by Frank Coates
Even Kidege’s beautiful garden became too constrictive after a while, so Dana occasionally went for a walk in the evenings.
Strolling through the market on one such occasion, she saw a white man. His was the first European face she’d seen since arriving in Lamu. She was excited at the prospect that she was not the only foreigner on the island. Perhaps he had a wife — someone from a similar background to hers — with whom she could share news and ideas. Maybe she was a mother and would able to reassure Dana that her concerns about her pregnancy were unfounded. But she lost him in the crowd.
Upon returning to the guest house she sank into the padded sofa and shared her disappointment with Amina.
‘I actually thought he saw me, and then ran away,’ she said.
‘This man,’ Amina said, as she chopped the sweet potato, ‘he has fat belly, red face and a kitenge of many colours?’
‘Yes, that’s him. He looked about sixty. Do you know him?’
‘Hmmph,’ she said. ‘My friend be his housekeeper for so-o-o many years.’ She tossed the sweet potato pieces in the pot, making a splash. ‘And still he will not marry her.’
‘What does he do here? And why would he run away?’
Amina shrugged. ‘Why would he not marry beautiful lady like my friend Mimi? He a strange one, that Dr Cahill.’
‘A doctor? Then I should meet him. Where is his office?’
‘He have no office, this one. No more a doctor. Now he is … how you call it? A drunkard.’
‘Still … it might be good to have someone else in case the midwife …’
Amina put down her cutting knife, and sitting beside Dana, took her hand.
‘No. For you, everything be coming good. You no need this crazy doctor man.’
‘But look at me, Amina.’ She put a hand on her abdomen. ‘Look at the size of me. Something must be wrong, or I got the dates wrong.’
‘Big belly, big baby. That is it. You no should worry.’
Dana felt childish. She seemed to be constantly fretting about her baby. Amina, who’d had no children, seemed to know more about pregnancies than she did. If she could find at least one other voice of reassurance, drunkard or not, she felt sure it would give her the confidence she needed.
‘Do you think you could ask your friend Mimi to ask Dr Cahill to come and see me some time?’
Amina sighed. ‘I try. But he a strange man, that Dr Cahill.’
It was November, and the blessed kazkusi had arrived from the north-east, bringing modest relief to the stifling heat. However, it did nothing to remove Dana’s concerns about the progress of her pregnancy, which increased with her size. And her panic was not relieved at all by her midwife.
She decided to take matters into her own hands. If Dr Cahill wouldn’t see her, she would go and see him. After all, he was a doctor, and a white man. He had responsibilities.
Amina consulted with Mimi and when she returned gave Dana the details of the arrangements. Her visit should conform with a time most likely to find the doctor both sober and awake — a difficult assignment.
As Amina led her to the doctor’s house, she recited a litany of accusations against the hapless Dr Cahill, principal among which was his shameful dereliction of his duty to marry Mimi, who had stood by him for years in spite of the fact that he was a drunk and had little money to spend on her.
Amina stopped at a heavily weathered gate set in a high coral-stone wall, little different from others in the laneway. She pulled on a cord and a bell rang faintly on the other side.
The gate opened and Mimi greeted them warmly. She was a tall and elegant Somali woman in her mid-forties with a hint of an Italian accent to her excellent English.
‘Oh, you poor thing,’ she said to Dana. ‘You look so hot. Come, we can sit in the garden. It is still cool at this time of morning.’
She led them through a garden almost the rival of Kidege’s, with creepers and shrubs filling every corner except for a small vegetable garden of tomatoes, beans and some kind of leafy green vegetable.
She had arranged three chairs in the deep shade of a wisteria vine. As they chatted, lilac flowers dropped around them.
‘I suggested you come at this time,’ Mimi said, ‘as it is too early for David to be drunk, but early enough to be here before he returns from the fish market. I’m afraid he can be quite rude to visitors.’
‘I understand Dr Cahill’s not practising these days,’ Dana said.
‘No. Not for years. Certainly not since he bought this place.’
‘And when was that?’
‘Thirteen years ago. In 1919.’
Mimi explained that she was then governess to a wealthy Italian family’s children. Cahill had been in Lamu for about a year and bought the house from the Italians when they sold out after the war.
‘He was quite a handsome man back then,’ she said, a little wistfully.
‘Do you think he will see me?’ Dana asked.
Mimi looked sad. ‘I pray he will, but … well, he knows your situation already, but he told me to tell you he’s not a doctor any more.
‘How can he turn away from a life of helping people?’
‘He is a good man, but something happened that made him give the work up. He won’t tell me what it was, but I’m sure if he started again, and was able to keep away from … well … to avoid —’
Just then, the gate bell rang.
Mimi stood. ‘I won’t tell him you’re here. It’s best to use surprise to say what you want to say.’
She watched Mimi hurry to the gate. She swung it open and Cahill entered, kissed her tenderly on the cheek, and made his way up the path. He stopped for a moment to examine the tomatoes, before arriving under the wisteria.
Dana stood and smiled. ‘Good morning, Dr Cahill.’
He was startled, and stared at Dana for a long moment, before turning his gaze to Amina and finally to Mimi, who kept her head up although it was clear she felt uncomfortable under his scrutiny.
‘It’s my fault for invading your privacy,’ Dana said. ‘For which I apologise. I imposed upon Mimi because, as you can see, I’m about to have a baby, and I’m afraid I may need your help.’
‘You’ve come to the wrong place, Mrs …?’
‘Northcote. Dana Northcote.’
‘… Mrs Northcote. I no longer practise. Now, if you’ll excuse me —’
‘Dr Cahill. This is my first child. I’m worried, because when I was seventeen I had an abortion, which unfortunately went wrong.’
The information caused him to pause, before saying, ‘There are many good doctors in Kenya, Mrs Northcote. I suggest you take yourself to Mombasa, and place yourself in the hands of one of them.’
‘No. I can’t go to Mombasa. Or anywhere else for that matter. My husband doesn’t want me to have this child, and I know he will make it very difficult for me if he finds me before I have the baby.’
‘That is a matter between you and your husband, surely.’
He stepped around her towards the door.
Dana caught a strong scent of spices on him. She thought he must have spent the morning in the spice market.
‘I don’t think it’s his child,’ she said hurriedly, putting her hand on his arm.
‘As Shakespeare said: It is a wise father who knows his own child,’ he said. ‘Perhaps you worry unnecessarily.’
‘No. I think it may be a … a black man’s child.’
She thought she saw a flicker of understanding in him. She hurried on. ‘I’m thirty-one, Dr Cahill. I don’t have to tell you the complications that can arise. I want this baby and I don’t care if it’s white or black. I’m sure this is my last chance for a child and I have given up everything for it, but that’s not important. What is important is …’ She put a hand to her midriff. ‘I’m afraid … I’m terrified that I might lose it if I don’t have you to help me.’
Mimi came forwards to stand beside her in support. She looked pleadingly at Cahill.
Cahill
dropped his gaze to Dana’s hand resting on his shirt sleeve.
‘I’m sorry, Mrs Northcote,’ he said, gently removing her hand. ‘But I can’t help you.’
He walked past her into the house.
In the three weeks following her unsuccessful visit to consult Dr Cahill, Dana had confined herself to the cloistered environment of the guest house. She told Amina it was because it was too hot to be moving around Lamu, but the truth was she had fallen into a depression caused by the very thing that brought her to Lamu — the isolation.
She longed for the company of her friends, especially Polly. Polly would have so many convincing anecdotes to reassure Dana that her pregnancy was progressing completely normally; Dana would cease worrying and for once enjoy a dreamless sleep. They would laugh about her concerns and all would be well. But Polly was not there.
A number of times she had written to Sam telling him how much she missed him, but tore each letter up. It would be an act of cowardice to involve him at this late stage. She had made her choice and now had to see it through, alone.
Her only tentative contact with her previous life, and therefore her sanity, was the newspapers that arrived irregularly in Lamu on passing dhows. There would occasionally be a reference in the society pages to someone she knew; even one of her friends. She once saw a photo of her sister, Averil, at the opening of the Nairobi horticultural show. There was a photograph of a group of her friends — members of the Zephyr dinner club — at a ball at Torr’s. They all looked so slim and happy. She put her hands on her enormous girth and sighed.
Amina brought the newspapers when she could find one in the markets, but it had been over a week and now, of all times, Dana needed to know that the world she knew was happily progressing in her absence.
She waited until late afternoon, when the sun had relinquished its savagery, and ventured forth with her parasol to the market. The Indian haberdasher, who took delivery of the few newspapers brought to Lamu, greeted her warmly, asked how she was feeling, and handed her a copy of the East African.
After a brief conversation with the stall-owner, Dana tucked the newspaper under her arm and started back to the guest house. At the edge of the market she felt a little unsteady, due to the effects of the heat, and sat on a bench seat to rest under a mango tree.
She unfolded the paper to note the edition was only a week old. It must have arrived in Lamu that day. Her eye was drawn to a familiar picture on the front page. It was Polly. The caption read: Medical mishap. She quickly scanned the article: Dead on arrival at Nairobi General … medical mishap … self-administered medication … a silver syringe found beside the body …
Dana was on her feet, the newspaper heavy in her hands. A wave of vertigo swept over her. She staggered and tried to regain her seat, but her legs would not hold her. She slumped to the ground.
Dana awoke with Amina’s worried face hovering over her.
‘Mungu angu!’ Amina said. ‘My God. She’s awake.’
Dana looked around the room — her room in the guest house — and found Dr Cahill standing behind Amina.
He came forwards and took her pulse. Then he placed a hand on her forehead.
‘Hmm,’ he said.
‘Am I all right? I mean … the baby?’
‘You have a certain determination about you, Mrs Northcote. You are not to be denied, you could say.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean, you not only chose to draw attention to yourself in the busiest part of Lamu, you did so just as I was coming to the market to buy my newspaper.’
‘But what about my baby?’ she said, becoming fretful and annoyed at the same time.
‘Babies,’ he corrected.
‘What? What did you say?’
‘I said “babies”. You should have said, “What about my babies?” Plural.’
Dana stared at him.
‘Hmm … I can see you’re a little surprised. I’m not. Spotted it the moment I saw you in my garden. Still carrying them quite high, so you’ve got some time yet. But not much more I should think. You’re quite big already. Took two strong fellows to carry you here on a trestle top.’
‘Are you saying I’m having twins?’
‘I am.’
‘Twins …?’ she repeated, with a mixture of pleasure, surprise and panic. At least Dr Cahill was there: it was an immense relief. She smiled. ‘Thank you for bringing me home.’
He pretended not to hear.
‘Stay in bed,’ he said, and started to leave. ‘I’ll see you in a couple of days.’
‘Doctor?’
He stopped at the door and turned back to her.
‘It’s not that I’m ungrateful, but what made you change your mind?’
He reflected upon it, and appeared about to speak … instead he turned again to the door.
‘As I said, I’ll see you in a couple of days.’
CHAPTER 31
Dr Cahill’s visits became more like chats between friends than routine medical appointments. He would bring the newspaper and they would discuss current affairs. At other times they talked about their respective homes in England, the London theatre, the books they’d read, and horse racing, which had been a pastime of his while running a practice in the Midlands. Dana explained how news of Polly’s death had led to her collapse and he was quietly comforting.
One day, close to Christmas, they sat in the garden and avoided talk of home and what Christmas might entail. Instead, Dana was curious about Cahill’s decision to settle in Lamu. It was the next best thing to knowing why he’d abandoned his practice; he’d firmly changed the subject whenever she tried to ask.
‘Why did I choose Lamu?’ he said, repeating her question. ‘Why, my dear, look around you.’ He indicated the Kidege Guest House’s beautiful garden. ‘Tranquillity. Lamu has it in abundance. And peace. The Muslims are a very peaceful people. Not like we warlike Christians, dashing around the world, shooting off our cannons and the like.’
‘Surely you could have your peace and tranquillity, and still practise your profession? It would make such a difference to these people to have a doctor trained in Western medicine.’
‘Ha ha,’ he said, rising from his garden chair. ‘The medicine men around here would probably hold a different view. But I must be getting back. I’ll see you tomorrow, Diana … I mean, Dana, of course.’
‘I remind you of her, don’t I?’ Dana said, acting on a hunch.
Cahill paused. ‘Actually, an amazing resemblance. Spotted it first time I saw you. She was younger of course, but otherwise …’
‘Your daughter?’
He nodded. ‘Yes. Diana Maree.’
‘What happened?’
He tightened his lip in the expression he usually wore when an uncomfortable subject came up — and Dana had discovered a few during their talks — but this time it slipped away, and his face sagged. He stared at the ground. Dana watched him wrestle with his thoughts. Finally, he slumped into his chair and rested his elbows on his knees. His face was drawn and he looked all of his sixty-six years.
‘She was sixteen. A beautiful girl. Outgoing. Full of life, and eager to explore it. Nothing like the retiring violet her mother was when we met.’
He told Dana how he’d always been open with his daughter, answering her questions frankly. The previous year they’d discussed the changes her body was undergoing as she went through puberty.
‘Therefore you can imagine how horrified I was, when she came to me to say she was pregnant.’
He said he was furious at first.
‘How could she be so foolish? I mean, against every accepted convention of the day, I’d given her sensible and accurate information about sex and the need for her to take care so she could avoid exactly this situation. How then could this happen?’ He shook his head. ‘When I calmed down, I realised it was no good bemoaning the unfairness of the situation. I had to deal with the facts. Our daughter’s future was at stake. My wife and I wanted to keep the whole
affair quiet.’
He looked across the table at Dana. She could see that the wall holding back his pent-up emotions was crumbling, and large tears misted his eyes.
‘Can a father be blamed for wanting the best for his only child? I decided she should remain at home once the pregnancy started to become obvious, and I would deliver the baby myself. Instead of following the sensible course and putting Diana under the care of a gynaecologist, I worried about her future. How would she find a decent husband if it became known that she’d gotten into trouble?’
He dropped his eyes to his hands, which he opened and closed, examining them as if he’d not seen them before. His fingers were long and elegant; surgeon’s hands.
‘The delivery went terribly wrong. In my panic I made some fundamental mistakes. Diana began to haemorrhage. The blood … I … I lost her there on the operating table.’
At this point he started to sob. His shoulders shook as he lost the fight to control the outpouring of grief.
Dana struggled from her seat and stood at his side. She placed a hand on his shoulder.
She refilled their cups. The doctor blew his nose on a large handkerchief he pulled from his pocket before he took a sip of tea. It seemed to give him strength.
‘I started to drink heavily. My marriage ended and I decided to give up medicine.’ He shrugged. ‘I came here to start again.’
Recalling Amina’s assessment that he was a drunkard, she asked, ‘And has alcohol remained a problem for you?’
‘No. Not alcohol. It’s too hard to get it in a Muslim place like Lamu.’ He paused again; it was a morning for painful admissions.
‘When I was a young man, I travelled to Poland and, together with friends, experimented with the Polish habit of drinking ether, flavoured with spices. As a doctor I had access to ether and after Diana died, well … Now I get it from a Pole in Watamu. Taken with cloves and cinnamon, it’s quite pleasant. And the coast has plenty of spices.’
Dana recalled the faint scent of the spices as he paused beside her on the first day she spoke to him in his garden.
‘And now? Are you keeping sober?’