“Oh my goodness, James. What the hell did you do to deserve that?” I asked with my mouth wide open and my eyes filled with a curious shock.
He turned and leaned back against the gunnel, and again, his tan face, which was now almost veiled in what little light was left, glowed the color of a red rose as he laughed and said, “There was the matter of tying my sister to a fence post to keep her from following me on my escapades, and the small fire I started in the neighbor’s shed when I gave pipe smoking a try. Oh, and I can’t forget coming home in the wee hours so bloody drunk I’d pissed my breeches and lost my father’s best sword in a fight.”
I was having the best night ever, just listening to James and watching his face change shades as he regaled me with his stories. His voice was deep, and yet, as he spoke, it rolled up and down, and his eyebrows danced on his forehead. Not only was he smart, but he was pleasant and funny, too. As he went on, I occasionally glanced over at my darling man, catching his eyes on us several times. I wasn’t certain if I saw a twinge of jealousy in his eyes, but even when I glanced away, I could still feel them bearing down on me.
“No wonder your poor mother wanted to toss you out. Did she whip you at all?” I asked, taking the cup of ale from his hand and having a sip.
“Razor, I meant what I said about not wishing to die in the mouth of a shark,” he said soberly all of the sudden, reaching for his cup.
“Oh, I apologize. I’ll get my own. This night is too brilliant and joyous not to at least have a little drink. Stay here. I want to hear more about the naughty little James.” I laughed.
“Ivan, I outgrew that naughty boy many years ago. Perhaps you might reconsider this.”
“Do you think I can’t hold my ale well?”
“I’d have no idea, to be honest. I’m just feeling a bit uneasy at the moment, and believe it’s time for me to turn in.” He again nodded in Rasmus’s direction. Those blue eyes were now not only bearing down on me, they were boring a hole through me and straight to James.
“Perhaps you’re right. Good night, James. We’ll chat again some other time. By the way, I’ve given it some thought, and I do believe you will marry one of my cousins,” I said, shaking his hand.
“Oh, I will…will I?” He smiled down at me.
“Yes. I like you, and to be honest, I don’t like most people, especially men. Right now, I couldn’t bear not having you somewhere close where I could talk to you whenever I want.” I bowed to him, and he to me, and we went our separate ways.
Fifteen
UNBOUND
“By God, is that Nassau?” I heard a low soft voice say as I sprang from the floor to my feet.
“What?” I called out, rubbing my eyes. “Edwina, you’re out of bed,” I commented, watching her at the porthole.
“Is that Nassau?” she asked. “Over there.”
I stepped to the porthole and looked out at the thin, green strip of land about five to seven miles ahead. “Having never been there, I cannot say. There are more islands in this sea than I believe any man might set foot upon. I’ll fetch Irvette and Francis. I need to get on deck.”
I didn’t even stop to wash my face and hands as I normally would, before straightening my clothes, dusting myself off, and bolting from the room. I rapped hard on the door of the girls’ cabin and nudged Fin roughly on the thigh with my foot where he sat on the floor, slumped over asleep.
“Wake up. I’m going above. I believe Nassau is in sight.”
“I heard no call for land,” he grumbled, climbing to his feet.
“Well, I saw it just a minute ago. I’ll be back.”
I left him to manage the girls and raced up the gangway and out into the dawn, shielding my eyes for a moment until what I now fully believed was Nassau came clearly into view. A thick mist billowed around her rolling green hills like a white blanket. Beyond that, we were still too far away to make out anything else.
I spotted Willy from behind and ran to him. I’d barely seen or spoken to him since we’d set sail, and even now, I still felt awkward because of River. I hadn’t fully accepted the fact that, on some deep level, I blamed myself for his death. Yet again, I discovered the layers I buried myself beneath were many, and each one held feelings I still wasn’t ready to confront.
“Razor, it’s about damn time ye showed yer face ta me,” he said with a smile.
“Mister McCormack, I’m sorry. You’re a very busy man, and I suppose there’s no excuse, is there?” I frowned and looked up at him.
“None. What brings ye ta me now, then?” he asked, between shouts to several men on the main mast yard arm.
“First, please tell me I’ve properly thanked you for everything you did for us. Secondly, I don’t believe I ever told you how sorry I was about what happened to River Watts.”
“Feel better now, do ye?” he asked, turning to me and at last giving me his undivided attention. He pressed his knuckles into his hips and smashed his lips tightly together.
“How I feel isn’t the question. I understand if you don’t forgive me. I just want this uncomfortable bubble to burst, and for you and I to move on—that is, if you feel the same.”
“How I feel?” he asked over laughter. “It’s behind us now. Let it be. Now, can ye get ta tellin’ me what ye want? I ain’t got time ta stand ‘round here all day talkin’ ‘bout feelins and regrets.”
“I feel silly even asking you this now, but is that Nassau?”
“’Tis she, Razor. Before ye got between me and me duties, young Daniel in the nest was about to call land.
“Land!” Daniel shouted.
“There ye go,” he said and walked on.
“Willy, wait, please,” I said walking after him. “This place we’re taking these girls; have you been there before?”
He turned back to me and raised an eyebrow, “What do ye want, lass? Out with it. Ye know I ‘ave. Ye know the Cap’n has.” He sounded impatient and frustrated with me, and I stood down.
“I’m just worried is all. After everything we went through in Port Royal and, well, even before that—I don’t want any of that for these girls.” My shoulders slumped forward, and I felt defeated. Just when I believed I’d better leave him be, he put one of his meaty hands on my shoulder and sighed.
“Listen, Valentina is a good woman. The Cap’n and I have known her long enough ta’ know she’ll not let anyone harm a hair on their heads. Now, rest yer mind, lass and get ta yer own duties. We’ll be making land by late afternoon,” he whispered.
“Valentina?”
“Run along, and yer mind will be through runnin’ wild by the time ye lay yer head down tonight.”
How wrong he was. Just the name, Valentina, conjured images in my mind of some exotic and voluptuous woman. Who was she? Where did she come from, and why was she helping Rasmus? The urge to run to his cabin and question him about this woman drove me mad. I began to pace back and forth. I needed Ivan desperately, but he was nowhere in sight once I heard this woman’s name. I wanted my husband again. I wanted to make love to him like we had in Port Royal and push any other woman he’d ever known, romantically or otherwise, out of his mind forever. God, Ivan, where are you? I asked myself.
“Razor!” Rasmus called out, causing my heart to leap into my mouth. I had to pull myself together before I turned to face him. My fists were clenched so tightly that my nails were digging into the flesh of my palms, and I could feel pools of sweat building on my brow beneath my cavalier.
“Razor!”
“Yes, Captain?” I answered, shaking out my balled up hands and turning where I stood.
“Nassau, in less than eight hours.” He smiled wide and winked at me, leaving me breathless and weak.
“Yes…yes sir,” I said back to him over a breathy sigh once I’d finally inhaled again. He came closer to me until my head began drowning with the desire to confront him, and I backed away.
“I should watch my tongue, but…” was all I heard him say before I ran.
; The harbor was filled with ships. Every type, from galleons to small sloops to dinghies, littered the water all around. With Edwina now settled and no longer in danger of dying from dehydration, I hid myself behind a mound of potatoes for hours, listening to Hawk whistle, sing, and ramble about the debauchery in the taverns in Nassau. When the noon meal was served, I filled my belly and went back to work, eavesdropping on anyone who passed by, in hopes they might be chatting about how much longer until we’d reach the port.
Finally, I couldn’t stand it any longer and told Hawk I needed to check on my patient. In truth, I needed to be on that deck watching with the rest of the crew as we approached our destination. Once I’d established that Edwina was out of my hammock and even talking with the other girls, I continued to the bow of the Jade and sat, watching as we inched our way closer, and I heard the capstan rolling the anchor into the sandy bottom of the harbor.
“Are you going to just sit there, or are you going ashore?” James asked as he approached on my right.
“How did you know where I was?” I asked, shielding my eyes from the late afternoon sun as I looked up at him.
“Lucky guess.” He smiled and offered me his hand to stand. I took it, and he pulled me to my feet. “The truth is, you weren’t anywhere else I thought you’d be, and I couldn’t imagine you missing this.”
“I’ve never seen so many ships in one harbor,” I said, dusting myself off.
“Busy place. Yes, before you ask, I’ve been here plenty of times. Interesting island. The Bahamas offer many things; trade, rum, women, and opportunity. However, as I’m sure you already know, those are only for the men.”
“Isn’t everything only for the men?” I asked, pulling my pistol and a handkerchief to wipe it down before pushing it back in my belt.
“What do you need that for?”
“The men; I have five young women to get off this ship, remember?”
“I’m sure the Captain is well aware of the risks. He’s done this before a few times.” James folded his arms and lowered his face to me. “Keep that thing in your belt, and your cutlass, too.”
“How soon may we leave the ship? I’m anxious to get the girls to the safe house.”
“There’ll be no time wasted. They’ve already readied the longboats, so I’d guess within the hour. Perhaps you should check on those girls and get them ready. My understanding is that Rasmus is sending Master Green, along with a party of five men, ahead to Valentina’s with the girls, and he’ll most certainly be the last man leaving the ship. The rest will be loading up the cargo to take to the trading dock. These men have to get paid, so that is the priority.”
“Understood. Wait…you said five men?”
“Yes. What are you waiting for?” He smiled and waved his left hand out in front of him, signaling for me to get moving.
On my way, I decided to look for Master Green and offer myself as an escort. The fear that I might be too late pushed me faster, until I nearly ran into several of my mates on the way. When I at last found him, I was surprised at his reaction.
“It is about time, Razor. As the doctor to the sick one, I am positive you wish to accompany the young ladies ashore.” He winked at me. What crazy Jamaican magic was he spinning with me now?
I cocked my eyebrow at him and said, “Just let me gather my things, and I’ll have Fin assist me with bringing them up. How long before we leave?”
“There is some time, but the sooner you return, the sooner we may go ashore.”
I was still baffled by his turnabout in attitude towards me, but at the same time, all I cared about was getting the girls off the ship and tucked safely away until it was time for them to make the voyage back to Virginia. Within thirty minutes, I’d rounded them up, packed my shoulder satchel with everything I believed I’d need ashore, and led the girls and Fin to the awaiting longboat and Master Green.
“Green, have you all you need? Are you certain five will be enough?” I heard Rasmus’s voice behind me as I was helping the girls down the rope ladder into the boat.
“Aye, Captain; one man for each girl, along with myself. There is still plenty of light, so we should reach Madame Valentina’s safely within the hour.”
“Good, then. I’ll join you when I’m through here.” Rasmus looked down at me at the moment I glanced up. His expression was flat, and instead of the curl at the corner of his mouth, I saw his lips twist to one side, and his eyes appeared small, as if he were pondering something of weight. I nodded to him and smiled in hope that whatever his thoughts were carrying would fall from his mind and free him from the burden. Instead, the burden fell on me when he not only didn’t acknowledge my smile, but he stared through me, and the weight of my own worries of what lay ahead doubled. I suddenly remembered how I’d run from him that morning and what crazy ideas he must have of me. I sat down to row and silently prayed that by the time I fell asleep in his arms that night, everything would be as it should be. No mysteries or emotional shields. Only us, together as we were meant to be, amen.
Sixteen
THINGS UNHEARD
As predicted, once Master Green had secured a wagon and a team of four horses, we were on our way to Madame Valentina’s. I couldn’t shake the heaviness of my heart, regardless of the many distractions on our way through town. Nassau was much the same as Port Royal in atmosphere, only it felt even busier, as if things were closer to me, and I wanted to push them back.
The girls sat on the floor of the wagon, and the men and I sat with our backs to them, facing out at the street. My chest was tight, and sweat poured out of me like water in the late afternoon heat. I kept a damp handkerchief in my hand and continuously wiped sweat away from my burning eyes. There was barely a breeze, and the smell was like garbage and horse shit over a hot stove on a misty day. It was suffocating. I thought I could kill, or die, for a drop of rain.
Master Green drove the horses, and the streets were so crowded with people, he could barely get them to a trot. He was cursing and wiping his brow with his forearm constantly. I imagined his frustration and watched as his light gray shirt turned almost black with perspiration with every inch we moved forward.
“Razor? Hey, can ye hear me, mate?” Fin asked, nudging me from my hellish trance.
“Aye, sorry, Fin,” I answered, wiping my brow for what seemed like the hundredth time.
“Lots a’ bonny lassies in Nassau, ye know. Ye gonna find ye one?” He smiled and laughed softly.
“Na, the doctor that taught me warned me about diseases that will rot your willy off if you mess around with the wrong sort. I’m not trying to catch some sex disease, mate.”
“What ye go and say somethin’ like that for? Jesus Christ, Razor. I think I’m gonna be sick now thanks to ye,” he said, making the most sour face I’d ever seen him make. I couldn’t help myself; I burst into laughter and nudged him back.
“Sorry, Fin,” I said over a hearty snort, “Ye have yer fun, and if ye catch that rotting sickness, I’ll do my best to keep yer thing attached.”
Sometimes words would shoot out of my mouth before they even passed through my brain, and sometimes they were worthy of a good hard laugh. I was amazed at how much relief that laugh in particular had provided, until I had to draw a long breath and blow it back out in order not to fall into hysterics at Fin’s continued expression of disgust.
By the time Fin and I were through poking fun at each other and discussing ways in which he might safely find some female companionship for the night, the horses had reached a good gallop, and we were on a sandy dirt road that carved through the borderline of two plantations. The laughter had dissolved into silence, and yet again, my thoughts carried me to Valentina’s doorstep and the image of her in my mind that gnawed at me.
“Not much further now,” Green called out to us. “When we turn right at the upcoming crossing, keep an eye out for the large white farmhouse with the black shutters. That will be Madame Valentina’s.
Now, the mere mention of her name turned
my stomach. Had she had my husband before me, and did she still harbor some attachment to him? I’d had entirely too much time in this sweltering box of fish to stew on all of the scenarios she and Rasmus may or may not have been engaged in. I kept telling myself that maybe she was one of the young girls he’d rescued, and he only cared for her like a little sister, or even a pet. Any images my traitorous mind would conjure of him making love to her, or even just holding her in his arms, I wiped away with that sweaty handkerchief until it was dripping with my aching heart.
“Come on, Razor,” Fin said with an elbow to my ribs as the wagon stopped. “Let’s get these girls inside and get back to town. Hell’s gonna be waitin’ on us to raise it up, and I’m feelin’ I could raise the Devil ‘imself.” He laughed, pulling me up by the arm, which I yanked free, and I took Edwina’s hand.
“Come along, girls. You’ll be safe now,” I said, helping them one by one from the wagon.
“Razor, stay here with the girls until I speak with Valentina,” Green said before walking to the wide front porch steps of the enormous white house and disappearing inside.
“Mister Razor, may I inquire as to who this woman is?” Francis asked, coming along my right side as I stood staring blankly at the front door.
“I honestly don’t know, but if Captain Bergman believes she’s honorable and that you’ll be safe, I suppose that’s good enough for me.”
“You suppose?” she whispered, pulling me aside. “I know what you’re thinking, and I don’t blame you a bit. You not knowing this woman at all tells me you’re concerned that the Captain has known her, perhaps even in the biblical sense.”
“I warned you to forget what you read, and yet here you are, bold enough to defy me when you know I could kill you in the blink of my eye.”
“Are you so far removed from being a woman that you’d threaten me for having compassion for your situation? Perhaps you truly are a man.” Her dark eyes flashed wide at me.
“Compassion? That is something I am unaccustomed to from anyone but my husband. Had you lived my life, you’d understand why I trust no one but him and my cousins. However, if it requires you to see inside my façade to answer to your compassion, you’re right. I admit Ivan is more than just a disguise; he’s a guardian and my armor against those womanly inclinations that would ruin me—namely, jealousy.” I folded my arms across my chest.
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