by Anne Malcom
“Mom,” Lexie repeated for the third time in disapproval.
“No one here resides by that name. I’m sorry, young girl,” I told her airily. “Have you tried the house next door? I’m sure I heard that very name, called in that very same tone, by a bratty six-year-old.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Have you seen my guitar?”
“It’s big and roundish, kind of hard to miss. How’d you lose it, young Padawan?” I asked, directing her into my—no, wait—our room. Almost a year of being married and I still forgot sometimes. Though the mingling of the clothes with mine and the various pairs of manlike footwear scattered about the place should have served as a reminder. Oh, and the impossibly handsome and hulking man who made my life amazing every single day. And made my nights full of passion every single night. And made my daughter and I safe and protected with every breath we took. So don’t ask me how I forgot.
“Why is it in here?” she asked, rushing to snatch her guitar from the spot where it was resting.
I leaned against the doorway. My kid was frazzled, which hardly ever happened. Only once on her very first gig did she get nerves. Apart from that, she was as cool as a cucumber. But now, on the eve of possibly the most important meeting of her life, she was understandably shaken. Which was why, I reasoned, she hadn’t noticed Killian’s decidedly odd behavior since she had announced said meeting. I had noticed it, because even though I too was beside myself with excitement, I was also super vigilant in anything to do with my kid. And Killian was practically an extension of Lexie. He was, apart from music, her world. And she, apart from the club, was his. But the look he got when she told him of the meeting that would possibly take her on the road to superstardom worried me.
“You don’t remember asking Zane to tune it for you before the meeting?” I asked, leaving my thoughts behind for now. “Even though it’s been in tune all of your life, thanks to the fact it’s like an extension of your hand,” I added.
She wandered toward me, her face uncertain. “Yeah. I’m just—”
“It’s okay to be nervous, doll. I’d think you were weird and possibly a cyborg if you weren’t,” I told her teasingly.
“It’s just, this could be huge,” she said in a small voice. “Like, life changing huge.”
I nodded. “Could be,” I agreed. “Knowing you and the boys. Your talent? The chances are high. I believe in you, you know. Anything you want to do, you can do it. You’re capable,” I told her firmly.
She smiled at me. “You think?”
I winked at her. “I know. My entire retirement plan rests on the millions you’re going to make,” I said.
She laughed as we walked together down the stairs. “Is Zane coming to the meeting?”
I stopped walking and stared at her. “Um, is he big, ultra-protective and like a total control freak?” I asked in a voice dripping with sarcasm. “He’ll be there, threatening to disembowel the suits if your deal is anything less than six figures,” I joked.
We made it to the bottom of the stairs and now it was Lexie’s time to stop. She regarded me with a look that was way beyond her years and I knew she was going to say something wise and possibly tear jerking.
“You know, he may have been sixteen years too late, but Zane’s the best dad I could’ve asked for,” she said quietly.
Yep. Totally wise and totally tear jerking.
“And, he’s going to be the most amazing dad ever to my little brother or sister,” she added with a small smile.
I jerked. “How did you know that? Are you a wizard?” I said on reflex, denial not even an option. I did not lie to my kid. Not anymore.
She nodded to my hand.
I glanced down. I was still clutching the positive pregnancy test. Shit.
Lexie kissed me quickly on the cheek. “Happy for you, Mom,” she said quietly. “And proud of you. You’re like, my hero,” she added.
I swallowed my tears. “You stole my line, kid.”
She smiled and straightened. “I’ve got to go and practice. Love you.”
One of the first things to happen after I got rescued was our marriage. The one that was proposed when I was chained in a basement happened about one week after my bruises faded for good. I actually had to convince Zane not to get a priest into my hospital room and marry us the second I’d been patched up. He’d relented. Barely. And only after I told him about how my first marriage had been devoid of family, and how I wanted our whole family, the club to be there when we were married. To witness their brother finally getting his happy ending.
So, on a sunny day in the same patch of grass where we had survived a nightmare, we created a new memory. I walked down a hastily put together aisle, wearing a simple ivory dress and flowers weaved through my curls. Lexie walked by my side.
I only had eyes for Zane as I walked past all of the people who I considered family. He smiled. Actually smiled a sexy smile as his eyes followed Lexie and I until we made it to him. When we made it, he gently pulled Lexie into his arms and kissed her head. “Love you, Lex,” he murmured softly.
She beamed up at him. “To the moon,” she whispered, her eyes slightly watery. She winked at me then moved to join Laura Maye and Gwen.
Zane grasped my chin. “Prettiest thing I’ve ever seen,” he told me in a low voice.
For once, I didn’t have a single word to say. Luckily, since it was our wedding, Steg, our officiator, said a lot of stuff to actually get us married. Zane wasn’t through rendering me speechless, as I learned when it came time for the vows.
His hands gripped my waist tightly. “A wise woman once said that the first eclipse that blocks out the light, makes it seem like the sun will never shine again,” he said softly, eyes never leaving mine. “My mistake was thinking that eclipse was a destruction of light. Something permanent. You and Lexie made me see that I wasn’t condemned to live in that darkness forever. That I’d get to live in that brightest fuckin’ light that emits from the both of you. Something I’m gonna hold onto and treasure for the rest of my fuckin’ life,” he finished with passion.
I didn’t think there had ever been such a beautiful set of wedding vows ever, especially with the word fuck used in them. A set of vows uttered from the lips of a man whose silence was a feature people had come to except, evidenced by the multitude of dumbstruck and tearful faces throughout the crowd. I didn’t have eyes for any of them, only my husband, who I grabbed by the neck and kissed the shit out of.
It had been an amazing year. After I had been rescued from the clutches of my psychotic and decidedly evil ex-husband, things hadn’t exactly been happy ever after. It worked well for the Disney princesses, but not in real life. Things like nightmares and flashbacks plagued me for quite a while, even though every night I was safe in Zane’s arms. Zane was battling with wounds that weren’t visible like my broken bones. He spent every moment he could making sure I was okay, I think to remind himself. His eyes were tortured more often than not, and his clipped phrases and silence came back from a time. But I knew something that never wavered were his feelings for me. For Lexie. I knew he had to fight the rest of his demons off, once and for all, so I just gave him time. Tried not to get pissed off when he treated me like a doll about to break and damn near put a tracking device in Lexie’s car. The one he bought for her.
“You bought her a car?” I said in the quiet, dangerous voice Zane should have realized meant he had to tread carefully. Very carefully.
We were standing in the driveway of our house, watching Lexie and of course Killian, drive away in her new Ford Focus. That was after she let out a little squeal, hugged Zane, kissed my cheek and ran off to go for a test drive.
“Yep,” was all he answered, following the car with his eyes.
I turned to him. “And you think buying my daughter a car without telling me is okay?” I asked in the same tone, since he didn’t seem to catch it before.
Now that the car was out of sight, he turned to me, his face blank.
“Yep,”
was all he responded.
“Yep?” I repeated in disbelief. “You cannot speak in monosyllables in order to provide an explanation,” I informed him, putting my hands on my hips. “Buying Lexie something like, I don’t know, a new pair of shoes without talking to me is fine. Go for it. Only if you get some for me too—size nine, by the way,” I sidetracked myself. “A car, however, or anything that has a motor or a price tag over a couple hundred bucks, that denotes a discussion. You can’t just prance around and go on a car buying spree,” I proclaimed, waving my hands. My fresh, new, cast-less hands.
Zane’s hands went to my hips, pushing my hands from them. Even when we were arguing, which wasn’t often, he needed full contact. I both loved and hated this. I hated it, because more often than not, it distracted me and I lost my train of thought. I loved it because it was Zane touching me. What’s not to love? “Wildcat,” he started with an even tone. “Buying one car does not constitute a spree. Lex needed a car. A safe, reliable car. So I got her one,” he said, no nonsense. “And when in fuck’s name have I set foot in any place that would sell shoes for you and Lexie?” he grumbled, eyes twinkling slightly. “’cept maybe the Harley store, and tell you what, Wildcat,” he murmured, pulling me tighter to his body. “Wouldn’t mind seeing you in motorcycle boots. Nothing but the boots,” he continued, nuzzling my neck.
I let out a little breath, my hands involuntarily going around his neck. His mouth moved closer to mine, and his hand squeezed the cheek of my ass. Right on the doorstep for the world to see. And I didn’t even care. But I knew the moment he made it to my mouth it would be over. My mind would be overcome by his body on mine and I’d let him buy Lexie a thousand cars.
I pulled back slightly, frowning. “Don’t distract me like that,” I scolded, slightly breathless. “I need to finish.”
Zane sighed. “Nothing to finish, babe. Car’s bought. It’s done. Can’t undo it,” he declared.
I pursed my lips. He was right.
“You are mine,” he continued, tracing my jaw lightly. “Lexie is mine. I take care of both my girls.”
As much as such a statement warmed my heart, I couldn’t help but protest. “But I can afford it now, with Steve and Ava’s money. That’s what they would have wanted,” I told him, ignoring the stab of hurt that came with mentioning their names.
“For years, babe, I’ve had nothing to spend my money on. No one to take care of. So I’ve amassed a bit of it,” he explained.
I knew he wasn’t destitute, considering he had demanded to take over the mortgage when he moved in. I had already paid off the mortgage with a chunk of Steve and Ava’s money, along with a good amount of my student loan. I had foiled him at that turn. But he did insist on paying for pretty much everything, much to my disdain.
“Imagine how good it feels to not only have someone to take care of,” he paused. “Two someones. When I didn’t think I’d have anyone ever again. Let me buy Lexie a fuckin’ car,” he demanded. “I’ll spend every dime I have on the two of you and be the happiest mother fucker in the world. Don’t need something as trivial as dollars and cents when I’m a goddamn billionaire, holding half my fortune in my arms right now. Other half just drove away,” he near growled.
I didn’t say anything; I was too busy trying not to cry from his words. He may not speak much, but he knew exactly what to say when he did.
He searched my face, obviously realizing he had won the argument. “Now that’s sorted, can I fuck you now?” he did growl this time.
It was safe to say our sex life hadn’t suffered at all. It took him a while to understand that he didn’t have to make careful love to me, like he had when I was recovering from my wounds, courtesy of Sid. Not that I didn’t like the soft, gentle touches of a man who completely owned my entire soul. My whole, unbroken, unfractured soul. But I wanted the rough, brutal sex back in addition to the new beautiful, gentle stuff. I was tracing lines on the colorful tattoos that decorated his chest and arms, ones I had free rein to look at any time I wanted. And now I got to do it in the daylight, considering Lexie was at school. I could skivvy off work from some afternoon delight since I owned the joint, and Zane had flexible hours. Plus, he liked not having to be quiet when he made love to me. Or more accurately, he liked me not having to be quiet.
“What made you get them all in color?” I asked quietly, my eyes on the phoenix on his chest, emerging out of bright red and orange flames.
I felt Zane’s head move as he turned his gaze to me. There was a small pause. “Had enough dark on the inside of my body, didn’t need it covering my outside too,” he said by explanation.
My heart hurt just a tiny bit at this declaration. At the pain the man I loved lived with. He survived through. Right from being a kid whose dad beat him up, to a man who lost everything. Then found it.
“It’s beautiful,” I murmured. My eyes moved to him. “You’re beautiful. This,” I trailed again with my fingers. “Is a reflection of what’s inside. Beauty,” I told him sincerely. “I love the outside of you almost as much as I love the inside of you. The light and the dark,” I clarified.
I put my finger to his mouth when he moved me and made to speak. “Not done, big guy,” I told him. “I may not have shown it with the mastery of a withering glare and near muteness—I kind of went the other way—but I was broken too. In a way I didn’t think anyone could ever fix. Except Lexie, who gave me a reason to smile every day. To love every day.” I grinned at him. “Then a burly biker came into my life and scorched me with his withering glare. Little did I know he’d take every broken piece out of the ashes and put me back together,” I whispered on the end.
Zane yanked me fully on top of him, my naked body brushing his in a delightful way.
“You do not,” he clipped, holding me tightly, “get to say shit like that when I can’t fuck you senseless afterwards.”
Despite the fact he had just made love to me and given me two orgasms, getting “fucked senseless” sounded pretty damned good to me.
I kissed his chest. “Honey, I’m healed.” I waved my cast-free hand to help my point. “In more ways than one,” I continued quietly. He seemed to have a battle of the wills. Then, thankfully, he decided on the best option. He flipped me over; it was rough, but nothing like he would have done had my arm not been in a cast. His body hovered over mine.
“You do know,” he said, lips inches from mine. “I love you more than anything on this fuckin’ earth.”
I gazed into the bottomless depths of his now unshuttered eyes. “Yeah, honey. To the moon,” I whispered.
Then there were no more words, on the account of being fucked senseless.
Despite being married, living together, and kind of raising Lexie together, we hadn’t talked kids. I say kind of, because she was pretty much done being raised. She was done at fricking twelve. Unicorn kid. What can I say? She was like a reliable car. Just needed to keep it gassed, keep an eye on it and maintain it once in a while. The raising part was done. She was grown, much to my horror.
So we more than anything just enjoyed the family we had created. I basked in true unconditional happiness for once in my life, without the shadow of Sid haunting me. He had mysteriously disappeared when the police transported him from the house to the jail. When I had questioned Zane on this while in the hospital, he had given me a hard look. “He’s gone,” was his answer.
“Gone? Like sunning himself on a beach in Mexico type gone or resting in a shallow grave off an abandoned highway type gone?” I asked in an even tone.
Zane had looked at me for a long while after I asked this. His eyes roved over my arm and my face in silence.
I had resigned myself to the fact I’d never get an answer until I had reasonable motor skills and could sex torture him out of it. It was a thing. Gwen had informed me of its effectiveness.
“Gone in a way that you and Lexie never have to live on the same earth he wastes oxygen on ever again,” he told my eyes finally, his tone flat.
H
is voice was slightly guarded, as if I would have some sort of hysterical reaction to the man I loved basically informing me he had killed the father of my child, who had beaten and almost killed me and haunted my life for sixteen years.
“Okay,” I said.
He raised an eyebrow. It was the most animated surprised reaction I had ever seen on him.
So kids hadn’t reached the table yet. Not that I didn’t want them. I did. Having Lexie was the most beautiful thing to ever happen to me. Having Zane’s child, I knew would be nothing short of amazing. I wasn’t exactly a spring chicken so I couldn’t wait forever. I also knew I had to give my husband time. Time to adjust to having us permanently without the prospect of losing us. Which I knew haunted him still. So I waited until it seemed like Mother Nature had other plans. I didn’t want to go informing him just yet—although Lexie and her big mouth would do it for me if I wasn’t careful—which was how I found myself at the doctor. Just to be sure.
Then that was how I found myself leaving the doctors with a little picture of that looked like weird modern art, but was one of the most important little pictures I had ever held. The one of the six-week-old little peanut growing in my stomach. One I loved as much as I did Lexie already.
I had been studying the picture so intently on my way to the car I didn’t even hear my phone ring the first time.
“Mia.” Zane’s voice was weird when I answered on the second ring, like he knew something. It wasn’t possible. I knew he was hot and the enforcer of whatever for the club, which made him a crazy bad ass with many abilities. I did not think those abilities came with pregnancy sensing powers. I did know they came with crazy sperm though, considering I was not the only Old Lady to get preggers while on the pill.