to hiccups, and then, at last, stop.
After giving me the time to compose myself, passing me tissues from the box on the bedside table to clean myself up, he says gently, “Tell me what happened, Sophie. Give me somethin’ I can understand.”
Chapter 23
Sophie
I take several deep breaths as I try to compose myself and prepare to relive everything I’ve buried so deep, the things I try every day to forget, that only a handful of people know. Not even Zoe had an inkling of what was in my past. As he tightens his fingers around mine to give me his support, I know I have to get it out, my mouth opens and shuts a couple of times, then I swallow and at last manage to speak, delivering my life story in a monotone, trying to keep emotion at bay.
“My mother died when I was three years old, breast cancer. I was brought up by my father. He was okay, did a decent enough job. I was clothed and fed, but I suppose I missed a mother’s love.”
“Soph…” His hand reaches out and smooths down the side of my face.
“No, please, if you interrupt me I won’t be able to do this.” I watch until he nods, showing his agreement.
“Eigh
t years ago,” I resume, “When I was just seventeen, I met a man. He was a little older; he’d just turned twenty-one.” I pause, remembering how much more mature he seemed at the time, but looking back I know he was really so young, too young. “He worked on a North Sea oil rig and had done since he was eighteen. He’d come down to spend his time off in London. I met him in a pub, and we got talking. We clicked immediately, and on his next shore leave he came back, and we spent the whole three weeks together. I lost my virginity to him, and it was hell when he had to go back.”
I glance at Wraith, wanting to see whether he’s hurt that I’m talking about another man, but the expression on his face is one of concern, for me. So I continue, “He worked two weeks on the rig, then had three weeks off. He got in the habit of flying down to see me and staying in the area for all of his leave. After three months he asked me to marry him, and I agreed.”
“You were very young. Hell, was that even legal?”
“In England we can marry at sixteen as long as we have parental consent, so yeah, it was all legal.”
Wraith looks concerned, “So your father was okay with that?”
I laugh shortly, “My father had just found another woman. I didn’t know about it at the time, but I think it influenced him when Mark asked for his blessing. It suited him for me to be out of his way. He actually put it into words, I had the whole of my life in front of me, being older he’d not got as long left to enjoy.
“We got married as soon as we could and got a small bedsit. Mark wanted me to finish school and go to Uni. I’d applied to Aberdeen so I could move up and be near him. Anyway…” My voice breaks and more tears fall as I get ready for the final straight, “We’d only been married a month when there was an explosion on the rig…”
Now he reaches for me, his arms holding me tight as I start crying again, unable to stop the tears running down my face. I know I don’t need to explain that first terrible phone call, the waiting while they tried to find the missing men and all the time hope fading until finally, the confirmation had come that Mark had been one of the unlucky ones. My beautiful, loving husband gone and I would never see him again.
Another few minutes, another few tissues passed and used. When my tears dry up he doesn’t press for details, but just asks me, “Did you move back to your family?”
“No, my father had already remarried, and my step-mother didn’t want to be saddled with a teenage daughter. So I stayed in the bedsit, ended up going to Uni in London, and that’s where I met Zoe.”
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” He rests his head on the top of mine.
It’s at times like these I wish I could stand and pace around the room. But with my crutches lying on the floor the other side of the room, all I can do is pull out of his arms and sit up straight, “There’s a reason I’m telling you this, Wraith.”
“Thought there would be.”
“Mark was the first man I loved,” I nearly added ‘only’ man, but I changed it, realising that now, it wouldn’t be true. “He was my first in every way, and him leaving me like he did, well, I knew I’d never get over it. So I vowed never to put myself in that position again.” I swallow a couple of times, getting up the nerve to tell him who I am. That might be enough to put him off me.
“When I went to Uni, well, there were lots of men. Boys really, more my age than Mark’s. They kept asking me out, and I knew I’d never want to get involved. But Mark and I had been very sexually active―his days on leave we spent mainly in bed and I missed,” Oh God how I’d missed, “Being physically close to someone. So I thought if I used men for sex, and didn’t have any kind of other relationship with them, that I wouldn’t get hurt again.”
Again I watch to see if there is any judgement. There’s not. “So that’s what I did. I even made a joke of it―one and done. That was me. And I had fun, it didn’t matter to me whether it was a quick hook-up in a broom closet at work, or if I went home to someone’s bed. But I never stayed the night, never allowed myself to get close.
“It was the only way I could protect myself, you see. I can never forget getting that phone call… finding out Mark was never coming back.”
“Oh darlin’, you were so young. Just seventeen, not even an adult.” Wraith isn’t going to let me get away with keeping myself at a distance. His strong arms come out encircle me once again, “But you can’t live your life in fear of what might happen.”
“I like sex,” I tell him, adamantly.
“Suspected that, darlin’,” he says with a chuckle, “Not sure what gave it away.”
I slap him lightly on the arm; I’m trying to have a serious discussion here. “Since Mark, until you, I never spent the night with anyone.”
“I can say the same. No one interested me enough. That’s partly how I knew I had to make you mine.”
“But Wraith, I can’t be yours. I can’t go through that again. If I let you in… If anything happens to you, I’d die too. I wouldn’t be able to survive that kind of hurt again.”
He sighs and kisses my hair, and despite my thoughts and what I’m telling him, I’m not immune to his touch. He’s quiet for a while, and then he asks, “Do you think this lonely life is what Mark would have wanted for you?”
“I’m not lonely…”
“Yes, darlin’ you are. Didn’t you like sleepin’ with me? Wakin’ in my arms?”
Too much! “But Wraith… what you do with the club, especially now. If I took a chance on you, how long until I find out you’ve died in a shoot-out somewhere? Or just came off your bike? You’d give your life for the club, you’ve already told me that.”
The door to my room opens, and Horse appears, “I was passing, couldn’t help but hear.” He’s not looking very apologetic. He walks across and crouches down by my feet, looking up at me. “You and me, Soph, we’re not very dissimilar, though I was older than you were. I was married, you know that. And the love of my life died. But I’ve never regretted those three happy years I had with her. Not for one fucking moment.”
“I don’t regret knowing Mark.” Do I?
“Think you do, babe. That’s why you’re not willing to take the risk again. You’re not remembering any good times, only the bad.” Horse can’t be right, can he? Would my life have been better had I never known him? Mark had shaped all my actions since his death.
I challenge Horse, “But you don’t want to get involved with another woman, Horse.” His situation seems to back mine up.
He laughs, “I’ve just never found someone who could hold a candle to my Marie.” His lips turn down as he grows serious, “But if I found someone who was right, just like you’ve found Wraith, I know up in heaven she’d be cheering me on. And if there was a woman that perfect, I’d jump straight in with both fucking feet.” He gets to his feet again, “Sorry for the intrusion.”
“Nah, thanks, man.” Wraith throws him a chin lift as Horse leaves us alone. Then, he turns back to me and says quietly, “Darlin’ that’s a sad fuckin’ story, and I understand you a whole lot better now. But don’t let the past rule your future. It’s time to move on from the loneliness you’ve imposed on yourself. Take a chance on me, babe. I can’t promise you anythin’, but while we’re together we’ll be havin’ a lot of good times, probably a few bad too. No one can give any guarantees, whether they’re an outlaw biker or a citizen. But I want you on the back of my bike; I want you as my ol’ lady. For however long we got.”
I stay quiet for a moment, thinking. It’s a lot to think about, a lot to take in. But eight years have passed, and I’m not a teenager anymore. Maybe now is the right time to move on. “I’m not even sure how to do a relationship, Wraith.”
Now he chuckles, and then leans his forehead down to touch mine. “Guess we’re both gonna be feelin’ our way there, darlin’. I’ve no fuckin’ idea either.” Then he gives a barked laugh, “A broom closet, eh? Have you left any places where you haven’t done it that we can share?”
I huff as though I’m
affronted, then, suddenly, while I know that neither of us might have a clue how we’re going to make this work, there’s something that we already do pretty damn well. I throw myself at him, unbalancing him so he leans back on the bed, pulling me with him. He’s not a stupid man, and knowing the time for words has ended without wasting another moment his hands come up and he starts to ease off my shirt and bra slowly and reverently, his lips kissing his way from my neck down to my breasts, pausing to tease my nipples until they peak for him. Then, pushing me gently to the side, he undoes my jeans and pulls them down, removing my shoes before taking them off completely. His hands then go to my prosthesis that I haven’t yet removed, and his eyes question me.
Giving a quick nod, I give him my permission to touch it, to remove it. And he does so, confidently as if it were just another article of clothing. I’d worn it for a long time yesterday as well as this morning, and the stump is reddened and sore.
He notices, “You got anythin’ to soothe this, darlin’?”
“The stuff from Utah is still in the van, but I’ve got some old cream from the UK.” I show him where it is in my drawer, and without comment, he gently rubs it in for me. I could never have imagined anyone would want to look at, let alone touch, what remains of my leg. But as his tender administrations soothe me, I lie back and think that his easy acceptance is helping me come to terms with the loss more than anything else has ever done.
Placing the cream back on the table, Wraith then slides down my body, and as his talented tongue gets to work, I smile to myself, there’s a bubbling feeling inside of me that I haven’t felt before. And as my muscles start to tighten and just before I’m lost in the ecstasy only he seems able to bring; I recognise it for what it is. I’m happy.
Chapter 24
Wraith
I return to the clubhouse with more of a spring in my step than I had on the way up. Sophie isn’t immune to me at all. It’s her fucked up history that stopped her taking that leap and admitting it. Now I know what I’m fighting the ghost of her husband, I’ll be able to plan my campaign to get her permanently on the back of my bike. No, it’s not even a ghost I’m up against; it’s the hurt that losing him so quickly and dreadfully caused her.
Turning Wheels (Satan's Devils MC #1): A Blood Brothers Spin off Page 26