by Anne Malcom
“She still asleep?” I asked quietly.
Killian nodded stiffly. His face was grim. Lexie was curled up against him on the sofa while he was half lying down. He had refused to leave her side the whole horrible afternoon, which I thanked my lucky stars for. She was trying to hold it together but was visibly shaken. His presence seemed to calm her slightly. I was also trying to hold it together, considering I was the mom and everything. The cops had arrived pretty quickly, not long after the ambulances, taking the three wounded people away. The coroner also came to take the one dead body. Dead person.
Cade had also insisted Gwen be taken into the hospital, even though she seemed shaken but unharmed. Their small daughter went too.
Before the police had arrived, Cade had come over to me to make sure I was okay. it was the only time he actually left Gwen’s side before she was taken away. Once he had been assured of my health, his concerns moved to something else. “Cops are going to come soon,” he said in a low voice.
I nodded. There was just a freaking shooting; of course the freaking cops were coming.
“Need to know what you saw,” he clipped.
My head jerked up. “What do you mean?”
He eyed me. “You see the shooters, Mia?” he asked carefully, gently even.
I wasn’t fooled by his tone, and had a small inkling of where this conversation was going. “I was too busy dodging bullets to get a clear vision for any police sketch, if that’s what you’re asking,” I said a tad sarcastically.
His face hardened. “Lexie was on the stage. She see anything?” he asked slowly.
I bristled, looking to my daughter, who was smiling weakly at no doubt a bad joke Sam was telling to try and lift her spirits. She was tucked tightly into Killian’s shoulder. “I haven’t really interrogated my daughter, considering she’s mildly traumatized from getting shot at,” I informed him icily.
Cade’s face gentled. “Know this shit is hard, babe. My pregnant wife and baby daughter were there too.” His eyes turned murderous and he glanced their way, as if to make sure they were still okay. “But you need to know. We handle this. Not the cops,” he said firmly.
My heart sank and I got what he was asking. “The cops handle this, because it’s how it freaking works,” I whisper yelled at him.
He shook his head. “Not in this world.”
I swallowed tightly. “If you’re asking me to tell my daughter to lie to the police, you’re crossing the line. In fact, you’re so far past the line, the line is a dot to you,” I hissed, failing to be intimidated by his stare.
He sighed, running his hand through his stubble. “People that did this killed my brother,” he said tightly. “Shot at your kid.” He nodded to Lexie. “You want them serving a bullshit sentence if the cops ever do get around to catching them, or you want justice?” he asked flatly.
I narrowed my eyes. “You’re not talking about justice, you’re talking about revenge.”
He eyed me warily. “Sometimes they’re one in the same, babe.”
I chewed my lip, something swirling in my belly. I wanted to gather my daughter up and get her the fuck out of here. These people were nice, good people. But no matter what way you swung it, their lifestyle caused someone to get dead today. Almost caused my daughter to get dead. Zane was nowhere to be seen. Who knows where he was, if he was covered in his own blood...or someone else’s. I shivered at the thought. My mind moved involuntarily to the issues, the problems my kid was no doubt going to have after witnessing this shit. The nightmares. Her happy, carefree life would never be the same. The way she viewed the world would never be the same. An ugly part of me wanted those people who shattered that view to be punished. Not in a way that had them sleeping in a cell and getting out for good behavior.
“I’ll find out if she saw anything,” I said finally, hating myself. “If she did I won’t tell her to lie to the police,” I told him firmly. “But if she did see something, you’re the first to know.”
Cade’s face was blank, then he nodded. He touched my shoulder lightly. “You’re a good mom, Mia, and a strong woman. Your girl too.” He paused. “You’re good for him.”
I knew immediately who he was talking about.
“Today was heavy,” he continued.
Understatement of the freaking century.
“It’s not normal. Not okay. And will never happen again,” he promised firmly. “Our life might be rough, slide into grey sometimes. But trust me, this isn’t how it is.”
I felt like he could see my thoughts, see my panic. My desperation to get the fuck out of here as quickly as possible. He was trying to get me to understand. I nodded slowly, more to disguise my true intentions than anything else.
He looked at me a moment more then got up, continuing to make his rounds.
Turns out Lexie did see something, something that could help at least.
“They were covered,” she said slowly, Cade and Brock watching her. We were in the room called “church” where they had directed Lexie, Killian—who refused to leave her side—and I once I informed them of her information. To their credit, they were gentle and patient with her, speaking softly. “Their faces, I mean,” she corrected quickly. Her voice was stronger than mine would have been. I smiled tightly, proud of her strength. But then a teenage girl shouldn’t have to be strong when recounting what she saw from a freaking drive by shooting.
“But they had bikes—kind of like yours, like Zane’s, but not as cool,” she smiled slightly and Killian squeezed her hand.
Brock’s mouth turned up a tad but Cade’s face stayed blank.
“Couldn’t say what make they were, but definitely weren’t Harley’s,” she said with certainty.
My eyebrows rose at this. Since when did my daughter know the difference between a Harley and a.anything?
Brock’s eyebrows also rose at this and he looked...impressed. “Lost Knights,” he muttered under his breath.
Cade nodded tightly. “Maybe,” he said back. “Anything else, honey?” he asked slowly.
She nodded. “The vests. Leather like yours, but with a different patch. I don’t know what it was but it had red in it,” she said firmly. Something moved in her gaze and she sat up straighter. “The bikes,” she said quickly. “I knew they were familiar but I only just remembered where from. You know that day in the vintage shop in Hope?” she asked me.
I nodded as the blood drained from my face.
“That’s where I knew them from. They’re the same ones, I’m sure of it,” she declared confidently.
Cade’s face went hard as granite and I would’ve been terrified if it was directed at me. It wasn’t. It was at the Lost Knights. It was the look of murder. It immediately transformed when he focused on Lexie once more. “Thanks honey, you did great.”
He made to move.
“You don’t want me to tell the police, do you?” she asked suddenly and Brock and Cade both jerked with surprise.
“Lexie...” I started, my stomach swirling once more at the mature look on my daughter’s childlike face.
She looked at me. “No Mom, it’s okay.” She turned back to Cade and Brock, who were staring at her. “I get it. The police, they probably won’t find them. Even if they do, there’s a chance they might not even go to prison.” She paused. “Not all of them, anyway. But you—” She gave Cade a meaningful look. “You’ll find them, won’t you?” Her voice was certain.
He nodded slowly. I didn’t imagine it was easy to surprise Cade, the big bad president of the Sons of Templar MC, but I’m pretty sure my sixteen-year-old just did. She sure surprised the ever loving shit out of her mom, and not in a good way.
Lexie nodded too. “Right. Well. That’s that, then,” she said firmly.
Cade seemed to jerk out of his amazement, and bent down and kissed Lexie on the head quickly. He gave me a meaningful look then left the room. Killian was looking at Lexie in the same kind of proud amazement as Brock and Cade, and murmured something in her ear.
“Lexie,” I started to say.
She stood up. “No Mom, I know what you’re going to say but I’ve made up my mind. This is Zane’s club, Zane’s family.” Her eyes moved behind her. “Kill’s family. I trust them. And I barely saw anything anyway,” she added.
I didn’t know what to say. I honestly didn’t. I felt sick at what I, and Zane by proxy had exposed her to. No, omitting a tiny bit of information in a police interview didn’t equal a future of becoming a heroin smuggler, but it did expose Lexie to a world I did not want her venturing into. A world I opened the door to.
She could not be persuaded otherwise, so I just had to look on helplessly while I watched her inform the tight-faced, very attractive police officer she saw nothing but masked men on bikes. The same police officer dragged a shaken Rosie into a corner and had heated words with her. Angry words, which resulted in him storming off and her watching after him with a drained look on her face. I so didn’t have space in my brain to inspect that right now. So, after hours of police statements and urging that we stay at the club, I was finally able to take my baby home. Not without a tail and Killian, whom I wasn’t unhappy to take with me.
I also wasn’t unhappy to see Lexie asleep on the sofa in his arms. At least she wasn’t cationic or having a mental breakdown. She looked...at peace, safe, in his strong arms. So that was likely why I lost my mind and put a blanket over them. And why I uttered my next words.
“She stays asleep, you guys spend the night here,” I whispered.
Killian jolted slightly, his eyes widening.
“Only if she stays asleep,” I continued firmly. “And if she stays here on the couch,” I added. “She wakes up, take her to her room and then you stay on the couch. I’ve got like, x-ray mom vision. I can see through the floor. And my room,” I pointed to the ceiling, “Is right there. So I’ll know.”
Killian nodded tightly.
I gave him a look. “I’m trusting you, kid.”
He nodded again.
I was trusting him completely. It may make me an idiot. But the kid literally jumped in front of bullets, then shielded my daughter with his own body today.
I surprised him by touching his shoulder lightly. “You quite possibly saved her life today.” I nodded to my sleeping angel. “You’ve earned yourself like a gazillion brownie points. Owe you big time, kid,” I said softly. “Night.” I turned. “Remember, x-ray vision,” I added.
“Mia,” he called quietly.
I turned my head.
“Won’t break your trust,” he promised.
And I, stupidly or not, believed him.
I wasn’t asleep. How could I sleep with the events of today going on repeat in my mind? So when a figure entered the door I left ajar, I wasn’t shocked. My body did flinch slightly on reflex, due to the fact my body was highly strung and firmly ready for both fight or flight mode. I relaxed slightly when the moonlight illuminated a familiar face. I sat up in bed slightly and felt his weight as he hit it. Neither of us spoke, the sounds of his motorcycle boots thudding to the floor reverberating in the silent room. I also heard the slight crinkle of leather as his cut fell to the floor too. My eyes narrowed in that direction, even though I couldn’t see it, I knew it was there. That piece of leather held so many complications within its seams.
The covers moved and I felt Zane slip under them. Within seconds my body was yanked into his, full contact. I didn’t want to, but I instinctively curled into him, every inch of my body yearning for his touch, the sense of safety that came with it. Ironic, really, since he was the very reason I knew what gunshot wounds looked like. That my daughter knew what being shot at felt like. Even then my body screamed out for him.
“Killian’s sleeping on the couch with Lexie downstairs,” he clipped, his voice hard.
“I’m aware,” I replied softly, but in a tone that dared him to challenge me.
There was silence as he chewed over this, his body tight. I knew every inch of him wanted to fight me on this. But she was my daughter. She needed to sleep in the arms of the man who loved her. He’d proved himself a man today by jumping in front of bullets for her. She deserved to feel safe, like I was right now. And as much as I wished I could, I couldn’t give her the safety Killian could give her right now. Thankfully, Zane chose to stay silent. The silence lasted a while. There was a lot you could say without words. Like goodbye.
“I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me where you were?” I asked with resignation.
Zane held me tighter, as if he couldn’t get me close enough. “Hunting,” was all he said.
I nodded slightly.
“Mia,” he began.
“Someone died today,” I said quietly. Zane’s body stiffened. “Right in front of me someone died,” I whispered.
“Mia,” he tried again.
“People shot at me today. With bullets, with real, people killing bullets.” I don’t know why I said that; what other kind of bullets were there? “People shot at my daughter today,” I continued.
“Mia.” His voice was tortured.
“She is my world,” I stated, cutting him off. “The center of my universe. My everything. My baby. And she almost died today.” My voice cracked slightly at the end.
Zane twisted my body so he was lying half on top of me, his hand cupping my jaw. He reached over and switched on the light, flinching at what he must’ve seen in my expression. He searched my face in desperation. “Mia, tonight. We got them, made them pay, I won’t let anything like that shit happen again. I’ll protect you. And Lexie, I fuckin’ swear,” he declared firmly.
I shook my head sadly. “It’s my job to protect my daughter,” I said quietly. “Protecting her means I don’t ever put her in situations where her being the victim of a drive by shooting is actually a possibility. Put her in situations where she lies to the police to protect your club.” Zane’s entire form stiffened when I said that.
I was silent for a moment longer, my heart preparing for the necessary break. “No matter what I feel for you, what we have, my daughter comes first. Always. I’ll do anything to protect her.” Even break my own heart. Tears welled in my eyes as I locked gazes with Zane once more. His jaw was hard and his eyes for once were unguarded. They were dancing with emotion that usually only glimmered below the surface, hinting at the depths below. It was exposed now for the world to see and I had to squeeze my eyes shut a moment.
Zane’s touch was feather light on my face, trailing down on my temple.
“Open your eyes Mia,” he whispered.
I couldn’t help it, I did.
“What happened today will never happen again.” His voice was fierce. “Shit’s taken care of. You need to know this though. The club’s a part of me. It is me. I am who I am, ‘cause of that cut.” He nodded to the floor where the leather lay.
He was telling me he would never leave it. Never leave the club that killed his brother today. Got people shot today. In a weird way, I got it. The things you love are never perfect. Sometimes they’re downright ugly. But that’s the way of love. It’s not about sense or aesthetic or even reason. And Zane loved his club. His brothers. No one could ever rip him away from it. Like he said, he was the club. You loved him, you loved the club. I loved him, every inch of him. I loved the broken parts he seemed to only be able to give me. I even loved the club. The sense of family, the loyalty. But it wasn’t just me. I didn’t get to be selfish. Didn’t get to throw reason and sense out the window. I had to hold onto that shit, because of the being downstairs.
He must have seen it in my face because his whole body tightened, shut down, his eyes closing for a mom
ent. I reached up to touch his face, memorizing what it felt like.
“Zane,” I whispered, and he opened his eyes. “If it was only me I’d be there with you, at your side no matter what. I’d trust you with my life,” I promised. “But it’s not just me. I know you promise this won’t happen again, but I can’t take that chance. I could for you, for us, with me. But not with my daughter’s life,” I finished quietly. I didn’t meet his eyes. I couldn’t.
His fingers gently lifted my chin to lock my eyes with him. I braced for the fury. For the glare I had only just said goodbye to. But it wasn’t there. There was a hardness to his eyes, hiding something. But there was also tenderness. Love. I nearly choked when I saw it.
“You’re a fuckin’ good mom, baby. Protecting your girl. I get it,” he ground out, like it was physically painful for him to say. “Gonna fuck you now,” he murmured. “Taste every inch of you one last time, so I can imprint it into my memories. So you’ll feel me for weeks after this,” he growled.
Then it was nothing. No words. His mouth claimed mine. Different than any other time before. I didn’t think it could be better. But it was. Zane wasn’t holding anything back; he was giving me everything. Taking everything. I clutched to him for dear life. Wishing this moment, this night, could last forever so I never had to say goodbye. That’s what it was. Goodbye. Countless times he made love to me, worshipping every inch of me, possessing every inch of me. Then in the early hours of the morning, he bundled me into his chest, surrounding me with his warmth, his strength.
“Sleep, baby,” he commanded softly.
And although I didn’t want to, didn’t want to surrender to the force dragging down my eyelids, I did. I was too far gone to hear him murmur in my ear.
“Love you, baby, to the moon.”